A/N: I do not own Voltron, its characters or settings, but Lissa and the Legion of Light are my own.
Sorry this took so long! I was on vacation and I know, I know, I should have warned you all first, but I'll try to make it up to you.
Thank you to RedLion and yamatoforever for your reviews. All I can say about Keith and Lance is, well, they might have forbidden love with unattainable women in common, but that's about all. I'm going to have a very good time with Pidge's upcoming confrontation with Lance, as well. Now, on to the story.
Lissa led Lance out of the rec room, her heart pounding with anxiety. She was acutely aware of the warmth of his hand holding hers. Pidge and Hunk were wrestling in the hall, the smaller boy had actually managed to get the larger man in a headlock, and cheerfully waved at Lissa as she walked by. He then boldly winked at Lance, which earned him a glare from the distracted older man. Lance had no time for Pidge's mischievous ways, his thoughts were centered on Lissa at the moment, and the sheer heaven of touching her after so very long. True, they were only holding hands, but Lance would take whatever he could get.
Lissa walked outside and made her way to a stone bench in the center of the deserted courtyard. Lance chose to stand, not quite certain what was going to happen. Several moments passed in silence, with Lissa looking at Lance patiently. He started to fidget, made uncomfortable by the lengthening silence between them. Lissa, seeing that he wasn't going to speak without prompting, sighed and said, "Well, you're being awfully quiet for someone who mentioned needing to talk to me last night."
Lance blinked at her and then flushed, knowing it was his strained nerves that had made him keep quiet until she gave him some sort of indication as to where to begin. "Sorry, I'm not much of a morning person."
Lissa smiled at him, her eyes shining. "I know."
Lance returned her smile, unable to stop himself. For a moment, there was nothing but shared memories and joy between them, but all too soon reality returned, bringing with it the question that had been plaguing Lance for years.
"Why did you leave without saying goodbye?"
Lissa went still and closed her eyes. She'd guessed he would ask her why she'd run out, but not so quickly. He certainly knew how to cut to the chase. She opened her eyes and met his gaze head on, knowing he deserved the full truth, even if it meant exposing her feelings to him.
"Because I had no other choice," she whispered. Lance's expression grew confused, but before he could speak, she held up a hand to silence him. "Leaving you to serve in the Legion is the hardest thing I have ever had to do. At the time, I knew that if I went to tell you goodbye, I would never have been able to leave you, duty be damned. I loved you more then anything."
Lance stared at her, her words ringing in his head. She'd walked out because she wouldn't have been able to leave his side. She'd loved him that much. The notion was astounding, and brought a brief surge of happiness with it. But these bright feelings were dimmed by his pent up sorrow, and the fact that she'd spoken of her love for him in the past tense.
"That was wrong of you, Lissa. You knew how much I loved you. Do you have any idea what kind of pain you put me through that day?" he asked, his voice tight with grief.
Lissa stared at him in silence, her eyes widening as she realized for the first time that her own cowardly behavior had hurt him. She hadn't thought of it from his perspective in the past, she'd been too busy running away from her feelings to think of his own. Tears came to her eyes and she threw herself into his arms.
"I am so sorry Lance," she said, her voice shaking. "I never wanted to hurt you. I was trying to do what was best for us."
He closed his arms around her, savoring the bittersweet feeling of having her in his embrace again. He placed his cheek against the top of her head and murmured, "We never did see eye to eye on what was best for us. You know I wanted you to stay. Did you think that leaving without saying goodbye would lessen my pain? Did you imagine that for one second I could just say to myself 'oh well, she's gone, time to move on' and that would be the end of it?"
"I don't know what I thought," she admitted, her words muffled against his chest. "I was afraid of being alone, and heart broken over losing you, so I wasn't thinking very clearly."
"No, you weren't," he agreed, holding her as close to him as he could, savoring the feel of her. "If you had stopped to think, you would have realized that no matter how you chose to leave me, it would have hurt me, because I was losing the one I loved. At least I could have said goodbye to you, and had some kind of closure. Instead, I've spent years wondering why you ran out on me."
Lissa leaned her head back to look at him, and Lance's heart constricted at the sight of tears sliding down her cheeks. "It was cowardice, plain and simple. Never think for one moment that I didn't care about you or love you, because I did. Can you ever forgive me?"
