The Truth Of The Heart
Summary: Lily Evans has always, ALWAYS hated James Potter. So when they become Head Boy and Girl, nothing could be worse. But could working with him change Lily's opinion? Has she been ignoring the truth in her heart all along?
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this….except a few minor characters, so please don't sue me, JKR, 'cause I have nothing you want….unless you're into human flesh (you're not, are you?)
Chapter 25: Interlude
Interlude, Part One
Emma yawned. She opened her eyes slowly, in a gentle return to consciousness, and stared at the ceiling. It took her a few minutes to remember what day it was, and it was only when she rolled over sleepily to face an empty bed that she realized Lily must have already left. Stretching leisurely, she got up, and padded over to Sapphire's bed.
"Saffy? Saffy, wake up!"
There was no answer. Emma shook the heap of blankets, and pulled them down slightly to reveal Sapphire's drowsy face, eyes clenched tightly shut.
"Go 'way," she mumbled, burying her face in the pillow as she rolled over. "You're not…mum-phf!" She squealed as she fell off the bed, Emma having unceremoniously stripped the sheets away.
Adjusting the straps of her pyjama top, she sat up and glared at her friend, rubbing her hip painfully. "What was that for?" she asked indignantly.
"Because you'll never get up otherwise." Emma smirked at Sapphire, who was now staring at the disaster area next to Emma.
"What happened there?"
Emma sighed. "Lily happened." She looked at the clothes strewn all over Lily's bed, shrugged, and headed for the bathroom. "Guess you'll be the last one to get washed!" Sapphire huffed, and threw a pillow at her, but it simply fell against the closed door.
-&-
Half an hour later, both girls walked down to the Great Hall. The tables were almost empty, with only a few stragglers finishing off their food in relative quiet.
"We are so late," Emma said, looking around. "It's nearly eleven already."
"So?" Sapphire piled toast onto her plate. "We don't have much to do." She yawned lazily as she spread jam onto a slice and bit into it.
"Oh yes we do," Emma said firmly. "We are going to the library, and I am going to do my Herbology homework while you write those essays for DADA and Potions that you've been putting off all week."
"Nooo," Sapphire moaned. She gave Emma puppy-dog eyes. "That can wait a few hours…or days…"
"No it can't," Emma said adamantly. "You finish those essays if it's the last thing you do – before Lily comes back."
-&-
After a long breakfast, which Sapphire was reluctant to leave, the two girls headed up to their dorm to collect books, and then back down to the library. They found a table by a window and settled down.
Two hours later, Emma was still only halfway through her essay, and had resorted to sugar quills, in the hope that the sugar would inspire her. Sapphire's books were scattered over the table too, but there was no sign of the girl herself – there hadn't been for about twenty minutes. Sighing as she realized this, Emma got up, and began to walk round the shelves.
She found her friend standing in an aisle, almost pressed against the bookcase behind her, nose apparently buried in a big book.
"That must be quite an interesting book," she observed casually, coming up behind her.
Sapphire jumped. "Yeah, yeah it is," she said, flushing slightly.
Emma glanced at the pages. "Obviously. I'm sure it's important for your essay." She looked over her friend's shoulder. "It must be quite hard reading upside down, though." She twisted her head to the side. "Hmm. Innovative spells for removing nostril hair. So what, you get past a dangerous criminal by doing them the favour of charming their nostril hair off? Clever."
Sapphire shut the book sheepishly. "I don't know what to write!" she moaned in a whisper. "I'm stuck!"
"You can come and be stuck at the table," Emma said, dragging her back by the elbow. "At least try." Sapphire stuck her tongue out at her friend as she was forced into her seat.
Twenty minutes later, Emma had still not progressed beyond a few sentences, and was becoming heartily sick of reading the same definition of Nickelwort over and over again. The intermittent sighs of Sapphire broke the silence, as she chewed on her quill. Every so often, the library doors could be heard opening and closing, as students moved in and out.
Nickelwort is a herbe often used in the treatmente of infections of the throate, being of goode virtue when…
"Can I talk to you?"
