The Truth Of The Heart
Summary: Lily Evans has always, ALWAYS hated James Potter. So when they become Head Boy and Girl, nothing could be worse. But could working with him change Lily's opinion? Has she been ignoring the truth in her heart all along?
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this….except a few minor characters, so please don't sue me, JKR, 'cause I have nothing you want….unless you're into human flesh (you're not, are you?)
Chapter 26: Through The Rain"Hey," Emma said, seating herself beside Lily and helping herself to a sandwich. Sapphire smiled at her, but Remus, sitting a few places down on the other side of the table, stiffened at the sound of her voice. Giving her a cold look, he got up and walked off, the displeasure evident in his stance. He left the Great Hall. The flurry of movement alerted Emma, who looked up in time to see him stand. Her eyes followed his figure out of the hall, and her smile faltered.
"Déjà vu," James muttered across the table. Lily and Sapphire nodded wordlessly. The rest of the day was to prove what they knew only too well.
After breakfast, most Gryffindors headed for Transfiguration. Outside the classroom, Emma hesitantly approached Remus. "Hey," she said quietly.
The response was immediate; Remus turned away from her and joined in with a conversation between James and Tom. Emma was left standing there for a few moments before she had no option but to walk back to Lily and Sapphire, both of whom were watching her sympathetically.
In Defence Against the Dark Arts too, Remus took his place beside James wordlessly, and ignored every single word that came out of Emma's mouth, whether directed at him or not. The set line of his mouth, clamped shut, served only to increase his air of coldness.
It is a well-known fact that when something can get even worse than it is, it inevitably does. As if it wasn't bad enough that teachers were piling work on the seventh-years left, right and centre, all three girls were beginning to feel the strain of social life. Emma had a grand total of seventeen failed attempts to talk to Remus. Although she had not given any motive to her friends, they guessed, at least in part, what she was trying to do, and saw how each unsuccessful endeavour served only to depress her spirits, though they hoped it would somehow strengthen her resolve.
Sapphire had been tripped up yet again by none other than Sirius, spilt ink all over herself, and managed to rip up her essay for Defence Against the Dark Arts. The loss of the pieces of parchment on which the essay was written had been easily repaired, after five minutes of Summoning and Repairing spells, but the loss of Sapphire's temper had not been so easily dealt with. Sirius had had to go up to the Hospital Wing with a black eye after she had punched him in the face, and even afterwards, still held the shadow of a bruise over his left eye. His dark looks at her for the rest of the day's lessons seemed exactly calculated to antagonize her more, and consequently, her temper was constantly at a dangerously simmering level.
And Lily? Compared to the other two, she felt her problem was much more trivial. Although she was now, surprisingly, on a firmer base of friendship with James, there was still a niggling feeling in the back of her mind, that for some reason, they seemed to speak to each other less. Still, she convinced herself that it was just her own paranoia, and decided to concentrate on thinking up ways to cheer up her friends instead.
By the time dinner rolled around, she had it. Quickly, she made hr friends eat, and then, ignoring their noises of protest, dragged them upstairs and forced them into homework. Groaning, they finally complied, only partially mollified by her promise of, 'the whole thing will be worth it afterwards, I swear.'
At eight-thirty, Lily packed up and mysteriously disappeared, much to Sapphire and Emma's surprise. She re-entered the portrait hole twenty minutes later, hiding something behind her back, and hurried for the girls' dorm. Coming back down, having taken her time, she found a very different scene from the one she had left. Sirius was standing in the middle of a pair of chairs, arms crossed, and smirking. Sapphire, on the other hand, was practically smoking at the ears.
"Fool!" she spat. "Only a – a clown like you would have such little sense, to come anywhere near me after what happened this morning!"
Instead of seeming abashed, as Sapphire was hoping he would, Sirius simply looked down at himself. "Strange," he said, raising an eyebrow. "You'd think I would dress more like a clown if I was one."
This was indisputable. Sirius was one of the best-dressed boys in the year, hands down.
However, this knowledge seemed to irritate Sapphire only more; she glowered at the black-haired boy in front of her.
"Smug bastard," she said angrily. She picked up her books, slamming them shut, and stalked off. "I'm going upstairs, away from him," she called back to Lily. Sirius shrugged and sauntered away, leaving Emma frozen over her work. Lily beckoned to her.
"Come on, we can do that later."
They traipsed upstairs and opened their dorm door, only to be met by the sight of Sapphire, violently punching her pillow.
