Hi everyone! Thank you for reading.
Next chapter is here and it is a long one so enjoy.
English is not my first language so I am sorry for all the mistakes that may appear but I have tried to do my best.
I do not own OUAT not its charakters. I just like to play with them. :)
Chapter 3
Robin came back from the camp where he had left his son with his friends and he noticed that Regina was nervous. "We don't have to do this." he said, assuring her she can still change her mind.
"No. I've already decided." She shook her head. "Can we do it in my vault?"
"Wherever you want." He smiled, took her hand into his and she teleported them in a cloud of purple smoke to the rooms under the forest.
Regina reached for the dream catcher that was on the shelf in the corner of the room "This one is special." She said. It was about three times as big as the one Emma had used on that girl, Violet. "It allows you to see the memories but also to feel the emotions I felt." She handed it to him.
"I've decided I won't pick concrete memories for you to see." She looked at his face and back at the dream catcher that was now in his hands. "My whole life is in here and you can watch whatever you want. Everything." She brushed across the edges of the dream catcher until she met his hand, she caressed it and then let go.
She waved her hand and a wooden chest transformed itself into small soft sofa with a puffy pillows. She thought this trip to the past may take a while so why not make them comfortable? She motioned to the sofa, inviting Robin to sit down so he did but she didn't follow.
"Will you join me?" silent questioned expressed by Robin's hand on the empty space next to him and his eyes looking at her.
"It'll be better if I stay here." silent answer expressed by the slightest movement of Regina's head and the look on her face.
Robin frowned, she looked so worried about this, so uncertain. Could there be really something that bad in her past what would change the fact he wanted to be with her? No, he knew there exists nothing like that. He just knew.
"It can be controlled by the person who holds it, all you need to do is to think what you want to see and it will appear." She was looking at him from across the room where she was standing with one hand rested on top of the wooden cabinet.
He looked at the dream catcher in his hands. What did he want to see? Well, nothing really. He looked back at Regina and there, in her eyes he could see how important all of this was for her despite it scared her. Robin had thought she show him few of her worst memories, he didn't expect she would be willing to share everything withhim. She trusted him so much that it made his heart clutch.
Suddenly he knew that what he wanted to watch was a piece of every part of her life, the bad moments because that was why Regina did all of this but also the good moments. He smiled at her and there was everything in that smile. I accept you. I'm so blessed that I can stand by your side. I love you and I will always love you no matter what. Robin knew that Regina could see all of that in his smile. He looked down and the net of the dreamcatcher glowed with magic as the first memory appeared.
—O—o—O—o—O—o—O—
Regina in the picture in front of him was just a little girl, she could be about four years old so this must have been one of her first memories ever.
She's standing with her arms on her hips when a man picks her up from the ground and tosses her over his shoulder.
"No, daddy put me down." little Regina is laughing.
Regina in real world was standing stiff awaiting which one of the horrible things will appear to Robin first. From the place where she stood she couldn't see anything but she could hear the voices and she recognized what memory this was. She looked at Robin and saw an unconscious little smile on his face. So he started with the good one, okay. She felt some strange warm feeling around her heart for a second before it disappeared in expectation of what's coming after this one.
"If that's what you want." Regina's father says and swings her in his arms.
"Don't throw me!" Regina shouts but it's too late and an "Aaaah" leave her lungs as she flies across the air and she bursts in laughter when her body lands on the huge bed.
"A young lady shouldn't be shouting like this." Her father says but he's laughing with her and he bend down to her and starts tickling her.
"Nooo. Then you should stop... tickling me... daddyyyy." She can barely speak how hard she's laughing, her hair all messy.
Robin could feel her emotions clearly like they were his own. She was so happy, carefree and innocent in that amazing childish way when you know nothing about what life is like but you have so much desire to discover everything.
Robin couldn't stop smile on his lips, he was so glad she had also memories like this because he knew that a lot of those that are about to come won't be happy at all.
Picture in the dreamcatcher disappeared in golden fog and another one took its place.
—O—o—O—o—O—o—O—
Regina in this memory can be around thirteen years old. She's wrapped in the blankets lying in her bed, her forehead sweaty and her cheeks red with fever. Physically, she feels terrible but she thinks it might get better now because Cora's just come to her room.