Lance could never stay angry with her, and he knew it. He was still upset by what she had done, and probably would be for quite some time. But he couldn't hold it against her, not when he knew she hadn't done it to be cruel. Right now, he was more concerned with the fact that they kept referring to their love in a past tense. He couldn't simply blurt out that he still loved her, not when it seemed as if she no longer loved him. Oh, he knew she cared for him. Lissa was a kind hearted person and undoubtedly still felt close to him because of their past relationship. But that appeared to be the extent of her feelings for him. No way he was going to embarrass himself with declarations of love to an uninterested person.
"Of course I can," he said, giving her a grin and then placing an affectionate kiss on her cheek before stepping away from her.
Lissa blinked at him, feeling suddenly alone. She didn't understand why he'd moved away from her, unless it was because he was uncomfortable holding her. Did he no longer care for her? He'd seemed so consumed by the sight of her before, but perhaps that was because he'd wanted to know the reason she'd walked out on him. She'd hurt his pride, no doubt. He was obviously over her now, though, and she wondered who it was that had taken her place.
"Well, good," she replied, still feeling disconcerted. "Is that all you wished to discuss?"
Lance nodded, needing to put distance between them until he could manage to resign himself to her apparent lack of interest in him. "For the moment. I do want to hear about what you've been doing in the Legion, as well, but not right now. I, er, have to run through a few drills with the Red Lion."
Lissa gave him a slight amile and said, "Alright. I'll see you later then, perhaps at dinner."
Lance grinned at her and said, "Not likely. The guys on the team can't stand Allura's suitors, and Prince Ower seems more annoying then any other man I've ever met. And that's saying a lot, because I'm well acquainted with Prince Lotor of planet Doom."
Lissa frowned, her expression puzzled. "You were just at dinner yesterday, though."
Lance laughed. "I know. I went because I wanted to see the prince's female bodyguard."
Lissa assumed it was because he had an eye for women, and kept silent, though she felt like screaming at him. She'd spent the last couple years pining over his memory, but he didn't seem to have given her much thought. How many women had there been, she wondered. It was something she'd never ask him. "I see. Well. I need to check on Fire Storm. Perhaps I'll see you later."
She stormed away then, before she was tempted to say anything rash. Lance's smile vanished the moment she turned away from him, replaced by a look of raw pain. The idea that he'd lost her forever was painful, but not unexpected. She'd been gone for years, it was only natural that she'd gotten over him. If only he could get over her, his life would be so much easier.
Lissa made her way down to the lake, her vision blurred by tears. She knew she was being ridiculous, but she'd always thought his heart would belong to her. It was unrealistic of her to think he'd choose to remain alone the rest of his life if he couldn't be with her, but the knowledge that he most likely had been with other women was unbearable. Although she couldn't see clearly, she sensed Fire Storm's presence, and while she dreaded the upcoming conversation she was going to have with him, she craved his attention, knowing he'd be sympathetic to her pain.
She stopped at the water's edge and dropped into an ungraceful heap on the grass, her sniffles audible in the still morning air. She heard the gentle splash of rippling water and knew her Familiar was surfacing to greet her. She felt the very instant he saw her, for there was a sense of panic emanating from him, and she smiled in Fire Storm's direction to reassure him.
"Don't worry, I'm ok," she said, her voice unnaturally high.
Fire Storm slithered onto the grass and curled up by her side, his reptilian visage clearly dismayed. "Perhaps you are unharmed in a physical sense, but I can feel your pain, sister heart. What has happened? Is it that stupid boy? If he has hurt you, he will be punished."
Lissa laughed at his threatening tone, but she was still slightly worried how he was going to react to what she had to tell him. "Well, it does have to do with Lance, but you can't harm him. It's not his fault I'm in this predicament. I have no one to blame but myself."
There was utter silence for a moment as Fire Storm gave her a considering look. Then the Familiar sighed and said, "Perhaps you should tell me what happened. And do start from the very beginning, won't you? I'm most curious to know about this man's relationship to you."
Lissa smiled as she nodded, her eyes closing as her mind drifted back to those blissful days when she had first met Lance, her voice almost reverent as she began to tell her tale of love and loss.