A/N-Enjoy-review-no copyright infringement intended-anything you recognize is not mine.

We stepped into Granny's and all speaking stopped. It was odd enough that their Prince was frog marching his slightly put out daughter into a booth as an equally angry Captain Hook walked beside them (okay that part might not have been so odd) but then throw in Hook's oddly pristine doppelgänger and an amused looking Evil Queen followed by an equally happy looking Snow White and a fuming Instrumentalist and there was bound to be a story. I was shoved into a booth and David slid into the seat beside me before someone else could claim that spot. Our entire party crowded into one booth and Hook nearly glowered at his past while still managing to look adoringly and happily at the brother he had seen die before him.

"Speak." He commanded.

"I find it difficult to believe that I become so hostile and uncivilized in my life and I apologize to each and every one of you for my bad form." He smiled at me and I weakly returned the grin, trying not to stare at the oddity.

"Shut it." Hook responded bitterly. "You have no idea the hell you are soon to endure. I used to be worse. Horrible even, for about 300 years but I have recently stumbled upon a reason to, ah, improve my form." I could feel Hook's eyes on me and I tried my best not to blush.

"Well, shall we get introductions out of the way?" Hook's brother began as lightly as possible, particularly given the situation. "I am Liam and this is my younger brother Killian."

"David," My father began, holding out his hand. "This is my wife, Snow and my daughter Emma," He gestured to us respectively and shook Liam's hand. "Of course you know Hook and this is Regina and this is Rumpelstiltskin."

"Hook?" Young Killian asked cautiously. Hook held up his appendage.

"Bit of a long story, mate, but I suppose that you sort of deserve it." he glanced at Gold almost sheepishly.

"Yes, you did although after I killed her it may have been a bit overdramatic to take your hand as well." Gold replied almost immediately. There was an awkward pause.

"Well that's about as close to an apology that these two will ever share, Miss Swan I am not sure how you did it but if that isn't magical I don't know what is." Regina added quietly.

"Me? What did I do?" I protested loudly.

"I don't know-but this didn't happen until you showed up."

"I seem to be hearing that phrase a lot lately." I muttered.

"Again, I apologize for the intrusion on this seemingly important conversation, but did you introduce Miss Emma as your daughter? Forgive me but you seem to be of a similar age." Liam interrupted.

"Hold on!" I interjected before my father could answer for us. "I'm getting really good at this." Everyone stopped and I could feel Mary Margaret's amusement as I began. "Are you ready? This can get a bit confusing. Okay. So-and Gold, stop me if I mix up this timeline seeing as you're the oldest one here-Rumpelstiltskin marries this gorgeous women named Milah and he has to go fight in the ogre wars and is excited at the chance to stop being known as the coward's son so he goes off to fight but he meets a seer while he is there and the seer tells him that his wife is pregnant but his actions on the battlefield will leave his child fatherless so he injures himself and returns home so that his son, Baelfire, will not have to grow up with the same awful fate he experienced, growing up without a father. But apparently that was this horrible thing for the Enchanted Forest back then so Milah resented him and worked at this bar all day to avoid being anywhere near him and one day she meets this dashing pirate who sweeps her off her feet and eventually she can't cope with her husband so she begs the pirate to take her away on one of her adventures and so she abandons her son and husband (Baelfire and Rumpelstiltskin) but Rumpelstiltskin doesn't want his son to grow up motherless so he goes to the ship to try to bring her home but Rumpelstiltskin and Captain Killian Jones of the Jolly Roger sword fight and Jones kicks his ass-no offense Gold-" I paused realizing that today Gold was the most powerful of us all.

"None taken, dearie,"

"Right, so Killian kicks Rumpelstiltskin's ass and he and Milah run off together as Rumpelstiltskin returns home to care for his son but then the ogres come back so they start recruiting children and Rumpelstiltskin doesn't want to lose Baelfire too so he calls upon the Dark One to help him but the Dark One tricks him and instead of letting Rumpelstiltskin control him he transfers his curse onto Rumpelstiltskin who then becomes the Dark One, ends the ogre wars and saves his son but as the name implies, becomes extremely dark and twisted and eventually pushes his son away enough that a chain of events begins that puts Baelfire in England and keeps Rumpelstiltskin in the Enchanted Forest and Baelfire is super pissed at his dad so he continues to hide from Rumpelstiltskin for a few hundred years but before we get to that I should bring up our lovely pirate friend. So Killian Jones and Milah have been traveling and having all these lovely adventures and falling in love and they find themselves back in the enchanted forest and Killian and his friends are out drinking one night when they come across Rumpelstiltskin and he asks what happened to Milah and Killian, wanting to protect her, lies and says that she had died. Rumpelstiltskin is now pissed so he challenges Killian to a duel and because Killian is an idiot with a death wish he agrees,"

"Excuse me, love," Hook interrupts, good naturedly. "I believe you meant because Killian is a dashing man with good honor, he agrees to protect his love."