"Regina, how are you feeling?" Her mother asks.
"Not good." Regina murmurs, Cora looks over her then turns her attention to the servant standing next to Regina's bed. "How is she?"
"Miss Regina is suffering with stomachache and fever, I've just given her the medication and a big cup of herbal tea." She says.
"Good." Cora says to the servant and turns back to Regina. "It's just a flu. You'll get better soon and I have things that need to be done."
"Mother?" Regina whispers, looking at Cora's back as she turns to leave. Regina wants her to stay with her, right now she needs her mommy so much but Cora has told her many times that to need someone is a sign of weakness so when Cora looks back at Regina, she doesn't ask her to stay, she doesn't say anything.
"You'll be fine." Cora says simply and leave her daughter's room.
Regina doesn't feel like she will be fine, she feels abandoned, so lonely and miserable. Her father isn't at their estate, he had to travel somewhere few days ago and her mother doesn't seem to care about her at all. Is it really too much that child wants to be held by its mother when lays sick?
"You should get some sleep, honey." The servant says and brushes the hair away from Regina's forehead. "That will make you feel better." She smiles at her before she leaves.
Single tear slides down Regina's face. She feels like no one would even notice if she stopped to exist and that is how no child should ever feel like. Doesn't her mother love her at all?
Robin couldn't understand at all how Cora could behave like this. No person with a heart would left their child alone like that but Robin knew that it was exactly the problem there. From what Regina had told him, Cora didn't have her heart in her chest and that explained a lot.
—O—o—O—o—O—o—O—
Daniel is sitting on the grass behind the stables with his back rested against the wall and Regina is lying next to him with her head on his thigh and they are both laughing over a story Daniel is telling.
"You didn't actually tell that to him, did you?" Regina asks.
"Oh I did. You should see his face. Priceless. Hilarious."
"Sounds like fun." Regina chuckles. "Next time I'll go with you." She has never been down in the village during the time of festivals, her mother didn't let her. Her smile fades a bit because she knows it won't be different next time.
Daniel knows it won't be so easy for her to go but he nodded. "One day you will." He smiles at her and reaches down to caress her face.
At least she has Daniel and he always describes to her everything what happened in the village, they can talk for hours about that, or about each other, about the books they've read, about the horse riding, about everything and nothing. The only fun Regina has are these stolen moments she spends with Daniel. He is the only one who makes her laugh and feel happy and loved. Only with him she feels truly alive.
"I wish we could spend more time together." She sighs and takes his hand into hers, sadness creeps its way into her mind.
"I know. Me too, Regina." He brushes the back of her hand with his thumb.
"But I have to go back and listen how inappropriate it is for young lady to spend so much time outside." Regina mocks the serious tone Cora always speaks with. "Outside of that golden cage my mother wants to keep me in."
"Hey, you know she is doing it for your own good." Daniel doesn't know if he is trying to convince Regina or himself.
"Yes of course." Regina says with contempt clear in her voice. "She doesn't care about me at all." She shakes her head. "But let's not talk about her anymore." She sits up and kisses Daniel's lips.
It was strange for Robin to see Regina with her first love, so young, innocent, and delicate but already strong woman. Someone might think it made him jealous but it wasn't that case. Robin was glad and he couldn't even express how much. Daniel were there for Regina when she didn't have anybody else, he showed her the most beautiful thing in the world - love and he stood by her side. Robin couldn't be more thankful for that.
—O—o—O—o—O—o—O—
Fear and helplessness that are the two things that Regina feels when she's running towards the stables with her heart pounding like it has never done before. She is so scared that this mean the end for her and Daniel and she can't let that happen.
When she throw herself into his arms, it's comfort that engulfs her body and mind. She knows what they need to do and she is ready to do it, she asks him to marry her.
Love, her heart is full of love for Daniel and she would give up everything for that love, being queen who she has never wanted to be, leaving place that never felt like home. Only thing that matters is the two of them being together.
When Daniel pulls out the ring she feels amazed in the most wonderful way possible and excited about the vision of their future that starts to be real right now.
Surprise blows over her when Snow White finds them there. And finally horror when Regina realises Snow is about to tell her father and Regina's mother. 'No no no no no.' is the only thing resonating in Regina's mind as she runs out of the stables trying to catch up on the girl.
