The Truth Of The Heart
Summary: Lily Evans has always, ALWAYS hated James Potter. So when they become Head Boy and Girl, nothing could be worse. But could working with him change Lily's opinion? Has she been ignoring the truth in her heart all along?
Disclaimer: I don't own any of this….except a few minor characters, so please don't sue me, JKR, 'cause I have nothing you want….unless you're into human flesh (you're not, are you?)
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Chapter 30: Hitting the RocksEverything had, quite literally, in a metaphorical sense, hit the rocks.
Hit the rocks; gone down the drain, out of the window, into the fire, down the toilet; whichever way you cared to put it, things had gone very wrong between Lily and James since that fateful night.
Their friendship, or at least the general goodwill between them, was something that Lily had come to count on. Aside from the Polyjuice incident and the minor drama at the funeral, it had been a constant that Lily had relied on for at least part of her good mood. Since James had deflated his head a little, he had shown the other sides of himself that had been downplayed before by his egotism, and it was this that had brought them closer. Both with similar understandings and characters, they fitted well, but yet were still always able to challenge each other. It was odd, really, how much James seemed to know about her, most of which she couldn't remember telling him.
Now, over the last day or so, suddenly, it was like they were back to the way it had been for the first three years. She couldn't remember being this…exasperated with him in weeks, and yet now she only had to see his messy black hair to feel curls of infuriated annoyance begin to unwind in the pit of her stomach.
Somehow, the way they had parted that night had put them both straight onto the wrong foot. When Lily opened her eyes again, she looked around in the morning light and discovered that she had slept in the common room all night, sitting on the sofa in her clothes, arms still folded across her chest. She checked her watch, realising that most people were probably at breakfast, and then started as a small piece of paper fluttered onto her lap; it must have been tucked into the fold of her arms. Opening it, she read it over, and clucked her tongue in exasperation.
Lily,
I told you to go to bed.
James
Lily rolled her eyes. Typical, overbearing James. She looked over it again, and for some reason, this seemed only to increase her irritation of spirits. The remembrance that he had left her there all night in the common room did not help. Gee, thanks for your kindness, James, she thought ironically, as she made her way down to the Great Hall. She swept her messy hair off her face, and then caught sight of a black-haired head halfway down. Her friends were sitting further on, but the sight of his hair, which her own now nearly resembled, made her come to an abrupt, though silent, decision.
She walked down the length of the table, head high, and as she passed, raised an arm and cuffed him round the head. He turned immediately.
"Oh. It's you."
"Yes, it's me," Lily said sharply, running a hand through her hair again. "I'm sorry, did I hurt you there?"
James raised an eyebrow. "Had a good night's sleep?" he questioned, in a tone unmistakably sarcastic.
"Well you wouldn't know, would you?" Lily snapped. "Not after leaving me there so kindly all night. I was so amazed at your generosity, I forgot to thank you."
"Hey." James held up his hands, as if in defence. "I told you to go to bed."
"Yeah." Lily snorted. "Thanks for the fabulous little note you left too." She pulled it out of her pocket and crumpled it in her fist, before tossing it into James' lap. "That's what I think of that." She eyed him. "God, you think you're so wonderful. As if I'm going to outleap a frog when you tell me to jump, just because you're the Great James Potter. I don't do everything you tell me to!" The minor fact that this statement did not really apply any more had escaped Lily – she was incensed at James once again, and all her old first-to-sixth year arguments against him were coming back into play, valid or not.
"It was for your own good," James said heatedly.
"I -" Suddenly, Lily realised she was beginning to attract the attention of other students along the table. Smiling sweetly, she grabbed James' arm, not sparing a glance for anyone else, and hauled him outside.
"How do you even know what's good for me?" she hissed."'It seems like everything you've done in the last eight hours at least has been bad for me."
James' face was set. "You think you know everything about other people, Lily, when you don't. Just go back to your friends and leave me."
"There you go again!" Lily cried. "Ordering me around. You're so overbearing!"
"I may have many faults, but being overbearing is not one of them!" James shot back. "Besides, at least I admit to my faults!"
"I admit to faults just fine!"
"Oh yeah?" James challenged. "Come on then, name me one right now."
Lily glared at him. "My biggest fault was to give in and think that you were worth the time of day!" she spat, before stalking off.
And things had simply deteriorated from there.
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It didn't help, of course, that Sirius and Sapphire were avoiding each other like the plague. The little 'talk' that they were supposed to have had clearly never been high on their list of priorities, as neither had ever got around to it – instead, they could barely stand to be in the same room, apart from classes; and even then, they couldn't be still unless at opposite ends of the room. The glares were replaced with furtive looks, if at all, which were just as unproductive, and even more irritating for the others.
