CHAPTER 12
Emily's POV
When I was done, I sighed heavily, trying to keep my shudders under control. I can't believe I said all of that. For weeks, I managed to ignore her and avoid contact and here I was, astounded that I was pouring my heart out in front of her. Again. I braced myself for a laugh or snide remark to seal the deal and send me back to the bottle, feeling the numbness take over as I cry myself to sleep, but once the tears cleared somewhat and I was able to see clearly, I didn't see the cold, heartless Alison, with the smirk she usually had when she told me about my one-sided feelings. I seen a different Alison, or the old one, the same Alison I seen when she was being honest and not being the cruel queen b she thought she had to be all the time. I looked up and I seen the Alison I fell in love with those few years ago. And she was…crying? Before I could question what I'm sure were tears, she spoke. She spoke and not in the confident sing-song voice she used a few years ago, but with the voice she had used when she admitted her feelings for me once. She was being sincere.
"But you're wrong Emily, not about everything, I know I was cruel to you, but you're wrong about some things. Em, I WAS there; I was there when it mattered. I was there after Hanna got hit by that car, I was there when Spencer was thrown in Radley, I've visited Aria at her house, and I was there when you were almost killed by a saw, I WAS THERE. I was there when the barn was on fire, it was me who pulled you out, and I wanted you to come with me Em, I asked you and I meant it."
Alison's POV
After that, the rest of my words flowed from my mouth like the floodgates to my heart were opened. I could barely hear myself talking the beat of my heart was so loud.
"I'm sorry that I left and made you feel like you guys were fighting A alone, but I did it to protect you. And you're wrong again," this was going to be hard to say without crying so hard my words would become incomprehensible, "I do know what it feels like to have the only person who matters to me, who I care about, shut me out. I know now how painful that can be, I know how it feels to want that person back in your life, that you'd do anything for them…I know, I know because the only person I've ever loved is standing right in front of me and these past weeks have been hell for me Em, to not see you or hear your voice. I thought my years on the run was hell, I thought that was the most pain, I'd ever have to feel, but this has been worse, way worse. You shut me out Em, the only person I've ever loved, who has ever loved me, despite my flaws and I know I deserve way more pain, maybe I should be laying in my grave for all the awful things I've said and done to everyone, especially to you, but I've changed and all I'm asking, no, begging for is another chance, one more chance with you and I promise I won't let you down, Em, please just let me prove that I've changed, I-
But she cut me off before I could finish and said as a question in a voice so low I'm not sure I was supposed to hear it, "you love me?"
I looked at Emily, who would not meet my eyes and I looked down at the floor, she didn't love me back. I messed up too many times, she would never forgive me. I felt my stomach twist and turn and my heart turned to lead, but there was no stopping the small smile that crept and the corners of my mouth as I understood that she realized that I loved her, that's all I wanted her to know, and now she did.
"Yes Emily, I- I love you, I love you," I said with more conviction and confidence, "I love you, and I always loved you, no matter what I said or did, I lo-"
But again, I couldn't finish, because she cut me off again, but this time, I didn't mind because she did so without words. My eyes flew open as I felt the palms of her hands against my cheeks and marveled in the feel of her soft lips pressed against my own. I was too shocked to register anything and move until I tasted salt, they were Emily's tears. I knew that she needed to know that she could kiss me and I would kiss her back. So I did. I kissed her back, and I loved it. I wrapped my hands into her long, tousled brown hair and brought her face down, closer to mine and kissed her back with all the passion she deserved, and I put my other hand on the small of her back, but Emily was thinking something else. The way she kissed me was rough and desperate, not what I was used to but she needed this, so I let her have her way. I let her bite at my bottom lip and kiss me so hard my lips felt as if they were going to be bruised. I let her because all I cared about was that she was kissing me, touching me. I stood, kissing her back just as rough, breathing her in. I gave in to her right now, but I'd convince her later how she should be kissed.
And that's when she pulled away, breath ragged and irregular and she rested her forehead against my own, hands still placed lightly on my face and said, "I love you too, Ali, I never stopped."
That was the first time Em had called me Ali in forever, and I loved the way it sounded.