A/N Thank you to everyone who took the time to review, follow and favourite the last chapter. It means a lot to know that people are enjoying this story.
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Chapter 5
He hugged his legs against his chest as he huddled on the bed, his back flush against the wall. He could hear the men's laughter fading and knew it wouldn't be long before his father came for him. He knew he was in for a beating for bringing the cops to their crappy trailer home.
Weeks after Bella's death his Pa had grabbed him by the throat and shoved him violently against the wall, pinning him in place as he screamed into his face.
"Yer a useless waste o'space, aint fit to be called a Dixon" he ranted "Nuthin' but a good for nothing piece of crap. Figure yer Mama played away from home 'cos you aint no son of mine" With that he'd backed handed the boy and sent him to the floor.
"Get yer worthless ass up and go get me some booze" he demanded.
"I got no money Pa" He said timidly as he tried to pull himself to his feet. The kick caught him in the ribs, sending him down again.
"Use yer damn brain Boy!" his pa had stared down at him, a sneer on his face.
"Yer brother don't ever have cash when he goes to the store and he always manages" With a final kick the man turned away.
"Do what yer have too but don't come back without a bottle or two"
Painfully he'd got to his feet and limped the mile into town. He'd gone into the general store and wandered around aimlessly, not sure what to do next. Finally he'd plucked up the courage to snatch up a bottle of Jack and try to hide it under his thin jacket. He was no thief and inevitably the storekeeper had spotted him, grabbing at his collar as he tried to leave the store.
The bottle crashed to the ground as he squirmed free from the man's grip. As he fled he heard the man bellowing behind him.
"I know who you are, another of those damn, thieving, lowlife Dixon's. Don't think I won't report this"
Not knowing what else to do, still afraid of his father's threats to hurt Merle if he ran, he returned home empty handed. He managed to slip unnoticed into his room where he huddled on his bed and waited.
It wasn't long before he heard the sound of a vehicle pull up and car doors slamming. Peering out of the grimey window he saw the two cops approach the door. His father reluctantly let them in and he returned to the bed, trying to stop the shaking that overtook his skinny body.
He was surprised to hear laughter, not shouting and allowed himself a small amount of hope that it would be alright. Finally the laughter stopped as the cops made their way to the door.
"I'll tell the asshole at the store there's no evidence it was your boy he saw. That you said he's been home all day so he must have got it wrong" The cops voice was friendly, a hint of laughter as he continued.
"If you're gonna send him out again, might be best to get Merle to give him a few pointers first, sounds like he don't have a clue."
"Boy's nothin' more than a damn embarrassment" his father growled "wish he'd man up and grow a pair, stop being a snivelling little pussy"
There was more laughter as they moved away.
"See you later at the bar?" The cop asked "You can buy me a beer as thanks for sorting this"
He heard his father give a grunt of acknowledgment then the door was slammed.
The police car engine had barely started before his door was thrown open and his father was there, towering over him, face twisted in rage.
"Gonna teach you a lesson for bringing the cops to my door" he snarled as he unbuckled his belt, snapping it free and advancing on the now cowering child. This time he didn't fold it in half and wrap it around his hand, this time he used the buckle, the metal biting into tender flesh time and again. He kept going until his son was barely conscious, his back a bleeding, torn mess.
Finally it was over.
"Yer lucky the Cop they sent's a drinking buddy o'mine able to sort this out, else you'd be looking at time in juvie right now" the man replaced his belt and reached for the semi conscious boy, hurling him to his feet.
"They'd like a pretty lil' thing like you behind bars. Use you up good and proper" He told him casually as he dragged him outside and threw him into the small outbuilding once more.
"Maybe I should let that happen, let you learn the hard way not to screw up again"
With that the door was slammed shut and he heard the click of the padlock as he was left alone once more.
It was the gentle knock on the door that woke him this time.
"Daryl, you awake? It's time for your watch" Rick's voice called softly.
He stumbled to his feet, scrubbing at his gritty eyes as he pulled open the door.