Emma looked up to see Callie standing in front of their table, her usual smirk apparently twisted into what she assumed to be a polite smile.
"What do you want?" she asked coldly, raising her eyebrows.
"Nothing to do with you," Callie said snidely. She turned to Sapphire. "Sapphire, can I speak to you?"
Sapphire looked undecided, but eventually, her face hardened. "Normally, I wouldn't even give you the time of day, but these essays are my only other option." She got up, then looked at Emma.
"I'll meet you back here, Em." Emma nodded, albeit doubtfully, wondering if Sapphire would come back crying, and watched as they walked out of the library.
…Nickelwort is a herbe…
…This was so pointless. The musty smell of the books around her was simply putting her to sleep...
…often used in the treatmente…
…The quiet whispers around her seemed even more aimed at forcing her into slumber...
…used in the treatmente of…
…What was she writing an essay on again?
Sleepily, she got up and went to stand by the window, in the hope that the cold glass would wake her up. Yawning, she stretched as she watched younger students outside, enjoying the grounds, despite the blustery day. Some were lying on the grass under trees, talking or doing homework. She smiled, remembering back to the days when the worst homework they had was only a twelve-inch essay. Because four-foot essays are so much more fun, she thought dryly. Her mind drifted to the parchment and quills lying expectantly on the table behind her, but she could not bring herself to walk back to it. The cool wind outside seemed to be breathing a breath of fresh air into her too, making her feel more clear-headed than she had been in days. Resting her head on the pane, she let herself relax.
A sudden commotion disturbed the peace outside. Several students outside were twisting round in alarm, and Emma heard a distant, faint bang. Peering round, she saw a tall, dark-haired boy come striding across the grounds. He was wearing nothing but a t-shirt and jeans, despite the coolness of the day, and was walking angrily across the grass, clearly furious. For a moment, he looked up at the overcast sky, and Emma realized with a start that the reason the boy's profile looked so familiar was because he was Sirius.
The next minute, another two boys came into sight. One, half-running behind the other, was apparently Peter. The other, walking quickly ahead was – Emma felt her heartbeat speed up for a second – Remus. Hair blowing in the wind, he soon caught up with his best friend, and Emma followed his figure with an almost painful feeling in her chest.
She watched from her window as Remus placed a hand on Sirius' shoulder and spun him around roughly. Even from here, she could sense the fire raging in Sirius' stormy grey eyes as he said – no, shouted something, and walked off again, heading for a bare-branched tree. Again, Remus caught up with him, and pulled him around. For a moment, Sirius' face blazed, and he looked like he was about to hit Remus – Emma breathed sharply in – but Remus did not flinch. He put both hands on Sirius' tense shoulders and looked him straight in the face, apparently talking to him. Peter stood nervously by his side, watching the two of them. Sirius turned away, and out of nowhere, punched the tree violently. Looking shocked, Peter pulled out his handkerchief, and handed it to Sirius, whose lips clearly formed the shape of a swear word. Emma winced as she saw the white fabric transform to blood-red.
Remus still had his hands on Sirius' shoulders, and was still talking to him, shaking him slightly. For a moment, Emma wondered what would happen next – but then Sirius seemed to lose his fury – it flowed out of him like water, and he relaxed. Putting an arm round his shoulder, Remus and Peter led him back inside, talking, their heads together.
Feeling slightly shaken herself, Emma lifted her head from the window and stared, unseeing, at the books opposite her. Old memories and feelings were resurfacing, and however much she tried to shut the lid on them, that last expression of Remus' was dogging her mind's eye.
She had seen that care on Remus' face so many times before; that watchfulness over others' emotions and troubles, no matter what his own might be. Why had she not recognized it for what it was: a concern for those he loved best, not an act to hide the beast within? Why had she not even thought back to the time of the Halloween Ball, when he had waited by her bed to see that she was alright? That was no monster, that was human. More than human.
