10- Helplessness

Things were slowly getting back to normal. Well, as normal as they could be when you suddenly found yourself missing two friends. And as normal as they could be when you spent every waking moment in fear of the Captain of the Royal Guard.

In the end the second part wasn't really all that different from before, Link supposed. They just had a lot more cause for worry now. There hadn't been any visible changes in security around the city since they'd left, but none of them could shake the feeling that something had changed. Maybe it was the guards' demeanours, the way they carried themselves like they might squash anything in their paths. Maybe it was the way most of their group's contacts had gone quiet, a few even sneaking out of the city in the dead of night, not planning on returning. Maybe it was because Dana and Simin were gone.

Maybe it was the wanted posters plastered around the city, the ones that meant Nabooru, Aveil, Kian, and Ganondorf could no longer go out any time they wanted. Not without taking precautions and planning all kinds of escape strategies in case they were recognised.

Things were changing, and not in Link and the others' favour. Captain Impa was really cracking down, it seemed.

Still, they did what they could. And even if it didn't feel like enough at least they were doing something. Link hated the idea of just languishing, watching their home steadily crumble around them.

They ended up doing less stealing and more trying to intimidate guards whose heads had grown too big, who thought they could do as they liked to anyone who couldn't pay them off or who didn't get out of the way fast enough. Ones who revelled in flaunting their authority, abusing it to teach the people they were supposed to be protecting some twisted kind of lesson.

Link hated them. They were so much worse than the incompetent soldiers he was used to, and even if they were a minority it was hard to see them that way when it was all he saw, day in and day out. Sure, he deliberately sought them out, but the fact they were there in the first place was telling all on its own.

Did Impa know about it? Link found it hard to believe she'd let something like this slide. Even if he'd never really got along with her he knew she was a good person. She couldn't let injustice like this go unchecked any more than he could. Or at least, he'd always thought so. But now that he was constantly looking over his shoulder for her she seemed to be nowhere to be found; it felt like it was just him and his friends, alone against the world.

But as bad as things seemed to be, they still hadn't hit rock bottom. Link tried to stay positive, to seek out the silver linings where he could. He still had his friends, and even if it was only a little he was still able to help people. Ganondorf was still at his side, still intent on doing good. That was the most important thing in the end, wasn't it? That the wheel of fate stayed broken, that they continued on their unprecedented path. Side by side, doing good. Link didn't have to worry about sages, or temples, or fighting to the death against some impossibly powerful force set on destroying Hyrule.

No, that impossibly powerful force was on Link's side this time, and was slowly gaining some measure of control over said power.

It seemed silly to Link that Ganondorf would choose now, when they were back in the city surrounded by people who could end up as collateral damage, to start testing out the limits of his magic. Link often found him sat somewhere in their current safe house, brows furrowed and mouth set as he tried to move some object or summon little balls of bright golden energy that always set Link a little on edge. He'd been on the receiving end of that power more times than he cared to remember.

And sure enough, once he'd got over his reservations and fears of hurting someone, once he'd found some measure of confidence in himself, Ganondorf's abilities started growing. Link always found himself torn between pride and a more instinctual apprehension whenever he thought about it, but he had bet his entire world on this particular gamble and all he could do was have faith in his friend. If anything, Ganondorf's own hesitancy out in the forest was reassuring; if he didn't want to hurt people he wouldn't let power go to his head.

Link hoped. He knew the pull of the Triforce all too well, and his just made him stupidly reckless. Ganondorf probably had a long fight ahead of him.

Well, for now they had better things to worry about than the distant future and the Goddesses' design. Their corrupted home, for example.

It was a regular day when rock bottom loomed closer. It was just a regular day; chilly, lit with bright, cold sunlight, the city bustling as it always was in the morning, no matter the season. Link and Ganondorf were holed up in the dining room of the week's safe house, Link struggling through a dusty tome in Old Hylian he'd found up in the attic, Ganondorf lazily juggling a couple of little energy balls. Their gentle crackling was the only sound, aside from the occasional turning page and the constant low murmur of the city outside. Aveil and Nabooru were out probably making mischief, Kian and Maram shopping. Maram because of the six of them she was the only one besides Link who didn't see their face on a poster every few streets, Kian because he didn't seem to care much about said posters. He could usually charm himself out of dangerous situations, anyway.

