A/N: I was not happy with the reviews last chapter so I took my time updating again.
Same rule still applies, to see the next chapter, you need to review. One more chapter left after this.
Disclaimer: Are Olivia and Elliot going at it like bunnies? No? Well I don't own it.
Ten weeks went by quickly for the family. They were sitting on the couch. Olivia was nursing Jackson and Elliot was pulling faces at Rebecca. She was smiling up at her daddy in return.
Elliot heard his wife sniffle and he looked over at her, sitting next to him. "Baby? Baby, what's wrong?" He asked, concerned. His cerulean blue eyes conveying worry.
The brunette covered herself up and lifted Jackson up to her shoulder to burp him. "S...Something is wrong with Jack, El."
"What do you mean, angel? He's growing. He's seven pounds six ounces now, only seven ounces lighter then Becca."
"I...I think there is something wrong with his hearing. He doesn't startle at sudden loud noises and doesn't react to any new noises outside his line of vision. Becca does but not Jack," she whispered, sadly.
The blue eyed man sighed and kissed his wife's cheek, smiling when Jackson burped. "Ok, baby. I'll make an appointment for Jack and Dr. Gibson can check his hearing. I'll just lay Becca down and call. I'll see if we can get him in today," he told his wife with a gentle squeeze of her thigh.
Olivia sniffled again and nodded. "Thank you," she whispered and gave him a kiss.
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So there they sat in the Pediatrian's office waiting room, four hours later. Jackson and Rebecca slept in their seperate baby carriages as their parents sat in seats, reading out dated magazines. Elliot put his hand on his wife's nervous, bouncing thigh and gave it a gentlle squeeze.
"Liv, it's going to be ok," he tried to reassure the mother, "Jack will be ok."
Olivia sighed and put down the magazine, to see baby Jackson waking up. His tiny brown eyes opened and he looked around. With the surroundings being unfamiliar, he started to cry.
"Oh, honey, it's ok," the brunette said, picking her son up.
She gently bounced him up and down and kissed the top of his head. "It's ok, Jack."
Jackson whimpered and startled to settle down in the comfort of his mother's arms.
"Jackson Stabler," Dr. Gibson called out.
Elliot and Olivia stood and followed the doctor down the hall, pushing the carriages.
"Tale a seat, Mr and Mrs Stabler," the older doctor said, shutting the door behind them.
The couple took a seat each, Olivia was still holding baby Jack in her arms, as he sucked on his blue and white pacifier, looking up at his mother.
"What can I do for you, today?"
Elliot rubbed his wife's thigh. "Olivia thinks Jackson has a problem with his hearing."
"He doesn't acknowledge noises, even sudden loud ones," Olivia added, giving Jack her finger, which he closes his tiny hand around.
Dr. Gibson nodded and wrote down notes in Jackson's medical file. "Ok, we'll do some tests. We should also check Rebecca, since they're twins. I will get a nurse to bring in her file," the doctor explained. "Follow me to the exam room and I'll set up."
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The tests were done on both babies and they went home.
Rebecca was given the all clear with near perfect hearing but Jackson was diagnosed as profoundly deaf, probably due to his low birth weight and prematurity.
Olivia was laying on the couch, crying, with her husband laying behind her and his protective arms wrapped around her. He was trying to comfort her but wasn't having much success.
He kissed the back of the brunette's neck and caressed her belly. "It is not your fault, baby. You didn't do anything wrong."
"El..." Olivia tried to protest with a sniffle.
"No, angel. Jack being deaf is not your fault. Dr. Gibson said we can teach Jack sign language. We can even teach Becca, so she can communicate with her brother. It will help us understand them before they can speak anyway," Elliot assured his wife.
Olivia was about to reply but they were stopped by a crying baby from the nursery. She was about to get up but was stopped by her husband.
"I'll get Becca, baby," he said and got up, heading toward the nursery.
Elliot returned with their daughter and gave her to her mother before he gave Olivia a kiss on the lips. "I'll go start dinner, baby," he said and brushed her cheek with his knuckles.
Olivia just nodded and moved her top and bra, watching her husband walk out of the living room.
Rebecca was having trouble latching on, so Olivia did the v shape with her fingers against her breast and grazed her nipple against the infant's tiny pink lips. The baby girl latched on immediately and began to suckle sustenance from her mother.
