Hola my faithfuls! So, a couple things I want to say before we begin. The first one is TRIGGER WARNING! This chapter does contain a death and slightly graphic description. You have been warned. I also just wanted to say THANK YOU GUYS FOR YOUR RESPONSES. In the last two chapters' reviews, I have gotten some VERY interesting comments… Among them were "Great mother of googly moogaly" "He odes the cha cha he goes caramba and then chici chici boom chici chici boom boom" "I don't have to cut Jace's ass off" A "threat" to lose a viewer, someone not drowning their sorrows in chocolate anymore, a "TYPE AWAY MY YOUNG AUTHOR", and much, much more. As you can see, my scroll through the reviews was VERY entertaining and AWESOME. Thank you guys so much for making me smile when I needed it ^-^. You guys all ROCK.
I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's meant to be broken
I just want you to know who I am
-Iris, Goo Goo Dolls
I walked down the stairs (and did not almost fall three times), and walked into the common room.
"Damn!" Aline shouted from where she sat on the couch, "Someone put some effort into today!" This caused Helen to turn her head towards me, and I saw her draw drop. I strode over to them shakily, falling into the cushions with a sigh of relief.
"Do I look good?" I asked, out of breath, "Is it worth not being able to walk straight?"
"Definitely." Both girls responded, and I laughed.
"Today's not your birthday," Helen tilted her head to the side, "so what are you all dressed up for?" I just shook my head, not wanting to lie, but there was no way in hell that I was telling them the truth.
"Did Jace give you a special surprise yesterday?" Aline joked, wiggling her eyebrows. I couldn't control the blush that crept up my neck, and looked down, unable to meet the other girls' eyes.
"OMIGOSH HE DID!" Helen yelled, and I drew my finger across my neck in a motion that clearly said cut it out, but that didn't faze the two.
"What did he do?!" Aline prodded, and I just shook my head, burying my face in my hands.
"Yeah, what did he do?" I jumped, startled by the new voice. I looked up, mentally wincing, as I saw that Izzy had taken a seat next to Helen. I swear her almost black eyes were piercing my soul, and digging around for my secrets.
"Nothing, you guys." I waved my hand dismissively, "I mean, we watched a few movies. It was nice. But that's it."
"Uh… Obviously not." Aline raised her eyebrows, "You're just lucky it's only us in here. I have a feeling the rest of the girls would have skinned you alive."
"What do you mean?" I furrowed my eyebrows, completely and totally lost. The three shared a long look, as if they were mentally communicating, then, they nodded, and Izzy grabbed my hand, pulling me up.
"Turn around." she ordered, obviously trying not to laugh. I put my back to her, and heard the click of her phone snapping a picture.
"Okay." I faced her again as she spoke the word, and gasped at what was on the screen. A dark red mark was clearly visible on the back left of my neck. Heat flooded my face, and I refused to meet the eyes of the girls.
"I... fell." I used the same excuse Alec had given so many years ago. Apparently, at least, according to the dry stare she offered me, Izzy remembered too.
"On your neck?" Aline raised her eyebrow, and I gulped.
"Okay... so maybe a little bit happened." I waited for the envitable slap or angry words from the other contestants in the room, but instead, all three girls squealed.
"Did anyone else notice?" I asked Izzy, and she shook her head.
"If you hadn't started Simon on his Star Wars rant, he would have." She smiled at the mere mention of her boyfriend, "But he didn't. Strawberry?" Isabelle offered me the fruit, and I gave her a glare. I wasn't oblivious to what she was planning. I knew if I took the strawberry, Jace would conveniently show up right as I was eating it.
"C'mon." Helen egged me on, "You know it looks good." I shook me head, crossing my arms, adamant to refuse the attempts at making me look... like that. Aline stood up and kneeled in front of where I sat on the couch. "You want a strawberry," She swung the fruit in front of my face like a pendulum,
"It is looking yummier and yummier as you fall deep into its spell." I rolled my eyes, and, just as I suspected, two deep voices were approaching. I raised my eyebrows, giving each of them their own accusing look.
