The Heart is an Ugly Thing

….

Transferring when you're a sophomore is probably one of the shittiest times to switch schools. Everyone had already been neatly grouped off into their respective cliques the previous year and all the leftovers just naturally banded together. Lenalee must've been some sort of otherworldly goddess. She fit right in, right off the bat (or in hindsight, Allen thought to himself, it had been him to introduce her to his circle of friends so she didn't fit in by herself). Now, as he watched her, he couldn't help but feel a small twinge of jealousy as he saw her laughing and chatting.

She was the model student. She was thoughtful, kind, selfless and athletic with naturally occurring porcelain skin and delicate Chinese features. Her English was flawless and no matter what she said or did, everyone just wanted to help her. Allen supposed that that was called natural charm, but of course, he didn't know anything.

He felt another prick of jealousy as he watched bouncing on the balls of her feet, the sun reflecting off her hair in a metaphorical halo, but he quickly smothered it, feeling guilty. Only a monster would be jealous of someone as nice as her.

"You're running for student council president right?" he asked her as she made her way over to where he was sitting. Lenalee nodded excitedly, her eyes twinkling in a way that only Allen could wish to achieve.

"We're giving our speeches today…can you listen to mine?" she asked anxiously, looking a bit worried, as if Allen would turn her down. "Of course," Allen replied with a small smile.

Sometimes Allen felt like his life wasn't his own. He was a side character, and he acknowledged that. He wasn't made of the stuff that the main characters or leads were made out of.

But that doesn't mean I can't try, he added.

He allowed his mind to wander as he watched Lenalee give her speech, correcting and critiquing here and there but he wasn't really listening. As she concluded her speech, Allen smiled once again and told her that she'd definitely win.

If I'm going to be a side character, I might as well do it right.

….

The auditorium was abuzz. Despite how new Lenalee was, she'd somehow managed to get to know everyone in the school. And make them like her. Sorcery, Allen called it but he wasn't one to talk.

Pasting a smile onto his face as Lenalee walked by, smiling at him (he could see the jealous stares of the guys behind him burning holes in his clothing), he inwardly cringed as he stamped out the metaphorical fires in his heart that the deadly sin known as jealousy had caused.

I'm the one who introduced her to all those people at first.

He watched the candidates walk to the stage, each one in varying degrees of formal clothing.

I'm the one who involved her in everything I did.

They'd drawn lots earlier. Lenalee was set to go first.

She wouldn't have been popular without me.

She smiled at the audience all twinkling eyes and perfect pink lips.

I hate her.

That was a knife to his heart. How could he hate someone so perfect and beautiful?

I am a monster.

She cleared her throat, the only indication that she was nervous was the slight twitch of her fingers.

I hate her.

The familiar opening lines poured out of her mouth, into the microphone and resounded through the gym. Something about her just made everyone want to pay attention to her. It was never like this for Allen. He had to fight for the audience's attention and constantly crack jokes to make them listen.

But does she hate me?

That wasn't possible. Not at all. He felt a growing growl at the back of his throat but he squashed it down, trying to push the thoughts away and focus on Lenalee like a good friend would. That didn't stop the last thought that flashed through his mind with resounding clarity.

I can't let her know.

If he showed any ounce of hate, if he hurt her in any way, shape or form…he'd lose everything that he'd built up so carefully from the start of high school.

You are a monster, his mind whispered to him before finally falling silent.

….

NOTE: I cannot reply via PM to the lovely guests who reviewed so here are the details:

Allen has brown hair with red undertones, very normal and average. He doesn't have his trademark arm or scar BUT I will find a way to incorporate something similar.