Ding!
I blinked owlishly. in the direction from where I came from, was a door. I ignored it though. I sat down on the empty chair, surrounded by an extreme quietness. Everywhere I looked was empty with still air. Not another life source, but mine. I sighed, resting my elbows on the table and my head in my hands. staring blankly at the table. The last couple minutes replaying in my head like a broken film. There was an unexplainable feeling flourishing in my heart. It was warm, bubbly, and comforting. But it was also confusing.
This feeling was foreign, one that I did not recognize. The closest I've felt to this was the love of a child to one's parent. But it was stronger...wait! T-That meant t-that I lucifer Heaven renamed Allen Walker, had fallen for-for Kanda! So this is what all famous writers and romantics gushed on about... love at first sight. I let my head fall onto the table with a low clang, a small groan of misery leaving my lips.
Not only did I fall in love with a total bastard that now hates my guts, but with a guy none the less.
It's not that I'm homophobic or anything, but I always told myself that I was straight. Maybe that's why everyone I knew before this mess hates me. Because they knew all along that I was g-g-gay. My face suddenly turned completely red at the word. I couldn't help it, the word was foreign to me. Never had a reason to use it in this way, only saying it when I had sang 'deck the halls' in Christmas with my parents.
Oh god... my parents!
What would... no! what ARE they thinking of me now? They never showed signs of being homophobic, but who knows. But if they were, I could only imagine them turning in their graves. Cry's of frustration, sadness, and anger leaving there decomposing lips. Eyes seemly wide with pain of this discovery, as maggots crawled about. Hair furiously flying about as they tried to claw out of their coffins. Screaming Bloody Mary and cursing my name for disgracing them. My mind was so cruel to me. These images flashing behind my eyes like if it were a horror movie. I stood and ran through the door, not waiting for it to close, throwing myself at the bed. Shoulders shaking violently, loud bawls and sobs escaping from parted lips.
Burrowing my face into the pillow. My heart throbbed, the pain was unbearable. It felt like it was being tugged from all sides, as if small paper cuts were being formed. I felt so confused, how could i have fallen in love so quickly. I had just met the guy. I felt bewildered for the first time in my short life, i felt truly alone.
When i lost my parents i wasn't lonely because i still had family members. Even if i knew that they despised me. At the orphanage, i had the company of the night sky outside my window.
But now... i had none of those things.
It was that then that reality hit me. I was alone and in love with someone who was probably straight and hated my guts, my living family members hated me, and i was in some sort of facility where they experimented on people. The tears still did not stop flowing, hot salty drops falling from my eyes and onto the pillow, if anything this realization made me cry harder.
After a while my sobs turned into quiet pitiful whimpers. I curled into myself, looking like a ball of white. I choked back a sob, and instead started to hiccup.
"Why cant i be loved and have a normal life." i whispered into the room.
The lights of my room turned off, basking me into darkness. Making me curl into myself more. The room reminded me of my loneliness.
"God. If you a-are real, please just e-end my suffering." was the last words i said as i slipped into unrestful sleep.