Remus and Emma, being the only two people who could be in the same room together and communicate without instigating fights, had tried hard to schedule several "accidental" meetings between the two, all of which had been unsuccessful, even in just getting them within ten metres of each other. Altogether, Emma could not even remember the number of times she had tried all the persuasive skills in her power.
Persuasion: "Come on, Saffy, please just talk to him and get it over?"
Bribery: "If you would just sort things out with him, I swear I'll buy you a ton of chocolate next Hogsmeade trip."
Blackmail: "Ok, that's it, you don't talk to that boy, and I'll write to your parents and tell them every last sordid detail of this."
All of which were met with no good response.
From the sound of it, Remus was going through exactly the same thing with Sirius. Really, it was like talking to a brick wall.
Actually, it was worse than talking to a brick wall. At least a brick wall would have stayed in one place and listened politely. It would not throw up non-existent hands and disappear.
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"All right class, you know what you're doing. Simply put the theory into practice and let us see some sparks." Professor Flitwick sat down with a dismal sigh, and waited for the havoc to begin.
"Right," Lily said shortly, turning to face James. "Do you want to go first, or should I?"
"You." James looked half-asleep, lounging in his chair.
Lily pulled out her wand, and focused on the charm they were working on today; a tricky spell to make a feather float in mid-air, and then write, in sparkly writing, a word or phrase. Start small, she reminded herself.
"Asperito Scribus 'hello'," she said, flourishing her wand. The feather rose and hovered, before writing, in a cursive sparkly green font, 'Olleh'. Irked, she tried again, with the same result.
"That's not right," James said lazily. "It's more of a flick at the end, and it's not scri-bus, it's scri-BUS."
"What would you know about it?" Lily snapped. Her temper was still short from the arguments before.
"Only what Flitwick told us," James replied coolly. "But that's enough."
"Would you stop acting like such a know-it-all?" Lily bit out. "I know you think that you're some kind of Transfiguration whiz, but give me credit. Charms is my subject. I don't need tutoring in that too."
"I'm not tutoring, I'm helping. But fine, suit yourself."
Muttering under her breath, Lily grudgingly did as he had told her, and, as expected, the quill rose up and inscribed the word 'Hello' in the air.
She could imagine the insufferably smug look on James' face, but it wasn't there as she turned briefly. "Thanks," she said brusquely.
James shrugged. "No problem." He yawned.
"It doesn't mean you can help me at every twist and turn, you know. I can do it for myself."
"I never said you couldn't! God, Lily, why're you biting my head off so much?"
"I'm not doing anything!"
"Then why have you started so many arguments with me today?"
"I have NOT been starting arguments! When did I -" Lily broke off as James yawned again. "Oh, for God's sake, will you stop doing that! I don't know where you partied all night, but it's your own fault if you can't even stay awake the next day!"
"I was not partying," James said sharply.
"Oh don't lie," Lily scoffed. "I'm not that much of a fool. What'd you do then, rescue Sirius from some blonde bimbo and get distracted by the size of her best friend's chest?"
"Will you stop putting words in my mouth?" James said hotly. "I wasn't doing anything of the sort! If your best friend was knocking back Firewhiskey in the Hog's Head at one in the morning, wouldn't you -" He stopped, clamping his mouth shut as he realised what he had just said, but the damage was done.
Lily's eyes had widened. "WHAT?" she whispered furiously. "Good God, you went to a pub? At one in the morning? What were you thinking? Were you even thinking at all – what possessed you or Sirius to go there? You could have been expelled if anyone found out – and you're Head Boy as well – why must you insist on picking the stupidest choice -"
"I didn't have a choice, Lily," James interrupted, his face hard. "Where my friends are concerned, there is no choice – they come first every time. If I didn't go, what would you suggest Sirius do when he was drunk and alone?"
"What?" Lily repeated dumbly. She looked horrified. "He shouldn't have been there in the first place! And it's all great to say this – until you end up at home after getting checked out of Hogwarts before you even take your NEWTs! -"
"Enough!" James said angrily. "Let's just – just leave it, Lily!"
And for the remainder of the lesson, the two of them practiced the spell in complete, cold, silence.
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As they left the classroom, Lily, steeling herself one final time, tapped James on the shoulder, and he turned, his face slipping into a here-we-go-again look as he saw her.
"What?"
"Meeting tonight at seven, remember?" Lily watched as James looked at her, then at Sirius, and back.
