Chapter One: A Father's Journal

Disclaimer: Not mine, not now not ever

Author's Update: Reposted, first chapter now longer...

Looking back on this entire situation now, Harry realized this was all Sirius' fault. Granted, it wasn't as though his godfather had known what would happen by sending Harry that box, but still, somebody had to be blamed and Sirius Black was a built in scapegoat. After all, just about everyone else in the wizarding world used him as one. Broke your favorite vase? Sirius Black broke into your house and smashed it. Lost a pet? Sirius Black ate it, because he is a cold-hearted monster.

It all started with a box Sirius sent Harry on a few days after his escape on Buckbeak. There was about a week and a half of school left, and Harry was finally, thankfully, done with exams. All there was to do was wait for results. He had been sitting quietly in the Gryffindor common room, soaking in the warm fire and generally relaxing atmosphere, when Hedwig flew in from who knows where and gave hima medium sized box. Harry trusted Hedwig not to give him something harmful, so he took it up to his room. Once there he opened the note on top, and read it.

Dear Prongslet,

I found a place to stay rather quickly, as I'm still the Head of the Black family even though I'm a fugitive...funny that. Anyway, I'm at a family property and I found a few of James' old things here. Most of it is assorted junk, but I thought you would like to see it.

Sorry, can't write much, still a bit out of it...but I will write to you over the summer. Hope you are relaxing at the end of exams.

Padfoot

The letter was short, but Harry figured Sirius needed time to recuperate. His godfather also said he would write to him, which was a huge bonus. Harry found himself inexplicably smiling. He opened the box and found a small collection of James' things Sirius had found.

Harry delighted in looking through photos of his father in his Hogwart's years. There were lots of pictures of the 'Marauders'. Harry scowled at the picture of the rat, but he smiled when he saw a younger Professor Lupin, and Sirius. They all looked so carefree. Harry once again wished he could have known them more. Harry kept looking and found an old quidditch poster, and a chaser's uniform. Harry never knew his father was a chaser, sure he knew he played quidditch, but not as a chaser. The idea made Harry feel like he knew his father even more.

Then Harry found a journal from his dad's Auror years. Apparently his dad had been an auror for about a year before him and his mum went into hiding. Harry had already considered becoming an auror, so this only strengthened his resolve. Even though it was getting late at night, Harry settled in to read the journal.

…

September 1st, 1978

Lily said I've been too stressed lately, she just about threw this book at my head, and told me to write in it. Well, she told me this about a week ago...I guess I'm starting this today for nostalgia purposes. Hogwarts and all that. I've only been out a school a couple years, but it already feels like a lifetime.

Today me and Sirius were advanced to Auror status instead of Auror trainee. Normally we would have to wait several years, but with Voldemort running amuck the Ministry needs as many Aurors in the field as possible. Of course, Sirius and I are partners...what other situation could there be?

Our first case should start tomorrow, or more likely it will be a raid. When I heard about aurors in Hogwarts, I imagined them more like muggle detectives, but I have found out that with the war, we are being treated as a military unit. At least we have our families to go home to.

Lily is training to be healer, and although she is worried about the war, she wants to focus on her studies and become a mediwitch as soon as possible. She wants to be able to help in battle with the Order, and heal people during the fights, so there are less casualties later.

I'm actually quite worried about the Order. Now that I am an official Ministry worker, is it right for me to be in the Order? What am I saying? I sound like Moony! This war is taking a toll on all of us...sometimes I wish I could relive Hogwarts, it all seemed so carefree then.

I wish I could talk to Severus, maybe apologize, but I heard he joined the death eaters. I should have expected this. I don't have the heart to tell Lily, I just know she would blame herself. I blame myself. Sometimes I think it was the Marauders that pushed him so far into the dark, if only…

No matter, I really need to cheer up, no one likes a downer, and Sirius and I planned to prank Wormtail, that always lifts our spirits. This is Prongs, over and out.

