The Truth Of The Heart
Summary: Lily Evans has always, ALWAYS hated James Potter. So when they become Head Boy and Girl, nothing could be worse. But could working with him change Lily's opinion? Has she been ignoring the truth in her heart all along?
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this….except a few minor characters, so please don't sue me, JKR, 'cause I have nothing you want….unless you're into human flesh (you're not, are you?)
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Chapter 24: Funeral VoicesOn Saturday morning, Lily woke up with a strong sense of foreboding, although it took her a few moments to remember why. As she got up and walked quietly past her sleeping roommates, she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that this would be a very long day.
Having showered, she came back to the room and stared contemplatively at her open trunk, with piles of clothes thrown messily around inside. She had spent two hours the night before, trying to find something - anything - that was suitable to wear to a funeral. She had only ever gone to one once, when she was eight, for a cousin of her father's…and her own mother's, of course…she blinked furiously as images rushed unbidden into her mind, and closed her eyes, trying frantically to simultaneously shut them out and wipe the lone tear from her face. It was an experience she worked hard not to think about.
Returning to the issue of clothing, she had gone to bed frustrated at her lack of wardrobe. Now, surveying the mess before her, she debated on what to do. One option was to wake up her friends and ask if they owned anything, but she doubted they would. The other was to change the clothes she owned by charming them. It was a practice she saw carried out regularly by Serena and Callie, to give the appearance of a new outfit for every day, but she was much more sceptical about doing it to her own clothing. Still, it was the only choice that appeared feasible, she picked out an outfit: a white tank top, a long-sleeved white net top to go over it, and a long skirt, and laid them out on her bed. Screwing her eyes up in concentration, she chanted the spell and watched as her clothes slowly faded from their various colours to black. Relieved, she pulled them on, added a pair of tights and shoes, and then walked over to the full-length mirror. She stared at herself critically. It seemed alright - fairly conservative and adult, though she had a few qualms about the neck of the lace top, which was shallow, but very wide.
Oh well. Shrugging, she turned her attention to her hair, and decided in the end to leave it loose, due to her limited time. Hurriedly putting on some make-up, she left the room, grabbing a bag as she went.
She made her way to Dumbledore's office in record time, feeling as if her stomach had twisted over on itself. Just as she was nearing the gargoyle, she saw three figures approaching from the opposite direction. Stopping short, she stood still and waited, and a few seconds later, Sirius, Remus and Peter were in front of her. All were dressed impeccably in black suits, their hair neat and tidy, their faces fresh. They greeted one another quietly, and Lily gave the password that brought the gargoyle to life.
"Where's James?" Lily asked, as it sprang aside and they climbed onto the moving staircase.
"He left last night," Sirius said from behind her. "To be with his family. He'll be glad you came, though. He was worried in case you decided not to go at the last minute. But you look nice," he added approvingly.
Refusing to deny that the idea had crossed her mind more than once, Lily simply contented herself with a "Thanks," and the allowed the silence to carry her up to the top. As they knocked on the door and trooped in, Dumbledore looked up.
"Ah," he said. "Good morning Miss Evans, Mr Black, Mr Lupin, Mr Pettigrew. I am glad to see you all in good time, and looking spruce." He too was looking sober, dressed as he was in black robes, with a silver clasp at the top. "Now, if we are all ready -"
"A moment please, Dumbledore," came a lazy voice from the side. Lily turned to see a wizard with a pointed beard, wearing the Slytherin colours, watching them from his picture. She did not have time to wonder who he was, before she heard Sirius let out a low hiss from beside her.
"You," he muttered.
Dumbledore turned to face the portrait. "Yes, Phineas?" he asked politely.
"Terribly sorry to interrupt," Phineas drawled, "but I have a message for the black sheep of the Black family." He looked at Sirius. "Your mother wishes me to say that although you have a habit of consorting with the worst company," here he looked disdainfully at Lily and Remus, "she expects you to uphold the Black honour at this…function, that you are going to. She also says that should you set foot in the household again, it must be with purer morals than you have at present."
Sirius' expression was twisted. "You think I – you think I give a damn what that hag says?" he spat angrily. "Go tell her to stuff her message up her arse, because I've got no intention of setting foot in that dump. The only reason she even bothered to send a message was because this is a pureblood function, isn't it?"
"Language, Mr Black,'' Dumbledore said gently. Remus placed a calming hand on Sirius' shoulder as Lily stared in disbelief.
"It doesn't matter, Dumbledore," Phineas said languorously. "I understand how…self-absorbed young people are." He gave Lily and Remus one more distasteful look, and then drifted sideways out of his painting, his words floating back to them. "…always was over-independent…"
Lily was still staring at Sirius as though she had never seen him. Before she had time to comment, however, Dumbledore moved forward.
"Since there are several of us," he said, "I felt a Portkey would be a cleaner and more convenient way of travel." He held out a broken six-pack holder. "Take hold please."
Everyone grasped a part of the plastic, and a few seconds later, Lily felt a jerk behind her navel. Dumbledore's office disappeared in a swirl of colour, and instead they were standing on a dirt-beaten path in the middle of a clearing, with bare oak trees all around them. Dumbledore dusted himself off, and then led the way out of the trees, the four student following behind him. Despite herself, Lily could not help sneaking another look at Sirius' pale face. He noticed.
"Yeah," he said in a low voice. "Now you know what my family's like."
Doing her best to appear unruffled, Lily merely shrugged. "You're obviously different."
Sirius made no reply, and they walked on in silence until their reached a tall grey wall with a pair of black gates. They looked forbidding, despite the wintery sunlight hitting them. Dumbledore pushed them open and strode through them, allowing the four teenagers to pass behind him. They walked now on a grassy field, with grey headstones dotted here and there in no particular order.
A few moments later, Lily caught her first glance of a gathering of people, standing under a huge oak tree. Dumbledore left the path and began threading his way through grass and gravestones until he reached the people standing there.
Taking a look around as she took her place beside Sirius, Lily wondered at the beauty of the spot. Although the tree was almost bare, there was a wonderful reddy-gold carpet of leaves underfoot, and she could see that in summer, the branches that stretched up into the sky would be covered with leaves, and would cast a pretty green light over the spot. Tiny withered stems were all around the base of the tree, evidence that there were obviously many flowers to be seen here in spring. The tree itself seemed to support much life- a yellow-speckled ivy had twisted itself around the dull brown bark, and looking up, Lily was almost sure she could see a squirrel's hole. I've never seen such a nice place to say goodbye, she thought wistfully, remembering for a brief instant the small old churchyard where she had watched her mother be laid to rest.