Regina tries the best she can to explain this to Snow because if all of this should end up okay for Regina and Daniel she needs her to understand. Luckily, the young princess does and a huge relief swamps Regina's heart with the hug Snow gives her when she promises keep this a secret.
—O—o—O—o—O—o—O—
Regina had already told Robin before how Daniel died and when the next memory appeared – Regina on her way to the stables again - he could tell that this was that night, he would knew even without the sigh that Regina let out. He looked at her, her eyes were on him.
Robin reached his hand to her and she didn't want to accept it but her legs didn't obey her mind and stepped towards him on their own will, her hand grabbed his and she let him pull her down on the sofa next to him. He wrapped his left arm around her waist while he was still holding the dreamcatcher with his other one.
She didn't want to watch, she couldn't, so she wrapped her right arm around his back, lowered her head on his shoulder and hid her face in his neck. Robin kissed the top of her head and turned his attention back to the memory that unpaused itself.
When Cora stops them from leaving and locks them up inside the stables Regina feels little baffled but she is determined not to give up without fighting for their love. Regina is surprised in the best possible way that to convince her mother is easier than she thought it to be and she really believes that her mother understands and gives them her blessing. But she realises she couldn't be more wrong about that in the split second when Cora shoves her hand in Daniel's chest.
"Mother! No!" Mixture of betrayal, dismay, pain, horror and fear hits Regina as a tornado. She runs towards Daniel and take him into her arms miserably trying to wake him up. "Mother why have you done this?" She cries.
"Because this is your happy ending. You have to trust me, Regina. I know best. Love is weakness. It feels real now, at the start it always does but it's an illusion, it fades and then you're left with nothing. But power, true power endures and then you don't have to rely on anyone to get what you want. I've saved you."
Regina thinks what she did was the farthest thing from saving. She wanted nothing but be with Daniel and her mother killed him just like that, like he was nothing more than a bug. The pain Regina feels, when she holds Daniel's dead body in her arms, is huge, monstrous and she thinks it will never stop.
In reality Robin felt a tear to fall on his skin and slide its wet path down his neck until it was absorbed by the fabric of his shirt.
"We can stop if you want to." Robin said and pulled Regina's body closer to his.
"No." She whispered shaking her head slightly in protest.
Robin couldn't understand how Cora could do something this horrible to her own daughter. He didn't like her from what Regina had told him before and he liked her even less after the first memory of her but now he thought he started to hate her. But he knew that despite everything this woman did to Regina, she was still important to her, it was her mother for a God's sake.
—O—o—O—o—O—o—O—
Regina's standing in the beautiful white dress, marrying The King. She has her brave face on but inside she feels dead and her loneliness in the castle, which comes after the wedding, doesn't change anything. The incredible pain inside of Regina eats her alive and the only way how she is able to make it through the day and to look in the face of her step daughter is to take a little of the pain and transform it into an anger. Day after day, little by little until it seems that the anger is all what she has.
Then it happens when Regina meets Tinkerbell and the fairy leads her to the man who is supposed to be her soulmate, her second chance at love, she is too weak to open the door, too afraid to let that anger go. So she runs and she is drowning herself in the hopelessness of her life again when Rumpelstiltskin introduces her The Doctor from far away land and a tiniest light of hope comes to Regina's heart only to be crushed when she is watching the unsuccessful attempt to bring Daniel back to life.
"I had to try everything." The hot air caressed Robin's skin as Regina spoke.
"I know." Robin kissed the top of her head again, he understood because back then, he would do the same for Marian.
The picture of Regina crying once again on the chest of her dead fiancé disappears, replaced by the woods and Regina, who wears black leather dress, is walking towards Rumpelstiltskin and some other girl about her age that is practising magic.
"She was the first one." Regina said quietly, her voice sounded somehow harsh. First what? But Robin understood before he could ask that question out loud. The first person that Regina had killed. Robin felt Regina moved just a little bit away from him but he didn't let her. He was there with her, for her and nothing will change that.
Regina rips the heart of that girl out of her chest and crushes it into dust without even blinking her eye. All the pain that is left inside of Regina is buried deep under the layer of anger that is even thicker than the last time. She's given up on her happiness, on her innocence, on the girl she once was and all what is left now is the desire for vengeance.