…

The entry for that day ended there, and Harry found himself smiling for the sheer reason of having something so concrete of his dad there with him. The entry itself sounded like it had been rushed, maybe his father thought he had been writing to himself. It certainly seemed like it , because there weren't many explanations of what was going on. There were quite a few things he didn't understand. What was the 'Order', and why would his dad want to apologize to Professor Snape, who was apparently a 'death eater'. He loved the mention of his mum. He never knew she wanted to be a healer. Although the entry was short, it contained so much for Harry. He felt as though his dad could be reading the words aloud to him. He continued reading.

Most of the entries were about cases that Sirius and him solved together. James once commented he felt like Watson, a detective in a muggle novel, documenting the cases he solved. He read through these, and it seemed like his dad had been some sort of amazing crimefighter. Those weren't the best entries though. The ones Harry loved were the ones about his mother. His favorite was the entry about Valentine's Day.

…

February 14, 1979

This will be Lily and me's first married Valentine's day. I want everything to be perfect. I have the day off from work and I have planned everything out. First I will wake her up with a special Valentine's day breakfast, cooked by Moony of course. Then I will take her to muggle London, to get away from the wizarding world. I will take her to lunch, then ice skating. And Sirius recommended this new movie, called Agatha I should take Lily to see. Sirius knows his muggle movies, so I trust him. While I do all of this, the Marauders will be setting up a beautiful candlelit dinner for the two of us and maybe later-

…

Harry stopped reading here, not wanting or needing to know the details. He skipped ahead until he found the last few paragraphs of the entry.

…

The day did not start out well. Remus burned the toast, so I took Lily out to breakfast, and when we ordered our food took forever to come out, and it was overcooked. I tried to salvage this by taking her to a showing of Agatha, but for some reason there we walked into a movie about gangs. There was blood, gore, and it reminded Lily of...everything. We had gone into the wrong theater and started watching some movie called Warriors.

I had hoped the lunch and ice skating would help cheer things up. Lunch was fine, but I was a complete klutz with the ice skating. I almost broke my ankle at least four times, I counted four I tell you, and Lily lost her gloves. We started home cold and ready to sleep…

Then we arrived at the house. It had been decked out in pink everything. Hearts, ribbons, and lights surrounded us. Lily smiled at me, and I felt like I was going to explode. I opened the door, and found a sign pointing to the backyard. Out on the back grass was a picnic blanket with a steak dinner. Warming charms had been set up around the blanket, so we weren't cold. As we went to sit down I saw Sirius, Remus, and Peter standing at the back gate. They smiled at me before sneaking out, and all I could think was how lucky I am to have friends like this.

We spent the night eating a delicious dinner and stargazing, and let me say, that will be one of my best memories-

…

Harry stopped reading. He couldn't believe how close the four had been. He wondered where it all went wrong. And reading this, Harry wished he could see Remus and Sirius like that, full of life. They seemed so careworn, so tired. He guessed that's what grief and Azkaban did to you. He kept reading the journal. Harry read how James began growing apart from Remus, as he began spying for the werewolf clans, and how the war grew ever tenser. Lily stopped studying to become a mediwitch, it was too dangerous as a muggleborn. She helped plan defenses against the dark lord instead.

Harry read more and more. A few sections stood out to him, and he read them with extra attention. He never knew the first war was so terrible.

…

June 21st, 1979

Remus, he's spying for the werewolves now. He is working with the packs to see how much they support Voldemort. He tells us he has all kinds of dark creatures working for him. I'm worried. The dark promises rights for creatures, something we should have done long ago, and I'm afraid Remus wants a better life. He might think the dark could give it to him. Can I trust Remus? I'll be more careful-

…

October 5th, 1979

He, he tried to recruit me. I can't say his name. He put a taboo on it. Now if anyone says his name he will find them. He will find them and kill them. I'm not taking my chances by putting his name in writing.

It was a battle, he found me, and he looked at me. Those eyes. Red, bloody, dark eyes. He said Lily and I would make great additions to his army. We spat in his face. We barely escaped. Barely. We are thinking about going into hiding, this is the second time we've escaped him. We need-

…

December 23rd, 1979

Christmas will be here. Nobody is celebrating. The Prewett twins were found dead. Molly is in tears. Her brother. My parents, Lily's. Everyone has casualties. This season is about remembering. Lily wants a child-

…

Harry wondered why there wasn't mention of a pregnancy yet. Surely there would be notice by now...right? Everything seemed terrible. The entries were getting shorter and more depressing. Harry noticed sentences that stood out, that told him how terrible everything was getting.

