"I've made some tea!" said the Mad Hatter, cheerfully.
"Great. You have that – I'm having something a little stronger," said the Jokerwocky, pulling out a bottle of whiskey from a chest in his hideout.
The Mad Hatter's face fell. "But…it's time for tea," he said, slowly.
"Maybe for you," retorted the Jokerwocky. "I don't have to abide by your crazy rules. How can a world that prides itself on being nonsensical have rigid rules about tea and when to drink it?"
"All the more reason to keep to a scheduled teatime," retorted Tetch. "So you don't lose your sanity completely, and still have something to depend upon. The citizens of the British Empire in India in the Victorian era would do things like dress for dinner so that they wouldn't go native - it's the same principle."
"I ain't British or Victorian. And I prefer whiskey, like I said," retorted the Jokerwocky, pouring himself a glass. "You guys keep your tea."
"Can I have whiskey too?" asked Harley. "I've just…had kinda a rough day."
The Jokerwocky shrugged, pouring her a glass. "So what's your big plan for getting to the Queen?" she asked.
"Not much of a plan, really – I'm more of an improvisor," said the Jokerwocky, shrugging. "But when you're outnumbered, you've got to think smart, and use deceptions. Which is why I was thinking some sort of distraction while one or two of us slip into the palace unnoticed and find the Queen."
"Well, we already used my fear gas distraction," retorted the Scarecrow. "They won't fall for that twice."
"What if we could actually outnumber her and her guards?" asked Harley. "I mean, everyone in Wonderland must kinda hate the Queen of Hearts, right? If she just beheads people randomly, I mean. Surely you guys have friends here who would join you in rising up against her?"
"You're talking about a revolution to overthrow the Queen?" asked Tetch. He shook his head. "That's dreadfully un-English."
"And if we failed, she'd behead us all," said the Cheshire Catwoman.
"She's going to behead you all anyway if she catches you," retorted Harley. "And frankly, even if you hadn't rescued me, she probably would have executed you randomly one day eventually. How can you live with such an unstable monarch, in fear for your lives all the time?"
"Well, it does provide a wonderful setting for me to have developed my fear toxin in," said the Scarecrow.
"We're used to it, I guess," said the Cheshire Catwoman, shrugging. "That's just the way things are in Wonderland. Insane. Always have been, always will be."
"I don't accept that," said Harley. "If you're not happy with a situation, you shouldn't just accept it either. You should change it if you can. And you can always fight."
"You're wasting your breath, toots," retorted the Jokerwocky, knocking back his drink. "Nobody fights here. They all just do goofy things like recite poetry and have tea. They ain't got the guts for a revolution."
"They just need a reason to fight," said Harley. "You have to believe things can change. You have to hope."
The Jokerwocky shook his head. "There's no hope here, toots. There's nothing but madness. You can walk into a room, and suddenly there's no gravity. Or you can drink something and suddenly be a different size. Living in a place like this…it does things to your mind after awhile. And I gotta get outta here before I go crazier."
"Did you bring any of those 'drink me' potions, Jervis?" asked the Cheshire Catwoman. "I could go for a size change about now. They're wonderful exercise, and we kinda do it as recreation here."
"You could do that, or you could try and get the Queen to drink one and shrink her down until she's the size of a mouse," said Harley. "She wouldn't be so threatening then."
"How in Wonderland would we do that?" asked the Scarecrow.
"Put it in her tea," said the Mad Hatter, sipping from his cup. "Everyone drinks tea here. But to do that, we'd need to get close to her somehow."
"Or find someone who is," said the Cheshire Catwoman, nodding.
"Do you know anyone who's close to the Queen?" asked Harley.
They all three shook their heads. "Well, scratch that plan, then," she sighed.
"Don't worry, Harley, we'll think of something," said the Scarecrow. "Just sit down and have a cup of tea."
"I can't just sit here like the rest of you!" snapped Harley. "I can't just stay calm and accept this situation! I'm far away from home in some insane world, with an insane Queen after my head! I need some time alone," she snapped, heading for the door.
"But it's not safe out there…" began the Scarecrow.
"Safer than all of you are in here with me like this!" snapped Harley. She left the hideout, slamming the door behind her. The house was surrounded by a forest of giant mushrooms, and Harley pulled herself up onto one of these and sat with her knees pulled up to her chest. She watched as a bread-and-butter-fly fluttered through the sky.
"Hey," said a voice.
She turned to see the Jokerwocky standing behind her. "Mind if I join you?" he asked.
She shook her head, and he climbed up onto the mushroom next to her. "If it's any consolation, I know how you feel," he said at last. "I was as hopping mad as you when I was first dragged down to this nuthouse."
"I don't know how you've coped being here as long as you have," said Harley.
He shrugged. "Always was good at adapting to a little madness," he said with a grin.
"Why did the Queen drag you down here anyway?" asked Harley.
"She said she needed a new King of Hearts," replied the Jokerwocky. "Apparently that's something she does to men she doesn't like, which is basically all men. She makes 'em marry her, serve her, and then executes 'em when she gets bored of them. I guess she'd run outta suitable victims down here, so she started hunting around other worlds. I was just unfortunate enough to be picked, I guess. I managed to escape from the palace, and ever since then, I've been fighting her, trying to end her reign of terror and get myself back home."
"You always could have married her and then tried to find some way to get rid of her before she executed you," said Harley. "Might have been easier if you were close to her like that."
"That wasn't really a risk I was gonna take," replied the Jokerwocky. "Anyway, she ain't my type."
"What…is your type?" asked Harley, slowly.
He shrugged again. "Well, mostly women who aren't crazy, power-hungry tyrants," he retorted. "But since you ask…blondes with big, blue eyes."
"Yeah?" asked Harley, hopefully. "Kinda…like me?"
"Kinda like you," he agreed. "I mean, in other circumstances…if we weren't on the run from a mad Queen in a crazy world…I would maybe try asking you out on a date."
"I would maybe say yes," replied Harley, smiling.
"And if the flowers weren't alive and singing and spies for the Queen here, I'd maybe get you a bouquet of 'em," he continued.
"I'd really like that," said Harley. "Maybe," she added.
"And if this weren't really the time or place for it, I might try…" he trailed off.
"What?" pressed Harley.
"It's crazy…" he began.
"I can cope with a little madness too," retorted Harley. "Anyway, where better to be crazy than here?"
"I guess you're right," he agreed. "Well, then, maybe if I were completely crazy, I would try…"
He leaned forward, and Harley shut her eyes, parting her lips for him as his mouth grew closer...
"Look out!" shouted the Jokerwocky suddenly, grabbing her and shoving her off the mushroom to the ground.
"Well…that was crazy…" began Harley, picking herself up, but she looked up and saw the Jokerwocky grappling with the Knave of Hearts on top of the mushroom. The Knave had swung his axe, which had narrowly missed her, and which the Jokerwocky had grabbed hold of. The Knave fought valiantly, but he was clearly wounded, and his strength at this point was no match for the Jokerwocky. He finally managed to pull the axe away from the Knave, kicking him to the ground. Harley stood over him, as the Jokerwocky jumped down, holding the axe against his throat.
"What do you think, toots?" the Jokerwocky asked, glaring at the Knave. "Think I should cut off his head and send the Queen a message?"
"No," said Harley, staring at the Knave as an idea suddenly entered her head. "I've got a better idea."