The Doctor awoke sitting bolt upright in bed, the air rushing into his lungs as he took a huge desperate breath. He sat there gasping, trying to determine what had happened. As more oxygen entered his bloodstream he realized what it was. He'd stopped breathing in his sleep. He was at the point now in his decline where he needed to be awake to keep breathing. He could no longer rely on his body's autonomic functions to keep his lungs operating for him. If he'd had any doubt that he was at the end of his life, this confirmed it. Staying in bed was pretty useless now, if not actually dangerous. He wouldn't be sleeping again.

It was just a few minutes past midnight. A soft breeze was blowing into the room. He could hear the rustle of leaves outside. He considered taking a shower but he didn't want to wake anyone. He dressed quietly in the dark, his blue suit and the burgundy t-shirt. The same clothes he had arrived to this world in. He picked up the horse head cane and silently entered the hallway.

He made his way to Rose's room hoping she was awake and they could get going. There was no movement inside that he could discern and he was loath to wake her. He had no idea how her talk with Jackie had gone. If it had gone badly, disturbing her sleep would not be a good idea.

He went to the kitchen to see if he could make himself some tea. He found what looked like the tin Jackie kept his tea in. A quick sniff confirmed it was the right one. He made a pot and carried a tray with the tea and a cup out to the garden porch. There was a small white painted table that he placed the tray on before sitting in the rocking chair next to it.

He leaned his cane against the table only to have it clatter to the porch floor as soon as he leaned over to pour the tea. He winced at the noise. He didn't want to disturb anyone's sleep, against the backdrop of the quiet night, the sound the cane had made seemed overwhelming. He finished pouring the tea and sat back in the rocking chair while he sipped it, debating what to do. He didn't want to irritate Rose and wake her before she was ready, then again he didn't wait too long and waste precious time he didn't have. His waking up the way he did had given him cause for concern. He might have even less time than he thought.

He rested his head against the high back of the rocking chair, letting it fall wearily to one side. He heard a faint swishing sound followed by a sharp squeak. An owl had plucked its prey out of the garden. He didn't know whether to feel sorry for the mouse or envious of it not having known the time of its own death. Either way, the nocturnal raptor had gotten what it wanted.

He continued to listen to the night sounds, the crickets and frogs creating their own quiet symphony. It was disturbed by the mechanical sound the mansion's air conditioner kicking on. He thought about going back upstairs to close his bedroom windows but decided not to bother. His door was closed and as were the vents in his room. The open windows would have minimal impact on the cooling of the house.

Soon he heard a rush of water going down a drain and the knocking sound the pipes often made when the water was first turned on. Someone was up. Possibly Rose. Maybe he could get going soon. Strange that he should be so eager now to get it over with when he had been putting it off for as long as possible. But his hope for a reprieve, some last minute save, to take the terrible decisions he had to make from him, was gone. There was no more time. It was up to him, his skills and no one else's.

He heard the sound of a shower, he hoped it was Rose. If it was, she should be down soon and they could get going. If it was Jackie, there would be a breakfast and more time wasted. He was fairly sure Jackie knew this was his last day. She would want to fuss over him and make sure he had plenty to eat. He really didn't have time for that. He'd tried to say his goodbyes last night; it would have to be enough.

He picked the cane up off the porch and stood up. He left the teapot there hoping it would be a sign to Jackie that he had what he needed and was gone. He saw Rose coming down the stairway as he entered the house. He met her at the bottom. "You ready to go?"

"I thought Mum was going to make you breakfast." She eyed his cane with disdain but said nothing.

"It will be easier if we just pick up something on the way. The sooner we get to Torchwood the better."

She pursed her lips and closed one eye while studying him, He could feel her suspicion and distain. "Well, just so long as you tell her it was your idea. I don't want to get blamed for anymore of your tricks."

"That won't be necessary, but if it is, rest assured I will tell her it was my idea."

"You'd better. I don't' want her mad at me because of you again."

"I don't either. Trust me, if there is a problem I will tell her it's not your fault. Come on, I thought you were the one who couldn't wait."

"I can't, why are you so eager?"

"It's time, that's all."

Rose led the way to her car, a pricey SUV that never left the pavement and seldom had more than one passenger. The Doctor settled into the passenger seat putting the cane between the seat and the door. Rose again looked at it with displeasure, but said nothing as she put the car in gear.

They drove past the stables on the way to the motorway. He made a half hearted effort to see Shadow, knowing it would be almost impossible. The village was quiet; all the businesses shut, not even a solitary dog walker to be found. The motorway was eerie, he could see one set of taillights off in the distance, an occasional solitary pair of headlights would approach and pass them going in the other direction.

