Disclaimer: I do not own the series, Fullmetal Alchemist in anyway.
Who You Are
Now as I sat on the train, I was given time to think about my life back in Risembool. I was given time to just relax.
They say people don't realize what they have until it's gone. Before I knew it, he was gone. Because he realized he had to do something before everything around him disappeared. He left Risembool, not to return for four long years, leaving you to wait and worry. I felt unspeakable sadness, something I couldn't even understand, or explain. I wasn't sure why I had felt so depressed and empty for the next year until I had accepted he was really not coming back.
But he was only a friend, why did I feel this way? Nothing more...
I helped him stand on his two feet again, I've tried to give him all the support he's needed. I just wasn't sure if he would use all the advice granny and I had told him when the time came. However you wait, and worry. You pray and believe. I waited for my neighbor for what seemed like decades, then two more. At the time, who knows why I even waited and cried all those nights. Because then, I didn't even know what 'love' meant. And now, that he's right by my side, now that we are finally in a situation together, where he can't kick me out of it, it's hard to explain how I feel. I'm not used to this at all...
Through out the morning, the train stopped multiple times, constantly letting people in and out. Over all, it was a clean and smooth ride, the black, leather seats seemed new, hardly used. Along with our breakfast, which was decent. Ed asked me if I wanted to play Rummy for he had a secret deck of cards I hadn't known about. I turned my body toward him sitting cross-legged with my back against the window. He turned toward me as well, facing me with one knee bent and his other leg dangling off the seat. He gave me nine cards along for himself, placing the rest between him and my self.
He teased me, I told him he was being a jerk. Though, I kind of think I enjoyed myself. We played for a good few hours before my back seemed to throb from kneeling on the window. He agreed to stop the game, placing it back into the small wooden box I had no idea he even had. I sighed as he rested his head on the back of his seat, folding his arms behind his neck. At that point, the train came to a stop, as the doors opened, and a new crowd of people filled the seats.
"We won't need to sleep here tomorrow night, but our stop won't arrive until that night." He stated shifting his eyes toward the aisle. I sighed bringing my legs to my chest.
"I'm already tired, and it's not even twelve yet." He agreed. "Didn't your ass kill after spending hours like this? What did you used to do on trains?" He smiled closing his amber eyes.
"Play cards with Al..." He shifted in his seat, folding his arms as he let out a deep breath. I watched him breathe for a few moments dreamily, then slowly got to my feet. "Where you going?" "Bath room, I'll only be a few minutes." He nodded resting his eyes again, pulling his feet back as I squeezed by.
"If your gone for more then 30 minutes, I'm going to come look for you." I heard him say as I began walking down the aisle. There was only one bath room in the entire cabin, shared by both men and woman. I locked the door behind me walking right to the mirror that hung over the sink.
I could see myself, standing there, waiting. I saw a pale blue-eyed girl, with long blonde hair in a pony tail that had basically fallen out. She seemed sad, and lost. My skin had lost it's bright, yellow, glow, and it looked as though I was getting thinner. I didn't belong here, this wasn't my home, this picture wasn't right. The mirror shook my image as the train ran over the rocky rail road, as I reached my hand out, touching the parraleel universe infront of me. Ed and Al didn't belong here either, infact we were all born in Risembool, in the world they called, 'Shamballa'. Everyone who was born here, was meant to be. As much as I wanted to, I didn't cry. I needed to at least try, and if I could suceed holding in my tears at least once, that's strength. I was once told, when a person cries, it means they feel safe. Although that doesn't apply to all situations, if you were to think abou it, it works out in most.
Most of the times when a person cries, they are with someone who has caused them one of two things. Pain or love. After I had done what I needed to do and washed up, I opened the door cautiously to find a young woman, maybe only a few years older then myself. She wore dark skin, with a soft face. She had deep, brown eyes, with long, brown hair to match; Two braids were braided at the bottom of her scalp on each side of her head, and pulled to the front of her chest. Her eyes lit up as she suddenly reached out to touch my shoulder. I flinched backward, confused from her sudden movement.
"Excuse me, may I help you?" I asked as politely as I could. She took a small step backwards.
"Sorry if I'm mistaken but your, Winry, aren't you?" She whispered softly, not quite sure of her own words. I froze, not exactly sure what to feel, my body didn't know how to respond. "But your from, aren't you from Risembool?"
"H-how did you know?" I stuttered. I instantly thought of Ben, was she with Ben? Was he around. Where was Edward? Fear swept over me, as I watched my body push her into the back of a seat. She grabbed the handle shocked from my sudden movement, as I walked past her, quickly to the front of the cabin. I was shaking, was I having a nervous breakdown? Why was I so scared of her? What triggered this? And who in the hell was she anyway? I was over reacting, I had to calm down...
I found Edward dozing off from where I had left him. As I tried to squeeze past him, I tripped on his foot, causing me to slip. My left hand fell to his lap, as I grabbed his knee for support. He jumped, startled from my intrusion.
"Careful, Winry, you scared the shit out me." He stated helping me back to my feet, as I fell to my seat next to him. He instantly read my terrified eyes, as I watched his eyes harden. "What's the matter, what happened? I'll kill who ever touched-"
"No, there was a young woman over there, who new my name and said she's seen me before! She knew I was from Risembool!" I said, choosing my word's carefully for I hadn't want to mention anything about Ben yet to him. He took a breath, taking a minute to think before responding.