It was a peaceful, lazy day.

And then the front door crashed open.

Link was on his feet in an instant, dagger in hand, expecting to hear the clatter of armour or a barked order from Impa as they were finally found, finally arrested.

Instead he got a shriek, so out of character and frantic it froze him for a moment.

'Ganon- Ganondorf!' It was Maram, Link was pretty sure, but it was a little hard to tell with her voice as cracked and high as it was. 'Ganondorf!'

There was a thud, a pained groan, and then Ganondorf was flying out of the room. Link, still frozen, listened to his heavy footsteps; they got halfway down the hall and then stopped dead. Someone was crying, half-swallowed sobs that were painful to listen to.

'Oh, goddesses.' Ganondorf's choked oath was what finally broke Link out of his daze and he made his own way out into the hall, stopping just past the threshold when his legs locked up all over again.

The front door hung open, the cold winter light spilling through it to fill the usually gloomy hall, and in it, starkly illuminated, sat Maram, her hands and shirt bloody, her face shiny with tears. Next to her, slumped half in the door, lay Kian. He was bleeding. A lot.

'What happened?' Link's legs unfroze and he strode down the hall, worming his way past Ganondorf who still seemed stuck. Link caught a glimpse of his horrified expression as he passed, but ignored it.

'We- he-!' Maram tried to speak but got caught on a sob before she could get anywhere. As Link reached her side she took a huge breath, held it for a moment, then tried again. 'We were doing a supply run but then- there were these two guards and they- they were harassing these kids and then-' she paused, groaned softly, swiping at her damp face. Her fingers left red streaks across her cheeks. 'We went to tell them to back off and- I don't know what happened-! I guess th- they recognised his face-? But then every- everything just fell apart and then one of them just- just lost it and st- stabbed Kian-!'

As she spoke Link looked Kian over, rolling him onto his back carefully-earning a weak groan of protest as he did-and finding the stab wound just as Maram reached that part of her story. There was so much blood. Link's hands turned red in moments as he cut away Kian's shirt, surveying the extent of the damage.

A single stab to the stomach. Pretty deep. A little to the side. Probably not fatal in and of itself, provided they stopped the bleeding and got him to a doctor, soon. Link knew for a fact they didn't have any red potion or fairies to hand, so a doctor was their best bet.

'Maram, breathe.' Link finished cutting away Kian's shirt, lifting his gaze onto Kian's face. His tawny eyes were bleary, but open, his face pinched and drawn with pain. Conscious, that was good. 'I need you to keep Kian talking, make sure he doesn't pass out.' Looking over his shoulder Link found Ganondorf. 'Gan, find me some bandages as quickly as you can.' He turned back to Kian, raising his bloodied hands over the wound. 'Kian, this is going to hurt.'

He didn't give Kian any time to process that before he was pressing down on the wound, fighting back a sudden wave of nausea. He scrunched up his face but held strong as Kian choked on a cry, bucking slightly in a feeble attempt to escape the pain. There was nothing Link could do to help that, but he could sympathise. He'd had his share of stab wounds over the ages; he knew how much it hurt.

That being said, treating himself was so very, very different to treating a friend. His half-baked methods, the means to survive for just a little longer, were no good in this situation. Kian had to survive longer than that. He had to survive, full stop.

'Maram. Ganondorf. Now.' Link didn't need to raise his voice; they jumped to their designated tasks as soon as he said their names. Ganondorf's hurried steps retreated down the hall as Maram gathered Kian's head onto her lap, stroking his forehead and forcing herself to speak calmly, giving them all something to focus on. Link listened to her soft words to take his mind off the feeling of blood pooling beneath his fingers, keeping steady pressure on the wound.

He felt sick. As was turning out to so often be the case there was an awful lot of difference between remembering something and actually experiencing it. The little details were lost to time; the coppery smell of blood soaking the air, the thunder of his heart in his ears, the sticky warmth soaking his fingers, how red blood really was.