"Hey Clary, I just dropped my room key behind you, could you get it?" Helen asked, and I bit my lip, wondering what they were planning.
"Sure.." I eyed her suspiciously, then turned around, making sure to not let my butt stick out as I assume they wanted. Suddenly, two surprised sounds met my ears. One sounded like a strangled and horribly concealed groan, and the other sounded more like a high pitch squeak. I whipped back around to fine Jace and Alec staring at me, eyes equally wide.
"What?" I tilted my head, "Do I have something on... Shit." My hand immediately went to the mark on my neck that I had forgotten about. I laughed nervously, looking at me.
"You fell on your neck, didn't you?" I could hear the smirk in Alec's words, and I looked up long enough to glare at him.
"Maybe…" I mumbled quietly to the amusement of all my friends, who, apparently, enjoyed my suffering. I cleared my throat.
"Jace, say something. Please." I noticed that, for this incident, he was being abnormally silent.
"It's the 2nd." He whispered, and Isabelle, Alec, and I all fell silent. Helen and Aline seemed to be quiet due to confusion. I felt myself drifting, as they would call it, drifting away from reality.
"Hey." A firm voice roused me, "Clary. Listen to me." Golden eyes surfaced in front of me, and it was then that I realized I was shaking.
"Shhh…" Jace pulled me into his arms, stroking my hair softly.
"It's okay. I'm here." His voice too low for the others to hear, "Just… Just… Stay with me. Don't you dare go back there. You're here. Right here next to me." I struggled to keep the sobs in, knowing how it went every year. I would try to hold in my sadness today. I would put up an exterior, but I would be gone. Untouchable, even though today wasn't the actually day. That was tomorrow, but tomorrow would me the day that I would act completely fine, not unaffected, but strong. I would be there for Jace, take care of him, even though I was dying inside. Don't get me wrong, he wasn't just letting me wallow in my sadness, he really thought that I was okay. The 3rd wasn't a day that he was up to par in his attentiveness, and I couldn't blame him. I remembered it… I remembered the accident like it was yesterday.
—-
Five Years Ago
"Why are we making such a big deal out of this?" I whined jokingly.
"It's your birthday, sweetheart." Celine Wayland turned back from the passenger seat to face me, "Well, your birthday party at least."
"So that means you have to call Jace home from his piano camp thing in Jersey?" I asked, honestly feeling horrible about pulling him away from his passion, "We Skyped yesterday."
"For your information," Michael Wayland spoke from the driver's seat, "we didn't ask him to do anything. He was the one that made us promise we would pick him up in time for the dinner." I raised my eyebrows.
"Really?" I laughed in disbelief.
"Yes," Celine confirmed, "I pro-" And that was when we swerved.
"MICHAEL!" Celine shrieked, "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU-"
And then the impact came. The drunk driver that Michael had been trying to avoid smashed into his side, right in the front, almost as if it were aimed for him. My cries combined with the screech of breaking metal and sliding tires. I didn't even realized we had flipped until my head slammed into the top of the car, shattered glass embedding itself in my skin. We rolled back right side up, the car finally sliding to a halt. My vision blurred in and out of focus, and there was a roaring pain spreading all throughout my left side.
"Clary." A soft voice rang out, and it was then that I realized I had stopped screaming, and everything seemed to be completely silent, "Clary, sweetheart, stay with me. Please stay with me. You can… You can do this." I forced my eyes to stay open, even though it felt like there were explosions going off in my brain. In front of me, the car had collapsed, and I knew that there was no way in the world that Michael could be alive under… under that. A sob escaped my mouth, but the soft voice called yet again, and I refocused on the golden eyes that stared at me from the passenger's side.