"Hey!" Emma exclaimed, dumping her books and hurrying over. "No need to take your anger out on inanimate objects!" She wrested the battered object from her friend, and set it down on the bed, neatly smoothing away creases.
"I was pretending it was Black's face," Sapphire muttered.
"Well," Lily pointed out reasonably, "you were planning to sleep on that tonight as well…"
Sapphire sprang up with a cry of disgust. "Great, Now I'll have nightmares for weeks."
Seeing her friends' faces, both of which were relaxing into dejected and angry expressions, Lily looked around. Dormitory empty. Likely to be so for at least two hours – Callie and Serena were not early in sleeping habits. Perfect. She headed over to her four-poster and hooking her fingers beneath the frame, began to heave it to a side. Sapphire and Emma stared.
"What're you doing?" Sapphire inquired.
"Moving the beds together." Lily grunted as she pulled with all her strength and the bed shifted exactly two centimetres.
"O-okay," Emma said uncertainly. "Uhm, would you mind if I asked why?"
Lily pulled at the wooden frame again, her face turning red with effort. "It would be - more productive of - you to stop - asking and - help me - out here."
Emma pulled out her wand. "You do realise you could do that by magic?"
Groaning, Lily let go of the wood and straightened up, rubbing her dusty hands off on her jeans and turning them from blue to grey. "Go ahead."
The beds were soon levitated together, and Lily joined the curtains up, to effectively create a bed which could have fit six people, with curtains blocking them from the outside world. She instructed her best friends to change into nightwear, and then having done so herself, heaved a huge basket onto the bed. When Emma and Sapphire came back, they were greeted with a hamper full of food, and a large stash of sweets.
"Where did all this come from?" Emma asked, amazed.
"Kitchens." Lily grinned. "Plus, I hit James up for some of the sweets – he owes me a favour. If all this sugar doesn't get the serotonin flowing, nothing will."
"Huh?" Sapphire looked confused.
Lily rolled her eyes. "Serotonin. It's a hormone released when you eat chocolate or sweets that makes you feel happy. That's why you eat chocolate as a remedy for Dementors."
"Whatever." They climbed onto the bed, and Lily closed the curtains, so that they were in a state of semi-darkness.
"This is our night in!" she announced. "We have two hours of food and gossip ahead of us to help us relax!"
-&-
Twenty minutes later, all three girls were lounging around on the 'triple bed' in a state of extreme hyperness, brought on by serious sugar intake. Lily threw an Every-Flavoured Bean into the air, and by diving on top of Sapphire, managed to catch it in her mouth.
"Eurgh!" she squealed. "Spinach!"
"Mmph – mphl -" Sapphire said, from under Lily.
Emma burst into giggles. "You said eurgh!" she said, pointing at Lily.
Lily climbed off Sapphire. "Ok, you know what we should do? Truths!"
"Noo," Sapphire moaned. "Remember the last time we got into this?"
"Just one round!"
"Nooo!"
"Please? Pretty pretty please?"
"Ok, fine," Sapphire said heavily.
"Yay!" Lily burst into laughter as Emma tried to balance a sugar quill on her nose. "Me first, me first, me first!"
No one answered, so Lily took this to be general agreement.
"Okay, this is for…Emma." She picked up a sugar quill. "Do you…no, did you…ever tell Remus that you loved him?"
Emma rolled over onto her back, and stared at the ceiling. "I – I don't think so…I don't even know properly if I do – I..I like him a lot."
"That's not a good enough answer!"
"I – If I had to say – I can't – I don't know what I feel!" Emma had flushed a dark red.
"You're so annoying!" Lily whined.
"Right, end of game," Sapphire said firmly – or rather, as firmly as she could manage.
Lily groaned, but toppled backwards as she reached for another pumpkin pasty to take the edge off the sugar.
"Can I propose something for us to do?' Sapphire asked. 'How about we rate all the boys in Gryffindor? I mean, looks and so on."
Lily stared. "All of Gryffindor?"
"No – maybe just in our year. And if you're going out with them, then you can't rate them, only the others can."
Emma shrugged. "Fair enough."
"So…alphabetical order...first up: Keegan Adams. Emma, you first."
Emma considered as she bit off the head of a Chocolate Frog. "He's ok," she said thoughtfully. "The sun-bleached hair and tanned skin isn't really my type, but he's not ugly."
"Lily?"
"I suppose he's ok – his eyes are a nice colour too."
"Hmm…okay, yeah, I guess I agree." Sapphire attempted to work out the next person. "How about…ugh. Black. No comment."
