AN: Hey guys I only got two reviews on the last chapter, and with my average amount of reviews per chapter being seven, I'm kind of sad. So make me happy, and leave a review. It really does motivate me to update. Thanks!

Wednesday, November 15th

Manipulative. Goodie-two-shoes. Crazy. Dark. Geek. Demented. Freak. Eternally angry. Weirdo. Loser. Evil. Insane. Creepy. Mean. Psycho. Nerd.

Some of the words are synonyms. They don't all come from the same person, but multiple people. Some are, in themselves, almost compliments, but the way they are said clearly isn't complimentary.

I try not to let the words hurt me. It's hard.

Sam.

Tuesday, November 20th

Dear Journal,

I think there is a time in every middle schooler's life where they start to wonder who their true friends are. And while in the friends department I really only have Danny and Tucker (but they are awesome friends, even if they can be a bit dense at times) I figured this admittedly cliché experiment was worth... well experimenting with.

And what is this experiment that has got Samantha Manson doing something she hates- being cliché? It would be the I'm-not-going-to-talk-to-anyone-today-and-see-who-talks-to-me-first experiment. It seemed interesting enough. And while I have never been particularly outgoing in the past, I haven't been completely silent. Ever.

So I tried the experiment. And let me just say, it was downright DISHARTENING. While I didn't go the day without talking, I had a total of three conversations.

1. My math teacher asked me for the answer to a problem, to make sure I was paying attention. I might've been doodling in my notebook, but I was still listening, I promise.

2. Tucker asked to borrow a pencil. I still haven't gotten it back.

3. My partner in science class, a girl named Valerie (She seemed like a decent person. If she weren't a part of the popular crowd I could see us becoming friends.) kind of had to talk with me so we could work on our biome project. No, we did not get to pick our partners. Not that that was a bad thing. Danny and Tucker would have probably paired up, and Valerie isn't anywhere near the worst partner I could've gotten.

Okay, I'm really trying to be rational here. I know that Danny and Tucker could've just been busy today, or sleep deprived, or deep thinking a lot, or... or something. There are plenty of possible reasons why my friends (and they are my friends) only talked to me today to borrow a pencil. Plenty of reasons. Plenty of reasons. There is a perfectly logical explanation.

Even if they didn't want to talk to me today, that's only today right? Maybe they had both had headaches and didn't feel like talking all that much. I'm sure we'll share a nice joke tomorrow about how they were so out of it today.

And yet it kinda hurts. I mean Tucker only talked to me to borrow a freaking pencil, and Danny didn't talk to me at all. They didn't even talk to me at lunch. Just to each other...

So what if they completely ignored me! Why should I care? I don't care. I've never needed friends before and I certainly don't need them now. I survived 11.25 years without Danny and Tucker and I can go 11.25 more!

But just because I can doesn't mean I want to...

I'm sorry, Journal, I'm being completely ridiculous! Tuck (I'm trying to get used to calling him that. I'm not really good at nicknames.) and Danny wouldn't purposely ignore me. I'm sure if I weren't so quiet they would have talked to me more. We have the best- and weirdest- conversations. Normally.

You know what I think? I think this "experiment" is flawed. Absolutely flawed. It makes it sound like people are only your friends if they talk to you while you're silent. But people know their friends. And if a person is being silent all day, they probably don't want to have a nice long conversation. So people don't talk to them for that day. That doesn't mean they aren't still friends. That doesn't mean we're not still friends.

Maybe, just maybe true friends aren't the people who will talk to you while you're silent. Maybe true friends are the people who will keep talking to you when you get insane, when you act weird. True friends are the people who, when you are crazy, are most likely crazy too. And when you're silent, well, they're silent too. At least to you.

That doesn't mean I don't wish Danny and Tucker had talked to me more today. That just means I understand why they didn't- I wouldn't want to talk to me while I'm moody either. And I certainly won't be repeating this experiment anytime soon.

Tomorrow is a new day. And I don't plan on staying silent for the rest of my life just because no one talks to me first.

I tried being silent today
To see who'd talk to me first
I tried to keep my mouth shut
To "see who my real friends were"
But my idea was a bit flawed
And to me, no one talked
So next time I'll start the conversation
And we can all give our otherwise unwanted opinions.

That's all for now,

Samantha, AKA Sam.

AN: I've found that this fanfic is just an excuse for me to publish my own diary (although I am writing this as I go along for the most part) online and get people to relate to me. Has anyone else done "the experiment"? I myself did it over a year ago... my results weren't that different from Sam's. One of my friends talked about doing it this year. I tried to convince her not to do it- as I'm trying to convince you guys not to do it. The "experiment" is truly a depressing experience. And it's hard to stay silent for a day. At least it is for me.

This AN has gone on long enough,

InsanityIsClarity