She was jolted out of her thoughts by the whisperings around her, and she realised that they were attracting quite a lot of attention. Several people were looking at the four teenagers, and she could hear the muted whispers.
"…students at Hogwarts…"
"…friends of her brother James…"
Sirius, Remus and Peter appeared to be free of unease about what was going on around them; they were standing in silence, and it dawned on Lily that they would probably know a few of these people, if they had visited James' house for parties before. She looked around again at the people gathered there. Most were adults in black robes or suits; family and friends, she supposed. Several of them had a hint of James' feature here and there - one old lady had his sharp hazel eyes, and another man's hair, though pale brown, was as messy as James' had always been. James himself and his family did not appear to be there. A few teenagers or young children were interspersed among the adults, and Lily assumed that they were cousins, or children of family friends. A square-jawed girl with carrot-orange hair, who looked slightly older than Lily, nodded curtly at her, and Lily attempted a weak half-smile as she looked hurriedly away. Turning her gaze, she saw a group of young adults, two girls and two boys, standing together, and it struck her that perhaps these were Alyssa's friends. They certainly looked around her age - the age that she would have been - and seemed more solemn and quiet that the others; and the man standing beside them could pass quite well for a Muggle army sergeant, relentlessly drilling recruits through assault courses.
Lily sighed. The sun had gone back behind clouds, and it seemed to have dampened the already sober mood. She felt a small pressure on her arm, and looked discreetly sideways to see Remus, Sirius and Peter all giving her a slight, grim-yet-friendly smile, as if to cheer her out of hr gloom. She smiled back, and then stared at the hole in front of her, waiting to swallow the coffin, which would be borne in almost as a sacrificial offering. Another hopeless sacrifice to plead for the end of these evil times.
Finally, footsteps sounded on gravel, and as one, everyone turned to see a handsome mahogany coffin being carried towards them, on the shoulders of six pall-bearers dressed in black. Lily's breath hitched as they made their slow way towards them, and the people present parted like water to give them clear access to the freshly-dug grave. As they turned towards them, she saw for the first time, the four people walking behind the coffin.
It was James' family.
His father, a tall man dressed in a black suit, was walking with a woman who must have been his mother. Mr Potter looked very like his son - same messy black hair and hazel eyes, and much the same build. He even walked in a similar way. It was like looking at an older version of James himself.
The woman, James mother, looked wan and pale, but her face was set, a calm expression on it which was at the same time heartrending. She was just slightly shorter than her husband. Her hair was a deep, deep auburn, almost brown in its intensity, and her eyes were grey, framed with long lashes and set in a delicate, heart-shaped face. She was wearing a simple black dress, understated, but obviously finely made.
Behind them walked none other than James, and a girl who was obviously Maddie. Lily took a moment, as they approached, to observe him. He was dressed, like everyone else, in a black suit, with a crisp white shirt beneath. His hair was its usual mess, but his face was almost stonily composed, and as pale as a ghost. His eyes were fixed on the coffin in front, and despite the occasion, Lily could not help but notice how all four of the Marauders could clean up so well. Apparently she was not the only one to think so - she could hear sharp intakes of breath from several girls around, and see their raised eyebrows from the corner of her eye as they spotted him.
Maddie, walking beside him, seemed to be dwarfed by her brother's shadow, although in reality, as Lily would find out later, she was only slightly shorter than Lily herself. Her black hair was long enough to lie on her shoulders, and her head was down, though as they advanced, Lily could just about make out the tear tracks on her cheeks.
Finally, the pallbearers reached the grave and the coffin was set down. The Potter family lined up in a row next to it, and then James' mother stepped forward, a wreath of pure white roses and a square object in her hands. She laid the wreath onto the lid, the object was stood next to it, and Lily recognised it as a wizarding photograph. A pretty young woman was the focus, her auburn hair glinting under the sun as she stood on the grass with a huge house behind her. She appeared to be laughing at someone behind the camera, and as Lily watched, she stuck her tongue out merrily. Squinting, Lily could just about make out her clear hazel eyes dancing as she smoothed her top over her jeans and stuck her tongue out again. With a shock, Lily realised that this must have been Alyssa just last summer - she looked around the right age. Before she had time to study the picture closer, a man whom she had not noticed stepped forward.
"I welcome you all to the funeral of Alyssa Caroline Potter," he said, in a deep, soothing voice. "We are gathered here today to remember her in life, and commemorate her in death. She was a wonderful person, full of life, and her presence will be missed by all." He looked around, as if to check that no one had fallen asleep at his monotones, and then resumed his speech. "We have several people today who have consented to share their thoughts with us this morning, so that her memory will be treasured forever." Taking out a piece of parchment, he placed a pair of silver glasses on his nose and read off: "May I call Sergeant M. Wood forward please?"
The hard-faced man stepped forward from the group of teenagers. He cleared his throat, then looked around at all the people.
"I was Recruit Potter's - or rather, Alyssa's - instructor for four years at Alnwood Academy," he said. His tones were rough, the voice of someone more used to giving than taking orders. "Let me tell you now, that I am not a kind man. I do what needs to be done to force young people into showing talent. If they have any for Auror training, by the time I'm done with them, they will be showing it. At Alnwood, we aim to produce fine Aurors, with resourcefulness, cunning, determination, and courage."
Is he supposed to be a walking advert or something? Lily found herself wondering.
"Alyssa did have talent. She was resourceful, and determined to get through whatever she had to do. That was what got her through Alnwood. She was one hundred percent dedicated to her aim, no matter what anyone else said, and I know that she did face problems at the beginning." His gaze was hard and penetrating.
"Don't fool yourself into thinking Alyssa Potter was a perfect person, or a perfect Auror. She wasn't. She had her faults, and in a sense, I could say that it was a fault that killed her. But I won't. Because not all faults are as bad as the word suggests. And I'm sure that Recruit Longbottom, who is now in hospital, is grateful for his life, which she saved." He paused. "Alyssa was hardworking, and I'm sure that the rest of the family will follow in her footsteps, whichever career path they choose." His eyes lingered on James, who, pale as he already as, met him with a straightforward gaze, chin up.
Sergeant Wood stepped back, and the officiator cleared his throat. "Andrew Marx?"