He looked over at Rose, her face illuminated by the glow of the panel lights, even more eerie than the deserted motorway. He could see the single minded determination on her face that had enabled her to rapidly rise to power within Torchwood. He wondered if his brother had ever given her what she wanted if that determination would have lessened or at least been turned to less destructive goals.

He looked away from her and leaned against the car door hunching his shoulders, huddling against the cold of the air conditioner. He could already feel Rose's distain for him and what she felt was his infirmed act as an assault on his energy field. He was loath to adjust the climate controls as a result knowing it would aggravate her further.

He took a chance on adjusting the vent so it at least wasn't blowing on him anymore. One of Jackie's throws would have been welcome right now. He closed his eyes and tried to think of something other than the temperature.

He wondered about Rose's return to his brother's universe. What would happen if he succeeded today. Would his brother just take her back? He hoped not; that would be the wrong answer for both of them, but his brother really did have a hard time seeing clearly where Rose was concerned. But if he didn't take her back what would he do with her? She had too much knowledge of the future and alien technologies. She could easily cause problems that would necessitate his brother's involvement, constantly drawing him back to her.

His brother could erase her memory but then what? There was no family to leave her with as there had been with Donna. He doubted Mickey would take her back. He couldn't see his brother just leaving her on the street to live rough, maybe turn her over to a group home till she got on her feet. No he really couldn't see his brother doing any of that. Rose without her memories would be a Rose that needed him and the whole disastrous cycle would just start all over again.

The Doctor sighed. He'd failed his brother and might very well be sending him a problem he was ill equipped handle. He'd made a right hash of things from the start. He had shared his brother's cocky arrogance, feeling his task here would be simple. How hard could it be to keep one human distracted and happy? For him it turned out to be impossible. When he looked back on it, every choice he made had been the wrong one, leading him inevitably to this desperate end.

He had to help her get back; he had no choice. He couldn't leave her here after he was gone. There'd be no one to stop her and the worst thing imaginable would happen. He hoped his brother would forgive him.

He opened his eyes and sat up as he felt the car slow down. Rose turned into one of the all night service stations that populated the motorway. She parked near the entrance, gave the hand brake an extra hard jerk, slamming the door as she got out. She had apparently worked herself into a temper. He sighed and reached for his cane, getting out slowly and followed her inside.

The service station was brightly lit, lots of chrome and shine providing a sharp contrast to the eeriness of the uninhabited motorway. It gave the impression of being clean and modern, but the age and neglect was apparent if one was observant, a crack in the glass of the display case, mismatched hardware on a door, a ring of rust around each screw head, dirt and grime in the corners.

Rose already had a tray in hand and was quickly placing her selections on it when he entered. She was about to check out when she noticed the Doctor was hanging back and hadn't even picked up a tray yet.

"Don't tell me you didn't bring any money?"

He gave her a half smile and shrugged.

"All right, get yourself something. How were you expecting to get home with no train fare? I'm certainly not going to drive you!"

"There's always Pete," he replied, as he tried to figure out what in the display wouldn't turn his stomach into a war ground. He settled on a shrink wrapped muffin, then poured himself a large cup of coffee.

Rose examined his tray suspiciously. "I thought you liked tea?" she asked almost accusingly when she paid for the two of them.

"I do, but this is more for medicinal purposes. I just need a large dose of caffeine," he explained, following her into the dining area. He carried the tray with one hand while he used the cane to ease his progress. He arrived at the booth Rose had chosen. A bit of the coffee spilled as he tried to set the tray down one handed. She impatiently rolled her eyes at his clumsiness. He sat down and leaned the cane against the booth wall.

"You don't have to do that anymore," she declared.

"Do what?"

"The whole dying act. You may have fooled my family but I'm not buying it. You are going through a lot of trouble and wasting time for nothing. So just drop it!"

He studied her carefully as he considered his reply. She truly didn't believe he was dying. He could explain the truth to her, go through the evidence, start an argument, have her get upset but unconvinced, a waste of time and precious energy.

She wasn't a monster. If she ever realized the truth about what she had done it would be devastating to her. Her disbelief was a defense mechanism. It was why she cried when her shield of denial started to crack. Deep down, part of her knew the effects of what she had done. Knew she had nearly destroyed the entire time space continuum when she made it back to his brother. Knew she had been killing him with her attempts to go back to his brother again.

But she could never let this knowledge see the light of day; admit it to anyone, not even herself. It would mean she would have to abandon what she wanted most in life, take responsibility for the consequences of her actions and she was unable to do that, at this point it would be a horrendous burden. So she lived the lie, dwelled in delusion.