And then there were the new things; the wrenching panic at the thought of a friend dying right in front of him, Maram's hiccupping words, still a breath away from turning to sobs, Ganondorf's heavy, rushing footsteps somewhere behind them. The cold grey light, the murmur of the city as the world passed them by without the slightest care.

It didn't take long for Ganondorf to come rushing back, slightly crumpled bandages clutched in hands that trembled slightly when he offered them to Link. Link grabbed the bandages without hesitating and swapped them for his hands; it didn't take long for them to turn red once he'd pressed them down on Kian's stomach. Kian made a small noise of pain at the change, but otherwise kept his attention fixed on Maram, whose voice was slowly getting a little stronger.

'Okay.' Link took a deep breath, craning his head round to look at Ganondorf again, who was hovering a few paces behind him, face drawn and worried. 'Gan, you need to get a doctor.'

Ganondorf took a moment to process this. 'What if something happens- what if you need me? I can't just leave -!'

'Yes, you can. And you're going to, right now.' Link fixed him with something akin to a glare, fighting to keep his voice calm. 'If you don't Kian's just going to get worse. So go and get someone who knows what they're doing. Now.'

There was a second of silence, then Ganondorf swallowed and nodded. He didn't say another word, just edged past them out onto the street. He didn't look back, just rushed straight off. Link could only hope he'd get help fast. There was only so much he could do without fairies or red potion, and he couldn't be sure he wouldn't make things worse trying anything else.

'How're you doing, Kian?' he asked, voice sounding strained even to his own ears, when Maram fell silent for a moment.

Kian coughed out a laugh and Link immediately regretted his decision to make his friend reply. 'Not dead just yet,' Kian managed, letting out a harsh breath through his teeth. 'It's not so bad.'

Link snorted before he could really help himself, and they all exchanged tense, brief grins. Maram was stroking Kian's forehead, a repetitive motion Link wasn't sure she could help in her worry. If his hands hadn't been occupied Link was pretty sure he'd be doing something similar. Maybe pacing, maybe completely freaking out.

Maybe he was glad his hands were full, even if they were soaked in a friend's blood.

All they could do was wait, but at the very least they didn't have to wait too long; Ganondorf returned shortly with their usual doctor at his heels, both of them out of breath. Things proceeded swiftly after that. The doctor did what they could, but doctors in this Hyrule never seemed to use red potion-in fact Link was pretty sure medical practitioners frowned upon it these days-and as a result there were worryingly few places that actually sold it.

Well, they would just have to make their own, then. Link knew the recipe pretty much off by heart.

Nabooru and Aveil returned about halfway through the doctor's treatment, also a little out of breath; they'd been alarmed by Kian's (understandable) noises of pain as his side had been sewn back together, and they'd sprinted a good fifty metres. Both of them ended up frozen on the doorstep for a few moments, and then they could do nothing but hover and watch, unable to get past the growing crowd blocking the hall. Link and Ganondorf retreated, making a little space, but Maram remained, Kian's head still securely on her lap.

Link eventually retreated further, heading off to wash the blood from his hands. Once he was alone in the washroom he finally let himself slump, watching his red fingers shake as the nausea he'd fought down rose up all over again. Why was he so affected? He'd seen countless stab wounds countless times, inflicted hundreds of his own.

But he'd never been faced with the potential death of a friend before. Well, not like this. Curses and spells were different. They were intangible, something he didn't quite understand. But blood and pain and tears he got. He couldn't get his hands to stop shaking.

He ended up spending so long alone in the quiet, trying to calm down, that Ganondorf came looking for him. When the door opened abruptly Link jumped a little, startled, but didn't straighten from where he was half lying across the counter the washbasin sat on, head on his folded arms. All he did was crane his head round, staring at Ganondorf in bleary, fatigued silence.

'The doctor's finished,' Ganondorf said as he leaned against the doorframe, looking no better than Link felt. 'The girls are moving Kian somewhere more comfortable than the doorway.'

Link made an incoherent sound in response, just acknowledging Ganondorf's words. Somehow his hands were still red-he hadn't got round to washing them yet-and for some reason he couldn't stop staring at them.