A tall, brown-haired boy stepped forward from the group of four, his chin trembling slightly. His eyes reminded Lily of Remus'; they were calm and gentle, but with a secret fire raging in the depths.
"I -" He stopped, his voice caught in his throat. "I'm speaking on behalf of myself, Jenny, Rebecca and Jack. We were Alyssa's best friends, from school through to Alnwood, and into the field." He swallowed. "I think we can all agree that Ally knew how to have a good time. There was never a dull moment when she was around - she could inject humour into any moment, and it would brighten up your day. She always had a caring word to say if you were feeling down, and always had a spare moment to listen to problems." He swallowed again. "I think what I'm trying to say is that Ally was one of a kind. No one will ever replace her." As Lily studied his face, she could see his terse jaw, and the way that his eyes glistened. "I can guarantee you that."
He looked down at the ground, and looked up again, a shaky smile on his face. "When Ally's parents first asked us to talk, we put our heads together to try to think of what to say. I think, so far, I've covered almost everything we came up with. But now I'm going to say something unplanned." His smile, weak as it was, wavered, and died. "I was in love with Alyssa."
There was silence. Lily knew she couldn't have been the only person staring - almost everyone was. The three young people behind had their mouths hanging open.
"I liked her right the way from our third year at Hogwarts, but it took me four years to admit it to myself. I hid my feelings from everyone, including my closest friends, and I made up excuses about why I hadn't told her - that I didn't want to ruin our friendship; that she had enough to handle without me adding a burden. The truth was, I was too stubborn to face my fear of her rejection, so she never knew. And now she never will." He suddenly seemed to stand straighter, and looked taller, his chin up.
"So, as much as this is a memorial speech, it's also a warning." He looked around the crowd. "Never be afraid to show your feelings to the one you love, no matter what the consequences. Because the time may come when it's too late, and all you can do is regret what could have been."
Lily tore her eyes off his still form, her mind still reeling from his confession, and looked up to see James' eyes on her, an intense gaze in them. Embarrassed, and afraid of what she could read, Lily looked away. Andrew stepped closer to the coffin, and looked down. "I'm so sorry, Ally," he said softly. "I'm so sorry I never told you how I really felt." A solitary tear made its way down his cheek. "I will always love you, and miss you." Silently, he let go of a blood-red rose, where it fell at the foot of the photo, and walked back to his friends, head bowed.
People were still staring at Andrew, where he stood, and although the three around him still looked shell-shocked, one of the girls still gave him a comforting hug.
Again, the officiator stepped forward. "And finally, on behalf of the Potter family, James Potter."
This was a surprise. James had not said anything about speech-making; but then again, he had not said anything about the funeral in the first place.
James fumbled in his pocket for a piece of crumpled parchment, which he skimmed over briefly. "Well," he said, with the barest hint of a sad smile. "It looks like everyone's taken all of the stuff I intended to say, so this is going to have to come straight from the heart. Sorry if it…sounds a bit stupid." He looked at the photo for a few seconds, as if for inspiration.
"Alyssa was a lot of things to a lot of people. She was a daughter, a sister, a friend, and aunt, a cousin, and, occasionally, a girlfriend. I know she sometimes felt under pressure to do all those things well, and 'set an example' to all of us who were younger than her, but I think she managed just fine. To me, Ally was my big sister, the one who taught me how to take cookies when Mum wasn't looking, and the one who I could run to in times of trouble, when she would tell me everything was going to be alright, even if it wasn't. We had our fair share of arguments - probably more, actually…we were too…alike in personality, so we clashed a lot." James voice gave out a little. "But even with our fights, she taught me more than just pranks - she taught me to be myself. Maybe a little too much," here, James looked directly at Lily, throwing her into a momentary whirlpool of confusion, "but it was the intention that mattered, and that was always good." Pausing, James looked back at Maddie, as if for encouragement to go on, and when she gave a slight nod, he continued, this time rather more hesitantly.
"Ally…didn't think that people could ever completely die. She - she believed very much that those who love us never truly leave us, and she always told me that they were all around us, and in us. Maddie and I found a poem which we thought, was…appropriate for this, because it suited her so well."
He beckoned to Maddie, who came forward next to him, and smoothed out yet another piece of parchment. She began to read the first verse, and James took turns, in alternating verses, until their voices joined in chorus on the last stanza.
Do not stand by my grave and weep,
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the softly falling snow.
I am the gentle showers of rain,
I am the fields of ripening grain.
I am in the morning hush,
I am in the graceful rush
Of beautiful birds in circling flight,
I am the starshine of the night.
I am in the flowers that bloom,
I am in a quiet room
I am with the birds that sing,
I am in each lovely thing.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die.
As their voices faded into silence, Maddie folded up the parchment, her hands shaking. The two of them muttered a quiet "Thank you" and made their way back to their parents.
The officiator came forward again, and embarked on a long, monotonous speech. Lily was startled to find tears in her eyes as she looked at the photo in silence and realised with a pang that now, Alyssa could never exist as more than a memory in people's minds. A tear dropped onto her cheek, and she wiped it hastily away, unnoticed by all but James.
Twenty minutes later, the officiator finally finished speaking, and after the final goodbye, the coffin was lowered into the ground. Lily, Sirius, Remus and Peter all watched as it was covered with earth, and levelled off. A headstone was revealed, in the ground, and Lily read the inscription:
Alyssa Caroline Potter
Beloved daughter, sister and friend
Missed by many
And beneath that, her dates of birth and death, and surprisingly, a colour photograph of her, almost the same as that which had stood on the coffin.
They stood in silence, all of them, with heads bowed. Everyone's expression was sombre, and quite a few old ladies were dabbing at their cheeks. Tears fell quietly from Andrew's eyes.
Eventually, the officiator raised his head. "Well, that concludes the proceedings," he said quietly. "Now, if you would all like to adjourn to the Potter's house, there are refreshments available."
The groups of people began to move towards the opposite end of the cemetery, and squinting, Lily could just about make out a pair of gates in the distance. People were walking in twos and threes, talking quietly, and Lily could make out James and his family at the front, his head bent towards Maddie as she said something.
She found herself walking next to Remus at this point, and a sudden thought occurring to her, turned towards him.
"Remus, how're we getting to their house?"
Remus looked at her in surprise. "Didn't I tell you?" he asked. "We can't go. Sirius, Peter and I have detention with Professor McGonagall soon, so we weren't allowed."
"But then…" Lily felt it sounded rather pathetic to say this, but there was no other option. "What about me?"