"Celine." I managed to choke out the word, and sucked in a sharp breath as I saw her state. Blood soaked her from her previously white top to her long blonde hair, and a chunk of metal… A chunk of metal stuck out from her middle.
"My eyes are up here." she attempted to joke, but I could hear the pain in each syllable. I swallowed hard as she reached out a feeble, shaking hand, tipping my chin up once again.
"You have to make it." Surprisingly, her voice was not weak, as it should have been, almost like she was pouring every last strength into it, "Clarissa Adele Fray, we both know I… I can't, and that I don't have much time. But you can't lose hope. You can't die. If you can't stay for you, stay for Jace. You can't leave him alone." She coughed, blood spraying from her mouth, "Tell him that Michael and I love him. Please."
"Celine, no!" I pleaded, "You have to make it. You have to stay with me. I love you! Don't go." Tears rolled down my face like a waterfall, and I could see her irises fading, almost like a flame growing dimmer.
"Promise me you'll stay." Her voice was losing it's volume, "Stay for you. Stay for me. Stay for him."
"Don't you dare leave me!" I yelled, trying to reach out, only to realize my arms were pinned to my sides, "Celine, Celine, MOM!"
"I love you, Clary." Her voice was barely audible, "Stay strong for each other. He needs you as much as you need him." Her eyelids fluttered, and then dropped, and with that, I was alone.
"Help!" I cried out, despite the fact that no one could hear me, "SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME." The pain came in waves of heat, like lava rolling through my veins. I could feel the blood leaving my body, and my eyes began to grow heavy.
Just close them, I thought, Close them and it will all be over. Then, Celine's words rang in my mind,
"If you can't stay for you, stay for Jace."
I forced my eyes open yet again, clinging to every good thought and memory I could. Flashes of my friends, my family, all played like a movie. Stay for Jace, the words echoed in me, and I fought through the harsh white of pain that filled my eyes. I focused on him, every single detail about him. The way he felt, the way he smelled, the way he looked. Then, I pictured how he would be at the funeral, and I knew at that moment that I couldn't let him go through this alone. No matter what it would take.
It felt like hours before police sirens filled my ears, and suddenly, the metal was creaking again, pulling apart. A crack of blue sky appeared, and, for a second, I thought I had died, then, the first breath of fresh air entered my lungs.
"I'm… I'm here." I croaked, and my words were met with various shouts that blurred together before I could comprehend them. Suddenly, I was up in someone's arms, and a mask was placed over my nose and mouth.
"It's all gonna be okay." The fireman's voice caused his chest to rumble, "You'll get through this. I know it." That was all the assurance I needed before I closed my eyes.
—-
"CLARY!" Isabelle's shout brought me back to reality, and it was then that I realized I was shaking, my face wet with tears. Several people kneeled around me, their faces swimming in and out of my vision.
"Hey." Jace's strained voice stood out, and everyone else seemed to take a step back. I was gently lifted into his arms, and he began carrying me to my room, the rest of the group following close behind. Time blurred, and, before I knew it, he sat down on my bed, softly cradling me in his arms.
"Clary what's wr-" Aline halted her speech, and, in my mind's eye, I could see the harsh glare Jace was training on her.
"Sorry." she whispered, "Is there anything we can do?" I shook my head, sucking in a deep breath and calming myself.
"No." I answered, wincing at the broken tone of my voice.
"No." I repeated, my voice stronger this time, "I'm okay." They all gazed at me, disbelief evident in their expressions, but no one made a fuss as I stood up, wiping the tears from under my eyes, "Well, don't stop staring at me. We've got a long day ahead of us."
—-
Needless to say, Jace was glued to my hip for several hours, pestering me every few minutes with
Are you okay?
Are you sure you're okay?
Are you sure you're sure you're okay?
Even though I denied having any problems, he knew me too well, and, without the other girls even noticing, he gave me my favorite foods, favorite drinks, and he was always touching me. But then, night rolled around, everything started to hit Jace, and the alcohol came out.
