A/N: I do not own Voltron, or any of its characters. I am not financially profiting from this story.
Sorry this chapter took so long. Thanks to yamotoforever for the review. This chapter's for you! Although, um, you might be mad at me because I didn't use your suggestion…But I will, in the future.
Lance slowly made his way back into the Castle of Lions, his thoughts in a whirl. Lissa had always affected him this way: turning him into a churning mess of emotions. He was glad to have her back in his life, but at the same time, he was still furious with her for leaving him. Seeing her in the clothes of the White Riders only served to remind him that she was a member of that elite fighting force now, forever beyond his reach. It was torture of the worst kind, having the one you loved so near, but unattainable. Lance was not a patient man, he never had been, and he wasn't sure how he'd hold up under the strain of having her around and not being able to touch her. Even as a younger man, that had always been very difficult, only his love for her had allowed him to keep his resolve. With his new feelings of bitterness and sorrow, he wasn't at all certain of his ability to control himself.
He had taken perhaps five steps into the courtyard when a voice said, "Alright, what was that scene in the dining room all about?"
Lance looked up, startled, into the very piercing eyes of one very curios princess. He inwardly stifled a groan of dismay. Allura had a gleam in her gaze that he knew only too well, she wouldn't leave until he talked to her. He wanted to smack himself in the head as he recalled the brief, hostile confrontation he'd had with Prince Ower on the dining room. He'd threatened the man, and practically swooned at Lissa's feet. Allura would never believe him if he tried to say nothing was going on. Although Allura was innocent and naïve about some things, she was by no means stupid.
"Um, well, Lissa is an old friend of mine," he said, sending her a half-hearted smile and trying to edge around her.
Allura folded her arms over her chest and said, "Yes, I could tell that much for myself. I take it from the way you rushed to defend her honor that she must have been a very close friend."
"Yes, she was," Lance said with an exaggeratedly cheerful voice as he scouted the courtyard, trying to find a way around the princess.
"How close, I wonder," Allura mused, her words not quite a question, but one was implied, nonetheless.
Lance felt sweat break out on the back of his neck. He really didn't want to have a heart to heart discussion with the princess about his love life. Not now, not ever. His feelings were his own, as far as he was concerned, but he knew enough about women to realize she wasn't going to let him out of this without a fight. Or at least answering a few of her questions. He debated with himself, wondering the extent of what he should tell her. She simply stood there, waiting with infinite patience. Allura was a trustworthy person, and Lance knew it, but he didn't want to bare his soul to anyone. He was used to taking care of himself. And his love for Lissa was the most painful, soul-shattering burden he'd ever had to carry. Not that he ever wanted to be rid of the memory of her, he'd just never expected to see her again.
Lance stared at her for a moment, seeing the look of concern in her eyes, and finally he relented. He was afraid, but he knew she'd never ridicule him. And it would be so nice to have someone he could confide in about Lissa. Perhaps Allura could help him understand her better, they were both women, after all. Besides, since Lissa had given her word to remain on Arus until the civil war on Alcon was taken care of, she'd be there for a while. And he'd be a nervous wreck the entire time. The team was going to notice his odd reaction to her, maybe Allura could help him cover it up.
"I loved her," Lance said, his voice heavy with emotion, as memories danced through his mind with startling intensity. "I loved her more then anything or anyone in my life, and I still do."
Allura had thought as much, but she was still surprised to hear the brash pilot admit to his feelings. His expression had been less then friendly when she'd cornered him, and the look in his eyes had suggested he wasn't going to cooperate with her gentle prodding, but to her surprise, he had capitulated. Completely, it seemed, because she'd never imagined he'd freely confess to the extent of his feelings for the woman. "I see. What happened?"
Lance gave a careless shrug, but his face grew troubled as past pain surged to the surface. "She left me."
Allura frowned, recalling the look of yearning in Lissa's eyes as she'd looked at Lance in the dining hall. "I find that hard to believe."
"Not as hard as I did," Lance said with a bitter laugh, remembering the devastation he'd felt when he learned she was gone.