"You can't do that, Saffy!" Lily protested. "You're not going out with him, so you have to give your opinion. Your unbiased opinion."
Sapphire groaned. "Fine. He's good-looking. I'll admit that – but it better not leave this room!"
Lily and Emma burst into laughter at her pained expression at having to say something nice about her arch-enemy.
Lily screwed up her face. Sirius was undoubtedly good-looking – most girls wanted to be with him, most boys wanted to be him. "Very…handsome," she said. "He's got that whole sexy, dark-haired guy image working for him."
"Yeah, and he's got good taste in clothes," Emma added.
Sapphire scowled. "Great, let's move on. How about…Tom Jacobs? Lily, you're out on this one."
Lily nodded and picked up another pumpkin pasty.
"He's ok," Emma said thoughtfully. "But I don't think he compares to people like Sirius. He's over average, though."
"His nose is a bit long," Sapphire said doubtfully. "No offence, Lils."
"It's okay," Lily said, yawning. "Remus?"
Sapphire turned to lie on her side. "He's a Marauder, isn't he? That says it all – of course he looks really good, whatever he does."
"Yeah," Lily agreed, "but at the same time it's different. With Sirius, you can see how – how attractive he is from a mile away – he practically radiates charm. With Remus…he's good too, but I think it's like, you don't notice it as much in comparison with his friends, until it hits you in the face, and you think wow. Speaking impersonally, of course."
"Thanks for the sermon," Sapphire said, laughing. "And number five? Peter?"
"Not good-looking," Emma said at once. "His eyes are all watery, and he's too pale."
"He's not that bad," Lily argued. "I mean, it's not like he repulses girls. He has had girls after him."
"Only the desperate ones." Emma snorted, picking another sugar quill. She stuck it in her mouth so that she could use her hands while she spoke. "He's just like a little boy at times."
"He's nicer than you think," Lily said defensively, unaware of the smudge of chocolate on her nose. The other two laughed madly at her comical expression as she stuck her tongue out to reach her nose when she did realise.
There was near-silence for a few moments, before Sapphire cleared her throat. "And last, but by no means least…" Identical evil grins appeared on both her and Emma's faces as they looked at each other excitedly. "…James Potter."
Two sets of eyebrows raised as Lily buried her face into the bed and groaned. "Noo!"
"Yes," Sapphire said happily. "Come on, out with it. We've wanted to know this for a long time. Your real opinion of him."
When Lily lifted her head, her cheeks were tingeing pink. "He's fit, all right? I'll admit it. Tall and good-looking."
"Oh no, I want more," Emma said. She looked as though she would have cackled, if she could. "Specifics."
It was doubtful that Lily would have said the next thing, had she not been under the influence (of sugar). As it was, however, she could only look back and regret that she had not duck-taped her mouth shut before it came to this.
"He looks good! Is that what you want to hear? Messy hair, nice eyes – but I am NOT attracted to him in any way…and…and he's got a really good body."
There was silence.
"When did you get a look at him?" Emma said slowly.
Lily raised her face, which she had buried in a pillow again to hide her flaming cheeks. Left with no other option, she was forced to tell the story of her midnight apology, feeling more and more embarrassed.
When she had finished, any stranger could have easily anticipated the reaction of the two girls.
"OH MY GOD!"
&&&
Despite having gone to bed happy, when the three girls woke up again in the morning, their problems seemed to have returned in full force. The mood was gloomy in the seventh-year dorm, and although Lily knew it was mostly the worry of work that was making hr heart sink, her expression mirrored that of Emma's exactly. The weather seemed to be joining in; it was cloudy and cold, with an unsettled air.
Lunchtime found Lily, Emma and Sapphire all staring blankly into space as they ate. Avoiding the four boys that had become such a big part of their lives had been difficult, but in the end, achievable. After lunch, it was back to lessons, and at long last, dinner came.
Having eaten, Lily and Sapphire seated themselves in the common room and began working arduously through the stacks of homework they had been given. Emma disappeared upstairs, saying she would join them later.
Ten minutes into her essays, Lily's mind had wondered off-topic, and resettled on James, trying to work out why they had distanced themselves from each other. His face swam before her mind's eye, in its startling variety of expressions. It took fifteen minutes for her to realise, slowly, that in a way, their friendship was so strong that the looks they sometimes shared were much more communicative than words could ever be. Having settled this point, she went back to her work with much more fervour, and managed to diligently write two feet on the uses of hellebore, when the object of her reflections appeared before her.
"Hey," he said, smiling and sitting down. "D'you mind if Remus and me work here? We need to go through some stuff for the Ball once you're done."
