Chapter 15
Alison's POV
I could tell Emily was drifting again, and I knew what about this time.
"Em," there were even more tears now, as she turned her head slowly towards me, I leaned back into my seat, turning my body to face her; my hand was still covering hers. I could tell I had snapped her back to the present, "Em-"
She looked up slowly and the twinge of pain intensified as I looked back into her eyes. It was like every feeling she had, I could feel too. We were both, desperate, in pain, confused and I hated myself more and more with every second that she felt nothing but happy.
"If you leave me again," she starts threateningly but I squeezed her hand and shook my head.
"I couldn't," I whisper, "I couldn't go through that ever again."
She throws daggers at my chest again, "but you have before," she hits her mark, "what's stopping you?"
I was almost speechless, it seemed like it was going to be impossible to win her heart back after I had worked hard to push her away, but I was not giving up on this, not on her or us, never again.
"I couldn't do that to you again. You don't know how much I regret hurting you." My voice was cracking, "If I could do it all over again, things would be so different."
"How?" She asked, but when I was still forming my response she demanded the second time, "How, Ali?" The firmness in her voice jolted me.
But I couldn't tell her how. Maybe I would have admitted my feelings for her but what if she realized how bad of a person I was and left? I didn't deserve her, I probably still don't, and Emily deserved-deserves the best.
"You never stopped caring about me did you? Even after everything I put you through. If I didn't go away, if I had stayed, maybe I would've had enough courage like you to admit my true feelings. Maybe we could have been together, but it wouldn't be for long-"
Emily stiffened, I didn't mean it in a way that I would reject her again, I just knew it would be the exact opposite.
"How could you say-" but I had to cut her off and explain.
"I'm not saying that we wouldn't last because I would leave you again, Em…I'm saying the opposite."
Her eyebrows moved in towards each other, making that dimple above one of them and her eyes searched for anything on my face that would make her understand.
"Em, you need to know the truth, I never ever wanted to hurt you like that, I let you get closer to me than anyone else ever has and probably ever will. But- but, it scared me, it still scares me. Maybe I found away to win you over and you loved me, but- but…"
I was getting choked up and was surprised to feel Emily's thumb rub its way back and forth over the back of my hand. It gave me the right amount of temporary courage to finish.
"You would've gotten tired of me after awhile Em. You would've realized that I was just a terrible person. I still don't know how you ever saw any good in me, but you would've figured it out, that I wouldn't be good enough for you. You, you would be the one to leave me."
Emily's POV
Well, this rollercoaster has taken another loop. I sit in Ali's car, listening to her and my heart can't help but swell in pain and in love towards the girl who's only 2 feet away from me. I can feel the tremble in her voice as she speaks. I know it is hard for her to admit these things and I'm starting to become convinced that she really is being genuine. I can start to forgive her slowly, but not all at once, because that would be dangerous. She's getting choked up the longer she goes on and the tears running down her face are constant, so I rub my thumb over the back of her hand that is placed on mine and look at her to continue. I know she has to say this I much as I need to hear it. But I'm shocked at what she says.
"You really think I would have left you? That I would ever, could ever leave you?"
"I was a terrible person. I know I would leave me if I was you," she mumbled as she turned her face away, mumbling towards our hands, which are now clasped together.
"Well you're not me, and you couldn't see yourself the way I did, the way I still do. I wanted to be with you for the rest of my life, Alison. How couldn't you see that?"
I waste no time in grabbing her face and bringing it just inches from mine. She meets my eyes with hers, and I promise I could swim in those sea blue eyes forever and not care if I drowned. That moment subsided as I closed the distance between us to capture her lips in mine. I decided not rush the kiss, this time we both needed to go slow, feeling ourselves melt into one another for the first time. I just let it happen. It was a good decision.
Alison's POV
As I kissed Emily back, I noticed it wasn't fast and rough like before, but deep and passionate. Our lips molded perfectly together, and we kissed in a synchronized manner, I knew when to turn my head left as she turned right and she knew the same thing. Our hands fell apart from one another's only to roam over the other girl's body. I placed on hand on her shoulder and the other was tangled in her hair, bringing her closer. I could feel my body temperature rise as the kiss continued and neither one of us came up for air. Emily got up from her seat to lean her body atop the console, pushing my back farther into the driver's seat. Our chests were now flush against each other but I cursed our current position – in my car – for preventing the rest of our bodies to be pressed up against one another. If our situation was different, I doubt that I'd still have this shirt on too.
"Em," I released with one long hard breath, but she continued to kiss my lips, stealing any oxygen I was trying to inhale.
"Em, please. I. Can't. Breathe."
She moved away from my lips, momentarily allowing me to gasp for air before she continued her way down my neck this time, mimicking the circuit of biting, sucking and licking that I had practiced on her neck not too long ago. I moaned softly as she continued her ministrations, allowing my head to fall back in pleasure, granting her even more access to my neck. In this position I felt so powerless, exposed and vulnerable, not to mention incredibly turned on. I was considering taking her back inside to continue what she had started but she started to pull away before saying in my ear like it was a secret, "Now, let's not get carried away Ali, I still want to know what you're hiding from me in that bag of yours. And just so you know, I won't be kissing," she kissed my jaw slowly, "or touching," she ran her hands down my arms so light that it tickled, "or even giving you that look," she practically moaned in my ear, "until I know."
"Then we had better get there fast," I said boldly. She pulled away and buckled her seatbelt, eyes forward, with a smirk, knowing how unbelievably sexy that was.
I continued to stare at her in amazement, when she cleared her throat… "You can't stare at me like that all day if you're going to drive. I'd drive and let you drool on yourself but I have no idea where the hell we are going."
I shook the thought of jumping her right now in my car, I didn't even care if anyone seen us, but I followed her lead and buckled my seat belt, putting the car in reverse again.
"Are you hungry," I asked, realizing that I hadn't eaten since early this morning and thought that she probably hasn't had anything to eat since last night.
"I'm starving." And I couldn't ignore the way my body reacted to the double meaning in her words, and the way she said it, slow and seductive. When did my sweet Emily, my mermaid become such a tease?