"You okay? You look like shit" Rick asked, his concern obvious. "You gonna be alright or you want me to get someone else to take your shift?"
Daryl snatched up his crossbow and pushed past the constable.
"I got this, leave me be" he muttered as he headed outside.
He'd only been on watch for an hour or so when someone climbed the ladder to the newly installed watch platform, one of several hurriedly built after the attack on the town and the acceptance of the townsfolk that they weren't as safe as they had always believed.
"Hi" Jasmine said quietly as she made her way to his side. He ignored her as he leant on the corrugated metal wall, eyes scanning the surrounding area.
"Rick said you came out without eating or drinking first so I bought you this" she held up a foil wrapped packet and a thermos.
"It's just a sandwich and some pretty bad coffee but it's something to keep you going" When he continued to ignore her she tucked the items on the floor against the wall.
"I'll leave them there until you're ready" she straightened and approached him again, unfolding the blanket that was tucked under her arm.
"It's going to be cold tonight, you'll need this" she commented as she reached up to wrap it over his shoulders.
At once he recoiled away as if he'd been hit, pushing her back.
"Don't touch me" he snarled
"Okay, I'm sorry" Jasmine held up her hands, offering him the blanket. "Just keep it nearby, in case you want it later"
He glared at her "Don't want no damn blanket. Why'd you keep fussin' over me? You think I'm too dumb to look after myself?"
She shook her head with a small smile.
"I think you're so busy looking after everyone else that you forget to take care of yourself. I know you go without to make sure the others have what they need, how you've risked your life time and again to keep them safe"
She folded the blanket and set it next to the food.
"Maybe it's time you let someone take care of you for once" As she turned towards the ladder she barely heard his muttered comment.
"Aint good for anyone to care for me, I'm bad news"
She faced him again, noting he was staring at the ground, shifting uncomfortably.
"What do you mean?" she asked quietly "How are you bad news?"
"Bad things happen to anyone who gets too close to me" he risked a peek at her then dropped his eyes again at her intense look.
"Like who?" Jasmine asked, sensing he was close to talking to her and not wanting to scare him off.
"Don't matter" he turned away, once again looking over the wall.
"You mean Beth?" she risked. At once his back stiffened and he spun to face her.
"The hell you know about Beth?" he demanded.
"I know the two of you were alone for a while, I know she went missing and I know she was killed. The others told me about her. Maggie talks about her a lot. She told me you blame yourself for her being taken" She saw the pain in his face but pushed on.
"She says she doesn't blame you, she knows you would have done everything you could to keep her safe, that you…"
"Didn't though, did I?" Daryl took several strides towards her, anger replacing pain.
"I screwed up and she died. She trusted me to keep her safe and I failed her, just like I failed Sophia"
"Carol's daughter?" Jasmine took a chance and rested her hand on his arm.
"She told me what you did, how you almost died searching for her baby. She told me you were the only one that didn't give up hope of finding that little girl and how you shut yourself away from everyone when that poor child came out of the barn. You did your best by both of them. What happened wasn't your fault"
He pulled his arm free and backed away, lowering his head.
"Maybe, but Bella was on me" he said softly.
"You want to tell me about her?" Jasmine gave him his space waiting for his reply. He was silent for so long she thought he wasn't going to say anything else when he suddenly blurted out.
"She was the old woman lived a few doors away and about the only good thing I can remember from when I was a kid" He leant on the wall, staring straight ahead as he began to speak.
"Only knew her for a few hours but she was good to me, took care of me, fed me" he glanced at the woman by his side.
"She was gonna help me get away from my bastard old man" he admitted.
"What happened?" Jasmine stood next to him, close but not touching.
"She died and it was my fault" his voice cracked slightly and he cleared his throat to hide it. He suddenly found himself telling her her the whole story, unable to stop the words that poured from his mouth. When he'd finished she reached up and lay her hand on his cheek, turning his face to hers.