"Sure," Lily said, clearing some space. "This shouldn't take me too long." She wrinkled her nose. "Just a couple of centuries or so."
The two boys laughed, and pulled out pieces of parchment. They worked in silence for about twenty minutes, the ceaseless drumming of rain outside providing the only background noise. It was pelting down hard, from the sound of it, and Lily shivered inwardly. She would not have liked to be out there tonight.
Finally, she put down her quill, stretched, and yawned. Remus looked up.
"Done?" he asked, smiling as she slid down in her chair.
Lily nodded.
"Wish I could say the same for this stupid essay," he said, making a face. He looked up at the windows. "It's really coming down out there, huh?"
"Yeah," Lily agreed, letting her hair loose out of its ponytail. A flash of white light burst upon the room as lightning lit up the stormy sky, and everyone jumped, looking towards the outer wall. Lily however, was distracted by the girl who had just come down the stairs. She smiled at none other than her best friend. Emma tilted her head in greeting back at her, but her eyes soon settled on what, for her, was the back of Remus' head. Visibly swallowing, she walked apprehensively over to him.
Thunder crashed down around the castle, and the rain beat a tattoo onto the castle's stone walls. Emma came to Remus' side.
"Remus, can I talk to you?"
The change on Remus' face was immediate. If his face had been a computer screen, Lily thought, it would have been as if someone had clicked 'Shutdown' because that was exactly what happened. Although still focused on his work, his face had become completely blank.
"Remus?" Emma put a hand on his shoulder. Politely, but quickly, Remus shrugged it out from under her palm, and carried on writing.
"Can we talk?" Emma questioned again. She sat down next to him, and tried to angle her face to catch his. Lily felt, rather than saw, a slight movement beside her, and knew that the other two, like her, must have been burning with curiosity to look up and watch, but of course they couldn't do that. From the corner of her eyes, she could just about se Remus turn away. A repeated touch on his arm, and he stood up. Emma mirrored him. "Please, can we just talk?"
Remus took a step backwards. His expression was odd; one that Lily had never really seen before on his face. It was unreadable, but at the same time, cynical, his lower jaw grinding against his upper.
"It's funny," he said distinctly to the ceiling. "Déjà vu." He looked directly at Emma. "I could have sworn I said that to you more than once. You never seemed to hear."
He turned and walked out of the portrait hole – the next moment, Emma had followed him. Lily looked after them, then at the two people frozen over their work beside and opposite her.
"Come on!" she said quickly to James.
"What?"
"If we don't keep an eye on them, one of them will be dead at the end of this – God knows what Remus'll do."
"Good point." The two of them hurried through the portrait hole, leaving Sapphire, who rolled her eyes.
"How did I know that those two would leave together?" she asked the air.
&
Meanwhile, James and Lily stole quietly along the corridors until they caught up with Emma. The decision of what to do was completely settled in a very few seconds by the exchange of a few looks. They did not want to intrude on their friends, but neither did they have any intention of allowing the two to come to blows. Instead, they opted to follow them in the shadows, just to keep an eye on things.
Remus was striding purposefully down the corridor, his black robes billowing out behind him, always headed downwards. After him came Emma. There were only a few metres between the two of them, and yet Emma seemed incapable of closing the gap, forced instead to half-run after him, periodically calling his name – it seemed she did not care who heard her now.
"Remus!" she yelled. "I won't leave you alone until you listen to me!"
Remus whirled around at the top of a flight of stairs. "Get lost, Emma. Fuck off."
Emma reeled as if she had been hit. She was not the only one. Lily gaped openly, and even James stared disbelievingly at his best friend of seven years. He had never sworn before.
The boy in question spun away and descended the stairs quickly. It took Emma a few seconds to recover, but when she did, she relentlessly pursued him down. No longer did she have any breath for speech, almost tripping over herself as she ran down the stairs. Their footsteps echoed in the passages; one set purposeful and determined, the other faster and lighter. James and Lily could do nothing but look hopelessly at each other, and follow in their wake.
Finally, they were on the ground floor. It was not clear where Remus thought he was going, but the darkened corridors were hardly conducive to good navigation either.
Lily glanced upwards at a window as thunder crashed across the sky again, louder than she had ever heard before. She looked at James. "I hope he's not intending to – oh, he is." Her tone flattened as she realised that they were going past the Great Hall in a direction that could only lead to one place.
Outside.
Apparently the same thought had just occurred to Emma – she visibly blanched as she saw him heading towards the huge doors of the entrance to the castle.