It wasn't easy for Robin to watch how much pain Regina carried inside of her, he felt like a piece of his own heart was breaking. He didn't understand how she could cope with it but on the other side he did understand. She was incredibly strong from her young age and she did the best she could to deal with the things that life had put on her plate. He didn't blame her, how could he?
Regina lifted her head from Robin's shoulder, took his arm away from her back so she could lean on the sofa properly but she stayed close to him. One part of Regina were still afraid and wanted to stop Robin from watching. Or run away or maybe both. But the other one wanted him to continue despite her nervousness. The next memories won't be pretty and she wasn't sure if she will be able to sit next to him while he watches them. Robin put his hand on Regina's thigh and she let him, covering his hand with her own. She could stay there for little longer.
—O—o—O—o—O—o—O—
The young queen meets new friend of her husband, the genie. He seems to care about her and an idea comes to Regina's mind. She thinks it through and she lets him believe he is special for her because she is lonely and everything she tells him is true, except the little detail that she loves him. She don't because she will never love again, she knows.
Robin knew that feeling of definitiveness after loss of love but now he also knew how false it was. There is more than just one love in everyone's life. He moved his hand on Regina's leg and interlocked their fingers.
Regina has always been very smart and good in pretending so of course she succeeds in tricking the genie into killing her husband and she is finally free. But it seems the genie loves her too much and ends up trapped inside of her mirror as her most devoted servant.
—O—o—O—o—O—o—O—
Regina and her army of black knights invades village in the middle of night. It have been weeks since the Huntsman tried to fool Regina with a heart of doe and after that every attempt to capture Snow White turns to be another failure. Regina is furious, she needs her dead, wants to watch her suffer. It might look impossible with the people of her kingdom who seem to be more loyal to Snow White than their Queen but Regina is determined to do everything to make it happen. She will have her head on a plate even if she has to kill every single one of Snow's loyals.
Regina looks once again at the villagers. "So you're telling me she lived here and not one of you saw her?" She's angry. "Kill them all. No mercy."
Regina in reality was staring at the opposite wall but she somehow managed to find enough courage in herself to look at Robin, trying to quickly read the expression on his face. He didn't seem to be disappointed neither disgusted but Regina still expected it to come. He caught her sight and the blue of his eyes was warm like waves on the beach during the summer day. It's okay, Regina tried to convince herself when Robin slightly squeezed her hand in encouraging and ensuring way.
—O—o—O—o—O—o—O—
Next memory appears in the dreamcatcher, Regina is standing in another village in the forest and two of her black knights are holding some other woman who faces away at first but then she turns. Marian.
The second Regina realised which memory this was, she stood up and walked towards the shelves on the opposite side of the room. She couldn't watch the memory or Robin's face, or stay next to him while he did, she just couldn't. Robin's eyes followed her but he didn't say a word, just straightened his back and inhaled slowly.
He knew it was Marian even before he could see her face and he didn't want to see this concrete memory, not because he was afraid it might change the way how he saw Regina, but because it was just too painful for him. But he also knew that this concrete memory was one of those that Regina wanted him to see because it bothered her the most. So he watched.
Regina, tired of the stupid loyalty towards Snow White, has found a bit of satisfaction in killing people that disobeys her and Marian seems not willing to betray Snow White even when her own life is in danger. "She dies tomorrow." Regina decides and turns to leave but Marian stops her, telling her she feels sorry for her.
Robin always admired Marian's ability to look in person's eyes and see right in their soul and it was strangely comforting for him to see that she knew exactly that Regina was hurt and alone.
The queen wouldn't admit to anyone that she really feels this way, not even herself anymore - that deep she has buried all her emotions except the anger and the fact that this dirty peasant woman sees through Regina makes her even more furious than before. "I know who I am and what I want. And right now, it's your head on a spike."
When the memory was over, Robin looked across the room at Regina. She was standing there, facing the wall, breathing in and out, waiting what Robin's reaction will be like.
"You didn't kill her, not personally." Robin spoke up, from what he knew, he thought she had.
"That's not important." Regina said calmly, still staring at the wall. "I gave the order for her execution. She never came back to you because of me. I killed her."
