Author's Note:
I'm one shift short of completing the thirteen days of endless double shifts and I'm counting the hours until I'm off. When I come home tonight the only thing I'll do is fall into bed and sleep for twelve hours straight. I wanted to have this up before tomorrow though and luckily I managed to edit this installment just in time before I have to leave for work.
A big thank you to everyone who reviewed and favorited on the story. It means a lot to me.
Present
Nell entered ops through the pneumatic doors, positive that she would find Eric in their main work area. She saw the back of his tousle-haired head across from the doorway and heard the rapid clacking noise of his keyboard, interrupted only by the occasional mouse click. She watched him for a while, the smile from earlier still firmly in place. Her partner didn't seem like he had noticed anyone entering, deeply engrossed in whatever he was working on. With a few long strides she crossed the room and stopped next to his chair and leaned down until her mouth was only a few inches from his ear. She was well aware that she was mirroring her actions from the previous day, but was unconcerned about his reaction.
"You got the message right," she breathed into his ear, eliciting an ever so slight flinch from him, but he caught himself fairly quickly and offered her a relieved smile in return.
"Morning, Nell," he started, spinning his chair with one foot so he could face her upfront. "I'm really sorry about yesterday. I know you love flowers, so I thought they might be an appropriate way to apologize," he started to explain, but Nell quieted him.
"And it's a really nice gesture. They are beautiful, Eric," she assured him. Her grin lit up the whole room and Eric found his frazzled nerves calm down considerably. "Your apology is accepted." His mouth spread into a wide, truthful smile and he found himself drawn to her natural beauty and the youthful innocent aura surrounding her. He was glad to have such a forgiving partner and best friend.
Eric finally averted his eyes. "You don't know how relieved I am to hear that, Nell," he admitted quietly. "I know it's not an excuse, but I haven't been sleeping much before yesterday and I guess my brain was imagining things that weren't there, putting words into your mouth that you didn't actually say…" He was rambling, he knew it and he probably wouldn't have stopped if it wasn't for Nell's delicate pointer finger touching his chin and urging him to look at her again.
He did so, reluctantly and realized that her earlier smile had vanished and was now replaced by a mixture of amusement and concern. Amused by his habit of running his mouth whenever he was nervous, and concerned probably because she had noticed the dark circles under his eyes, which he assumed would be even more prominent in the bluish tint of the room.
He guessed correctly. Nell called him on it. "Looks like you haven't slept much this night either." The Tech Operator grimaced and tried to avoid eye contact, but she still had his chin in a gentle but firm grip. "What's wrong, Eric? And please don't tell me you haven't been sleeping because you felt bad about yesterday," she warned him, her eyes conveying what she didn't say out loud: This was not worth losing sleep over.
"I was, I am. Feeling bad, I mean," he argued. It was true, but it was a vain attempt at diversion and they both knew it.
"I believe that," Nell answered slowly. "But it is not the reason why you slept so poorly," she reproached him, but softened her voice before she asked what was really on her mind. "Has this something to do with whatever had you acting so strange yesterday?"
She could see a myriad of emotion fleeting across his face and Nell realized that she had never seen him so conflicted before. He usually guarded himself pretty well, even when one of their agents were in distress. Nell felt both elated and frightened to see his walls crumble like this. The former had her feel guilty for being so nosy in the first place. The latter worried her more than she would have liked and she felt a sense of trepidation.
Eric closed his eyes briefly and parted his lips slightly. One single word escaped them and the whisper was barely loud enough to be audible from her position. "Nell…"
His voice took on a quality like an old broken record and she felt something break inside her as well. "Eric, whatever it is, you know you can tell me, right?" she pointed out gently.
He nodded. "I know." His eyes were cast down, focusing on his hands which were trembling ever so slightly.
"So why aren't you? We are partners. You can trust me with this," she urged, placing the hand that had recently tipped his chin on top of his hands. Feeling the tremor in them made her shiver involuntarily. She squeezed gently, hoping to convey reassurance. "Or don't you trust me?"
