The Truth Of The Heart

Summary: Lily Evans has always, ALWAYS hated James Potter. So when they become Head Boy and Girl, nothing could be worse. But could working with him change Lily's opinion? Has she been ignoring the truth in her heart all along?

Disclaimer: I don't own any of this….except a few minor characters, so please don't sue me, JKR, 'cause I have nothing you want….unless you're into human flesh (you're not, are you?)

A/N: Thank you guys all SO MUCH for your reviews – it's nice to know I haven't been forgotten! I would do review thank-yous, but if this fic gets taken down again for anything, it won't be going up again, so I won't risk it.

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Chapter 23: Aftermath

The rest of that day, and the next, passed in a vague haze for Lily. It did not take long, after James had returned to the castle, for people to notice that he was quieter than usual, as were all the Marauders, and how the mischievous sparkle in his hazel eyes seemed to have faded out. People began to ask questions, and inevitably, someone (who was neither a Marauder, nor Lily) gave them answers. After that came the sympathetic, subtly intrusive questioning, the insincere condolences, the treat-the-bereaved-as-though-they-might-break voices, and the gossip of what had happened. There were some who were honestly sympathetic – Emma and Sapphire were both incredibly sorry for James and offered him their own simple words of comfort, once Lily had got permission from him to explain why she had been away for so long that morning. On the other end of the scale were the Marauder "groupies", as Lily had now officially dubbed them, who all decided to wear nothing but black to mark their sorrow. (Little did they know that they would all be sent straight back to change by Professor McGonagall, come Monday morning).

Was this what it meant to be popular? Lily wondered. To have a million people at your beck and call, but to be almost alone when tragedy struck; to have your every move analysed and interpreted in a thousand ways, nine hundred and ninety-nine of which were not good? She could not condemn the Marauders though; Sirius, Remus and Peter stuck staunchly by their friend, trying to keep his spirits up, and almost never left his side.

James himself appeared to be holding up as best as he could be expected to. He was obviously trying to be as normal and unaffected as possible, and appeared indifferent to the talk spreading through Hogwarts' stone halls of what was going on; yet sometimes, Lily could see how badly he just wanted to be alone, to be out of the public eye, and how he occasionally lapsed from the cheerful tone he was attempting, into a moody silence. She noticed, and she took it into account. She saw too, the newfound warmth and respect in his gaze when she sent off countless Marauder groupies, when she took on double Head duties to allow him to get more sleep (though the shadows under his eyes were proof negative of how well he managed that), or when he saw the way that she treated him completely normally, as opposed to treating him like a porcelain figure marked 'Handle With Care.' She spent much of her time doing homework in the common room that weekend, near the Marauders, with half an eye on James, while Emma and Sapphire worked with their backs to Sirius and Remus.

On Sunday night, Lily fell into bed feeling incredibly exhausted, more mentally than physically. Her head was whirling with confusion, worry, and she was dead to the world a few minutes after she hit the pillow, thankful for the eight hours of sleep she had been granted the chance of.

But sleep did not come to the Head Girl's bed that night. She tossed and turned, woken fitfully by the slightest noises. Her dreams, when she was asleep, were not of a forgiving nature either; she dreamed of Annabel. Not the brown-haired woman who was her step-mother did she see, however, but instead an Annabel who was double the height of a man, with hair that seemed alive, a mass of writhing snakes, and spittle that flew from her wide, red mouth. She came after Lily with an unceasing, ponderous tread, not running, as Lily was doing; and yet Lily knew, with a sick certainty, that eventually she would catch up to her; would seek her out with those dreadful, bloodshot grey eyes, just when she thought it was safe. Again and again the mocking laugh that had instilled both terror and shame in Lily so many times as a child, rang maliciously across the land of her nightmares.

'Aww,' the voice that she remembered so well jeered. 'Is wittle Lily running to Daddy again, with the weeniest of problems? What a baby!'

Over and over again, the taunting words echoed through her head, and she saw, in all the clear-headedness of older understanding, the many incidents where Annabel had forced her away from her father, caused her to lose several friends, endlessly dug at her. Many times did she wake from her turbulent dreams, shaking and sweating, with cold tears running down her face.

