"Jokerwocky?" repeated Harley. "What kinda stupid name is…"
She was cut off as they heard the roar of something horrible quite close to them.
"I told you it would bring the Monster down on us!" exclaimed the Mad Hatter, as Harley heard the playing card guards shouting at one another, racing up the stairs to defend the throne room and their queen and leaving the Mad Hatter and Harley alone. They both ran to their small cell windows and looked out, terrified by what they saw.
It was a huge, winged beast, like a dragon, with razor sharp claws and giant, sharp teeth. It flew over the roof of the palace, and then came back around, claws poised and teeth bared. The guards gathered on the battlements, throwing spears and shooting arrows, but nothing seemed to pierce the monster's hide.
"Jervis!" hissed a voice from behind them. They whirled around to see what appeared to be a man in a Scarecrow costume standing at the bars to the Mad Hatter's cell.
"Jonathan?" gasped the Mad Hatter, racing over to him. "How on earth did you get in here?"
"Easy when the guards are distracted," said the Scarecrow with a smile.
"But how did you know the guards would be…" began the Mad Hatter, but he trailed off suddenly. "That Monster is not real," he said, slowly. "It's a hallucination."
"A shared hallucination brought on by my fear gas, yes," agreed the Scarecrow. "Or, if you will, a diversion while I break you out of prison," he said, holding up a set of tools. He knelt down and began picking the lock.
"If I was you, I'd just take the hammer and smash the lock," commented Harley. "Nobody's gonna hear you over all the shouting."
"Well, nobody asked for your opinion, did they …" began the Scarecrow, but he trailed off as he looked up and saw Harley. His mouth hung open as he stared at her in wonder.
"That is to say…I mean…" he stammered, captivated. "That…that sounds like a marvelous suggestion, my dear. Jervis, who in Wonderland is this?"
"This is Harley," said the Mad Hatter. "The wrong Alice. The Queen of Hearts brought her here by mistake, which means disaster for Wonderland."
"Well, I would hardly call anyone so…beautiful a disaster," stammered the Scarecrow. "How do you do, my dear? I'm Jonathan Crane, the Scarecrow."
"Pleased to meetcha," said Harley, shaking his hand between the bars. "And I really would just smash the lock with the hammer – no need to be silent over all this panic and chaos."
"Yes, you're quite right, my dear," agreed the Scarecrow. "I'm a man who prefers brute force myself."
"No, you don't…" began the Mad Hatter.
"In this instance, I do," retorted the Scarecrow, glaring at him and seizing the hammer. He knocked it against the lock on the Mad Hatter's cell, shattering it, and threw open the door.
"Let's get out of here," said the Mad Hatter. "Before they realize the Monster is just an illusion."
"We're taking Harley with us, of course," said the Scarecrow, smashing the lock on her cell door too and opening it. "We can't abandon her here to be executed by that dreadful woman."
"Yes, all right, but keep up," said the Mad Hatter, as he and the Scarecrow hurried down the cell block toward the door.
"Thanks, Johnny," said Harley. "Can I call you Johnny?"
"If you must," sighed the Scarecrow.
They all slipped out of the cell block and across the palace grounds until they came to the wall separating them from the outside. The guards were still distracted by the makeshift monster, and didn't notice them.
"Now what?" asked the Mad Hatter, turning to the Scarecrow.
He put his fingers to his mouth and whistled. "I'm not a dog, Johnny – cats don't respond to whistles," snapped a creature who appeared on top of the wall at that moment, the strangest creature Harley had ever seen.
It appeared to be some sort of cat-woman – bigger than the size of a regular woman, but with black hair all over its body, and resembling more a panther than a cat. The creature noticed Harley, and its green eyes narrowed.
"Who's this?" she demanded, flicking her tail at Harley.
"Someone else we're rescuing," retorted the Scarecrow. "Selina, this is Harley. Harley, Selina, the Cheshire Catwoman."
"Uh…hi," said Harley, slowly. The Cheshire Catwoman didn't respond, except to lick her paw and begin to groom herself.
"You expect me to carry all of you?" she asked, lightly.
"I'm sure you can – she won't weigh much," retorted the Scarecrow, gesturing at Harley. "And I'm sure you've had at least three people ride you at any one time before."
"Hey, let's keep this story PG!" snapped the Cheshire Catwoman. "It's none of your business how many people have ridden me at one time!"
"I obviously didn't mean that…" began the Scarecrow, but while they had been talking, the Monster illusion began to fade and dissipate, turning the attention of the guards back to them.
"Your majesty!" shouted one, hurrying to find the Queen of Hearts. "The prisoners are escaping!"
"Well, we'll just have to find out if I can carry you all," muttered the Cheshire Catwoman, hopping down off the wall into the courtyard and flicking her tail up towards her back. "Climb on."
The Mad Hatter and the Scarecrow obeyed, climbing up onto the Cheshire Catwoman's back. Harley hesitated, and it was at that moment that the Queen and the Knave of Hearts appeared from the palace, racing toward them with her entire army of playing cards behind her.