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. His best course at this point was the path of least resistance. Try to deflect her with a bit of unexpected humor

.
"I think I look quite dapper with this cane, don't you? Besides, your mother has gone to all that effort collecting them all, might as well put at least one to good use." He quipped.

She frowned twisting her mouth to one side as she shook her head slowly. She did however uncross her arms and start in on her breakfast. The Doctor was relieved. He didn't want a fight and he couldn't afford to give up the cane, he needed it. His ploy seemed to have worked.

He drank his coffee and nibbled on his muffin. He really wasn't hungry, but felt he should have something in his stomach. He watched Rose carefully. He had a question he wanted to ask for no real reason other than his own curiosity, just to see what her thought process was concerning her return. She looked up at him when he had finished his muffin. She slid a five pound note across the table to him.

"Go get yourself something else to eat. That muffin can't be enough for you. Try the danish. You always like those."

He smiled. He really didn't want anything else to eat, but she was feeling gracious at the moment and he didn't want to break that mood by refusing her offer. He bought himself a danish and some yogurt and returned to his spot across from Rose. Trying to sound casual he asked his question.

"When you get back, what are you going to tell my brother?"

"What do you mean what am I going to tell him?" The Doctor winced internally. She was becoming defensive.

"Well, I just wondered what you had thought to tell him as to why you were back. Surely you must have thought about when you will first speak to him. It's going to be a big moment. You should have something planned. It will set the tone for the rest of your relationship." He tried to keep a tone of gentle concern in his voice.

He could see her mind working, trying to figure out if this was a trick, deciding if she could trust him. Then her expression softened. "To be honest, I really hadn't thought about it. I've just been concentrating on getting back. Remembering how I felt when he was running towards me before that Dalek showed up. I know he wants me, needs me, it's important that I be with him."

The Doctor kept control over his emotions. A stupid childishly romantic moment that had nearly killed them both was what was stuck in her mind. In some ways he wasn't surprised, it confirmed just how irrational Rose was when it came to his brother. She saw herself as a princess in a fairy tale and her brother the magical prince that only had eyes for her and could handle any situation as long as he had her for inspiration, but would be lost without her, the special one.

He tried to be careful in how he responded. "Well, remember, he did leave you here for a reason. You might want to think about what you are going to say about that."

"I'll just tell him what you have been telling us. That the energy is wrong here and it killed you." She smiled pleased with herself.

"I thought you didn't believe that."

"I don't, but I can sell it. You were convincing, had everyone fooled. I'll just explain it the way you have. He'll believe me. It won't be a problem"

The coral was becoming agitated; the Doctor could tell it felt she was wrong, her plan wouldn't work. "That's alright it's not our problem, we have our own job to do. Just relax please, I need you calm" the coral responded to his silent pleas, apologizing and singing a quiet song of comfort in the Doctor's mind. "Thank you" he thought softly as he found himself relaxing with the corals help.

He looked at the table. All the food had been consumed and it was time to go. "Well, you have it all under control then. We should probably go now."

"What, no lecture? No, trying to convince me I'm bringing ruin on the universe?"

"No, no lecture. We do need to get going." He reached for his cane and stood up.

She frowned at him. "Can't you just lose that thing?"

"What, lose my horse head cane? I like it. It's as if I have Shadow with me," He held the cane up and crooned to it. "Don't worry, Shadow, I won't abandon you. You're safe with me."

Rose gave a begrudging smile despite herself. "Come on, quit stalling, let's go." she ordered, conveniently forgetting that leaving had been his idea.

The rest of the drive to Torchwood was uneventful and they pulled into the garage before sunup as the Doctor had hoped. Their footfalls echoed on the marble floor as they entered the reception, the guard looked up from his book, surprised to see them there so early.

The Doctor saw his reflection like a specter in the windows while they waited for the lift. Gaunt and pale, dark rings under his eyes, cheeks sunken, hair dull, the suit that had fit him perfectly when he arrived hung off him, like he was a kid in his father's clothes, his finger tips barely extending past the sleeves. He wasn't surprised Jackie had decided a wheel chair was needed. That Rose felt the cane was an affectation designed to gain sympathy showed how strongly she held on to her denial of the facts.

They said nothing to each other as the lift took them to the top floor. Rose strode quickly to the lab and entered. The Doctor followed wearily, leaning heavily on the cane for support. Sooner than he wanted he was outside the lab. He stood there steeling himself for the responsibility that lay within. What happened there in the next few hours would decide the fate of Rose, the world and possibly the entire time space continuum. It seemed so melodramatic when he thought of it, but the truth was, it did all rest solely on his shoulders. Hopefully he wouldn't make a hash of it.