Consequently, when morning finally dawned, Lily was in no mood to be shaken awake by Emma, after ignoring her alarm clock. She got up, heavy-eyed and walked to the bathroom as if drugged, much the worse for her broken night. The thought of Transfiguration that day served only to depress her further, and she packed her bag, viciously throwing her textbooks in. A headache had developed, and she wondered dully if a pair of fairies with sledgehammers had taken up residence just above her eyes. Ignoring Sapphire's suggestion of the hospital wing, and knowing full well that she both looked and felt awful, Lily followed her friends out of the dorm, gave the Marauders a weak, tired smile in response to their greetings in the common room, and then decided, halfway down to the Great Hall, that she was not in the mood for breakfast. Lagging behind Emma and Sapphire, she quickly dodged them, and set off through a series of passageways that led her to none other than the Heads' Rooms.

The room calmed her as soon as she entered it; it exuded an air of peacefulness which settled her mind, and the flickering flames of the ever-burning fire invited to her to sit down on one of the large, squashy sofas. She rested her head on her arm, and checked her watch. Plenty of time before Transfiguration, she thought foggily. The dancing tongues of flame lulled her, and her head pounded so much…

Without warning, she fell asleep.

-&-

"Lily?"

Gradually, Lily began to feel a cautious, but persistent shaking. Earthquake? she thought mistily, and then she was conscious of the fact that it was her who was being shaken, on the shoulder. With this realization, she lifted her head, startled, and found herself almost nose-to-nose with James. He leapt back, alarmed. It was then that she realised that she must have fallen asleep exactly as she was, sitting upright on the sofa with her chin on her hand, and her bag lying forgotten on the side.

"Finally," James said. "I've been trying to wake you up for fifteen minutes."

"What's the time?" Lily asked faintly.

James looked at his watch. "Six forty-five."

With a cry of horror, Lily sprang up. "Oh God, I can't believe I slept through an entire day of classes. Every single professor is going to kill me …"

A shadow passed over James' face, and as flustered as she was, Lily did not miss it. "Sorry," she apologised breathlessly. "It's just, oh how could I have let this happen? I've got to go find Emma, and then copy up the notes, and do the homework, and apologise to all the teachers; oh, McGonagall's going to skin me alive…"

"Emma's outside," James said. He had fallen back into his old pose of leaning against the wall with his arms crossed. "She said something about Dumbledore."

Lily groaned. "That's it then. I wonder if they've ever demoted a Head Girl for missing all her lessons before? At least I'll go down in history as the first if they haven't. But it was an accident, I swear, I just had a bad night…but that's a really stupid excuse, no one'll ever buy that…"

Seeing that she was going nowhere, James steered her over to the door, handing her bag to her as he went. "You're overreacting," he said firmly. "If they can make me Head Boy, with my history, then they are not going to demote you for one day's mistake. Go talk to Emma, she's got all your stuff, I think." He pushed her out, and climbed after her.

Coming face to face with her best friend, Emma raised her eyebrows. "You took forever." She looked at James. "What was she doing in there?"

James shrugged. "Sleeping. I think that's what she'd been doing all day."

Lily nodded fervently, and Emma rolled her eyes. "We've been looking for you all day, Lils. We looked everywhere – it was only after Charms that Sapphire said you might be in here. But then since James is the only other person who can get in, we spent an hour and a half looking for him, because he was off wandering around alone outside."

Lily looked at James, who met her eyes, but then looked away hurriedly. "See you later," he said awkwardly, and walked off.

Lily turned back to Emma. "What's this about Professor Dumbledore?"

Emma put a hand to her head. "Oh yeah, I forgot about that…McGonagall came to Herbology, asking where you were, and when I didn't know, she said to tell you that Dumbledore wanted to see you at seven-fifteen tonight."