Eric's breath hitched once, but it was small enough that Nell almost missed it. "I do, but…" he argued.
"But what?" she pressed, determined to get to the bottom of his troubled mind. While she didn't want him to feel forced she needed him to understand that she would listen to him and support him through this, whatever it was. She moved a little and had her free hand join her other and clasped his tightly in hers.
He made a move to extract them from her grip, but she didn't let him and he relented reluctantly. He took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. "I trust you, Nell, I really do. But this is not the right place or time to discuss this." He closed his eyes briefly and then looked at her. "There's only one person in this building right now knowing about this." He frowned. "Aside from me that is. I prefer it stays that way."
Nell raised her eyebrows at him, slightly offended at the presumption behind his words. "Eric, you do know that I would never gossip about anything you tell me confidentially, right?"
He rolled his eyes. "Of course I do. But this building has eyes and ears everywhere. I can't afford having anyone eavesdropping on us or walking in on us while I'm blabbering to you about my deepest darkest secrets," he reasoned. "I'm sure you understand that, Nell." The last part was added quietly but insistent.
Nell nodded. "I do." She did understand. There were things in her past that she preferred stayed hidden from their coworkers as well. And yet, she couldn't shake the foreboding feeling settling inside her. It had her mouth working before she had a chance to tell her brain to shut up, words blurted out unrestrained. "Eric, you're scaring me. What could possibly be so bad that you can't have anyone know about this?" She bit her lips as soon as the question was out.
The trembling in his hands which had subsided a little due to her comfort intensified again and this time he tore them from her hands forcefully, stuffing them in the pockets of his shorts. Anger surged through him and it took all his self-control not to yell at her. "Nell," he gritted out between clenched teeth. "Please stop pushing!" he enforced, closed his eyes and counted to ten, a method he'd picked up way back when the symptoms of his mother's illness had threatened to push him over the edge.
He didn't want to get angry with the Intelligence Analyst. Not again. Not so soon after the last time. Not ever. She wasn't deserving of this, but she had no right to provoke a reaction from him when he clearly told her that he didn't want to get into this here and now. "Look, Nell… I'll tell you. Eventually," he hesitated. "Maybe. But it's not going to be in this moment. Wrong time, wrong place, remember?"
Nell felt a pang of guilt and continued worrying her lips. Eric was right. She was pushing too hard and if she kept doing it he eventually might not feel comfortable telling her anything at all. "I'm sorry," she apologized and he nodded acceptingly and took this as a cue that the conversation was over for now. He turned back to his computer, but she stopped him halfway there.
"Okay, Beale. How about this," she began, drawing his attention to her again. Curiosity and fearful apprehension were written all over his face. She couldn't help the amused smile at the contradictory signals. "You and me. Tonight after work. Meet-up at your place. You provide the drinks. I'll bring Oreos. A bunch of it." She punctuated every phrase with a small nod of her head and a little motion of her pointer finger. "There are no eyes or ears at your place. You can tell me what's eating at you without having to fear anyone listening in. It'll stay inside the walls of your apartment. I swear." She looked at him expectantly, but couldn't get a good read on him for once.
He regarded her with a blank look and contemplated his options. Not that he really had much in terms of alternatives and her suggestion was as good as any. If he was honest with himself, he was shocked by her sheer will to tickle this out of him. Nell was very strong-minded and it was hard to get her to change her mind once she set it to something. It was one character trait he both envied and loathed in her. Right now the latter overweighed the former by far.
Oreos sounded tempting, but the conditions didn't. If he said yes to her proposal, he'd have to tell her at least some of what was on his mind and he wasn't sure he was ready to talk about his mother in front of Nell. He trusted her and he was certain that she'd never break her promises, but part of him was terrified of what would happen if he had a meltdown in front of her. He couldn't risk losing every ounce of respect she might have for him over this. He wasn't sure if he'd be able to live with the shame.
Eric had yet to provide the redhead with an answer when an alert came in on his screen. He averted his eyes from his partner and dared a glance at the monitor. He sighed. The answer would have to be delayed. "New case," he announced seriously.