Quietly, pensively, she walked back to her bag, sat down, and opened a compartment that she had rarely gone into, since…From it, she pulled out a photograph, taken shortly after the Ball, of the two of them sitting side by side in the common room. They were looking at each other, laughing. Contemplatively, Emma traced a finger over Remus' figure. The photo-Remus cupped his hand gently around her cheek, and Emma saw her own eyes light up as he looked at her affectionately.
That smile…that smile that had once been reserved just for her…for the first time since that horrible day, Emma allowed the recollections to come flooding back, and she welcomed them; welcomed the remembrance of how he had held her, and how safe she had felt in his arms…his laughing eyes…and his lips…
Coming to a decision, Emma put the picture away and went back to her essay. Nothing would stop her this time.
-&-&-&-
Interlude, Part 2
When Callie had approached her, Sapphire honestly had no idea of the things to come. She had neither expected, nor wanted to talk to her former best friend, and had in fact preferred to act as though there was absolutely no history of any sort between the two of them. The memories were neither ones she wanted to have, or wanted to remember. No closure, just…erased. Gone. But now, it seemed, the bin was about to cough up its contents, and her emotions were mixed as she followed Callie out of the library.
Callie waited until they were a few corridors away from the library before she spoke.
"Do you mind if we go to the dorm?"
Sapphire shrugged. They headed up the various staircases and passages, through the Fat Lady, and up the stairs into their dormitory, which was mercifully empty. Uncomfortably, Sapphire sat down on her bed.
Callie was the first to speak. "You don't seem too happy."
No shit, Sherlock.
"Yeah, well…" Sapphire didn't really think it was necessary to say more.
"How've you been?"
"Better."
Callie raised her eyebrows. "Come on, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," Sapphire said shortly.
"Well why are you being so down?" Callie asked impatiently.
"Oh, am I supposed to be perky?" Sapphire snapped. She put on a fake smile. "I'm just chipper, thank you!"
"No need for sarcasm!" Callie said tartly. "You could at least be glad that we're speaking to each other!"
"Oh, is that what this is?" Sapphire responded, raising her eyebrows. "I was under the impression that we weren't talking at all."
Callie opened her mouth, then seemed to think better of it, and closed it again. She took a deep breath. "Look," she said, in her normal tone of voice. "I was thinking…since, you know, recent events…do you want to be friends again?"
For a moment, one brief, split-second instant, Sapphire actually considered saying yes. A memory of her and Callie, giggling together in the common room, flashed through her mind.
And then it was succeeded by many other memories, not least the one of Lily finding her in the toilets.
"No," she said shortly.
Callie looked taken back. "What? You're just going to throw our friendship away?"
The hypocrisy of this statement was so blatant that Sapphire almost wanted to laugh. "It didn't seem to be too hard for you to do at the competition, did it?" she retorted.
Callie blinked. "Yes, well…" she said, waving her hand in the air dismissively. Her voice softened into an eager tone. "The thing is, you, me and Serena could really be something here. I mean, what with your new look and everything…"
"Oh, is that what recent events were?" Sapphire asked, smiling grimly. "You want me to come crawling back to you because I look different? Oh, that's a reason I'll go for."
"Come on, Saffy." Callie had taken on a wheedling tone, but Sapphire stopped her.
"Sapphire," she said firmly. "My name is Sapphire to you. Not Saffy."
Callie made a noise of exasperation. "Stop being so stubborn!"
The weak grip that Sapphire had on her self-control dwindled even more.
"Stubborn?" she said sharply. "How am I being stubborn? You used me for six years and dumped me, so I found new friends. Better friends. And now you want me to come back again?" Her voice grew louder and louder with every sentence. 'Number one, that makes no sense. Number two, you're saying you want me to ditch my friends? My real friends? I don't forget people as easily as you!"
"I didn't ditch you!" Callie said, her voice rising to match Sapphire's. "I was just…taking a break."
Sapphire made a noise of disbelief. "Good. Stay on your 'break'. Stay on your 'break' across the fucking country, for God's sake! This conversation was pointless!" She turned around and walked towards the door.