"It was not your fault, you did not kill her, your Father did. It was all on him. He said it was your fault because you were hiding in her home. If he hadn't beaten you then you wouldn't have been there in the first place so that's on him as well"
He shook his head, refusing to accept her words.
"He beat me 'cos I was a no good, useless kid. If I'd been a better son he wouldn't of had to smack me about so much"
"Stop!" Jasmine's voice was angry "That's him talking. There is no excuse for a father to beat his child into unconsciousness, never a good enough reason to make that acceptable"
He turned away again, suddenly unable to look at her. The sudden urge to unburden everything became unbearable.
"The beatin's were the best bit" His voice was so quiet she had to lean closer to hear him.
"What do you mean?" Jasmine asked, a suspicion already forming in her mind. She'd seen people like him before, knew what made them the way they were. They were some of the hardest cases she had to deal with in her practice in DC, the ones she'd found the most difficult to cope with.
"My pa had a big problem with drugs and booze. Turned to them when my Mama died in a fire and got himself hooked. Lost his job and most of his friends. Ended up living in a shitty little trailer on a park on the wrong side o' town. Got himself a reputation as a thieving, violent asshole, my brother weren't much better either. Folk thought the same about me, just 'cos I was a Dixon"
Jasmine heard the bitterness in his voice and knew he resented being thought of as the same as the rest of his family.
"Got so bad he couldn't cope without his fix, took it out on Merle mostly 'til he got himself sent to juvie for the first time. Then it was just me as a punching bag" He stopped, swallowing hard and Jasmine reached for the thermos, pouring him a cup of the weak, tepid coffee.
He took a couple of sips before continuing.
"Guess I was about 8 or 9 the first time, scared little kid, didn't know what the hell was goin' on. Somehow Pa had found himself a dealer with certain tastes and he didn't have to pay for his fix anymore. Dealer liked to get his kicks in other ways as well, liked to use a belt on me, liked to hear me cry and beg for him to stop. I never did though, wasn't gonna give him that."
His fingers gripped the wall, nails digging into the steel as he relived the nightmare experiences of his childhood. He became aware of Jasmine taking hold of his hands, prizing his grip from the metal and he saw the blood running from under ripped finger nails.
"I'm so sorry" Jasmine whispered as she kept a firm hold of his hands, stopping him from hurting himself further.
"Went on 'til I turned 'bout 13, then I got too old for his likin'. Pa couldn't get his hit anymore so the thrashin's got worse. That's when Bella came along and tried to help, that's when she died. Weren't long after that he tried to get me to go steal booze for him. I weren't no thief and almost got caught trying to lift a bottle of Jack D. Cops came to the house and that's the day he used the buckle for the first time. Locked me in the shed again, no food, only water came from what leaked through the roof during a storm. After four days he opens the door, tells me I stink and need to clean myself up as I was gonna get a visitor. Somehow he'd managed to find a new dealer, one who weren't as picky about age. Told me it was time I showed him I could be a good son"
His voice trailed off again and Jasmine's heart broke for him. She pictured him as a child, small, helpless and terrified, knowing nothing but pain and suffering. Everything about him made perfect sense now.
"How old were you?" she asked, keeping her voice steady.
"Bout 14, maybe 15, still a skinny little runt, too scared to stand up to him. Bastard told me if I ran or fought back he'd hurt Merle. My brother might of been a dick but he was still the only other family I had and when he was around he tried to keep me safe. Problem was he was always in trouble, off on a bender or stuck in juvie. He signed up just before I turned 14, said it was for the best. Took me a long time to forgive him for abandoning me."
He took a mouthful of coffee, frowning at the now cold liquid.
"Got cleaned up like my pa wanted and this new dealer arrived. Made it pretty clear what he wanted and he was even sicker than the first. I tried to fight him off, but he was strong. He'd got me pinned when suddenly he was gone. When I looked up Merle was there, beating the crap outta him. Damn near killed him. Turned out he'd got thrown outta the army and come home just in time. Once he was finished with the dealer he turned on Pa, beat him to a pulp, told me to grab my shit and we left. Never went back again, found out years later the old man died of an overdose. Spent the next 15 years following Merle around, getting wasted and into fights. The it all went to crap and I met up with Rick and the others"
He glanced at the woman beside him, still clinging to his hands. Her eyes were shiny with tears but she held them back as she reached up and brushed the hair from his eyes.