"Regina, you didn't know her and you didn't know me back then. It wasn't like a personal vendetta or something." Robin stood up took a step forward but stopped himself.
"And that -" Regina turned around but also stayed where she was, "That is what makes it even worse. I killed people without any actual reason."
"Look," he stepped towards her but left a little space between them. "I always knew you weren't mad evil psycho maniac, I knew there was a lot more in you behind the mask you were wearing and now, when I know what you've been through I get it. You were just trying to cope and although it wasn't very lucky way, you did the best you could." His face was so sincere when he stood there, using his hands to gesticulate while he spoke.
"I don't blame you, not anymore." He added when Regina didn't look like talking.
"But you did." She said quietly with strange mixture of relief, pain and I-was-right-feeling in her voice.
"Well, yes. Of course I did. It would be unfair to Marian if I didn't. I loved her. She was my wife and mother of my child. I didn't know how she died, one day she was just gone and I was sad and angry and helpless." He sighed. "But with the time that passed I've learnt how to live again without her. I am thankful for the time we had together, for Roland but I've accepted she's gone long before I met you." He tilted his head as he looked into Regina's eyes. "I don't blame you." He smiled and touched Regina's arm, squeezed slightly and caressed with his thumb. "I love you."
Regina knew all what Robin said was true and she finally begun to realise that he really understood her and accepted her past. It was a good feeling.
There were still a lot for Robin to see and for both of them to deal with. Especially one tiny little detail bothered her and she wasn't really sure if she wanted to hear what Robin will say about it but they were completely honest with each other today so she decided to bring up that topic too.
"What if it wasn't Zelena?" She asked. "What if I found you in New York while the realMarian would be expecting your child?" She added and watched Robin to nod and then smile. He expected Regina to ask this at some point and he was glad she did.
"When I had the chance to choose for myself, I chose you. And then life - or fate or whatever it was - made a choice for me and I left you. I know I betrayed you when I didn't believe in you enough to wait until you find me again and I am sorry for that." He moved his hand down on Regina's arm and took her palm into his.
"I would choose you again, no matter if it was really Marian or not. I would choose you. The only thing that would change is that I could have shared custody without a fear that my child will be kidnaped and taken in some other realm or god knows where."
His words warmed Regina's heart but she also felt bad. "I am sorry. All what Zelena did was because of me." She shouldn't have said anything about that.
"It's not your fault, Regina." Robin said and shook his head. "It's happened but we can make it work. We will, right?" He tucked a runaway strand of hair back behind her ear.
Regina still wasn't sure about that but she hoped. "We will."
A smile brightened Robin's face and he nodded. "Will you sit next to me while I continue with the dreamcatcher?" He asked and Regina did.
—O—o—O—o—O—o—O—
Cora promises Regina to find her soulmate and introduces her Sheriff of Nottingham with fake lion tattoo on his wrist. For a brief moment Regina really believes her mother has done something for her just like that and she gives this man a chance.
"You let me be the strong one so you can be weak when you want to be."
Robin would never said something like that. He had quite a history with Sheriff of Nottingham and he had always hated him but now, when he saw he laid his hands on Regina, he hated him twice as much. He was incredibly thankful that Regina revealed Cora's lie before he could touch more of Regina than he already did. Oh, how he hated that man.
How can she be so naïve to believe her mother? She knows her and she does nothing just like that, everything is always part of her complicated plans to manipulate Regina's life but this time she was determined not to let her. If Regina's mother wants her to have a child then she has to make sure she will never have one.
"We both know you are not going to drink that, so put it down and we can fix this." Cora said. Did she think Regina is still that stupid young girl too weak to counter her? Well, she is wrong then, Regina thinks and drinks the potion.
When she lowers the goblet from her mouth, two types of pain hit her. Physical pain that clutched her insides as the potion works and a pain of realisation what she has just done to herself.
Has she let her mother win again? Has she fallen for her game? Did her mother really want her to have child for her own sake or did she wanted to trick her into thinking she did. Has Regina making herself barren been her plan from the beginning and with all of this she has tried to cover it? Has Cora pushed her to hurt herself pretending she tries to stop her?
It is frustrating to think like her mother does, with all the possibilities and theories for conspiracy plans. Her mother had always some plan but Regina has no idea what it is this time and she hates it. She hates it so much when her mother manipulates her.
