Disclaimer/Author's Note: Still don't own Naruto. Also, sorry to you Ino lovers out there, she comes slightly mean in this part, but I assure you it's just her teasing Kiba. I'd do the same in her position and don't act like you wouldn't either. So I hope you enjoy.

Yamanakas Are a Pain

Chapter Three: Advice for Pansies

Sakura sighed to herself in relief that following morning. The genin team they had been trailing had finally encountered the band of thieves that they had been assigned to track down and bring back to the village. The worst that the thieves had done was give the female genin a shallow slice across her back. She fought back a giggle when she saw the two young boys fighting over who got to administer first aid to their fellow teammate. She couldn't blame them, she was a cute girl. Her blonde hair was tied into a ponytail behind her tanned face. Her eyes reminded her of Ino's, only a lighter blue. There was a small chance she was a Yamanaka, she'd have to ask Ino later. The boy who seemed to be the leader of the mission had short, spiky blond hair in a fohawk style. He had bright green eyes which would have been nice if not for him scowling at his other teammate who seemed to have won the battle for treating their female companion. He had messy brown hair, big brown eyes and tan skin. He kind of reminded her of Kiba, if he wasn't so feral looking in the face and minus the tattoos. She smiled at the sight of the leader still arguing with the other boy who had a large grin on his face as he placed a sterilized bandage on his teammate's back.

"Well, you guys let's go. They seem to have it under control."

Shino nodded in agreement. "It would be wise to return sooner rather than later. Why? Because, Kiba and Ino are not a good combination on a mission alone. This is because they are both too headstrong to listen to the other one."

"I'm sure tha-that Kiba-kun and...and Ino-chan will be al-alright Shino-kun," Hinata added in.

Sakura looked back at her two friends with what appeared to be a slightly worried look. "I actually agree with Shino, Hinata. As it is right now, Akamaru is probably the most level-headed out of those three."

"PLEASE JUST SHUT UP!" Kiba was holding his face in his hands in irritation and stress between him yelling at Ino to just stop talking for once.

"Why? I've done nothing wrong. As far as I can tell you like Hinata and you won't tell me why. I'm just curious is all." Ino looked back at him and smiled.

Kiba lifted his head out of his hands just enough to glare at the girl who was sitting on the log opposite him. "You can read minds, can't cha? Why not try that again you invasive bitch."

Ino just kept on smiling.

"What's got you so happy?"

"Is it because she has big boobs. I wouldn't be surprised if hers got bigger than Tsunade-sama's one day." Ino kept prattling on, ignoring Kiba.

Kiba kept on glaring at her.

"Hmmm...maybe it's her butt. Are you an ass guy Kiba. 'Cause if so, I have to tell you I don't think Hinata is the type who likes a good spanking."

"Please shut up." Kiba rubbed his hand over his face. How was he going to get her to shut up."

"I know she's got a nice face but for some reason I think that is too profound even for you. It's got to be either the T or the A. Which is it?"

Kiba's glare resumed until he smelled familiar scents. He jumped over to clap his hand over Ino's mouth.

"They're coming back, so please, please, just shut up? Please?" It may have been asked as a question, but his eyes showed that there was no other option for Ino.

Ino pulled back from Kiba's hand, locked her mouth and threw away the key. Kiba couldn't help but notice the evil gleam in her eyes. He didn't think this would end well. However, his teammates and Sakura entered the clearing at that moment ruining his chance to ask her what was going on in her head.

Ino turned towards the group. "So, how did the search-and-rescue go?"

"Fine. By the way Ino, did one of your clan members become a genin recently?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"I think she might be a heartbreaker. But yeah, the team took care of it themselves without any aid from their instructor. So how have things been here at base camp?"

"Lousy."

"Oh come on now. We had fun. Hehe."

"Shut up Ino!" Kiba exclaimed, already having reached his limit for the day. Hinata looked over at Kiba.

"Ano, Kiba-kun, Ino-chan didn't say anything."

"Yeah she did. She just said, "Come on now. We had fun. Hehe." Just like that. Didn't you?" He pointed at Ino.

