Thursday March 10th, 2002
Dear Reader,
I bet you thought I was so far gone that I believed I was talking to a notebook, one that could hear and understand me at that. I'm pleased to reassure you that that is not the case, instead I know that I'm writing to You, whether You are my parents, Danny, Tucker, or someone else entirely. Yes, I know you're there, and I know you're reading this.
And next time I write in here, I'll once again be "talking" to Journal, but for right now I want to talk to You, and not the plural you either, the singular you, where you know I'm addressing you, [insert your name here].
It's rather nice to have broken the fourth wall, but now that I'm talking to You, I really don't know what to say. I mean, I probably don't know much about You, excepting if You are Danny, or Tucker, or my parents (in which case, STOP READING!), and You know a lot about me, that is if you haven't just been skimming through here.
So since We can't really talk about You, I guess I must talk about me, as selfish as that sounds. (Although, whoever You are, feel free to write me up a note and slip it in the pages, I will respond, and hopefully You'll get it, since You have seemed to find my hiding place.)
It might be weird to address my reader, but someones reading this, so I might as well. For all I know You could be older me. (And if so, PLEASE leave that letter- I really want to know how We turned out!)
Great, now I'm breaking the space-time continuum. Whatever, I'll just put it on the list of universal laws I've broken, right after gravity. (Still haven't figured out what's up with my ponytail, and still no one acknowledges it...)
Seeing how I won't be talking to you again unless you leave me a letter (and please do, future me or not, I don't want to lose You forever), I guess this is goodbye.
Bye, [insert your name here],
Sam.
Wednesday, March 16th, 2002
Dear Journal,
So there was this girl who committed suicide a few states over because of bullying. It's all over the news.
I don't understand why, to be honest. I know I've written about why I don't understand self harm and suicide before, but this time, it's something new I don't understand.
I don't understand why she claimed that no one was there for her.
I mean I understand that there are periods in your life when you go through feeling alone (heck that lasted years of my life), and maybe she just went through a long period of feeling that way... okay, so I guess I do understand that part.
What I don't understand, I think, is why no one was there for her. There had to have been someone right? I guess I'm just trying to overcome my rapidly-diminishing optimism, but I don't understand why she had no one. Even if they weren't that close or were gone for a while, someone had to care about her. Right?
Monday March 21st, 2002
Dear Journal,
Do you maybe have any tips for controlling anger? Please? Cause I am so ANGRY! right now.
It started out as a good day, great even. I was walking out of my house to go to school and Danny was riding by on his scooter and he offered me a ride. So instead of walking, I got to ride practically hugging Danny to school. It felt awkward at the time, but now I can't help but look back on the moment in fondness. He and I walked into school together and to our lockers, which were pretty close (considering all the sixth grade lockers were in one wing), and walked over to Tucker's to meet up with him.
What we found- or rather heard- still enrages me. And probably won't stop until I get revenge.
I seem to be needing revenge a lot lately, but this time it's different.
Tucker didn't ask to be trapped in his locker overnight.
Usually we walk a few blocks out of school together before Tucker turns onto his road. But last night he had to stay after to use the computer lab to write out an essay (I would've told him he could use a computer at my house, but I don't want them knowing I'm rich yet...), so Danny and I left without him.
Although I know we probably couldn't have stopped the four seventh graders from shoving him and locking him into his locker, I still feel a little guilty for leaving him behind.
And although I know we probably couldn't have stopped the four seventh graders from shoving him and locking him into his locker, I do know I can stop them from shoving him into his locker again.
I just have to figure out how three of the smallest sixth graders are going to take down three of the largest seventh graders.
Wish me luck please
I'm thinking I'll be needing it
Wish me luck please
As the odds are against me
Wish me luck please
And maybe some advice
I'm without a plan,
But I've got fire in my eyes.
Sam.
AN: Middle school readers: No, you probably won't get shoved into a locker. The lockers they give you in middle school are so tiny, and added with all the books they'll give you, you probably won't fit. Rest assured!