The Intelligence Analyst deflated with disappointment, but pushed it aside and went into work mode immediately. Rolling her chair closer to the desk, she leaned over to read the message that had popped up on his screen, then turned to her own computer and tapped away at her keyboard. They gathered background information on the case at a fast pace and in companionable silence, their previous conversation pushed aside for the time being.
Once they cumulated everything there was to find so far, Nell swiveled around in her chair and asked, "I'll inform Hetty, you set everything up for the team?"
He glanced at her briefly. "Sounds like a plan," he replied easily, adding in an afterthought, "Care to whistle them up while you're out there?" The request was spoken hesitant and Nell understood. Obvious lack of sleep and a fight with demons that she didn't know about – yet – had robbed him of his usual exuberance.
"Are you sure?" she asked, just to give him a chance to backtrack. She didn't want to cut him out of his childlike excitement over the small action.
He nodded in affirmation and offered her a lazy lopsided smile. "Yeah. Not feeling it today," he admitted wearily and scratched the back of his head sheepishly as a little bit of heat crept into his ears in embarrassment.
Nell watched him for a while and allowed herself to smile. It looked kind of cute to see him embarrassed at something trivial as this, but she wouldn't admit that to him. "Okay," she replied nonchalantly and pushed herself out of her chair with practiced ease. She headed for the door, throwing a, "be right back," over her shoulder. She was halfway out the room, when Eric called her back.
"Nell?"
She turned around and noticed that he was facing her now, spinning his chair nervously from one side to another. The redhead steadied herself at the doorframe. "Yeah?"
Eric swallowed and blushed ever so slightly. "If the case doesn't drag out too long and we get to go home on time," he drew out the last word and paused for a second, taking a deep breath, "we have a deal." A reserved smile graced his lips.
Nell smiled back genuinely. She felt relieved that he was willing to do this and hoped that neither of them would regret this later. She really didn't want to pry, but the curiosity was still there, lurking just beneath the surface and knowing herself she wouldn't give up until she got the answers she yearned for. Eric was her best friend and she would lend him the support he needed. She just hoped that this wasn't something that would test their friendship to a limit and crush either of them.
With that in mind and Erics eyes on her she departed from ops, vanishing to inform the rest of the team.
"Woah there, Eric. You went out partying last night and didn't tell me?" Deeks burst out upon entering the tech lair and seeing the Technical Operator.
"Um, no?" Eric answered, clearly confused by the inquiry. He sat in his chair next to the interactive screen, where he had put most of the needed information for the case in icons and in neat order to be used in the briefing. The task of setting everything up had given him the opportunity to compose himself a little and give his full attention to the case. He was currently facing the doorway, tablet loosely held in his left hand which was resting in his lap. "I wasn't partying," he retorted, keeping his voice neutral despite the unease he was feeling.
Deeks raised his eyebrows at him. "And you expect me to believe that? I'm an investigator, remember? You sure look like a whole new definition of hungover, dude," Marty snorted and winked at him with a smug smile.
Kensi strolled in and joined her partner leaning against the middle console. "As much as I hate to admit it, Deeks has a point." Marty's face lit up at that. "You look like hell, Eric." Her mouth twisted in an empathetic grimace.
"Gee, thanks. I so didn't need that," Eric grumbled sarcastically and lowered his gaze to his flip-flop clad feet. Kensi shrugged her shoulders apologetically.
Sam and Callen decided to enter the room in that moment and Callen immediately stopped in his tracks. "Wow," was his initial reaction when his eyes rested on the young geek. "Hate to break this to you, but you look like shit." Eric groaned audibly. "Didn't you sleep last night?"
Rolling his eyes and sighing Eric adjusted his stance and prepared to answer, but thankfully he was spared an answer as Sam came to his rescue. "That's rich coming from a man who rarely ever sleeps." The Navy SEAL snorted lightheartedly.