"You've gone through so much and come out so strong" she told him.
"Your father was sick, mentally and physically. You were just a child trying to please a man who would never be happy. Now you have to accept there are people here who love and care for you. People who respect you and your opinion, they see straight through your act, they know you're a good, brave, strong man, not this distant, angry redneck you try and hide behind"
She gave him a small smile.
"You think people the people of this town think nothing of you, just see you as the dumb, hick, hillbilly you always been told you are, well you couldn't be more wrong. I know for a fact they respect you for your survival skills and your loyalty to your group. Most of the men would love to be able to hunt and track like you and as for the women…" she flashed him a grin.
"Let's just say you'd be spoilt for choice if you wanted company one night" she saw the look of disbelief he gave her.
"Apparently angry redneck is very appealing. I can think of at least four women right now who'd come running if you snapped your fingers" she flashed him a glance
"Couple of men as well, if that's more your thing"
He pulled away from her indignantly
"I aint into men, like women well enough, just aint too experienced with them. Merle used to throw drunk skanks at me when we was out. Never ended well" he admitted, looking anywhere but at the woman beside him.
He felt her hand close over his again, her touch comforting.
"Maybe now you can let yourself relax a little, start to let others in. I don't mean romantically necessarily, just start by talking to people outside your group. I've seen how you push everyone else away with your gruff attitude and surly behaviour, growling and cursing, hiding behind your temper. You need to accept there are decent people here, people you can trust. No one is going to hurt you again. If anyone tried you have friends who will do their best to stop it. Rick, Michonne, Carol, Glenn, even Carl. any of the others, they will lay down their lives for you, as they know you would for them"
Her words began to sink in and he felt a weight lift from his chest, similar to when he and Beth torched the moonshine shack. It was a release from his past and he wondered if now he could finally move on.
"You aint too bad for some uppity college bitch" he told her, hiding the smirk "Figure you was pretty good at what you did 'fore the turn"
Jasmine smiled, knowing that was as close as she would get to a compliment or thanks.
"You're not too bad yourself" she replied "for an angry redneck"
Before he could move she wrapped her arms around his waist, pulling him into a hug. Instinctively he stiffened, his first reaction to pull away but he forced himself to stay still.
Jasmine didn't know why she decided to hold him and fully expected him to pull away. She felt him tense, then to her surprise he relaxed. After a few awkward seconds she felt him move as he wrapped one arm cautiously around her waist. He made no attempt to move closer, just rested his arm lightly around her. The stubble on his chin scratched her cheek as he leaned forward.
"Thanks" he muttered awkwardly "Guess you was right, felt good to talk"
Jasmine broke the hug before he became uncomfortable with it, her hand brushing his cheek as she stepped away.
"You're welcome, maybe it will stop the dreams, sometimes getting these things out can help" She moved to the ladder.
"Your watch is over soon so I'm going to get some sleep now and I'll see you in the morning" With a final smile she descended the ladder, heading back to her home on the far side of town.
A little while later a grumbling Ethan stumbled onto the platform, clearly not happy at having to take his turn in protecting the town.
"Jus' make sure you stay alert, aint no good if you go dozin' off up here" Daryl growled, surprised to realize he didn't feel his usual urge to punch the younger man in his pretty boy face.
It was the shouting that woke him, Coop's loud bellow for Rick jolting him from the first peaceful sleep he'd had in weeks.
In an instant he was outside, joining Rick and Michonne on the porch as Coop and Marcie raced up the steps.
"She's gone" The bearded man yelled, more panicked than Daryl had ever seen him before.
"Those bastards with the W's came back, they took the Doc" he exclaimed
"They took Jasmine!"
Thanks for reading. Next chapter up soon.