AN – Here I am…back again. Thank you so much for all the kind response to this story. Here is the next chapter and more will be going up tomorrow!

Hope you enjoy.

I do not own these characters!

BPOV

As soon as he left I instantly felt bad. It was unfair of me to lash out at him; he was only trying to help me, to support me. I was just so frustrated and tired of the unfairness of it all. It was true what I said, the pain I felt each and every time he denied changing me, it made me doubt what he felt for me, doubt that I was good enough for him. But I wasn't strong enough to leave, was willing to stay with him and take whatever I could get just to be able to breathe the same air as him. I took him in whatever capacity I could, never worrying that the sacrifices that I was making were too much. Until now, this afternoon caused me to gain a new perspective on things. I couldn't blame him, he had always been clear with his intentions on changing me, and I was the one who continued to push him who tried to get him to change his mind. It was my human weakness that caused it to still hurt me, even after all this time.

What had changed though, why when he was offering me what I had always wished for was it not enough anymore. Why was I pushing away what I had thought I had always wanted? Searching my soul for an answer the only thing I could come up with was pity. He wasn't changing me because he loved me, couldn't live without me, he just pitied my weak human body for not being able to give us more time, he wasn't ready to let go just yet so he was forced to this extreme. That was the last thing I wanted, to be an eternal reminder of pity and weakness so I couldn't agree to it, wouldn't.

My decision made I pushed myself up from the bed and suddenly there was a knock at the door. I should have known I wouldn't be able to do this quietly.

"Bella," Alice, how could I forget.

"Come in," I sat down and just let her wrap her arms around me.

"Oh Bella, please don't do anything hasty, please Bella." I couldn't look her in the eye, couldn't look at the pain that I knew I would see.

"Alice, please, I need to do this right now, I need some time to think, I need to see them," she nodded, understanding but not accepting.

"Please, don't do it this way, talk to us first, explain to him or it will kill him. You owe him that much," I was shamed, I did owe everyone that much.

"Give me a few minutes please and then get everyone together," she nodded and went out the door. I sat on the bed for a few more minutes and then went back to the closet and removed my suitcase and placed it on the bed. I left it there and went downstairs to face everyone.

As I walked down the stairs I could feel everyone's eyes on me and I couldn't bring myself to face the looks on their faces. I saw Edward sitting alone on his piano bench, looking down at the keys in front of him, looking defeated and I hated myself for making him feel this way. Walking over to him I rubbed my hand along his back as I sat next to him, placing a hand on either side of his face I pulled, letting him know that I wanted him to look at me. Looking deep in my eyes I mouthed "sorry" and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. I was physically incapable of being angry with him of feeling anything other than love. He held me tight and in his arms I felt comfort.

Grabbing his hand I stood up and went to the couch with him by my side, ready to face my family. Edward squeezed my hand and wrapped his other arm around my waist pulling me closer. He knew how I hated to be the center of attention, especially in a situation such as this.

"As you all know, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer today, from what I was able to understand it is rather advanced and I got the impression that treatment would be aggressive. I set up an appointment tomorrow to go over my options; I was in no state to do it this afternoon. Edward and Carlisle I would like if you would go with me, you obviously know much more about the treatment than I do."

"Of course my love," Edward kissed my hand and across the room Carlisle nodded.

"After the treatment is determined I have decided I need to leave for a while and visit my parents, explain to them in person what is going on," Edward looked apprehensive, knowing that he looked closer to 20 than 30 like me. "I need to go alone," I squeezed his hand hoping he would understand that we would talk about this later. By the look on his face I could tell it was going to be a difficult conversation. "Please understand that all the decisions I have made today have been extremely difficult ones and I haven't made them with out thinking of the impact that they will have."

"Can I ask you why?" There was no need to elaborate on what Emmett was referring to.

I took a deep breath, "I can't have my illness be the reason why. For me it always needed to be done out of love, not desperation." Tears overtook me and I could feel Edward's arm stiffen around my back at my response. Just as suddenly as I felt the stiffening it was gone and he wrapped his arms around me, his head resting on my shoulder. I couldn't tell if he was comforting me or seeking comfort for himself and so I wrapped my arms around him, enjoying as always the closeness of him.

Everyone attempted to look away, not wanting to intrude on our intimate moment but I caught Esme's eyes and couldn't ignore the emotion there. She never wanted me to grow older, she always considered me her daughter and wasn't willing to lose me. Trying to compose myself I pulled away gentle from Edward who immediately let me go.

