Me: There is no excuse for just how insane I really am.

Mims and Cautai: -wave at readers-

Me: I don't know where this came from, no actually I do. Misumisu84's stories are to blame, but it's not completely like hers. You'll understand when you read this. Oh, it's for Father's Day by the way.

Disclaimer: I don't own Final Fantasy; I'm just holding it hostage.

Warning: Cloud and Zack being mean to Sephiroth as my insanity leaks onto the page.

Dedication: Misumisu84 gets this one, cuz she's awesome and her fic Maternity Leave, kind of inspired this, just a bit, but still gets a mention because after reading her story this popped into my head.

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"I'm not going to tell him!" came a furious whisper from behind the Sephiroth's office door.

"If you don't then I am!" came the vehement reply.

"Tell who what?" the silver haired man asked as he entered his office.

Cloud's head whipped around so fast his blond spikes actually became slightly disheveled. "Nothing!" he squeaked.

"You gotta tell him Spiky," Zack hissed.

"No I don't," Cloud said through gritted teeth.

"Cloud," Sephiroth said softly, trying and mostly failing to sound comforting, "You know you can tell me anything."

"Not this," the blond looked away.

"Why not?"

"Because Zack is…"

"Cloud's pregnant!" Zack yelled.

Sephiroth stared blankly at his second in command, desperately trying to process what the raven haired man had just said. "Wait…what?"

"Cloud's pregnant and didn't want to tell you," Zack sighed.

"He can't be pregnant."

"It's the mako, messes with our genetics," the first class soldier put an arm around the small blond as he spoke, "If only a small amount of exposure can alter Cloud this much then both of us can probably get knocked up too. You need to start wearing a condom cuz I am not getting knocked up like blondie here."

"Zack," Cloud started.

"No need to be embarrassed," Zack squeezed the blond slightly, "We still love you."

"How do you know he's pregnant?" Sephiroth asked.

"You know how he was sick the past week? Well I took him to see Hojo and…"

"YOU TOOK HIM TO HOJO?! ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID?" Sephiroth yelled, "WHAT DO YOU THINK THAT LUNATIC IS GOING TO DO TO MY BABY?! Great, now I need to kill Hojo."

"Seph you don't need to kill Hojo…well you do, but not because of this," Cloud sighed.

"Yes I do!" Sephiroth started to pace, "If he knows I've reproduced he'll make sure I do it again. And don't tell me that it might not be mine because I don't think Hojo will care or take that into account. He'll just see an excuse to try to meld all the DNA of the strongest SOLDIER together. He has already fucked up my DNA, now he'll want to spread the fuck!"

"Seph calm down," Zack held up his hands, "It's not that serious."

"Of course it's that serious!" Sephiroth yelled.

"Zack lied," Cloud said flatly.

"Damn it Spiky!" Zack pouted, "You were supposed to keep him going until he turned red!"

"You were lying?" Sephiroth asked numbly.

"I can't be pregnant," Cloud stared at the silver haired man, "It's impossible. Zack was attempting to blackmail me into going along with it, but I don't care anymore. I let Zack see those naked pictures of you, the ones where you're all wet and your hair is kind of in your face but not really, and he posted them online. Sorry."

"Zack."

"Yes Seph," Zack said nervously.

"Run. Now."

"FUCK!" Zack's eyes widened and he bolted out the door, Sephiroth on his tail.

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Me: Short, yes, do I care, no. I was going to be working on this last night after work, but I fell asleep like three lines into typing. Then I was going to work on it today, but my parents took me car shopping and I GOT A NEW CAR!! It's so pretty and I love it. It's blue, I named it Sephiroth. Obsessed? Me? NEVER! Then I was going to work on after I got home, but there's a mammoth storm going on and there might be a tornado, so I am severely freaked out, but have to get this in, and apparently can't stop the run on sentence to save my life, so I'm just going to keep typing. And it ended. So yeah, fell asleep, got hijacked to buy my baby, mammoth scary storm. And that's why it's short. Now to put this up before the wireless cuts out.