'You were pretty impressive back there,' Ganondorf said after a moment, and Link got the impression he just wanted to fill the silence. 'I completely froze but you… how did you stay so calm?'

'Force of will,' Link replied, voice cracking a little, and despite himself he smiled a little when Ganondorf snorted. 'I'm kind of used to stuff like this.'

'Wait, you are-?' Ganondorf paused. 'Oh, right. You mean because of all your, uh, past lifetimes?'

Nodding a little Link rubbed his fingers together, watching the blood flake off in places. 'Not used to watching friends bleed out in front of me, though.'

There was a pause, and Link glanced back up at Ganondorf, who was frowning at him. They stared at each other in silence for a moment before Ganondorf waved his hands in an absentminded kind of gesture.

'Clean yourself up, we need to see about getting our hands on some red potion,' he said, only slipping back out of the room when Link nodded and hauled himself upright.

He washed his hands as instructed, staring at the water, now a coppery orange shade, for a moment before heading out to find the others. They were all in the safe house's main room, sat around Kian who was lying on a hastily made up bed off to one side. For some reason Link expected him to look better, but he didn't. His face was still pinched tight, fingers tapping in a mindless, distracting rhythm against his chest even as he replied to something Nabooru had said. At least he wasn't bleeding everywhere anymore. In pain and alive was better than dead.

All faces turned towards Link when he entered, all voices fading away into nothingness. Nobody said anything. Link didn't feel inclined to break the silence as he crossed the room to join them, folding himself onto the floor next to Aveil who offered him a tight smile.

'So. Red potion.' It was Nabooru who spoke first, one of her feet tapping restlessly; the only outward sign of her worry. 'We can try to find someone who has some in the city, or we can make our own.'

'I, for one, am not inclined to wait,' Ganondorf said after a moment. 'We have no idea if there's any in the city, or how long it'll take for some to show up, so I say we don't take any chances and just make our own.'

'Maram or Link are the only ones who can look inside the city,' Aveil murmured, glancing between them as she said their names. 'We don't want to risk someone else getting stabbed.'

'Well, there's five of us,' Ganondorf said, expression thoughtful, 'so that means four of us can go out and search. Someone has to stay with Kian, obviously, but Maram or Link can check in with the merchants while whoever's left can gather ingredients.'

'It shouldn't take long to find them, if you know where to look,' Link added, making a mental list of everything they'd need. The mushrooms and red chu jelly were the only things they probably couldn't easily find in the city. Lucky he knew where to find them outside of it anyway, then.

'I'll look around the city,' he offered as every lapsed into silence, and they all looked at him. He shrugged a shoulder, raising his eyebrows to prompt them to step up as well. They all glanced at one another, then set about planning. Link drew up a list of ingredients for five separate recipes and it was decided that the girls would all head out to find the more obscure ingredients. Nabooru and Aveil would head to Faron Woods to find the elusive mushrooms, Maram to the pass south of Lake Hylia for the red chus. Ganondorf would stay with Kian, who already seemed fed up with the invalid treatment.

They wasted no time once things were decided. Aveil, Nabooru, and Maram all hastily gathered what they'd need for travelling, and Link saw them off before heading out into the city himself. Unsurprisingly he was empty handed at the end of the day, because the goddesses just couldn't make anything easy for him. Now he had to sit and wait while one of his friends teetered dangerously on the brink of death.

There was nothing he could do, except change the dressing on Kian's wound and watch the skin around it gradually grow red and inflamed. There was nothing he could do, except try and keep Kian's mind off of the pain, the very real threat of dying.

Link had never felt so helpless, not in all his lifetimes. It wasn't like all those times he'd been beaten down, faced with an enemy he was sure he could never hope to beat, his nerves completely frazzled, worn and weary and hopeless. This wasn't something he could fight against, wasn't something he could change just by force of will and dogged determination.

No, he couldn't do anything. And it was so much worse.

And when he woke on the third day to find Kian in the throes of an awful fever, gasping and shaking, too weak to lift his head to eat or drink and then unable to keep either down… well.