"Remus, please, just listen to me for one minute!" she cried desperately, straining ever harder to catch up.
Remus heaved at the doors, and they swung open, flooding the immediate vicinity with yellowy torchlight, which served only to highlight the huge drops drumming down as if there was no tomorrow. Lightning flashed, a glaringly white trident of anger against the inky darkness above, even as Remus stepped out past the doors. He hesitated for only a millisecond before advancing out into the onslaught of water. "Give me one good reason why!" he flung angrily over his shoulder.
Emma ran to the top of the steps outside, and halted, unsure of whether to go further. Chest heaving, gasping for air, she watched his figure retreat further and further from the doors.
"Because – because – because I love you!"
Lily stopped short, and threw out an arm to stop James; needlessly, as he had already frozen, mid-step. With bated breath, the two of them watched the scene before them unfold.
It took the wind a few moments to carry Emma's words to Remus, but when they reached him, he paused. Slowly, almost against his will, he pivoted round to look at Emma. He was completely drenched, hair dripping water down his neck, clothes stuck to him, and rivulets of water running down his face and arms. "What did you say?" he asked quietly.
Emma took a few steps down the stairs, until she was almost at a level with Remus. She drew in a deep breath that somehow got caught in her throat and turned into a sob. "I – love you," she repeated, and now she really did begin to cry; smiling, but crying tears which mingled with the rain on her cheeks. She moved down to the muddy ground. It was perhaps just as well that Professor McGonagall or Madam Pomfrey did not happen to pass by at that precise moment; they would certainly have had a fit at the sight of the two seventh-years getting soaked in the ruthless rain, standing motionless opposite each other, except for Emma's heaving shoulder as she both sobbed and laughed. A flicker of emotion passed over Remus' eyes.
Then, - it was impossible to say who had taken the first step – the gap between the two of them slowly closed, until they were only a foot away from each other.
"I thought I didn't -" Remus said, so quietly that only Emma heard him.
"You always did," she whispered back fiercely. "You always did."
And at that moment, their minds seemed to truly connect for what, perhaps, was the first time. The floodgates opened, and all the distrust, uncertainty, and jealousy poured away, to be replaced with clear understanding.
The next moment, the distance was closed, and they wrapped their arms around each other, each holding the other tightly. Remus' head lay protectively on hers, and she felt his body relax beneath her arms. The heavy rain around them had no place; all she heard, or cared to hear, was Remus' strong, steady heartbeat beneath her cheek.
Off in a corner inside, Lily heaved a sigh and she turned to James, whose expression of was one of relief too. Smiling, she put her arm on his, and drew him away, away from the two figures melded together, a single silhouette against the light.
Pulling away from Remus, Emma looked up at him, blinking away the raindrops on her eyelashes. He was looking at her with that old, but never worn-out gaze of affection, and she left herself bathe in its warmth for a minute before reaching up to brush his dripping hair out of his face.
"I'm so, so sorry," she whispered shakily, letting her hand trail down his cheek and come to rest on his chest. "I don't know why I ever thought – I don't care what you are, Remus – I love you – I'm just sorry it took me so long to realise." She swallowed, feeling as if a thousand nerve endings were on fire where his hands lay on her waist. "I don't know if I'm the one for you…but you're the only one for me, and you always have been."
Fearful of a sudden rejection, throat dry, she searched his eyes for a response as he looked wordlessly at her, mindless of the rain beating against her. A sudden gust of wind drove the water into her face, but still he said nothing, and she could not see his expression properly.
Then, at long last, she felt his hands leave her waist, and move up, until he was cupping her face in them. Gently, with the pads of his thumbs, he brushed away both teardrops and raindrops.
"You'll always be the one," he whispered hoarsely.
Emma's heart swelled; she felt like singing and dancing; and yet, at the same time, was able to remain calm and still enough to hesitantly move her head towards his. After what seemed like an eternal moment, their lips finally met, and her eyes closed as she wrapped her arms around his neck and began to kiss him back with all that she felt for him. A blissful feeling of happiness engulfed her, and she gave herself up to it completely.
And there they stood, an oasis of calm in the midst of the storm, twined together under the night sky and the gaze of a pale crescent moon.
&&&&&
A/N: Having just edited this at LONG last, I'm too lazy and full of pizza to write a superlatively long author's note. So please review, just because you love me so much (and even if you don't, feel free to review anyway), and I SWEAR I will work on getting the next chapter up sooner. On the plus-side, we're now inching closer and closer to The Big One: Chapter 35!