"I don't sleep. I nap, Sam. How many times do I have to tell you that?" Callen corrected his partner with mock-annoyance and threw him a sideways glance.
Sam smirked. "Point taken, G. But Eric?" He turned to the man in question and looked him up and down. "Man. You want to give G here a run for his money? 'Cause if I had to bet on which one of you has gone longer without shuteye right now, my money would definitely be on you." Sam turned to G and addressed him with a smile. "No offense."
"My bet would be on Eric, too," Kensi agreed.
"Me three," Deeks added.
"Guys?" Eric cut in, but he was being ignored by the rest of the team for now. Defeated he pushed himself down deeper into his chair and leaned his head back, letting the banter wash over him, but not really paying attention to the words anymore.
"What is it I hear about bets being placed?" Hettys voice joined the mix turning the rest of them quiet for a moment. "Because any money that is obtained in this morally reprehensible way in the work place will be confiscated and deposited in the jar in my office downstairs."
"We were just theoretically speaking, Hetty," Sam clarified, smiling warmly at her.
The Operations Manager scrutinized him through her round glasses and tilted her head ever so slightly. "Theoretical bets. Huh. How about instead of betting on the sleeping patterns of your coworkers in theory you listen to the briefing of our newest case in practice, Mr. Hanna?" The smile vanished from the bulky mans' face immediately. "That goes for all of you, lady and gentlemen." The older woman let her eyes roam, resting on each agent in the room long enough to shut them up effectively.
Nell, who had quietly moved to stand beside Eric and briefly glanced over the screen he had put up, touched his forearm to get his attention and shared an amused smirk with him once he turned his head to her.
"Mr. Beale, the case please," Hetty cut through the small shared gesture and Eric averted his eyes from Nell to acknowledge the older woman with a nod. He dove into the presentation of the case, laying out everything they had gathered so far in terms of traffic cam footage, backgrounds and the preliminary reports from the police department.
Hetty, who was already familiar with most of the facts thanks to Nell informing her earlier, grasped at the opportunity to take a closer look at her young Technical Operator. She had to agree with her agent's observations. The blonde looked like death warmed over. Dark circles under his eyes which contrasted starkly with his paler than usual skin, his forehead wrinkled and irises glazed with a haunted expression. These were all indicators of a night spent trying but failing at getting peaceful sleep. She guessed he must have been disturbed by nightmares, maybe even night terrors. Eric hadn't sported these signs in a long time, not since his first year working at NCIS.
Pressing her lips together in a tight line she wondered what had happened the previous day to have him look so miserable. The yearly leave day was supposed to give him a peaceful mind and restore his energy and strength, not suck it out of him like it had done this time. Hetty wasn't pleased with this moment, but this was not the right time to investigate the causes of her techs' troublesome appearance, so she tore her eyes away from him and turned her full attention back to the case at hand. There would still be time to talk to the younger man later.
Nell and Eric finished filling the agents in on the basics and let them brainstorm on where to start and what to look for. Soon tasks were handed out to each of them and the team scattered out of the room leaving the two youngest alone with Hetty. When the tiny woman made no move, they both waited her out expectantly, sharing a look of confusion.
"Something on your mind, Hetty?" Nell asked innocently after a while in which the Operations Manager had yet to make a move.
Hetty glanced at her sideways and gave a brief nod, no verbal confirmation forthcoming. Nell squinted at the older woman questioningly and they held eye contact for a second longer than necessary, exchanging ever so tiny signals via their mimic that left an observing Eric wondering what they were communicating over. When Nell pushed out of her chair and followed Hetty out of ops without any words said, he simply shook his head and turned to his monitor. The two females shared an almost scary psychic understanding sometimes and he'd gotten used to them having their little secret side missions and he had learned not to pry into what they were about.
Concentrating solely on the case now, he was oblivious to the conversation taking place just around the corner on the balcony overlooking the bullpen.
"Is something wrong?" Nell asked as soon as they had left the room. She had her suspicions why Hetty had silently commanded her to follow her outside.