Remus shrugged. "Ask Dumbledore?"
Lily looked around, but the Headmaster was nowhere to be seen. Trying to ignore the knot of worry in her stomach, she walked on, and soon reached the gates.
Strangely enough, although it appeared to be a fairly quiet side-road, with a small park opposite, there were a large number of cars parked along the sides. In an effort to stop the little voice in her head which was setting off alarm bells about what she was supposed to do, she let her gaze drift up the road. It was funny how many people liked to buy silver cars, she thought dreamily. Her eyes lingered particularly on a pretty BMW parked halfway up the road, its silver paintwork sparkling. I want a car like that when I'm old enough - and rich enough, she decided.
Sighing, she turned back to the people around her, hoping to see a sign of Dumbledore, but he was nowhere to be found. James as standing with his three best friends; he appeared to be saying something in a low voice - Sirius was looking uncharacteristically solemn. The next moment, he and James hugged each other, like brothers. Lily turned away, smiling, as Remus did the same.
Suddenly, she saw a familiar long white beard, and realised with a start that Dumbledore was indeed standing a few metres away. Hastily, she started towards him, but he simply smiled at her, and Disapparated with a slight pop.
Lily froze, her mouth open in a silent 'Oh!' of astonishment. Quickly, she looked around to see that over half the people had gone, and more were Disapparating as she watched. Sirius, Remus and Peter had gone too; by Portkey, she supposed.
Panic really was bubbling up inside her now, constricting her airway. Then, James appeared at her elbow. "There you are," he said. "Come on."
"What?"
"You and Maddie are coming with me." He jerked his head at his sister, who was walking up the road, and headed after her, obviously expecting Lily to follow. Baffled, she caught up with him.
"How?"
"By car," James replied briefly, fumbling through his pockets. Lily gaped openly at him.
"You can drive?"
James pulled out a set of car keys and held them up, as if for evidence. "Passed the test last summer."
"So how did you get here?" Lily asked, her brain still trying to digest this new information.
James looked at her as though she had gone insane. "By car," he said slowly. He halted in front of a silver car, and Lily's mouth promptly dropped open again.
"This is yours?" she asked faintly, staring at the sleek BMW that she had been admiring not five minutes ago.
"After ten years of saving like hell, yeah," James said. "I wanted one of these ever since I found out they existed when I was seven. After that, I saved as much as I could - plus I did work with Muggle builders over the summers. Did anyone ever tell you that wizards are a lot more tight-fisted with pay?" He pushed a button, watched as the car unlocked itself, lights flashing as it did so, and then opened the door for her. "Plus, Dad agreed to pay one third of the price after I got my OWL grades. You and Maddie can sit in the back and talk to each other." He shut them in, and then climbed in himself.
Maddie gave Lily a small smile as she settled herself, but did not say anything. James adjusted the rear-view mirror, and pulled out of the parking space.
As they drove down various side-roads, Lily had an opportunity to observe Maddie at closer range, as she stared out of her window. She could see at once that Maddie was going to be a person who turned heads as she walked past; although still growing up, her face had an open charm to it that was very appealing.
The radio was playing a new song quietly in background, but it did nothing to disguise the silence between the three people, and eventually, James sighed.
"Honestly," he said, as they stopped at a T-junction. "Normally, neither of you can shut up, and here you are, acting as if your tongues had been cut out." He turned into a main road. "Fine, I'll reintroduce you. Lily, this is my sister Maddie, Maddie, this is Lily, Head Girl at Hogwarts. You two are quite alike, so you ought to get on."
There was an awkward silence for a few moments, until Maddie's spoke. "So… what's it like to be Head Girl?"
Lily paused. "Scary," she finally admitted. "Everyone expects you to do a great job, but if you do, it's not such a great deal, because obviously it goes without saying that you do well. And it's a lot of hard work. I won't say that it hasn't got its perks, though," she added, thinking of the Head's Rooms.
"So you work with James?"
"Yeah." The car stopped at a set of traffic lights.
A grin flitted across Maddie's face. "Do you get on with him?"
"I - We - uh…" Lily hesitated. James' eyes were fixed on her in the rear-view mirror, and her cheeks began to go pink. She swallowed.
'Well," she said diplomatically, regathering her composure. "We … do now."
"So you didn't before?" Maddie asked. She turned round fully to face Lily, her expression interested, and this was enough to relax Lily.
"No," she said carefully, as the car swung onto the motorway. "He…uhm…annoyed me a little." The fact that James had been forced to direct his gaze elsewhere for a moment gave her a sudden rise in confidence. "Actually, that's an understatement. He had an incredible talent for infuriating me every time he was within fifty paces. Which was basically all the time."
"What did he do?" Maddie asked, intrigued.
Lily smiled. "Up until our third year, he hated me…and then all of a sudden he decided to ask me out - mostly in the most embarrassing, arrogant ways possible. I had an entire vocabulary of…creative… names that I used every time I had to yell at him."
Maddie laughed.
"Typical," James said, his eyes on the road. "You finally get talking, and the topic if conversation is about how much of a prat I am."
"Was," Lily corrected. "Let's face it James, why else is there only one thing I remember you doing to me in all six years that I classed as 'sweet'?"
"What was it?" Maddie asked curiously.
Judging by James' expression - or rather, what she could see of it - he had just remembered.
"At the beginning of third year, after our last - and probably worst - fight, I spent three days in a seriously bad mood." She laughed. "I honestly wrote a long list of 'Three Hundred Ways of Murdering James Potter' - I still say it was him who was in the wrong - but we were both stubborn, so we avoided eachother like the plague." Her face took on a dreamy look as she became lost in the recollections. "Then our Potions Professor had a go at him because of something or other that he'd done wrong in his potion - except it was actually the professor's fault, because he hadn't written that instruction up on the board. So I stood up and started protesting, ended up in an argument with the teacher, threw a fit, and stormed out of the classroom. Only time I've ever done that." Her mouth twisted in a half-smile. "One week's detention - my first ever detention - for James Potter's sake. My friends thought I was mad, his friends thought I was mad, even I thought I was mad. After dinner, I actually went up to ask Madam Pomfrey - the nurse - if I was ill, because I was so convinced there was something horribly wrong with me."
"I never knew that!" James said in surprise, from the front.
"You never asked!" Lily retorted. "Anyway, when I got up to my dormitory that night, there was a rose lying on my pillow, with a note."