Lily felt her heart sink. "Ok then. No matter what James says about his nowhere-near-spotless track record, it's kind of obvious they're going to fire me. I wonder how they'll do it…maybe they'll yell at me first…no, knowing Professor McGonagall, she'll probably give me a lecture on setting an example – but it was only once! Maybe if I just tell them that I'll make up for it by doing detention – but they'll never accept that as suitable for this! I have to be the worst person in the world – what other kind misses all her classes in one day – actually, scratch worst, I have to be the most pathetic person – most other people bunk off for fun, I just fell asleep. I'm so pathetic, AND stupid, AND irresponsible, AND -"

Emma took her friend's arm and dragged her off down the corridor. "Lily, you're babbling," she said calmly. "Come on, at this rate, you won't even make it up to his office. Let's go."

Lily let herself be walked up to the gargoyle, and Emma left her there, having given her a five-minute lecture on why she was NOT going to get demoted. Feeling ill, and only slightly reassured by Emma's decided tones, Lily ascended the moving staircase, and knocked on the door of Dumbledore's office.

A voice said, "Come in," and she pushed the door open.

"You wanted to see me, Professor?" she asked nervously. Dumbledore turned around from the fireplace.

"Ah, Miss Evans," he said. "Take a seat." He gestured at a chair opposite and sat down at his desk. Lily slipped into the chair, unsure of what was going to happen next.

Dumbledore placed his elbows on the desk, and looked at her so soberly, that despite both James' and Emma's reassurances, Lily was perfectly certain that she was going to lose everything she had worked for over the last six years. She started forward.

"Sir, I honestly didn't mean to miss all my classes today, it was just a mistake – I fell asleep by accident, I swear it won't happen again -"

Dumbledore held up a hand to halt her flow. "Yes, I heard about that," he said, eyes twinkling. "It seems that several professors were concerned that one of their most dedicated students had disappeared without explanation, particularly when none of her friends knew why. Rest assured, your position is safe. No, I asked you here for a very different reason – or perhaps not so different after all." He stood up and walked away from her, towards a window. Lily sighed quietly with relief, and got up too, to take a few steps towards the door, expecting him to ask her to reschedule a Prefect meeting, or something of that sort. There was silence for a few moments, until Lily thought that Professor Dumbledore might have forgotten her, and she cleared her throat loudly to remind him of her presence.

Dumbledore turned around. "Last night, Miss Evans, I received a visitor who wished me to ask you something, and to get permission for you to do something should you agree. This person felt that I would possibly be more persuasive that they were. After a little convincing myself, I agreed to ask for them." His eyes were twinkling again, but Lily could not understand how he could look so merry and yet so solemn.

"Mr. Potter wishes to invite you as a guest to his sister's funeral this weekend. I have given my permission for you to go."

For a moment, Lily thought she had heard wrong. She grasped blindly behind her, felt the solidness of a chair, and collapsed into it. "What?" she said weakly. "Of course I can't go."

"I have already granted permission to Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin, and Mr. Pettigrew to accompany their friend to the ceremony. As he put it, there now remains only you to persuade."

"What?" Lily exclaimed. "I can't go! I'm not family, and I'm hardly a close friend – I'm not going! How could I?"

Dumbledore sighed. "Very well, then," he said. He looked up at the ceiling as if lost in thought, steepling his fingers. "As I see it, there is only one option left to you then."

"What's that?" Lily asked uneasily.

"You shall attend the funeral in a Head Girl capacity," Dumbledore said, looking very much pleased with his idea.

"Wh-what?" Lily gasped. "NO!"

"Now, Miss Evans, I am sure you do not intend to neglect your duties like this," Dumbledore said cheerfully. "You will represent the students of Hogwarts. You can accompany me to the ceremony, and to the small gathering they are holding afterwards, as the Head Girl. I am sure that is a suitable arrangement for you?"

'"Wh – Bu – That's not fair!" Lily protested.

"I think you will find that it is perfectly acceptable." Beneath the calm and dignified tones of authority, Lily could have sworn she could detect a hint of amusement in the old man's voice. "This is purely a duty of the Head Girl, which she is required to fulfil. That is all there is to it."

"But I can't get there or anything!" Lily clutched at her last remaining straw, hoping it would make her point.