"Why the hell do you think I told you to cut the drinks?" I hissed to Chris, who was staring down at his feet.
"I couldn't exactly take the bottles away after I handed them out." He defended feebly. I scoffed, the noise containing my disapproval.
"Okay, okay." He relented, "I get it, I'm sorry." I rolled my eyes, refocusing on a clearly drunk Jace who was swarmed with the rest of the bachelorettes. I sighed, watching the girls shamelessly throw themselves at him. In their defense, a lot of them were just as drunk as Jace, four empty bottles of whiskey littered somewhere on the property. I pushed my fingers through my hair, grumbling curses under my breath as I marched into the kitchen, frankly wanting some of the alcohol myself. I knew I couldn't get drunk though. Not tonight.
Any other night I would've drained half a bottle alone, but not tonight. I angrily grabbed a bottle of water, chugging the contents and half wishing that it was vodka. I scowled at the bottle, as if it was the cause of all my problems, then walked out into the common area, only to find all the girls miffed, an air of annoyance settled over the room.
"Where's Jace?" I asked, scanning every corner for said man, "And where's Seelie?"
"They both seemed to be having a lot of fun when they headed to his room." I was surprised that, of all people, Kaelie was the one who responded. At that moment, I didn't care as I switched into my protective mode, knowing full and well that Seelie knew that she was taking advantage of him. No, jealousy did not play a part in this, not even a little bit, no. Without another word to anyone, I set my jaw, making my way up the stairs.
As I walked down the hall, very loud (read: annoying) giggling became audible. I pounded on the door, seething as I waited for a response. The noises promptly stopped, and I heard footsteps approaching. Seelie poked her head through the doorway, clearly annoyed with my intrusion.
"What do you want?" She sneered, glaring at me like I was something on the bottom of her Prada stilettos. I opened my mouth, about to unleash the fury of hell on her when a voice interrupted me.
"Clary! Come back to bed." Jace's slurred voice rang out, and, to my surprise, Seelie looked more embarrassed than shocked. "Posing as me, are we?" My tone was coated with a veneer of calmness, too furious for the news to shock me. Seelie's face turned a deep red, and she made no efforts to deny me.
"Now I suggest you get out of here before I do something we'll both regret." I saw a hint of fear flash in her eyes, and that was when I realized just how scary I could be when it came to Jace. She stared at me, frozen, and swallowed hard.
"I said get out!" I made no move to disguise my unbridled hatred. Seelie let out a squeak (yes, an actual squeak), then ran out of the room, leaving the door open behind her. I stormed in, trying to simmer down enough from the little incident, then, my eyes met Jace's. His irises shined like molten gold, and my breath caught as I realized he was, in fact, shirtless.
I gulped as he jumped deftly to his feet, and yelped as he grabbed my waist, dropping me onto the bed then straddling me. Luckily, I came to my senses before the point of no return (a.k.a. A kiss), and placed my hands on his shoulders, pushing him so that he flopped to my side.
"Jace. Stop it." I commanded, and even drunk Jace knew not to push me. I turned to face him yet again and pulled him into my arms. He buried his face in the crook of my neck, returning the embrace tightly.
"It's okay." I shushed him as sobs began to rack his body, "I'm here. I'm right here." Then, he uttered three words that broke my heart.
"Don't leave me."
SO…. I couldn't let you be happy for too long, could I? OF COURSE NOT! So, there's this goal I have in my head (that I'm sure everyone on fan fiction does) to be on the first page when you set the site to "sort by most follows" I am so happy to say that I am #74 out of 10.6K (K-T Filter on)! But I would absolutely positively love it if you guys told your friends about this fic, favorited it, followed it if you haven't! Thank you all for your awesomeness, and we are FAR from over. Thank you so much, and I loooooove you guys. Until next time, my faithful followers!
-Shadowhunter5801