"No way, what did she look like?" I opened my mouth, prepared to speak to him, when I saw an image behind Ed, standing in the isale. My eyes drifted over to her, now standing above him. He noticed almost instantly, spinning around in his seat. I watched her smile, for now I could not Edward's face. "Noah?"
"Noah?!" "It's good to see you are doing alright Edward..." She whispered. I immediately grabbed Ed's shoulder, forcing his body back in my direction. He seemed surprised of how hard I had pulled. "Ed, who the hell is Noah?" He looked at me strangely.
"Calm down, what's the matter? She's just someone I helped a few weeks back before I crossed he gate." He whispered angrily. I could tell he was hiding something else as he wanted to say more. With my eyes, I encouraged him to finish, however he just turned away.
"Sorry if I scared you, it was just so strange. I knew I had seen you before." I forced a smile apologizing for pushing her as well. Jealously enraged me, she was beautiful. She wore beads and had thick hair. Her eyes invading our space, pricing my skin, with hair darker then black compared to mine. It looked to be stronger nd thicker then my own as well. She looked to have money, and yet I kept asking myself how she knew my name. Did Ed mention me? But that couldn't be possible, for even if he did talk about me, it would be impossible for her to recognize me like that, right? Had they had a relationship together? Why did she adress him so suddenly by his first name? How come he explained her to me like it was no big deal?
My first impression of her, a cold bitch. She began talking to him, as I turned toward the Window crossing my arms and legs. I watched the world drift by, tuning out Edward's voice and hers. I didn't want to listen to their conversation, for I knew what I was going to do. My head banged against he glass window hard, as I let it fall and drift downward as I pouted. I closed my eyes taking a deep breath, and letting it out slowly and silently. Somehow, even through all the conversations going on on the train, I fell asleep. I don't remember dreaming about anything, in fact I remember the color black as I slept there, sitting up, propped against the window. I could see the inside of my eye lids, and I could still here her voice. The sound around me disappeared completely, and I began to feel as if I was completely alone.
I slept for at least three hours surprisingly, only to wake up on my own. I could sence an open body of air on my side. They opened slowly, as I turned to Edward quickly. He wasn't there, his seat was empty, only revealing the leather seat that used to support his body. His bag was pushed under the seat, for his legs weren't there to guard it from sliding around on the train. Rubbing my eyes, I held in my tears for I knew he was with her. I became mad as I ripped my pony tail holder out of my hair, wrapping it four times around my wrist. It was tight and uncomfortable, though I left it. I didn't want to touch it. I bent over, leaning my head over the aisle looking up and down the seats. He wasn't there. He seemed to have completely left the cabin. He would come back though.
He left his bag here after all.
I waited alone for him, and I ordered dinner by myself even when I had planned to eat with him. I didn't enjoy it, because by now my hand had turned light blue, and it was hard to hold a fork. A man asked me if my seat was taken as he had just entered the train. I glared at him, shooting him with an instant frown.
"Yeah it is Mister, so sorry." I mumbled angrily. He walked away appalled by my rude behavior.
When Ed returned, the sun has well set, and lights had lit up the train just as it had done the night before. He sat down with out looking at me, as I waited for his eyes. He sensed my uncomfortable glare after a second,
"What?" I was this close to punching him; God, I felt so moody! But I took a deep breath, I wouldn't yell. Because while he was gone I remembered something. A fact that I could finally accept was true. I remembered how much I loved him, and If I yelled, it defiantly wouldn't make things better, even if our bonds had already been broken. I wanted to scream.
"Nothing, Ed." I sighed pulling my head forward, squeezing my eyes shut. The tears were so close...
I had to stay in control though, my body wouldn't take over this time because I wouldn't let it. He surprisingly let it go.
Secretly, I waited for the lights on the train to dim once again, and for the passengers to slowly drift off to sleep. I pretended to pass out immediately, closing my eyes naturally, and listen to everyones breathing. It took a good 20 minutes, but eventually, Edward's head dropped back, as his chest began rising and falling evenly just as it always had. I sat up, and spoke his name.
When he didn't answer, I touched his stomach with the palm of my hand. Nothing. I smiled realizing he really was asleep. I looked around to see if anyone was watching as I got on my knees, and bent close to his body. My hands ran across his shoulders, and around his back. With my head no further then an inch apart from his shirt, I began searching for anything other then the soft cotton of his black shirt. Up and down, I went back and forth looking. I lifted his arm, slowly and gently, examining his entire limb as well for the other one. I could be more harsh with his right one for he wouldn't feel my soft hands. Searching.
And it was when I found what I looking for did I finally find a tear slide off my cheek, and onto his shirt. I grabbed it, for it layed right next to his neck as I sat back in my seat bringing my legs to my chest. I covered my eyes with the opposite hand and wept silently. I would bear this alone. Why did things need to work out this way? I wasn't prepared for this, I really thought I could trust him. For what I held in my left hand was a long piece of dark brown hair, darker then back compared to mine.
What was a piece of her hair doing there? How could it have gotten there...?
xxx