"What did it say?"
Lily could see the back of James neck, in front of her, going slowly red.
"I'm sorry I never saw the rose behind the thorns." She smiled reminiscently. "I don't know how, but I knew it was from him."
"How sweet!" Maddie said delightedly, as they came off the motorway, and began to drive down country lanes. James shifted uncomfortably in his seat, neck still red.
"Yes, wasn't it?" Lily said, looking rather nostalgic. Then she took on a matter-of-fact tone. "Of course, two days later, he tried to talk me into going out with him, so I slapped him, and that's pretty much what happened for the next three years."
James cleared his throat. "Now that you've finished discussing our personal history, you might realise that we're nearly here."
Lily looked at her watch. "Have we really been driving for half an hour?"
"You were rather caught up," James said dryly.
They rounded a bend in the road, and Lily stared. Rising up to meet them was a large house - almost a mansion - at least three storeys high. In front was a semi-circular drive, neatly gravelled, with a border of plants around the edge. James entered the driveway and the car rolled to a smooth halt. The three of them got out.
"I still can't believe you can drive," Lily said, as they walked up the drive.
"Yeah, but the downside of it is that I have to ferry my sister around in the holidays. Puts a bit of a damper on any plans for wild parties," James said. He unlocked the front door, and led the way in.
The sound of soft violin music met Lily's ears, and she wondered at the quality of the sound system, that could make the tunes sound so like live music. She looked around as she was led down the hall, noting the wooden panelling of the walls, and the contrasting pictures of abstract art that hung upon them.
"Welcome to The Manor," James said. He brushed futilely at his hair and pulled at his tie, before leading the way into a large room, through a pair of double doors.
For what felt like the millionth time in a few short hours, Lily stared. The room looked like more of a hall, with more wooden flooring and panelled walls. In one corner, upon a raised platform, was the source of the violin music - not a sound system, but an actual string quartet, playing soft classical music. Many of the people from the funeral party were standing around, as well as some that seemed to have just turned up. Lily spotted Mr and Mrs Potter talking quietly to an old witch.
James gave Maddie a slight shove. "Maddie, you're supposed to be serving!" he hissed.
Maddie turned around, rubbing her back, and glared at her brother. "Why me?" she muttered.
"Because Mum told you to! Now go!"
Sighing, Maddie departed, presumably to the kitchen, though not without giving James a dark look and a strong shove back. "I'll get you back for this later."
Lily raised her eyebrows.
James rubbed the spot on his arm where she had pushed him. "Sisters," he said. He looked at his watch. "I'd better go tell Mum we arrived safely. You'll be okay here for a few minutes, right?"
"Sure," Lily said trying to sound nonchalant. James headed towards his parents. She watched as he said something to them, and they replied; fighting back a smile as she saw Mrs Potter tug at her son's tie, clearly trying to do it for him.
She looked around again, and suddenly felt very insignificant amidst these people, all of whom seemed to know each other. She was about to retreat to a corner, when a flash of silver caught her eyes, and she looked over to see Professor Dumbledore in conversation with a middle-aged woman. He turned, smiled, and beckoned her towards him. Nervously, she moved there.
"Ah, Madam Fawcett, this is Miss Evans, our head Girl."
"It's a pleasure to meet you," Lily said, attempting to look politely interested.
"Likewise, I'm sure." The woman smiled kindly. "So, how do you know the family? Are you James' girlfriend?"
Lily had to work hard not to gawk at the woman's inquisitiveness. "No, I'm simply…representing Hogwarts."
"Ah." Madam Fawcett tipped a huge wink at her, but was unable to continue, due to the girl that suddenly appeared, carrying a tray.
"Would you care for a vol-au-vent?" Maddie asked, with supreme politeness, proffering the silverware. The three of them took a roll off the tray, and as she turned, Maddie caught Lily's eye, rolled her own at the two older people, and grinned. Lily smiled and watched as she walked off towards another group, feeling that at least one person sympathised with her. She turned back to hear the end of Madam Fawcett's speech.
"…such a sweet-tempered girl she is," she was saying. "Come, Dumbledore, I must introduce you to Mr Pringle; we were having a rather interesting discussion on…" She dragged the headmaster away, and Lily was left alone, wishing with all her might that Professor McGonagall had not chosen to give detentions out on a Saturday. She was the only person in the room who was on her own, and was beginning to feel distinctly awkward about it. James appeared to be talking to a young man who had waylaid him; a few minutes later, he politely extricated himself and made his way over to Lily.
"How're you doing?" he asked.
"Not bad," Lily answered, as truthfully as possible.
"Well come on, I'll take you to meet my parents," James said.
"What?" Lily said, horrorstruck. "No!"
James gave her an exasperated look. "You're not meeting the Pope or anything. Come on!"
"Uh-uh," Lily protested. She backed up against the wall. "I was doing fine here, they'll never notice me."
"For heavens sake," James said, and he grabbed hold of her arm, and discreetly dragged her over to where his parents were standing.
"Mum, Dad, this is Lily Evans. She's Head Girl at Hogwarts."
Mr and Mrs Potter smiled at her, and they suddenly seemed a lot less awful.
"Nice to meet you, dear," Mrs Potter said.
Lily smiled nervously.
"So you work with James, do you? That must take some doing."
Lily shot a sideways glance at James. "Yeah, it does," she agreed mischievously.
James groaned. "First Maddie, now you."
Mrs Potter raised her eyebrows at her son, and then turned back to Lily. "Lily Evans…that rings a bell, for some reason…" She looked thoughtful. "Lily Evans…Lily Evans… Your initials are L.E., I take it?"
'Yes, they are,' Lily said, feeling slightly bemused.
"Interesting…" Mrs Potter said. "Your OWL year, James?"
For a moment, James looked quite as confused as Lily felt. Then, all of a sudden, he turned bright red. "Mum," he choked out.
"I didn't say anything, dear," Mrs Potter said sweetly. She fixed James with a beady look. "Now, since you are a member of this family, why don't you go and talk to a few of your relatives? They all want to talk to you. And you'd better not do anything to your tie either!" she added, as James scowled and walked over to an old, wizened-looking man. Mrs Potter watched him hoist a polite smile onto his face.
"Always a handful," she murmured affectionately, before redirecting her attention. "So, Lily, what are you planning to do after Hogwarts?"
"Well, I'm hoping to go into Healing, if my grades are good enough." Lily pushed her hair behind her ear.