It took everything in him not to get up and start pacing, though he wasn't sure that he wouldn't just collapse and break down if he tried. This was awful. Where were the others? All he could do was sit in a room that smelt of sickness and death while Ganondorf scoured all kinds of books for some kind of magic cure-all, both of them wound up so tightly they couldn't be in the same room for too long or else they'd start snapping at each other.

Where were the others? What was taking them so long?!

And then, by the time they finally got back, it was already too late. Link brewed all five different red potions, but nothing stuck. Kian just threw them up like he did everything else. He was in so much pain, and it was so awful to watch. They were watching him waste away, watching him die.

Naturally, it caused all kinds of rifts between their group. Link stayed resolutely by Kian's side, as did Aveil, but Nabooru spent most days out of their safe house, Ganondorf carried on poring over his books, and Maram spent her time desperately searching for anything that could save Kian. Fairies might have, but it would take way too long to track any down so there was no point.

It felt like everything was lost once the arguments started. Everyone was on edge and too close to grief for comfort, so it really wasn't so surprising, but at some point they just started arguing at every given opportunity. Things started out small, just little digs or sullen comments, but somehow it escalated until Maram finally blew up.

'Why aren't you doing anything?!' she shrieked, and Link could hear her despite the fact she was a floor up. Judging by the direction her voice had come from Link guessed she had come across Ganondorf.

'What are you trying to do, holed up here all day, every day-' there was a series of thumps, like a stack of books being knocked over. '-with these useless books?!'

'What does it look like I'm doing?!' Ganondorf's voice was almost as loud as Maram's when he replied, and Link's heart sank. Ganondorf was usually the calmest of them all, so if even he'd reached breaking point…

'Nothing!' More thuds, more books hitting the floor. 'Hiding when you should be helping! You have magic, how about you use it? Heal him. Save him! Don't just sit up here doing nothing!'

'Because you chasing every little ridiculous thing is better? I'm trying, Maram, can't you see that?!'

'Stop…' The small, hoarse voice made Link start and he looked round at Kian, who was staring up at the ceiling, eyes unfocused. His mouth moved soundlessly for a moment before he murmured, again, 'stop.'

Exchanging a glance with Aveil, who was sat nearby, Link gave one of Kian's cold, clammy hands a squeeze and slid to his feet. Making his way upstairs he followed the sound of raised voices, still arguing. He found Ganondorf's self-proclaimed study a mess, books strewn everywhere, Ganondorf and Maram inches apart at their centre. Neither one of them acknowledged Link when he entered, so he resorted to the only other method he had.

'That's enough, you two!' They both paused, then, as he out-yelled them. Two pairs of tired eyes switched onto him in surprise, and he switched to a more reasonable volume. 'Have a little courtesy. You really think fighting like this is going to help anything?'

'Like you can talk,' Maram muttered as Ganondorf's lips pressed into a thin, displeased line.

'Seriously?' Link shook his head, swallowing down the urge to snap at them. 'Well either way you disturbed Kian, so come apologise.'

At the very least they both looked guilty. And they followed him downstairs a little meekly, where a blearily amused Kian listened to them both apologise, Maram a little sullenly, Ganondorf more uncomfortably.

Everyone calmed down a little after that, settling around the room and occasionally attempting conversation though it usually fell short. Kian seemed to be the one trying the hardest, honestly, but as exhausted and wasted as he was by that point his words were hardly audible sometimes, his strength wavering and liable to vanish at any given moment.

This wasn't the death Link was used to. It was slow and agonising, full of sickness and awfulness. It wasn't the quick, bloody thing Link knew. But he refused to grieve, refused to mourn, just yet. There was still hope. Kian wasn't completely gone, there was still a chance he could recover. The thing about his going slowly was that there was a longer span for him to recover, too.

Useless as he was, hoping was all Link could do. Hope, pray, plead to the goddesses. Useless, useless.

It was just another opportunity for them to laugh in his face, though. Of course it was. Because when Kian fell asleep that afternoon he didn't wake up again. Because by morning he was stiff and cold and gone.

Kian was gone.