CHAPTER 14

Alison's POV

I grabbed Em's hand and pulled out of my house to my car, duffel bag slung over my shoulder, thudding against my hip as I walked, reminding me of what I had to do later. I let my fingers slip from her grasp as we walked towards opposite sides of the car and I immediately missed the warmth. I opened my trunk and threw my bag in. Reaching the driver's side door, I stopped.

"Em, don't just stand there, get in."

"Mmm, no, not until you tell me where we're going," she said sternly while crossing her arms over her chest.

"Em, please, it's a surprise okay, just get in?"

She stood there defiantly; she wasn't going to budge so I decided I'd force her to choose. I sighed out of frustration, Em was so stubborn, but I wasn't going to let her ruin this surprise.

"Fine," I huffed as I started easing myself into the driver's seat.

"Fine?" I heard her question before I shut my door and turned on the engine. I rolled down the window facing her, "if you don't get in, I'll find someone else to share your surprise with. I waited, and nothing. Fine Fields, "okay then Em, be this way, but don't say I didn't warn you."

Then I put the car in reverse and started to back out the driveway, slamming on the brakes when Em ran behind my car and slammed her hands on top of my trunk, glaring at me with pointed eyes through my rear view. She smirked in amusement and shook her head before making her way to the passenger door and dropped her body into the seat with a huff, staring at me.

I wasn't going to give her anything. "Nice of you to join me."

I looked at her again, but the frustration was erased, replaced by worry and…was that hurt? I was confused; had I hurt her…I was only going like 2 mi/hr out of the driveway.

"Em, wha-"

"Y-you can't, you can't leave me, not again."

Then I understood. It seemed like no matter what I did to try and make things right with her; she would always have memories of the pain I've caused her. I promised myself as well as her that I would work to replace those memories one by one until they were erased from her mind, from her heart.

I reached my right hand across the console and grabbed her left one in mine. She gazed out the window and although I could hardly see her face, I couldn't miss the small glisten rolling down her face. She was crying. I reached my other hand to her cheek to wipe away the tear.

"Em, I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

She sniffed and exhaled deeply, "It's ok Ali, I- it- it's just, I can't, I can't watch you leave, not again, I don't think I would be able to handle it this time."

'This time.' Reminding me that I hadn't just broke her heart and left once. It was my turn to cry, I so badly wanted to reassure her that I would never leave her again, it would be just as painful for me, although I may be wrong. She needed to know that even if the world stood between us, fighting against us being together, I would always want to be right by her side…I just wanted her to know that.

Emily's POV

I didn't expect to cry like this, but since about 20 minutes ago, my emotions have been on a rollercoaster. I just could not bear to watch her leave again. I know she meant it in a playful way, but that still didn't stop the panic from forming within me. The times she had left me played like repeated scenes in my mind, always ending with me feeling empty staring into the back of her head as her blonde locks were carried with the rest of her out of view.

It had mostly been a blur the summer that Ali. Those first few torturous days, turned into weeks, into months and it had just gotten too much, too pain stress, and pain– having to wait, hoping and praying that she'd turn up in one piece. But they filed a missing persons' report, and Alison was nowhere to be found. I remembered forcing myself to imagine that she was vacationing on a beach somewhere but then people started to throw around the word 'dead' and 'murdered' and I, I just… I couldn't deal with it.

I couldn't deal with the thought that I might never see Alison again; not…not alive anyway. It dawned on me that I'd never be able to tell her how she truly felt, never be able to kiss her again. She left and I had lost my first love in a cruel twist of fate, brought on by a sociopath bent on exacting revenge on Ali.

I had known that I scared my parents to death but they had also known how hard it was for me. They hadn't questioned me about the fact that all I wanted to do was spend a lot of time in my room, alone, where I cried and I cried and I cried my eyes out, holding old photographs of me and Alison in one hand and a bottle of vodka in the other. I looked through all of our old photos and took the pain out on the snow globe she had given me, shaking it violently over and over until my arms would hurt. Any other pain was better than the one gnawing its way to the depths of my heart. And when that method of substituting pain for pain didn't work I drank myself into numbness. I was the only one who never recovered: Aria went to Iceland for a year with her family and Hanna found Mona and became the new "it" girl and Spencer focused on school until she was the best that she could be, and there I was. I threw myself into swimming in the hope that it would be enough to drown the memory of Alison but it never was.

Some days I could barely concentrate on anything, no matter how hard I tried. I was always desperate for a drink even though I knew I shouldn't, but I craved it, almost as much as I craved Ali. The oblivion that it created if I drank enough was addictive. But the nights I spent drunk gave me hallucinations that she was alive, she was sleeping in her bed at her house, that I'd get to see her tomorrow, but I woke up and she never was there. Nothing had been enough; I wondered if Alison would always be there in my mind, just below the surface, taunting me every moment of my life. I wondered if I would ever be able to escape her. I didn't have to wonder long.

I realized that no amount of alcohol could intoxicate me the way she did, the way everything about her did.

***Thanks for being so patient, I'm working hard to make this the best that I can. I enjoy writing, especially when I get reviews like the ones I've gotten already, so thank you all. I'm really excited about these next few chapters coming up, but I don't want to give anything away, so I'll leave it like that ) Please continue to review, tell me if you like what I'm writing, especially my portrayal of the characters...I love hearing your opinions, no matter how short or long they are! So review, review, review, please and thank you. And updates are coming soon!***