However, it was Mustang who Edward felt would get the last laugh. The day after Havoc and Rebecca's wedding, he woke up with a slight hangover and the answer to Mustang's request.
He wanted to accept.
Before he did so, he wanted to make sure it was alright with a couple of people. The first was Al, who told Edward it was up to him. Elysia said the same thing. Both reassured him they would never hold the decision against him, that they would always love him, he was still torn. He wanted to stay on as a State Alchemist but he could see Al and Elysia didn't want him to. He didn't want to disappoint them, especially after the fuss and trouble he made about resigning.
His decision had him twisted in knots. He wondered, if he was having such a strong negative reaction and feeling he'd disappoint Elysia and Al, why he was still willing to go back. Was he so set in his ways he couldn't break from the mold? But he had done so before. He had changed for Elysia. But not sleeping around or getting drunk every other night were habits easily conquered. Why couldn't he just walk away from the military? He didn't understand its pull on him. Was it to satisfy his ego; that he was the only one capable of doing the job right? Was he that conceited? Was he really willing to risk the possibility of more pain in the future if he stayed? Peace was never a guarantee. Maybe Russell lied to Al about no other research except for what was in the underground Drachman bunker? However, if that were true, State Alchemist or not, he would still rush off, putting himself in danger to save the world. He thought he was over that, that he was settled. But it was his recklessness that made Erika leave. Would Elysia, in the years to come, become so frustrated as well that she would leave too?
He beat those thoughts from his head immediately, knowing he had gone too far. But the doubt still lingered about himself.
He was home; wandering around the house thinking while Elysia was at the park, painting. She hadn't gone out much when they returned from Briggs, other than the wedding. She wanted to get some fresh air and enjoy the sunshine.
He was hesitant about letting her go alone. But if they were to move on with their lives, both were going to have to get over their fear of the big bad world out there.
He didn't find any comfort in reading and took to pacing in his study until he was tired of looking at the room. He was restless but couldn't find anything to do that would keep him occupied and distracted. He could have gone to Mustang and told him the great news but he wasn't ready yet, thinking he could still talk himself out of his decision. But that was the trouble. He couldn't.
He ended up going down to the kitchen and found Gracia reading to little Erika while she snacked on cheese and crackers. He sat with them and listened to the story, stealing bits of cheese from Erika, provoking a scowl from her whenever he did so.
"Something on your mind, Edward," Gracia asked as she set the book down when she was finished.
"Yeah," he admitted. "I've been accused of being easy to read before. You'd think I wouldn't be surprised when someone calls me out on it."
Gracia smiled warmly. "It's not a bad trait. Do you want to talk about it?"
He hesitated before blurting it out. "I've been thinking about accepting Mustang's offer to stay on as a State Alchemist."
"Is that such a bad thing that it has you moping around the house?"
Edward felt his cheeks redden. If Gracia noticed, Elysia did to. He figured it was probably the reason she went out. She had already told him what she felt about his decision. It was up to him and he didn't' blame her for wanting a break from watching him brood. "It is when Elysia and Al were ecstatic that I resigned from the military," he said guiltily.
"And you told them you were thinking of accepting?"
"Yeah."
"And what did they say?"
He sighed. "It was up to me."
"So what's the problem? If you want to, I don't see any reason for you not to accept."
"You don't?" Edward asked, wondering at her apparent support.
"Are you looking for my permission?" She asked with an amused expression on her face. The skin at the corner of eyes wrinkled. Her smile was kind and Edward knew that Gracia's opinion meant as much to him as Elysia's. She had become his other surrogate mother, like Izumi. He didn't want to hurt or disappoint her either.
Edward smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, actually I am," he admitted. "Being a State Alchemist hasn't exactly been easy. I'm afraid of something bad happening again. If it did, I'd be there to help but the outcome may not be as it has been so far.
He was always afraid of turning out to be like his father; abandoning his family. He knew he could never leave the way Hohenheim had done but there were other ways it could be done: like trying to save the world at the cost of his life.
"There's nothing wrong with wanting to help."
"It is, if it hurts the people I love most."
"I think you're letting the bad experiences overshadow the good."
Edward snorted. "What good?"