…

Sirius' brother was found dead. Thought he was a death eater...now we aren't so sure. He was killed with the dark mark above him-

…

Petunia won't talk to Lily, hasn't said a word since our wedding where she told Lily she was making a mistake. She cries at night-

...

I don't know who to trust. Remus is leaving at odd hours, and there's a traitor in the order.

…

Today he killed an entire small muggle town. It was a massacre. Bodies everywhere, so much blood.

…

I saw him again. I was captured, and he came to my cell directly, told me people who stood up to him shouldn't get to live. Ordered death eaters to kill me. I escaped by stealing one of thier own wands when he left.

…

Then Harry found the entries which changed everything.

…

June 10th, 1980

I can't have children.

…

Harry stopped reading. That wasn't possible. He was their son...there wasn't. He couldn't. Harry kept reading, needing to understand.

…

The healer told me it might, might be possible, but it wasn't likely. I had probably been hit with a shoddy infertility curse.

How can I tell Lily? She wanted a child so badly-

…

Harry sighed, but wait. It was only a month before he was born. Why wasn't Lily pregnant? He flipped ahead to a journal dated on his birthdate.

…

July 31st, 1980

Today is my final day as an auror. Lily wants to start a family, and I need to be there for that. We have enough money to last us a good few years, and it is not as though we will be using much. I will write more when the day is through.

I'm in over my head. I can't believe I did this. But it was the right thing to do...right? I needed to, to protect. I couldn't do anything else. Anything else. Breathe. Calm down.

For this last day there was a raid on Lestrange manor. We thought it would be Voldemort' headquarters. We were correct. Death eaters were everywhere. I need to breathe. Whoever reads this, just know I needed to. I couldn't leave the child there.

I had split off from the rest of the group, to search for prisoners, when I heard a baby wailing. I check the rooms, and found a child no more than a month old in the center of a ritual circle. I grew worried. I knew how the ministry was. They would kill the child for being exposed to dark magic. I couldn't let that happen. He was innocent. I always wanted a son…and I couldn't, but now.

I quickly took the child and apparated home. I explained everything to Lily, and she told me we could adopt him. At first I wondered how we could explain away the presence of a new child in our family, but Lily mentioned how the only person who had seen her recently was Sirius and he could be trusted. We could pass the child off as our own. The only problem was he looked nothing like us. So we blood adopted him. The potion would last for fifteen years, then a second dose would be administered, and it would be permanent. He would be old enough then to decide what he wanted.

I invited Sirius over, but I panicked. I obliviated him, and made him believe the child really was our. I so sorry Sirius, forgive me Sirius. I need to protect him. I need to protect my son Harry James Potter.

…

Harry sat still on the bed, in complete shock. This couldn't be true. People would have known, but the war was a hectic time. Any child would be celebrated, and with two brilliant parents to hide his real identity...this was possible. There was no way this journal was forged. And it had been at the bottom of the box. Harry couldn't breathe.

He wasn't a Potter. He wasn't James' son. No, he was, maybe not biologically, but James had adopted him. James and Lily both had given their lives for a son they knew wasn't theirs. They were his parents when it counted.

Who were his parents? They were either dead at the hands of a death eater, or a death eater themselves. Maybe one of his biological parents was still alive, maybe...No. He couldn't go down that path. If his parents were death eaters, then they were beyond redemption. But he only had so much time. A second dose of the potion couldn't be administered.

On a early June night, a third year Gryffindor sat on a windowsill trying to define his entire identity. He didn't know who his birth parents were, but he knew he would find out when he turned fifteen. He just had to prepare until then.

Author's Note: This is a new story for me, and I would love if I could get some feedback on this idea...I know where I am going with this, and I hope everyone enjoys this. I added in a small headcanon about the Marauders, but whatever... next chapter will be a bridge in between finding out who his real parent are…

Bonus points for anyone who guesses right! Hint: They are well-known characters, so no Ocs or anything...