Hetty pursed her lips. "Maybe. I don't know yet," she answered vaguely. Nell frowned and braced herself at the railing with one hand.
"If you don't know…" the pixie started but was interrupted.
"Miss Jones, I want you to keep a close eye on Mister Beale today," Hetty demanded forcefully and pierced the young analyst with steely blue eyes. Nell sucked her upper lip in and worried it with her teeth, eyebrows drawn together tightly. Mistaking her reaction for confusion Hetty elaborated, "He seems a little…"
"…out of it?" Nell replied too fast and bit her tongue. This was not a suitable description of what Erics' behavior and it didn't sound right in her ears. She winced.
But Hetty nodded. "I wouldn't have chosen that phrase, but yes. He seems distressed and I am worried that it might affect his ability to stay focused throughout the case."
Nell didn't like the sound of her voice and shook her head ever so slightly. Hetty seemed to know or at least have an idea as to where Erics' lack of sleep and enthusiasm originated from. When Eric had admitted to only one person in the building knowing about his little secret she had automatically assumed it was her, but this was actual prove. Maybe she could…?
"Hetty, is there something that I should know about?" she asked bluntly, breaking her vow to never pry for answers whenever the older woman had her run an errand that she was supposed to keep secret from everyone else. She told herself that this was different. This concerned her best friend after all and if she could gather some information before the meet-up with said friend she might be better prepared, right?
"I certainly do, but I'm not at liberty to disclose the facts with you," Nell blew out a breath in frustration. "And I strongly suggest you don't try digging anything up from Mister Beale's records. Aside from being a major breach of confidence you won't be finding anything anyway."
Nell opened her mouth slightly but closed it without saying anything and chose to answer with a rueful nod instead. A moment of silent contemplating, she parted her lips again. "I wish Eric would just open up and tell me what's wrong. He hasn't been himself yesterday and he's even stranger today. I'm worried. I know that Eric can be a little shy when it comes to emotional stuff. I've never seen him close to tears in the five years we've worked together until this morning. It was scary. This is not the Eric I know."
Hetty nodded knowingly, understanding perfectly what Nell was saying. Eric usually came across as a even-tempered and laid-back kind of guy, sometimes even seemed a little too dismissive about the dangers and urgencies most cases brought with them, but the older woman knew most of it was a defense mechanism that he had adopted when taking care of his mother. "Miss Jones, like I said: It's not my…"
"… not your place to tell. I get that, Hetty. I'm just saying that…" Nell interrupted her rather rudely with frustration but it only took one stern look over the rim of her glasses from the Operations Manager to shut her off effectively. "Sorry," the Intelligence Analyst apologized. "You were saying?"
"It's not my place to tell, but I will share this much with you: there's a lot more to Mister Beale than you know. He is a very guarded person when it comes to his personal life and he has good reasons for it as well. He won't open up willingly unless he feels like he can completely trust someone. On the positive, in all the years he's worked here I've never seen him open up to anyone as much as he has with you. If you give him enough time and space, he will feel comfortable enough to share some things with you."
Nell chewed on her lip in contemplation, a frown adorning her forehead that usually only appeared there when she was deeply engrossed in making connections between puzzle pieces of a case. "What if he doesn't?" she asked.
"Oh, Nell my dear, it's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when he will share things with you. He might do so earlier than you think. Just wait," Hetty encouraged her with a warm smile.
Nell sighed and forcefully eased the tension in her shoulders. "Thanks Hetty. And I'll promise I'll keep an eye on him today." Not because Hetty asked her to, but for her own conscience and Erics' sake as well. He needed someone to be there for him right now and she'd be happy to provide him the support.
Hetty nodded once, satisfied with Nell's answer and patted the redheaded woman on the shoulder in silent support. "You do that." The she let her hand drop and gracefully descended the stairs to her office, leaving a thoughtful Nell behind.
This goes to all the Neric-fans amongst my readers: I hope this satisfies your thirst for a little interaction between Eric and Nell. I'm curious about your opinions.
- S.