Gracia warm smile never faltered. "You forget that you were a part of overthrowing Bradley's rule, that you fought the Drachmans to restore our country, and when you returned from Xing this country has enjoyed peace for nearly sixteen years. This recent... hiccup... was prevented from affecting the citizens of Amestris."
"But it left the alchemists powerless."
"But hundreds, perhaps thousands, of people were not killed by that homunculi army," Gracia pointed out. "Somebody had to go out there and stop them. If nobody did there would be no Amestris to speak of."
"Is this outlook the reason you forgave Mustang so easily?"
"I haven't completely forgiven him," Gracia said with a tinge of bitterness. "It was quite a shock. But when I married Maes, I knew the risks," she added thoughtfully. "He was there in Ishbal, where I feared for him every second during the horrible conflict. When he returned, he refused to leave the military. He was determined to help Mustang so there would not be another war like that; attacking people because it served the military's – or rather – the homunculi's plans. I knew what his goal was and supported him. My own parents didn't want me to marry Maes because he was in the military. It was why we eloped. Sound familiar?" She asked raising an eyebrow.
"Yes," Edward said with a short laugh.
"It doesn't excuse Roy keeping that homunculus alive but we have to remember we're only human. We make mistakes. I was heartbroken when Maes died but I had Elysia. She is his daughter - a piece of him still left in this world - and I thank him, every day, for his efforts to protect us. I also thank you..." she added meeting his eyes, "as well as Roy. And I do so because my daughter - and Maes' - was able to grow up and find happiness. Life has its ups and downs, there's no avoiding it. You have to keep in mind the good things."
She reached across the table for Edward's right hand to prove her point. It was just one of many good things in Edward's life. He looked down and smiled.
"Don't be afraid of who you are, Edward," Gracia continued. "If you feel you can still do some good as a State Alchemist or a teacher... or both, you do it. We love you for who you are. If you're not happy, we're not happy."
"But I don't want to be the only one who is happy," he said still staring at Gracia's hand clutching his. "I don't want to be so self centered that I forget everyone else's feelings. I've done it before."
"Haven't you learned from that? And haven't you seen what you've done these last five years?" Gracia asked squeezing his hand gently. "You've devoted yourself to your family completely. You are very determined. Once you set your mind on something, you've never given up. I believe you can find a way for you and Elysia and Al to be happy with your decision. You have the upper hand here. Before, when Roy came to you, you didn't know what you do now. You have the power to set some boundaries. It's very easy for Roy to walk all over people if they let him. You've never been afraid to speak your mind but have you really stood up for yourself against him?"
"Once."
"And why was that?"
"He wanted me to stop seeing Elysia and I refused."
"Do you remember how strongly you felt at that time?"
"I wanted to kill him... and usually I just want to put my fist in his face."
"And why did you feel like that?"
"I wanted to be with Elysia, more than anything and he had no right to try and take away the happiness I felt when I was with her," he said a little more forcefully than he intended.
"And did you let Roy... or me, stop you?"
"No," Edward said rather proud of the fact he had stood up for himself and reached out for what he felt he was owed… and was feeling he still deserved.
Gracia leaned back, shaking her head, guilt reflected in her eyes. "Oh, Edward," she sighed. "I was horrible to you. I was only seeing your bad habits at the time and not seeing you. You've retained all of your good points. I'm so sorry."
"I don't blame you for not approving. I wouldn't want Erika pursued by someone that was like me then," he said with a smirk. Then he was hit by a piece of cheese.
"Hey!" He exclaimed looking at little Erika who was giggling. "What was that for?"
"Practicing knocking some sense into you," Gracia chuckled. "She should throw some at me too."
"Well, you'll need something harder than that for me," he said tickling her. He picked her up out of the high chair and stood up. "Thank you, Gracia."
"No need to thank me," she said.
Edward smiled at her gratefully anyways and then turned to his daughter. "Come on, little troublemaker, its nap time."
"No!" Erika pouted.
"Just because you're little and cute doesn't mean you've got me wrapped around your finger," he said wagging his finger at his daughter. "There are rules around here. Number one, I am always right, despite what your mother says. Two, you will keep your room clean. Three, no boys until you're thirty…"
Edward's list of rules - and Erika's "No's" following each - was muffled by the kitchen door as it closed behind them. Gracia, shaking with laughter, stood up and started to tidy up the kitchen.