"If there aren't any more questions I'd like to go upstairs and speak with Edward," everyone nodded and headed outside, trying to give us some privacy. Grasping Edward's hand tightly in mine I led him upstairs. He looked like a man lost at sea, desperately trying to find something to hold on to in order to stay afloat.

We got upstairs and I closed the door behind us, he just sat down on the bed, waiting for me to speak.

"Edward," he looked up at me, his eyes portraying the sadness he was trying to keep from his face. "Edward, please say something."

He took a deep breath and dropped his face in his hands, "I don't know what to say Bella, looking back I can see every move I made that I shouldn't have, every chance that I had an opportunity to make things right but I ignored them. Yet with all my mistakes, with all my rejection you stayed with me, by my side, never giving up on me and what has it gotten you? You've gotten older, you've missed out on opportunities because you couldn't risk exposing us, and we've never even consummated our marriage,"I looked down blushing, "all because I didn't want to be selfish. Instead I have proved to be even more selfish by denying you the only thing you have ever wanted from me. What kind of monster am I?" A strangled cry escaped from his chest.

"Edward, look at me," he shook his head, "please Edward, please look at me." He looked up and the pain in his eyes could no longer be hidden, he hated himself for what he had done to me. "Edward, you can't take all the blame, I've been a willing participant this whole time. I was willing to take anything you would give me just so I could be by your side, I love you so much." I tried to stay composed. "Edward, I've never thought I was good enough for you," he was shaking his head, disagreeing vehemently with my statement, "I know it was foolish but when people look at you they can't believe their eyes, even 12 years later you still dazzle me Edward. I always hoped that if you changed me I could look like someone who should stand next to you, who deserved you. I always hoped that if you changed me it would prove that you couldn't live without me either. I know it's foolish, I know you love me with all your heart but I just wanted you to love me enough to never have to deal with losing me."

"Bella, what have I done?" If tears were a possibility for him he would have been sobbing at this point, he was heartbroken at my words. "Please, please understand I've always wanted to be with you forever, I just never wanted you to resent me for taking away your life."

"How could I resent you, you are my life Edward," I sat down next to him and just cried, letting every emotion of the past years leave my body. He pulled me into his lap and just cradled me, placing kissing on my hair, letting me cry.

"Please Bella, please let me do this for you," he whispered after my last tear had fallen. "It isn't the act of a desperate man; it's the act of a man who loves you with every fiber of his being, a man who is nothing without you by his side."

Looking up at him I shook my head, sad that I couldn't give him what he wanted. "I just can't Edward, I don't know why but I can't have this be the reason. I need to see this through, this is the path my life has taken and I need to follow it." He nodded sadly; he had never able to deny me anything. "Please understand that I love you, love you more than I will ever be able to articulate and I'm not doing this to hurt or punish you," I leaned down and kissed him, kissed him with all the longing, desire and love I had always had for him, that I always would. His lips were urgent against mine, his hands roaming my body, covering every inch of me.

I knew the exact moment when his control took over again, when he realized he was going too far and he moved away from me. "Bella, we can't I'll hurt you," I knew he was remembering our honeymoon, when he lost control and had hurt me, he never allowed me to be at risk again. No matter how many times I had tried to convince him that we could make it work he was not willing to put me in harms way.

"Edward, please for once in your life lose control, please," I was pleading with him.

He sighed, "I can't Bella, I can't take that chance."

Getting off his lap I stood up and walked to my suitcase, not trusting myself to speak. I went to the closet and just started packing my clothes, getting ready to face my parents.

"Bella," he came to my side, removing the clothes from my hand, "I'm sorry."

"Yes, you've been telling me that a lot lately. Edward, if tomorrow we get the news that my chances aren't very good I want you to promise me something." He nodded at me, willing to give me almost anything. "I want you to promise to make love to me; I need to have you promise that you'll do that for me."

He didn't look surprised at what I had asked, "I promise Bella," he pulled me to him and just held me. I was amazed he hadn't put up a fight at all but I figured he was just optimistic about my diagnosis and it would be a mute issue. Whatever the reason I appreciated his agreement. We lay down on the bed together, just needing to be near one another and he rubbed my back and started to hum my lullaby and within seconds I was out.

This story was not the most fun I have ever had writing but it is one of my favorites. Hope you liked this chapter and more coming tomorrow morning.

Thanks again.