"Stop them!" shrieked the Queen of Hearts. "They mustn't escape with Alice!"
"Harley, come on!" shouted the Scarecrow, holding out a hand to her. Harley took it, and climbed up onto the Cheshire Catwoman, who bounded up onto the wall with a single jump, and then launched herself over it, with all three of them clinging tightly to her.
"No!" screamed the Queen of Hearts. "After them, all of you! Find them, catch them, and bring the girl back to me alive! Bring me the heads of the others!"
"Yes, your majesty," said the Knave, leading the charge out of the main palace gates and towards the forest where the fugitives had disappeared. But the Cheshire Catwoman was already leaps and bounds ahead of them, lost in the woods by hopping from branch to branch, until they were safe.
She dropped down at last in a sheltered glade containing a house built into a tree. In front of the house was a long table laden with tea things.
"No time for tea – inside, everyone, quickly!" whispered the Mad Hatter, hurrying to open the door to the house in the tree. The others obeyed, following him inside.
"My home won't be safe for long," said the Mad Hatter, rushing around to grab random objects (mostly hats and tea things) and then throwing them into a bag. "We have to get out of here as soon as possible and get to someplace safe."
"Where do you suggest?" asked the Scarecrow. "The Queen will be combing all of Wonderland for us."
"We need to get out of Wonderland then," retorted the Mad Hatter. "Or at least to a part of it the Queen can't touch."
"What part would that be?" asked the Cheshire Catwoman. "She's got spies everywhere – the grass on the ground and the leaves on the trees can communicate with her."
"There is one place where nothing living grows, and nothing green endures," said the Mad Hatter, quietly.
"You can't possibly mean…the Batcave?" gasped the Scarecrow. "You know who lives there!"
"The Dark Knight," said the Mad Hatter, nodding. "He could kill us as soon as look at us, but he has no love for the Queen of Hearts. If we can explain to him before he kills us that we're fugitives from the Queen, he might be willing to help us."
"That's a lotta 'ifs' and 'mights'," growled the Cheshire Catwoman.
"Do you have a better idea?" asked the Mad Hatter.
The Cheshire Catwoman nodded. "I assume the reason this girl is here is because she was mistaken for Alice by the Queen of Hearts?" she asked, flicking her tail at Harley again. "The Queen shouted something about Alice as we escaped. Considering Alice is our only hope against the Monster, why don't we tell the Dark Knight that we've brought him Alice? Have this girl pretend to be her. You know the Dark Knight has been battling the Monster for ages, and if the prophecies are true, Alice has the power to finally defeat him. The Dark Knight would owe us for such a great gift, owe us enough to give us safety."
"And then when fake Alice doesn't defeat the Monster, and the Dark Knight finds out we lied to him, what then?" asked the Mad Hatter.
"We worry about that when we come to it," retorted the Cheshire Catwoman. "I'm thinking short-term solutions at this point. That might be all the time we have left anyway if the rumors about the Monster destroying Wonderland are true."
"Hang on, I'm not gonna pretend to be Alice so I have to fight some terrifying monster!" snapped Harley. "What if I'm killed?"
"You'll be killed either way," retorted the Cheshire Catwoman. "If you get caught by the Queen of Hearts, she'll either make you face the Monster, or chop off your head. So you'll be as dead then as you will if you come with us to see the Dark Knight. And we'll all be dead when the Monster comes anyway, so really, it's pretty unavoidable."
"Not if I get outta here!" snapped Harley. "I don't belong in this crazy, mixed-up world – I belong back in Gotham! You gotta get me home!"
They all three shared a look. "I'm afraid that's quite impossible, my dear," said the Scarecrow, slowly. "The only person who has the power to move people between Wonderland and the other worlds is the Queen of Hearts. And she will obviously be very reluctant to help you return to your home until you've defeated the Monster, being, as she thinks, Alice."
"Is there any way we can get Alice down here?" demanded Harley. "I'm not gonna die for no reason when she might actually be able to defeat this thing!"
They all three shook their heads. "Again, the only person with the power to bring her would be the Queen," said the Scarecrow. "And she's under the impression that you're Alice. It's very unlikely that you could convince her she's mistaken. She is not a person who takes criticism with good grace, or admits when she's wrong."
Harley sighed heavily. "Really? Nobody else can get me back to Gotham?" she asked.
"Well…maybe the Dark Knight," said the Cheshire Catwoman, slowly. "He's a very secretive, mysterious figure, and no one knows the true extent of his powers. But the only way to discover that is to go see him. And the only way he won't kill us on sight is to convince him that you're Alice. Then maybe you can convince him that in order to defeat the Monster, you need to be sent back to Gotham for weapons. Once he does this, you can send back the real Alice in your place to defeat the Monster and bring peace to Wonderland."
"Sounds like a convoluted, dangerous plan," said Harley.
"I really don't see what other choice we have," sighed the Mad Hatter. "We're on the run from the Queen and the Knave, our land is about to be attacked by a horrible monster any day now, we've got the wrong Alice, and we've missed tea time," he sighed, glancing at his pocket watch. "I don't know how things could get any worse."