"Of course not. A whole night with just you as company is not my idea of fun," she scoffed at him. "Akamaru was fun to hang with though." The dog barked in agreement as she patted his head.

"But messing with your head is even more hilarious, Mr. This Mission Will Suck."

Kiba glared at Ino, and when he saw the evil twinkle in her eyes, he knew what she was playing at. She wasn't going to win this one.

Shino stood at the edge off the clearing against a tree. "Shall we begin our mission yet? It will get us done quicker so we will be able to receive, as Kiba calls them, awesome missions. Also as Kiba seems to have some issue with Ino and his hearing. If it is at all possible would you exam him Sakura? It would be disadvantageous to have an ally who is hearing things that are not in existence."

"Sure, come here Kiba."

"I'm fine."

Sakura sighed and walked over to him and dropped down to his ear and put her fingers to the top and bottom to at least get a check on it. "Nope, nothing with this ear...This one either." Kiba stared straight at Ino and glared at her when he saw her smile at his predicament. Phase One of one up Ino was to start in one...two...

"So, you think I'll have three kids. Why is that Sakura?" Kiba whispered in such a low, deep voice that Sakura blanched when she heard it. She looked around, no one else had heard him say that. "What are you talking about Kiba? I've never said-"

"Ino told me about the pool last night." His voice still a whisper. "Why three?"

Sakura dropped her voice to a whisper as well. "Why did Ino tell you about that? It was supposed to be a secret."

"Does it matter why?"

"Well, yes it does to be quite honest with you."

Kiba sighed. He didn't want to embarrass himself, but Sakura was a great starting point to bring Ino down. "She's apparently been reading everyone's thoughts and was telling me how she wants me to get with Hinata so she could win the pool between you guys. But as far as I can tell, yours is the least likely to happen. So why three?"

Sakura sat down to talk to Kiba. "Because, for some reason I've always pictured you two with two boys and a girl. You're both from multiple child households, she has a great nurturing instinct and let's be honest, you'll forget protection one day and *poof* here comes a baby."

"I'm not that stupid. But, I would like to make Ino lose and who better than to you. Since you're rivals, it will be even worse for her."

Sakura looked at him angrily, "That's why you would marry someone? Just to get back at someone for making fun of you?"

Kiba quickly waved his hands back-and-forth in front of him. "No,no,no. I do lo-like her and would love for that to happen. But with her adoration of Naruto, do I stand a chance any ways? It's pathetic really, she likes him so much that she's oblivious to my feelings any ways and would probably just faint out of shock. No thank you."

Sakura rewarded that comment with a punch to the head. "Get up you pansy. Ino and I are going to teach you how to win Hinata over. Meet me during my shift tonight with Ino. We'll help you out." Sakura walked away to smack Ino. Apparently she has been victim to the telepathy tricks before and knew what was going on. Or she was just pissed off that she told Kiba about the bet.

Kiba smiled to himself. They would help him win over Hinata. Wait a second could he trust them? Sakura, he could. He knew that. Ino on the other hand, not a chance with this.

Kiba snuck out of the tent he was sharing with Shino and Akamaru to meet up with Sakura and Ino at the lookout post.

"So what did you wanna teach me Sakura?" Better to just get it out of the way as soon as he could.

Ino looked over at him and smiled wide.

"Welcome, Kiba Inuzuka, to A Pansy's Guide to Getting Laid."

Sakura glared at Ino. "Shut it Ino-pig, you agreed to take this seriously."

"Yeah, yeah. So Kiba, the question of the evening is how to get Hinata to like you. Now you have some obstacles that we must point out to you. Sakura, if you will."

"Thank you, Ino. First off, as you said earlier, you said she likes Naruto. So the question is how to get her off of him. If I were willing to be a complete and utter bitch, I could always ask him out and you know he'd say yes. But I'd have to do it in front of Hinata so that she would be heart-broken and run off crying and you could go run off to comfort her, giving you major guy points."

Kiba sat more attentively when Sakura finished her plan. "Really, she'd like me if that would happen?"

His answer was in the form of Ino smacking him upside the head. "No you moron! she'd find out that you knew it was a trick and probably hate you as would Naruto for playing with his heart and then they would hate Sakura as well. And as I have dibs on hating Forehead, I can't allow that."