"Just like me," Mrs Potter said, giving her a smile. "Don't worry about it too much dear, I'm sure you'll make it, given your current position."
"Thank you," Lily responded.
At that moment, a faint crash of breaking glass was heard, and Mrs Potter frowned. "If Maddie's broken a set of glasses again…excuse me, dear, I'll just go and find out what's going on back there." She walked off, and Lily retreated to a side where she could remain unobserved.
For twenty minutes, she stood, feeling more at ease than she had done for much of the day, because she knew that as long as she looked demure, she could do no wrong. She felt more sorry for James, though; he was forced to seem polite and pleasant to all the people in the room, which he had to circulate through. To someone who had unconsciously learnt his moods over the last two months, it was quite plain to see how his painful smile never reached his eyes.
After a while, Lily began to be aware that the carrot-orange-haired girl who had nodded at her in the funeral was staring at her. Feeling self-conscious, she turned around to examine the mantelpiece behind her, and noticed, for the first time, the photo set in the centre. The adorable, tousle-haired boy in the middle could only be James, looking over to the side and reaching for something – he couldn't be much older than three. The girl standing behind him was obviously Alyssa – she kept tapping him on the shoulder and pointing, clearly telling him to look at the camera. A small baby sat propped up on a cushion at their feet, fast asleep, and Lily guessed that this was Maddie. She looked again at the photo, and turned to compare it with the tall boy standing across the room.
"Yes, he is quite a catch, isn't he?" a posh voice said conversationally. Lily turned to see Carrot Girl standing beside her, the squared jaw even more prominent at this proximity.
"Susan Bode," she said, thrusting a large, mannish hand out. Lily shook it.
"Lily Evans," she said courteously, wondering how discreetly she could wipe her hands on her skirt to get rid of the sheen of sweat that had transferred itself from Susan's hands.
"Ah, yes, you would be the current Head Girl at Hogwarts?" Carrot Girl said. Her voice immediately gave the impression of snobbiness and poshness – terribly 'English'.
"Uh, yes," Lily muttered.
"Oh." Susan gave a tinkling laugh. "I don't know how you do it. I was always a little less uptight than the role required." She turned her attention back to James. "Well, as I was saying, I do think beauty runs in the family." Her smirk indicated her self-inclusion in this statement; Lily could not have agreed less. "I expect he's got girls throwing themselves at his feet in school?"
"Uh…" Lily was at a loss to answer.
"He's just like me. I must admit that he's rather handsome, though I am related. I don't suppose you're the current girlfriend?"
"No!"Lily wanted to get out of this conversation as soon as possible, and mentally attempted to evaluate possible escape routes.
"Of course, that's what they all say." Lily received a wink that made her want to punch this Carrot Girl in the face.
"I -" she began.
"Sorry to interrupt you, ladies," a smooth voice cut in. Lily could have almost cried with relief as James himself turned up. "I need a word with you Lily. Do you mind, Susan?"
"Not at all," Susan said regally. "Go ahead." She walked off, and James watched her go before turning back to Lily with an expression like thunder.
"If I hear one more person go," he put on a simpering voice, "SO sorry about your loss, I will bloody well crack."
"Don't swear," Lily said automatically. She tilted her head to a side. "I will admit, some of your relatives are a little…strange."
James smiled humourlessly. "I take it Susan's been inquiring into my love life again?"
Lily stared. "How did you -?"
"She's done the same thing to all my friends."
"Ah," Lily said. "Well, in that case, yes, she has."
James turned around to survey the people around him.
"You know what? I've had enough of this. Come on, let's go."
"Huh?"
This time, it was James who stared at her. "Lily, did you get enough sleep last night? Come on, let's go."
"Where?" Lily demanded.
"My room. Where else?"
"What?" Lily hissed. "James, you have got to be kidding."
James raised an eyebrow.
"What would your parents say?"
James looked at his father. "They know I won't do anything stupid. As for the rest of them, I don't care what they say."
"But…" Lily looked down. She could feel James' eyes on her, searching her face.
"You're scared of me," he said finally.
"What? No I'm not!"
"Yes you are. You're scared of what I might do."
"No! I'm just…" Lily trailed off.
They stood there in silence for a few minutes, the babble of quiet chatter mixing with the violins drifting in the air.
James sighed. "Lily, do you trust me?" he asked. He held his hand out.
"Sorry?" Lily tried to avoid his eyes.
"Do you trust me not to try anything…funny on you?"
For a moment, Lily kept her gaze on the floor, and then looked up. Despite her doubts, one look into James' serious eyes was enough to convince her of the truth.
"Yes," she said simply, placing her hand on his. His fingers closed around hers.
"Come on." Discreetly, they slipped out through the same doors they had entered by, and James led her through several passages, all richly carpeted. Only then did they realize at the same time that their hands were still entwined. Abruptly, both their cheeks flushing, they dropped each other's hand and James cleared his throat as he headed up a wide staircase.
"Your house is big," Lily said in amazement, as they walked down yet another hallway. "Don't you ever get lost?"
"Put it this way," James said, pausing at a door, "this house has a mind of its own." He opened the door, and stepped in. Lily followed, and felt her eyes grow wide as she took in the room around her.
James' room was large, much larger than her own, and done in simple but effective shades of deep blue and cream. A large four-poster bed stood in the middle of one wall, in shades of pale blue. There were several shelves on one side, with books stacked on them, and a large desk underneath, and a swivel chair. Opposite stood a gigantic wardrobe, with a mirror on the front, and a square window – bigger than Lily had ever seen – which let a lot of light in, giving the room an airy feel. The blue carpet underfoot was thick and soft, and the whole room was almost immaculate. A very faint smell of James hung in the air.
"Your room's so big – and clean," she said wonderingly, as she crossed over to look at the books. There were several books on Defence Against the Dark Arts, and Advanced Transfiguration, as well as Quidditch, and – most interestingly – The Art of Animagi, a slim blue book.
"I was forced into tidying it at the end of the holidays," James said, with a slight smile. "You couldn't see the floor any more."
Lily laughed, went to sit on the bed, tripped over something soft, and went flying. She ended up sprawled on the floor.
Ignoring James' outstretched hand, she hauled herself up again and stared at the mass on the floor.
"And you have beanbags on the middle of the floor because…"
"Sirius saw them in a shop last summer and insisted on buying them."
"Ah." Lily sat down. James was still standing in the corner of the room, hands jammed awkwardly into pockets.