"Uh…" he said finally. "I might not be able to make it."
"What?" Lily demanded. "Why not?"
James, looking anywhere but at her, sighed in exasperation before muttering something in which only the word "broomstick" was discernible. For Lily, though, it was the only word she needed to hear.
"Let me guess," she said scornfully. "You and your friends are going to go flying and leave me to sit and deal with the posters all by myself. I suppose I shouldn't have expected anything better."
James narrowed his eyes, waving one hand at Remus and Sirius, who were both waiting patiently outside, to indicate that they should go. "Excuse me if I spend a lot of my time trying to get my best friend out of his mood," he said in a low, controlled tone. "I was under the impression that that was what best friends did for each other. How stupid I must be."
Sensing an argument – another argument – Emma darted in. "Come on, Lily," she said, firmly, grasping her friend's arm.
"You just make sure you're there," Lily called, as she was pulled away.
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All in all, Lily thought, as she collapsed into bed that night, the last two hours she had spent with James could have been worse. They had been working on the posters that were to go up soon to advertise the Winter Ball, and had managed to do fairly well.
As if echoing her thoughts, Emma's voice sounded from the next bed.
"How was it?"
"Okay," Lily said, injecting a false confidence into her voice. "We didn't fight once."
Through the darkness, she could see the faint outline of Emma's form, which had now sat up.
"Really?" she asked disbelievingly.
"Really," Lily confirmed.
"That must be some kind of miracle," Emma murmured, as she lay back down. A minute later, she sat bolt upright again. "Wait, what am I saying? There's no such thing as a miracle where you two are concerned – you've been going at it all day.' Her tone was suspicious. 'You're not telling me something. How did you manage not to argue?"
"Well…it might have something to do with the fact that…we didn't talk at all," Lily admitted.
"What?"
"And…we were at opposite ends of the room," she added guiltily.
There was a moment's silence, then Emma sighed. "I knew it," she said.
Lily pulled the covers up to her chin. "I don't get it, Em," she said miserably. "Why are we suddenly at each other's throats? I can't understand it now, and yet the minute I see him, it's like someone else takes over."
She could almost hear Emma roll her eyes. "You two are hopeless," she mumbled. Nothing more was said between the girls, and soon, Lily, listening to the deep, even breaths of Emma, fell asleep herself.
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The next morning, the posters were up, and Lily marvelled at the effect a few simple words could have. By afternoon, the castle seemed to be full of giggling girls, and boys who looked even more awkward than usual at the prospect of having to ask the opposite sex to be dates. The expectant atmosphere did not do anything to improve Lily's sour mood. She was doing everything in her power to avoid James, or ignore him if they were in each other's vicinity. Her frazzled nerves could not take much more of the tense state of mind she was in, always on edge in case he came near. So far, she had managed to keep it up for…
Well, it was lunchtime. Only another twelve hours or so for the day, she thought, picking at her sandwich. Emma had disappeared with Remus, and Sapphire – well, considering the fact that Sirius was sitting at the other end of the table, Sapphire's absence was automatically explained. Sighing, Lily looked at her watch, realised there was still almost an hour to go before the end of lunch, and decided that she was better off wasting her time in the library than in here. Accordingly, she got up and made her way out of the hall.
Lost in her thoughts, mostly about sleep and why she seemed to lack it, Lily found herself automatically following the well-trodden path to the library-
"Ooof!"
A loud clatter sounded, and Lily looked up to see whose chest she had walked into.
Of course. Who else would it be, but her least favourite person at this point in time? James.
"Watch where you're going, would you!" he growled, as he bent to pick up his bag, and a stack of books which were apparently the source of the clatter.
And as much as Lily tried to fight it, tried to slap herself out if it and shut up, in the end, she could not stop the words that spilled out of her mouth.
"Well, I'm sorry, but clearly you weren't watching where you were going, or you'd have avoided me!"
James snorted. "Typical Lily," he said disparagingly, as he attempted to cram books into his arms. "You have some serious issues. As usual."
"My issue is YOU!" Lily retorted. "Why do you keep arguing with me? What's wrong with you?"
"What's wrong with me?" James asked incredulously. "With me? Lily, the problem here is you."
"No it isn't. You, James, are the one who has the problem with timekeeping."
"Oh for heaven's sake!" James threw up his hands. "I was five minutes late yesterday! At least I showed up!"
"Yeah, because we all know you'd rather be ditching the work, as usual."
"I didn't do anything like that, and you know perfectly well I've been pulling my weight!"
"Well that's a miracle – you still slither out of responsibility whenever you can."