"So what do you do?"

Sakura smiled at him. "Do you have any idea how similar you are to Naruto? Both physically and personality-wise?"

Kiba scoffed at the accusation. "I'm nothing like that retard."

"That retard who beat you with a fart."

Sakura glared at Ino. "Ino, keep it up and you'll be back in Konoha in five seconds and no non-broken bones. Got it." She turned back to Kiba. "What you need to do is get some free-time alone with Hinata. Whenever you two aren't on missions try to hang out with her, eventually with her attraction towards tan, spiky-haired, face-marked, fanged, loud, noisy, trouble-making, cheerful, joking guys with a thing for canines, will make her confused whether or not she likes you. So after a week or two of this, when you two are training with each other and it is either one) hot or two) you are training on water, take off your upper clothing. Physically, your build is a lot like Naruto's and you're decent looking so I'm fairly certain she'll start to blush at least a little at first, but don't overdo it or call attention to it. Say you're training on water, take off your shirt and shrug when they look at you and say "I'm out of clean clothes so I don't want this to get wet." Got it?"

"So, basically, seduce her like any other girl?"

Ino giggled. "No, I've heard your pick-up lines before, don't use those. Hinata ain't no two-cent whore. Just be yourself."

"I've never used a pick-up line on a girl before, how do you know the ones I kn-... I hate you so much."

Ino just smiled. Sakura sighed and continued on. "Secondly, you'll have to ask her out for a meal, your treat, after training one day that she blushes really bad and stutters just as much as she used to with Naruto. So one of your shirtless days. While on the date, treat her nicely, make her laugh, I think she thinks you're funny. Ino?"

"She does every so often for some reason. Must be due to her liking that idiot for so long, no good sense of humor."

Sakura continued on, "Then you will walk her home, leave Akamaru at home for this date but if all else fails tell him what's going on and send him home before you walk her home. And now for Ino's part of the plan."

Ino's smile brightened up. How it brightened up so much at night surprised Kiba. She must have a strong whitening toothpaste. A really, really strong one. "Phase three of getting you Hinata is for you to take a week long mission without Hinata, preferably with a girl she could see as a rival for you, so Sakura's out since she would think something might happen with you and she might have a chance with Naruto. Then Tenten doesn't seem to be the type who could be interested in you. She thinks you hate me, so no jealousy there, so you might have to go with some other team than you are accustomed to. Sucks for you, just make sure the girl is cute. Also, no Naruto or Shino on this mission. She'll think Naruto and you'll talk about her and you'll increase his attention towards you. As for Shino, it would be suspicious that you two and not her would go on a mission. That also rules out any big scouting mission as you three would go together on that type. Make sure it's a C-rank so she won't worry too much but just enough. This time away from her will give her time to process her feelings and me and Sakura can drop some hints about you leading her to liking you more."

Kiba looked uncomfortable. "I'd feel bad playing her like that just to get her to like me that way."

Ino laughed. "She likes you Kiba, she just doesn't know it yet. She has it so buried under her conscious mind she doesn't notice it due to her infatuation with Naruto. Trust me."

"You can read a people's subconscious?"

"Remember the war, I did a pretty damn good job of showing memories and all that to an entire army, fine-tuning that a specific person is not that big of a deal. So you aren't tricking her, you're helping her realize a different set of emotions she has."

Sakura looked at Kiba who still seemed uncomfortable with the situation. "Kiba, if you don't want us to drop hints to her we won't, but would you be opposed to us asking how she feels about you being on the mission? It will give us more insight."

Kiba looked up at the starry sky and the crescent moon hanging in the middle of the clearing's sky. "I guess that would be fine. But, I do have one condition. She," he pointed at Ino," is not to do any of her mind shit on Hinata, got it?"

Both girls nodded. Sakura sighed at the other two. "Get to sleep you two. Remember Kiba, you're the next shift. "

The other two shinobi got up to head towards their tents. As they headed back and Sakura continued on watch duty, not a single one of the three noticed the small black bug fly off into the direction of the boys' tent.