Allura heard the pain in his voice, and she reached out and clasped his hand. "I think we should go somewhere private to continue this discussion," she said, seeing how distressed he was already becoming, and she hadn't even asked him much about the subject. The rec room was out of the question, since the other guys would most likely be there, and Lance's room was too likely to have surprise guests. But now, her room was a safe haven, since the boys were too afraid of Nanny's awesome ranting presence to dare going there. "How about my room?"
"Fine," Lance said, his voice listless as he drowned in remembered sorrow. He'd loved her so much, and she'd taken his heart and broken it with her callous behavior. It had been so easy for her to leave him, and that was the hardest thing for him to accept. She'd walked out of his life as if he'd meant nothing to her, and it had hurt like hell.
Allura quickly led him to her room, after making certain Nanny was nowhere in sight. She did NOT want to get caught with a man in her room. She locked the door behind them and then dropped down onto her bed, watching in silence as Lance restlessly walked around her room. After several moments, it became apparent he wasn't going to sit down, so Allura said, "Why did she leave you?"
Lance went still, his eyes snapping to Allura's, and the sadness in his gaze was profound, lending testimony to the depths of his love. "For duty, of course. To serve in the Legion of Light."
Allura knew the laws of the Legion, and those of the White Riders as well. It was hard for her to believe that someone would choose a life of war over love, when she had spent her whole life searching for peace. "I don't understand," she whispered, her eyes confused.
"Neither do I," Lance laughed, the sound harsh and strained. "At least, not completely. She was trained from childhood to be a member of the Legion, her father saw to it she placed duty before everything else. Lissa always thought it was a great honor to live to protect the weak. She once told me she would be committing a terrible crime against the innocents of the universe if she turned her back on the Legion to stay with me. So her father trained her well. In the end, she chose duty over love."
Allura paled as she considered the choice Lissa had been forced to make. To live her life with the man she loved, but feel as if she'd abandoned those who were too weak to defend themselves, or to leave Lance and live a life devoid of love, closeness of any kind. It was a terrible choice to make, and Allura wondered if she'd have done the same thing. The answer was yes, of course. She loved the people of Arus more then anything, and in fact, there was man she loved and could never have, because her duty to protect her world came first. So, in a way, she had made the same choice as Lissa.
"How awful for both of you," Allura said, her eyes shining with tears.
"Oh, I don't think it was nearly so hard for Lissa as it was for me," Lance bitterly replied. "She left me without so much as a good bye."
"What?" Allura asked, stunned. She'd seen the way that woman looked at Lance. Lissa loved him still. To leave Lance without saying goodbye must have taken every ounce of her willpower. "Why would she do that?"
"Who knows?" Lance said, but his eyes were dark and his face taut. "I want to ask her the same thing myself. It's been haunting me for the better part of two years now. And I intend to find out, soon."
Allura stared at Lance in silence. He seemed so very calm, despite his inner turmoil. She didn't know if that was good or not. She was used to him being impulsive and annoying. This somewhat serene anger didn't seem healthy. "Maybe I could talk to her. You know, female bonding and all that, so you won't have to have any kind of confrontation with her,"
Lance smiled at her grimly. "No. I'm going to ask her myself. It's something I've wanted to know for years. I'm not saying you can't be friends with her, but don't interfere in this Allura."
There was a blatant warning in his words, and she was stunned by it. Lance had always been very gentle and considerate with her in the past. It was obvious this woman superseded all sense of fairness or politeness where he was concerned. Lance might be willing to confide in her, but he wasn't going to let her help him. Maybe it was enough that she just be there for him.
"Ok," she answered, her eyes searching. "I won't interfere."
Lance smiled then, a genuine smile, and said, "Thank you for caring enough to badger me into talking to you, Allura. This is something I've been dealing with on my own, and it never seems to go away. It's nice to be able to get it off my chest, for a little while."
Allura nodded, thinking of her own forbidden love, and she understood his pain, more then he could ever know.
In the next chapter, the rest of the Force is going to meet Lissa, and Allura's new Prince Charming. Lance has only lived through one interrogation. I have more lined up, and let's say they're not all going to be sympathetic to his pain.