"You know," Lily pointed out, "it's meant to be me standing there, paranoid about breaking something, not you."
James laughed. He walked over to the swivel chair and sat down in it, turning himself to face her. "You can be very strange, you know that?"
Choosing simply to stick her tongue out at him in reply, she looked around at the mirror, smoothing her hair down, and got the shock of her life when it erupted into female laughter.
"No need to worry there, darlin'! Lookin' good!"
Lily slowly turned back to James, who appeared to be trying to control a smile. "Your mirror talks? Like the Leaky Cauldron?"
"It never shuts up." James' lips twitched.
Taking a deep breath, Lily scanned the room again. "You're lucky you get to combine wizard and Muggle stuff."
"Yeah," James said. "I get the talking mirror that doesn't know how to zip up, the self-arranging closet to make up for the mess I leave, and the record player which took me two years to figure out how to use."
"You have a record player?" Lily said, distracted. "Where?"
James swivelled round and pulled on a knob in the wall that Lily had assumed to be a nail. A section of the wall disappeared, and Lily could see a gleaming tower in a gap – it was one of the latest designs. "My sisters got one, so obviously I wanted one."
"Oh wow!" Lily said. "So…what music do you have?"
James peered into the hole. "I did have quite a lot," he said. "But Maddie has apparently decided to nick it all while I wasn't here."
Maddie's name struck a chord in Lily's mind. There was something she wanted very much to ask, but she wasn't sure how he would take it. She watched as he sat down again, and the wall rematerialized, looking as solid as ever.
"James, can I…ask you a question?"
James looked slightly surprised. "Shoot."
"When you…in the car…well, not just in the car…." Lily hesitated, debating how to phrase her thoughts. "Most of the day, you've been really…cheery? No, not cheery, just…happy…I mean, obviously not all of the time…but like when you were in the car, and you were joking about how much of a prat you were…I don't know, I just wasn't expecting you to behave so…normally. Not just you – your parents and Maddie too. Why?"
James leaned back in his chair. "Okay, first things first…last night, when I got back, we had a talk, as a family And we decided that…Ally wouldn't have wanted us to be upset. Crying my eyes out won't bring her back – in fact, if I'm going by one of her theories, I'm holding her spirit back. So…we decided that we would try to act as normally as possible, for her sake." He swallowed. "I won't lie and say that it doesn't hurt, because it does. A lot."
Lily watched him with softened eyes. "Trust me," she said. "Eventually, you'll learn to deal with it. It won't be like this forever."
James shook his head, and cleared his throat. "Anyway, number two," he said in a stronger voice. "I wasn't joking when I said I was a prat."
"No you weren -" Lily started.
"Oh come on Lily, don't deny it. You've called me much worse than that; and let's face it, a fair amount of the time, I probably deserved it." Lily began to shake her head, but James continued. "I look back, and I wonder what on earth was wrong with me. I'm not saying you were an angel either, because you weren't," Lily blushed, "but I don't know how I found it…I don't know why I thought it was such an amazing thing to be able to humiliate someone, even if they were a slimy toerag, for no specific reason."
"James, a lot of people need their heads checked at the age of fifteen. You grew out of it. I mean, come on, would I really be holding a conversation with you if I didn't think you capable of it – an intelligent conversation?"
James laughed ruefully. "But it was fun to watch you get all worked up."
"Shut up!" Lily glared at him. "You're not meant to remember what a madwoman I was."
There was silence for a few moments.
"Actually," James began, looking cautiously at her, "speaking of little talks, there's a little 'talk' that…we need to have."
Lily's face must have registered her puzzlement, since James took another look at her and carried on. "About…about…that night…before I found out that Ally…"
Mouth forming a soft 'Oh!' of comprehension, Lily finally understood what he was talking about. Suddenly, the room felt thirty degrees warmer, and for a moment, she wished she had never come up to his room, or to the funeral, wrought as it was with implications.
James mistook her embarrassment for…well, embarrassment. There wasn't really any other emotion that Lily's burning cheeks could have been displaying so clearly.
"Look, it's not like I'm pressuring you into deciding on the rest of your life – I just think it'll be better if we get some…closure…on it – that way we can – we can move forward…in whatever direction."
"Closure," Lily repeated faintly. She sat, motionless, her eyes on the ground, her hair swinging forward over her face. James was watching her; he was trying for a fuller view of her face than she wished to give. The silence between them was so thick it could have stifled a smoke alarm.
And why was it so hot, so incredibly, unbearably hot?
Focusing on James face in her mind, she tried to re-evaluate what she felt for him in a few seconds, and came to a realization, and a decision.
Here goes nothing.
She looked up at James, at his earnest hazel eyes that were regarding her with warm seriousness, and it was doubly hard to say the next words.
"I – I like you, James. I like you a lot. I look back at all these years that I spent yelling at you, and I think Damn, I missed a really good friend. But…that's all you'll ever be… a friend. A really good friend, practically one of my best. I – I don't think I could think of you in any other way. I mean, at the moment, at the very least."
James opened his mouth, then closed it again. A knot of worry welled up in Lily's throat as she realized how charged the air was.
"Please don't let this change anything between us!" she burst out desperately. "I couldn't bear it if we stopped being friends or anything – I wouldn't have said anything – I couldn't handle that! Please! I just – I'm really sorry. I don't want anything to be different."
The look on James' face was one of quiet resignation. "I though you were going to say that."
"I'm so, so sorry," Lily said gently. Despite the fact that it was her doing the let-down, she felt like crying. "If I could change the way I feel – but I can't."
James looked at her for a moment, then shook his head. "It's – it's ok. At least we – we can put it in the past now." He attempted a somewhat unconvincing smile. "So, what music are you into?"
Lily was about to revert to the previous topic, before she realized that James was trying to do them both a favour. So, instead, she went with his flow.
"Well, I don't mind Jo -"
She was cut off by a rattling on the doorknob, followed by a sudden bang; startled, she twisted round to see the door fly open, and a figure fall into the room.
James stood up quickly. "Maddie, what are you doing on my bedroom floor?" he asked, glaring at her.
Maddie got up slowly, rubbing her back. "I'll have you know that I had no intention of ending up on your floor, oh brother dearest. And yes, I'm sure there are no bones broken, thanks for asking."
James gave her another glare. "Great, so you're capable of turning round and walking right back out of that door. If you want to come in, try knocking. And by the way, either you return my music, or I search your room before I go back to school."