Her hand on the knob, she suddenly paused, then turned around and walked back to Callie. "You know what? I want to understand something. Why? Was I that easy to throw away?" The harsh bitterness in her voice surprised even her.
The few seconds that Callie took to answer were all that Sapphire needed. "No-o," she replied. Sapphire heard the hint of uncertainty behind her tones that only served to back up her thoughts.
"You're lying," she said flatly. "But I want to know why. You owe me that much, don't deny it. Why was this such an act? What was the damn point?"
Callie sniffed scornfully. "You can be so…mucked up." But Sapphire's hard gaze did not waver, and eventually Callie sagged, and sat down on the bed.
"All right,' she said shortly. 'I was jealous."
This seemed so ludicrous, that Sapphire could hardly believe her ears. "What?" she asked incredulously.
Callie was wearing an unreadable expression. "You don't remember the first week or two of first year?"
Only vaguely, Sapphire thought. All her memories of first year were mainly of herself and Callie – the first couple of weeks seemed to have been erased. The Pre-Callie Period.
"Not really," she owned.
Callie's face was still set. "So … you don't remember how…how everyone liked you? Emma and Lily both wanted to be your friends, the Marauders classed you as 'cool' – and they had status from day one – even Tom and Keegan admitted you were pretty, though none of us knew each other that well."
When did all of this happen? Sapphire thought confusedly. And why don't I remember any of it?
"So?" she said aloud. "Quite apart from the fact that I don't remember any of this, what has it got to do with anything?"
"Oh please." Callie snorted. "It has everything to do with it. All that attention you got. That wasn't yours. It belonged to me and Serena – we're the purebloods, from the big wizarding families, just like the Potters and Blacks – that was our popularity you stole. So, we made you our friend. Your crowd came after us because we were your friends, so we were popular. We got what we deserved."
Sapphire was staring at the girl in front of her. "You deserved it? What kind of a screwed view of life do you have?" She felt the shock coursing through her veins like icy fire. In a sharp tone, she asked. "Is that the reason behind the hair dye?"
"The more you were like us, the more we gained status."
As the reality of what had gone on really became absorbed into Sapphire's mind, she felt…numb. Her stomach seemed to have turned to lead, and the icy fires burned her from the inside.
This is why, she realized. This is why I'm so terrified of losing friends. This is why I panic at the slightest hint of trouble, and find it so hard to be wanted.
This is why I'll worry that I'll be just as easy to throw away as I was before.
"Well, your so-called popularity didn't last long, did it?" she said bitterly. "Everyone knows what bitches you are – and I have a whole vocabulary of words to that effect. Looks like you are the losers of the year after all."
Callie looked nettled. "Takes one to know one."
"Oh please," Sapphire scoffed. "Resort to your pathetic little comebacks because you can't face yourself. Well, you can kid yourself, but I guess I've seen you – really seen you – for the first time. And I don't like what I see."
Callie watched as she headed towards the door again, and made a last-ditch attempt. "You know, I really did like you most of the time."
Sapphire paused, standing in the doorway. "Do I really believe that?" she asked softly. "I think you know the answer to that as well as I do, Callie. Don't bother talking to me again. Goodbye."
She closed the door behind her, and leaned against the wall, to let out a long, shuddering breath. A sudden lump rose in her throat, and she choked it back, wiping her eyes.
So many unanswered questions. But she now had some sort of termination for the whole situation. Or did she?
Am I really worth nothing?
She thought of Callie's snide looks and laughter. And then she thought of Emma and Lily, of the looks they had worn when she had forced them to talk, and of her parents, and the genuine, unconditional love they had for her.
The answer to that question? Was she really worth nothing?
No.
-&-&-&-&-&-
A/N:Just FYI, therewere two songs that originally went with this chapter(before decided to quibble over the use of songs).The first part went with the song Can't Fight the Moonlight, by Leann Rimes – I thought it was rather appropriate, considering Remus' connection with moonlight. The secondInterlude went withBlue, by Sugababes – GREAT song, and very true.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed the repost - let me know what you thought by REVIEWING (:hint:)