"No I bloody well don't!" James said angrily.
"Really? You wriggle out so well, it's a wonder you aren't in Slytherin!"
She knew she had gone too far when she saw the look in James' eyes. His face hardened as he straightened slowly up to his full height. His fists clenched around his books, and for a moment, Lily thought he was actually going to hit her.
"Little Miss Lily Evans," he said coldly. "Head Girl of Hogwarts, always studying, always keeping her grades top-notch so she can be a goody-two-shoes. You know what your problem is? You're too uptight. You've got a stick up your arse, and until you get it out, you're never going to be a normal person."
Lily gaped at him "What?"
James carried on, his voice harsh and relentless. "You think that because you get perfect grades, and always follow the rules, that it somehow makes you a perfect person, better than the rest of us. Like you're up on a pedestal or something, and that gives you the right to correct everyone else. Well guess what? It doesn't."
By now, Lily was glaring straight back at him. Indeed, it was hard to say who was glowering more – the force of either would have ignited a wet branch.
"Well, I'm not the one who swaggers around, thinking I'm clever just because I can slip out of detentions and classes alike, and still get good marks. Unlike you, I actually work for them." She laughed nastily. "Of course, working for something isn't exactly anything you would grasp the concept of, is it?" Her voice was rising steadily.
"God Lily, just get over yourself for once," James spat.
"I'm not the one that needs to do that," she shot back. "Trying to understand you is just – you giving me a headache."
"Oh don't worry, the feeling's entirely mutual," James said coldly. His eyes glimmered threateningly behind his glasses. "I suggest you lose the attitude problem – fast."
Lily could have screamed in frustration. "You are completely crazy – you're the one who's got this thing of insulting me whenever you see me!"
"Maybe," James said, in a dangerous tone, "we should just stay out of each other's way." Without another word, he strode off.
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Lily, for her part, remained angry with him for about as long as it took her to reach the library – in other words, about five minutes. Then, as her frustration peaked, self-doubt began to leak in. Was she really right to have insulted him like that?
Yes, of course she was, she reminded herself sternly; he had come back her with exactly the same things. She put her head in her hands, and for a few minutes, let the tears come out, in pure weakness from the shock.
Do I really behave like that? She wondered. I don't continually correct people…too much…my friends can put up with me…can't they?
As much as she tried to block it, James' unforgiving words were coming back to her, and haunting her more than she cared to admit: …goody two-shoes…too uptight…better than the rest of us…never be a normal person…
Consequently, all the way through her afternoon classes, she was in a downright miserable mood, although she was not sure if it was because she was upset over what James had said to her, or guilt-ridden over what she had said to him. Chin in hand, she dully took note after note, keeping her head down, unwilling to show how much he had got to her. She avoided looking at him, so had no idea how he was feeling after the outburst, but instead debated over what in heaven's name she was supposed to do next. Her friends, sensing her depression, either left her alone, or tried to lighten the mood with jovial chatter, with which she would normally have joined in – if it weren't for the leaden feeling in her stomach. She hadn't told them what had happened, though she guessed that Emma had worked some part of it out, with her usual intuitiveness.
At long, long last, dinner was over, and Lily was planning to walk back to the Tower, finish homework in her dorm, and go to bed early. She wondered vaguely where Tom was – she hadn't really seen him for a day or two now.
All of a sudden, a hand gripped her arm, and as she swung round, she saw James' typically messy hair. He muttered a short phrase roughly into her ear, before turning and walking off in the opposite direction.
"Heads' Room, eight o' clock."
What did he want now?
-&-&-&-
A/N: Heh. Another cliffie. I'm evil, aren't I? And before you start complaining, yes, I know all the arguments they had against each other are mostly FROM the years when James thought Lily was a stick-in-the-mud, and Lily thought James was a slacker, but there IS a reason. They need to attack each other, and the easiest arguments are the ones they've been using for six years, so they're getting dredged up again.
Anyway, thank you all so much for your reviews - and again, apologies for my slow updates - life is extremely busy, so this tends to kind of fall to the wayside. I have to say a big thanks to all of you who reviewed/emailed/promised to hunt me down if I didn't get a move on, because you reminded me that this shouldn't just disappear after having done it for so long. A special thank you to oNoM for what HAS to have been the longest review full of praise that I have ever received - my self-esteem sky-rocketed after reading it!
No promises on when the next chapter will be out - but it will be as soon as possible, and hopefully it won't be as long as you had to wait for this one - give me a couple of weeks or so?
and in the meantime...reviews are still always appreciated :D they're so useful for motivation :D