Maddie tried (and failed) to look innocent. "Me? Why would I want your music? Don't insult my taste!" She turned to the mirror to brush her skirt off and grinned as it wolf-whistled; James gave it a dirty look.
"Great, whatever. Bye bye."
Maddie smiled angelically. "Sorry James, do you really think I would come here for no reason? I have messages to deliver."
James sat back down grumpily. "Go on then. Hurry up."
"Right." Maddie took on a fruity English accent. "Miss Evans? Professor Dumbledore requests your presence, as he wishes to return to school."
"Okay," Lily said, getting up and straightening her clothes.
"And James, Mum said to come down to say goodbye, and," here she imitated her mother's voice, "if I so much as see that tie of yours out of place, you know what will happen, because if you can do up a school tie, you should be quite capable of doing a normal tie up."
James tugged fruitlessly at his neckwear, making it worse than it already was. "I'll do something about it," he mumbled.
"Now, the interesting part, where I get to be the inquisitive, annoying sister." Maddie adopted a wheedling tone. "Guess what, James? I heard Mum talking to Dad just now."
"Eavesdropper," James muttered. But a flicker of genuine curiosity did show on his face.
Maddie looked delighted to be the centre of attention – in fact, she was wearing a look that Lily knew only too well, having used it often – that angelic expression one wore when about to ruin an older sibling's life.
"Guess who they were talking about, James? They were talking about you. Guess what they were talking about? Would you like me to tell you?"
James looked torn between throwing his sister out of the room, or hearing the rest of what she had to say. Maddie took his silence as consent.
"They were discussing a certain revelation that Mum made today – about Lily's initials."
Lily's curiosity peaked, but James' face visibly paled.
"You're making this up," he said in a low voice, standing up and taking a step towards her.
"Oh no, Jamie," Maddie said sweetly. "Why would I make something with this much potential up? Anyway, Mum remembered several uh…papers in James room when she went in to freshen it up before James came home from sixth year -"
"You wouldn't," James hissed.
"Oh but I feel Lily here has the right to know," Maddie said smoothly. She was wearing that one-of-a-kind angelic expression again. "These papers were stashed away, as opposed to being chucked away like most people would do. But then I guess these were special papers, right, big bro?"
James's face was void of colour, and he was looking daggers at Maddie. Quickly, he took two steps across the room, and attempted to shove his sister out, throwing all his weight against the door to close it behind her. With surprising strength, however, Maddie thrust her foot back through, and managed to jam half her body into the crack. She really was grinning now, as James lost his balance and landed on the floor.
"I believe the papers were exam papers from your fifth year?" She was addressing Lily now; James was pulling himself up, evidently about to attempt another attack on the door.
"What Mum found particularly interesting about these papers, aside from the fact that they ought to have been in the bin long ago, knowing you, was that they all had a set of initials emblazoned over all the questions. Crossed out, sure, but still legible."
James threw himself against the door again, but could not close it, and Maddie went on in a sing-song voice. "Your initials, in fact. With various other anecdotes such as 'I lo –'"
James made a final effort at the door, and it finally closed on Maddie.
"You must have been very bored to write it so many times!" she called through the door, before her footsteps receded. Lily looked, open-mouthed, at James, who was leaning on the door. He would not meet her eyes. "Yeah," he muttered uncomfortably. "She has very bad timing." He cleared his throat and went to stand in front of the mirror, fiddling with his tie, the back of his neck red. Lily stared at his back, still shocked – before she remembered that the incident must have been around the time that she had humiliated him by the Great Lake after exams by telling him – and most of Hogwarts' fifth year – that she would rather date the Giant Squid than him. Feeling inexplicably guilty, she shook herself, and went to stand next to him.
"Honestly, I would have thought you would know how to do up a tie by now. Come here." Nudging his fingers away, she began to unknot the material. Interestingly, she noted that his neck was still pink as he answered.
"I do know how to do a tie! I do one every day, for heaven's sake. I just can't do this one."
She could feel his eyes on the top of her head. Rolling her own, she pulled the tie off and then put it round again neatly. Her fingers brushed inadvertently against his cool skin, and she swallowed, mentally commanding her cheeks not to flush.
It didn't work. It never did.
"Thanks," James said, when she had finished and stepped back. He reached up to pull it unconsciously, but Lily slapped his fingers away.
"Don't you dare!"
And then an uncomfortable silence fell, both of them standing opposite each other, and yet avoiding the other's eyes. The floor had never looked more interesting.
"Well…" James said awkwardly.
"Yeah…"
"See you, I guess." He held out his hand to shake, and Lily grasped it uncertainly, finally letting her eyes move up to see James' downcast face.
"We're still friends, right?" she asked suddenly.
James looked wrong-footed. "Yeah."
Moving towards him, Lily pulled him into a hug. "I hug my friends when I say goodbye," she whispered into his ear. The familiar smell of him washed over her, calming her, as he gently hugged her back – though could she have seen his expression, she would not have been feeling quite so serene. As it was, she felt the warmth from his body radiating onto her own, and smiled contentedly into his shoulder.
They broke apart as the mirror started cackling. "I'll be seeing you in here again, you mark my words!" it crowed cheerfully.
"Shut it," James said, throwing it a Look. He opened the door, gestured to Lily to go out, and then led her back down the corridors and stairs until they reached what Lily recognized as the front hall. Professor Dumbledore was standing there, talking to Mr. and Mrs. Potter.
"Miss Evans," he said. "Ready to leave?"
"Yes, sir," she replied. Without having to look behind her, she knew that James had pushed his hands into his pockets and was leaning against the wall.
"It was lovely to see you here, Lily dear," Mrs. Potter said. Mr. Potter smiled at her.
Maddie stuck her head round the doorway leading to the room of the gathering. "Yeah Lily, thanks for coming!" she called. Mrs. Potter clucked at her, and she disappeared hurriedly.
"See you on Monday," Lily said to James, taking hold of the chocolate wrapper that Dumbledore now held out. James gave her a half-grin back, and the last glimpse she had as she felt the familiar tug behind her navel was of him, with a hand raised in farewell.
-&-&-&-
A/N: Bonjour! Despite having module exams in…two days, I decided it was time to stick another chapter up (not that it was a convenient way of avoiding revision or anything hums innocently ). Wish me luck! Love you all, and love you even more if you're kind enough to leave a review .
N.B. Acknowledgements for the poem to Mary Frye (I think)..19-something or other.