Tuesday September 18th

Dear Journal,

It has been a week since our nation got shaken by a horrible tragedy. We are all, every person in this country old enough to comprehend what has happened and what is happening, still shell shocked. Out of the rubble came 23 survivors, and we now know the story of the brave passengers that prevented a fourth plane from crashing into a building. New air travel laws are already being put in place- nothing will really every be the same again in the United States, or even the world.

And yet, in terms of school, things have pretty much returned back to normal. We're a sixth grade class in the Midwest- we aren't as connected as we would be if we lived closer to the crash sites. We are still connected, being fellow Americans, but life goes on and school, unfortunately, goes on. There really is only one major change- when we say the pledge in the morning, we all somehow say it with more respect.

This whole ordeal has made me realize something. And question another something. Those people who died? They didn't deserve to die. They had thoughts, opinions, ideas, lives, families- things that shouldn't have been taken away from them. Their voices shouldn't have been silenced, their families shouldn't have been ignored.

No one should be ignored.

So why do I ignore others' opinions of me? Why don't I even try to be nice to them? I mean, I believe that my opinions matter, because everyone's opinions matter, and yet I completely ignore other people's opinions.

Caring too much what other's think of you is a big problem. It makes you a pushover desperate for other's approval. But caring too little, as I now am starting to see, is also a problem. If you care too little, then you become mean, vicious, ruthless, because you simply don't care how people see you.

I've noticed this before, and have written about this before, but in the terms of my parents. Now I'm looking at it in terms of my peers. Should I dislike the "girly girls" because their opinion differs from mine?

It's a dilemma to be sure. I guess I just have to be nice to everyone, no matter what their opinions. But I'm not very good at being nice. But I guess I have to try to respect others' opinions, if I want anyone to respect mine and not be a hypocrite.

I hate hypocrites, and yet I'm a hypocrite for saying that. I'm either a hypocrite, or I hate myself, and I definitely don't hate myself, I'm too darn arrogant for that.

But enough self-analysis. It's time to talk about other things, because if I start self-analyzing, its hard to stop.

Danny and Tucker- I never thought I'd say it- I hoped but I never really thought for sure- that I'd have friends in middle school. But I have found that I do. And too super good friends at that. Tucker- the computer genius, Danny the science whiz, and me, not too bad myself, better than average at English, good at math. We make quite a trio: the techno nerd, the shy awkward one, and the almost-but-not-quite-there-yet-Goth.

I've noticed some things about those two- being the silent observer for many years on end does have some perks. For one, Danny is a volcano waiting to erupt. I've noticed how he just kinda takes the abuse Dash- and sometimes- Kwan give him and oftentimes Tucker. I think he's a bit too soft-spoken and/or anxious and/or scared to speak up against him. And talking to adults around this place is practically impossible- they'd never believe Danny over Dash. But Danny can't remain impassive and unresponsive forever- someday dormant has to become active.

I've also noticed that Tucker sometimes gets a little melancholy, not unlike myself. I guess there's only so much rejection the poor guy can take- from the girls he's tried pre-flirting with, from the teachers he's tried to impress, from the peers he's tried to get to at least recognize him. Someday, he as well will explode. He will demand respect, instead of begging for it. And anyone in his way had better watch out.

But those are just my predictions.

Scary.
'Scary' isn't the eternally angry person
being angry once again
That isn't frightening,
just predictable.
You can expect the angry guy to be angry.
You can deal with the angry guy being angry.
No, scary isn't the angry guy showing anger.
Scary is the peaceful person showing anger,
For when the pacifist is angry,
you don't know what to do.
When the little kid unleashes their inner monster,
That is unpredictable.
What do you do with the angry pacifist?
You can't quite them.
When a peaceful person is angry,
it is usually for a good reason.
You can't quell them,
For they have the strength of self-control
Coupled with pent up bitterness
that has probably been building for some time
Oh no, the angry person isn't scary,
The angry pacifist is.

That's all,

Sam.