"Get the hell out of my life!" Regina yells.
Robin made the memory stop and stared at the dreamcatcher for few more seconds. "That's why you said that Zelena and I are tied together in the way we will never be. You can't have a baby." He put the dreamcatcher down and finally looked at Regina. "I- I thought you don't want to."
Regina blinked, little confused why Robin seemed to care so much about it. "I can't." She confirmed. "Why does it matter?" She asked but Robin didn't have to say anything because his eyes said it all. "Did you..." Regina stopped herself suddenly unsure and cleared her throat. "Did you want to have a child with me?" She felt strangely constricting pain in her chest.
"Well, yes. Maybe. I don't know." He sighed and laid his hand on her thigh. "Look, I know that things are messy between us now but I thought that maybe one day we could have a child of our own." He shrugged with one shoulder and smiled.
Regina gulped, it was just another reason why she wasn't good enough for Robin. She wasn't able to give him what he wanted. "I can't." She repeated with slowly shaking head.
"But if you could, would you want it?" His eyes were sparkling with hope.
"It doesn't matter." She said coldly, no, she won't think about it because it wasn't possible for her to have that. She took that option from herself and she gave up on that long time ago. "I can't." She said for the third time and Robin thought he heard pain in her voice and that was not what he wanted.
"Regina." He moved on the sofa so he could face her properly, reached for both of her hands and took them into his. "I don't want you to think you can't give me something I want. It's not true. What I want is family with you but we already have it with Roland and Henry and that is enough. You are more than enough, Regina. I just… You drank a potion, it was magic that made you barren and if I learnt only one thing about magic, it would be that all magic can be broken."
Regina stared at him unable to say anything. Was he serious?
She stood up and turned away from him. She loved Henry and Roland and she was decided to try to love Robin's baby despite its mother was Zelena but having child of her own, child that would never say 'You are not my mother', child that no one could take from her, having child of her own with her soulmate, how could she not want it? Of course she wanted but she thought something like that couldn't work for her. She was scared to hope because if she would and then lost this hope it would kill her, she was sure. She closed her eyes and a tear fell on her cheek. Robin came to her, put his hand on her shoulder and she turned around.
"I am sorry." He wiped that tear away from her face. He shouldn't have started with this, he could wait until things between them calm down a little bit. He felt like complete idiot for pushing her too far.
"Don't." Regina shook her head vigorously and rested her hands on his chest. "Don't apologize for..." She couldn't say it but what she meant was the most beautiful way how you could say you love me and you want to be with me. "Just don't." This topic hit her deeply and she felt like a mess, she closed her eyes and the only thing she was capable of was breathing in and out, in and out.
"Yes." She whispered after a while and opened her eyes looking right into Robin's. "One day… I would want it." She answered the question he had asked before and more tears found its way out of Regina's eyes.
Robin wrapped his arms around her body and kissed her temple, she made him so happy. "I just wanted you to know that it still may be possible." He wiped away her tears once more. "And when the day comes that we both will be ready, we will try to find a way to make it work. Okay?"
Regina was looking at him, into his ocean blue eyes and despite she knew she shouldn't let hope overtake her so easily, she did, she believed him.
"Okay." Regina nodded and let the tension of her body release in his embrace.
"Come on." He said after a while and led her back to the sofa, where they sit down close to each other. "Maybe we should take a little break from that thing," he pointed to the dream catcher, "and maybe get some lunch. What do you think?"
She took one deep breath to calm herself properly after the emotional tornado that had hit her, wiped the rest of her tears from her face and smiled. "I think that's a good idea. Take out from Granny's? I can teleport myself there and bring it." She stood up and turned back to him. "Wanna come or wait?" She asked with a smile.
"I'll wait." He said, thinking that Regina could use a minute for herself.
Hope you liked this chapter and that it wasn't too confusing with all what happened in the memories, what Regina from the memories felt, what she felt in real time, what Robin thought about the memories and what the two of them talked about. It was kind of tricky to deal with all these things in the same time but I hope you get the idea what I meant We will see some more memories and conversations in next chapter.
If you liked this chapter, please leave a review and I would love if you could let me know what part did you like the most.
Stay blessed :)