"That is a simple problem to resolve," Dumbledore replied, smiling benignly. "You will Floo from my office with me, and when I leave, I shall bring you." He sat down at his desk. "I suggest you consider the matter as settled."

It was evident that the conversation was at an end. Lily opened her mouth to protest, then thought better of it and left the office. She made her way back to the common room, mind reeling. Distracted, she wandered down the empty corridors. One part of her, a very much used-to-getting-its-own-way part, was seriously tempted to go and find James, and yell at him. Eventually, though, Lily had to accept that considering his recent loss, and the fact that he had actually bothered to ask her (indirectly) to a family occasion, it was hardly appropriate to do so. Instead, she contented herself with muttering a few well-chosen expressions under her breath as she neared the Fat Lady.

Entering the common room, she scanned it, and spotted Emma working on some homework. She pulled a chair over and began to copy up notes from the classes she had missed, all the while telling Emma what had happened. Emma listened as she worked, adding a few exclamations here and there, but seemed inclined to take much the same view as Dumbledore had, for some inexplicable reason.

Just then, there was a big commotion at the portrait hole, and Lily turned around to see Remus and Sirius enter, with a collection of…birds? Yes, birds. Sirius had a turkey under one arm, and a chicken in the other, both of who were attempting to peck him. Remus held a perch, on which a large snowy owl was sitting, glaring balefully at everyone with eyes of amber. A strangely docile peacock was strutting proudly at his feet, looking very pleased at all the attention as everyone sprang aside when it opened its tail feathers. The chicken squawked as someone accidentally hit its head, and the turkey stopped pecking Sirius long enough to aim for the unfortunate person.

Both boys seemed completely undisturbed by the amount of attention they were attracting. They were discussing something together, and completely ignoring those around them. Lily turned back to Emma, who was watching the two with a mixture of amusement and wistfulness, and was about to say something to her, when Emma stiffened, eyes fixed on a point behind, and then looked down quickly.

There was only one person who could cause this.

Acting fast, Lily swivelled back, feeling as though she was a spectator at a tennis match.

The ball's in your court, Remus.

Remus did indeed appear to be turning away from their direction rather hastily. He said something to Sirius, who was having difficulties trying to stop the chicken and turkey – they had apparently decided to band together to peck him simultaneously. Sirius nodded, and Remus hung the perch on his arm. Slowly making his way to the stairs, Sirius gave his friend a Look, which Lily was at a loss to interpret.

She did not have long to wonder, however, before she realised that Remus himself was heading over to them, a look of steely determination on his face.

"Lily, Emma – can I talk to you for a moment?"

Lily nodded, but Emma jumped up.

"Oh, God, look at the time. I should really go to bed; I can finish this tomorrow, I'm sure." She piled her books together as fast as she could.

"Em -" Lily began, but Emma ignored her. Remus could only stand there and watch as she rolled up her pieces of parchment and placed them on top of the books. She turned around to get her bag, and all at once, there was a loud clatter. She had knocked against the table in her haste, and all her work and tidily piled books had fallen to the floor. Darting a glance at Remus, she bent down and hurriedly picked the parchment up, pushing them roughly into her bag. After a moment, Remus bent down and piled the books together, before handing them to her. She gave him a desultory look as she took them off him. Standing up, she hesitated for a moment, before saying in a falsely cheery voice, "Night, Lils." To Remus, she gave only another glance, her eyes cold, and a brief nod. Lily stared, open-mouthed, at her friend's lack of manner as she walked away, and Remus' eyes were stormy.

And then, he did something totally unexpected.

For the second time in his life, Remus Lupin lost control.

"Wait," he called after her, in such a powerful voice that Emma did actually halt on the steps, her back still turned.

"What is your problem?" Remus demanded roughly. Emma looked back at him for a moment; her mouth opened, as if to say something – and then she shook her head and carried on climbing.

"Fine!" Remus yelled. "Fine! If that's the game you want to play, Emma, then let's play it!" He stared angrily at her retreating back, his cheeks flushed and his body tense. "You mean nothing to me now! Absolutely nothing, you hear me? Forget you!"