"No I meant because he is an idiot. Anyway Rumpelstiltskin is magical and all powerful so Killian is about to die when Milah jumps out and is all-don't kill him! - so he doesn't and they go back to the Jolly Roger where they make a deal for a magic bean that will make a portal so that Rumpelstiltskin can get to Baelfire but Rumpelstiltskin, being the evil maniac that he is, decides that he is more pissed about the situation than he has so far let on so he fights with Milah, verbally I mean, and then he ties Killian up to the mast and rips out Milah's heart and crushes it, killing her, but Killian still has the bean so Rumpelstiltskin cuts off his hand and takes it, thinking that his fist contained the bean but really Killian is cunning and that wasn't where the bean was at all and Killian has now sworn to avenge Milah's death so he goes off to Neverland where he can't age so that he can find the secret to killing the Dark One and stays there for 300 years or so. A bunch of time passes and then Regina falls in love with a stable boy but her heartless mother, Cora, and I do mean that literally-Cora ripped out her own heart to avoid her feelings-Cora magically spooks the young Princess Snow White's horse as Regina is out riding and Regina is a brilliant rider and a good person so she goes and saves Snow and Snow's father who is looking for a new wife decides to propose to Regina and Cora accepts for her but again, Regina is in love with Daniel the stable boy so they decide to run off together and Snow White finds out about it and agrees to keep their secret for the sake of true love. Cora then tricks Snow into telling her the truth and rips out Daniel's heart and kills him after which she tells Regina that Snow was the one who told her starting a lifelong vendetta against Snow White which causes Snow to run away and become a bandit when she was in her early 20s after her father dies and the queen hunts her down but she is super good at being a bandit and steals from the queen to survive. Meanwhile in this foreign kingdom, this shepherdess has twins and the King of that kingdom requires one of them as his wife cannot have children. So David's twin James is raised as a prince and David is raised as a shepherd but when James is killed the king needs David to take on a beast to save King Midas' kingdom so that King Midas will give him gold and David kills the beast and Midas' daughter and he are betrothed but then he meets Snow and they fall in love and a whole bunch of shit goes down but then end up getting married but Regina is PISSED about Snow being happy so she casts this curse sending everyone to a world without magic where no one has a happy ending except for her and no one remembers their past lives or each other but have all these fake memories instead but David and Snow were pregnant with yours truly, and they sent me away in a magical wardrobe because there was this prophesy that said that on my 28th birthday I would return and the final battle would begin and that happened and we broke the curse and the Hook showed up all gung ho and ready for his revenge but a bunch of stuff happened and they aren't so angry with each other all the time anymore because Gold has found his true love and his son and Killian went all soft and mellow thank God because I was getting really sick of throwing him in jail." I stopped and took a deep breath, looking around at everyone. "Did I miss anything?"

"You and my son met before you came here and he got you pregnant but you didn't think you could handle it so you gave him up for adoption and Regina adopted him, not knowing he was your son, and that's why you came here and that's why Regina stopped being evil." Gold added.

"The reason I'm 'all soft and mellow' is because I'm in love with you." Hook added, still glaring at his younger self who did seem to stop staring at me. I had thought that it was simply because I was the one talking but with Hook's angry expression I wasn't so sure anymore.

"I'm not really okay with Hook loving my daughter." David added tersely.

"But it's not really our choice, it's Emma's and we need to respect whatever she chooses," Snow said, kicking David under the table.

"You didn't mention me at all!" Ruby chimed in peering at Liam over the table. "Hi, I'm Ruby but you can call me red if you want sailor, who are you."

"Captain Liam Jones ma'am." He stuttered, unable to tear his eyes off Ruby's long exposed legs despite himself.

"Yeah, you didn't mention me at all!" Henry added, climbing over the booth and shoving himself between David and me. "Hi. I'm Henry. And that's my dad Neal." He gestured over the table at Neal who was standing awkwardly beside our group. "So that's our story, what about you?"

"Wait a minute, I think I understood all of that but I am confused on one point. I figured out where I pick up the Hook, but where was Liam in all that, and how did I become a pirate?"

"Your precious king lied to you and because of his treachery your brother died and because you knew the truth you were also condemned to death so you ran off and took what you needed, becoming a pirate." Hook's voice was riddled with anger. This was starting off to be a very interesting day.