There was no reply; only the sight of Emma's black robes whipping around the corner. Remus turned to face the staring common room.

"What're you looking at?" he growled menacingly.

Immediately, everyone's head snapped back down, and Remus looked at Lily, pushing his sandy hair out of his handsome face. She was shocked at the almost beast-like vehemence in his eyes.

"Uh…" she said, scrambling up to throw things into her bag, anxious both to avoid Remus in this mood, and to find her friend. "Sorry Remus, I have to go talk to Emma." With that, she fled upstairs, calling a "Goodnight!" over her shoulder.

-&-

She slammed her dormitory door with a considerable amount of feeling – mostly anger directed at Emma. Looking around, she saw the brown-haired girl putting her crumpled and messy books and parchment neatly away in her area.

"What is your problem, Em?" she asked, stalking over to her.

For the third time that evening, Emma stiffened. Lily sat down beside her and continued to talk.

"I know Saffy made me promise not to force you into anything, but I don't care any more. What're you going to do? I mean, I'm sorry, but you're playing with him, and it's worse because you left him hanging – you never said anything for definite one way or another." She paused, wondering if Emma could even hear her; she was still restacking her books slowly, with infinite care. "Do you really…abhor him that much, Em? 'Cause you're going to have to make a decision…now."

Silence. A slight rustle as Emma pushed aside her curtain a little to allow her to carry on laying out her trunk contents with mathematical precision. Just as Lily was beginning to give up hope, she got a reply.

"I've made my decision," Emma said softly. "I just don't think it's going to happen."

"What is it?" Lily sat up straight, attention caught by this news.

Emma closed her trunk carefully, and looked at Lily. "I like Remus. A lot." She returned her concentration to folding her clothes. "But it'll never work out. My family…they wouldn't be happy to hear about it. And besides, you heard him just now."

Lily shook her head. "Then why do you act so…cold to him? And yeah, he's angry, Em, but I think he's angry because he likes you, and he thinks you've rejected him."

"He hates me, Lily. Don't try to deny it. And for some part, I probably deserve it. It's better like it is now. I'll just pretend to hate him, and he'll be happy with someone else."

Again, Lily shook her head. "I don't think you understand, Em," she said earnestly. "You're the only person who'll make him happy – why else has he waited for you since fourth year?"

"It's better this way," Emma repeated.

Lily lost what little patience she had. "Better how exactly? Are you really going to go back to how you were before – with you hiding your feelings until they got too much for you? Can you really kid yourself that that'll work, or are you just thick?"

Emma's voice, when she answered, was a lot angrier than before. "You're not me, Lily, so why are you trying to make my choices for me? You think it's easy to sacrifice him – any hope of an 'us'?"

Lily's expression softened. "That's exactly what he called you. A sacrifice for being what he is." She paused, the memory of his saddened face contrasting with the hard anger she had just seen. "Please, pleasedon't do this, Em," she begged. Inwardly, she sighed at what a go-between she was being reduced to.

They better thank me for this later – if there is a later.

Emma shrugged. She had climbed onto her bed, and was lying spread-eagled.

Exhaling, Lily got up. "Okay, fine," she said pleadingly. "Will you at least talk to him before you make up your mind completely? He deserves to know where he stands – you owe it to him."

Emma nodded non-committally. "Just don't expect me to -"

The door swung open, and Callie flounced in, giving the two girls a dismissive glance.

"We aren't worthy of her Highness' attention," Emma mumbled, causing Lily to snort with laughter. Their conversation had obviously come to an end – she just hoped that it would eventually be productive.

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A/N: sheepish Uhm...hi everyone. Yeah, I know. You thought I'd fallen off the face of the earth, story clutched firmly in hand, right? Well, I didn't. The first term of sixth form's been REALLY hectic, and I've kind of let academic and school commitments take over all the other aspects of my life, resulting in me becoming a very sad, antisocial person, and I need to go back to balancing it all out. So as soon as module exams are finished in January, I will post more regularly, get this story up to where it was before, and continue it to the end, because I owe all my faithful reviewers that, at least. Anyway, hopefully you all enjoyed this chapter...review? Please?