"I knew that you were hungry, princess. I know you," Olivia whispered and kissed her daughter's chubby little hand, which was reaching up at her.
"You always like to eat an hour after your brother, don't you, missy?" She continued, patting her baby's diapered bottom.
Rebecca kicked her chubby leg in reponse and lightly slapped her mother's breast with her tiny hand.
"Hey, I know tht you have that cop gene but no violence, little miss," she joked and leaned down to kiss Rebecca's forehead.
The brunette still had to occasionally pinch herself to make sure that she wasn't dreaming all of this. She was really married with ten week old twins.
Rebecca and Jackson were her miracles. Her tiny strengths. Elliot, her knight in shining armour. Her love. Her other half. Her husband and children were her everything.
Becca breaking brought Olivia out of her thoughs. "Finished, sweetie?" Olivia asked, covering herself up and then lifted Rebecca up to her shoulder to burp.
Elliot walked in with two plates of Olivia's favourite meal on a tray. "Baby, I can burp and change Becca and put her in the bassinet," he offered, softly and went to take the child.
Olivia shook her head and got up, holding her baby girl closer. "No, thanks. Please leave us alone," she insisted, trying to keep her emotions out of her voice.
"Liv?" Elliot was shocked. "Baby, what's wrong?"
Olivia sobbed. "Please, just leave me alone," she whispered and headed in to the nursery, closing the door behind her.
Elliot sighed. 'Another life's obstacle,' he thought tried to remind himself.
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The father gave his wife some time before lightly tapping on the nursery door and opened in, walking in.
He found is lover sitting in the rocking chair, rocking their deaf son and their daughter was laying on a rug on the carpeted floor kicking at some dangling toys, smiling.
The blue eyed man squatted down in front of the brown eyed woman, who refused to take her eyes off her precious son. Elliot could see the silent tears stream down her cheeks. Tears of self blame.
"Baby, look at me," Elliot whispered, rubbing her slender thigh.
Upon getting no reaction, he gently cupped her chin in his han and turned her head toward him but she still would not look at him. He could see the shame and sefl blame in her yes. She was still blaming herself.
"Liv, look at me, angel. Please," he begged.
She sobbed and finally gave her husband eye contact. "What?"
"It's not your fault. Not your fault that Jack is deaf, baby. He's strong, he will take it in his stride," he tried to reassure her again.
"Stop!" Olivia stressed, "stop, saying that! It's my fault," she cried, upsetting both Jack in her arms and Becca on the floor.
Olivia sighed and started to rock Jackson again to calm him.
Elliot exhaled a deep breath to try control his anger and picked Rebecca up.
He just didn't know what to say to her anyway to convince her to that it was not her fault.
When the twins finally settled down and fell asleep in their parent's arms, Elliot kissed his wife on the lips and looked in to her chocolate browns. His eyes filled with love and concern.
"Why don't you put Jack down and we can cuddle up in bed," he whispered and put Rebecca in her crib, which was set beside a wall with 'Rebecca' in big purple letters on the wall. Opposite to the other crib with 'Jackson' in big blue letters on the other wall.
Olivia nodded slowly and put Jackson in his crib before kissing him and Rebecca goodnight.
"Come on, angel," Elliot whispered and took his wife's soft hand in his calloused one, guiding her out of the nursery.
Elliot gave Olivia her pyjamas and turned on the baby monitor, so they could hear if one of the twins woke up.
He got in to bed beside his wife and wrapped his arms around her post babies, still curvy waist. She was slowly losing the weight but was having some difficulty.
He kissed the back of her neck and caressed her belly. "Baby, want to talk about it?"
Olivia shook her head and sniffled. "No, no talking," she muttered, crying softly.
The silent tears falling on to the thick, fluffy pillow, donning a lavender purple silky satin cover.
Elliot sighed, sadly and gently snuggled closer to his lover. "When you're ready let me know, angel. I'm here for you."
The brunette shook her head and sniffled again. Still not wanting to talk about their son's deafness. It was just too much, especially since she saw it as her fault since she carried the twins and saw it as her fault that she insisted on still having the wedding six weeks before her due date, which sent her blood pressure sky rocketing and sending her in to pre-term labour, moments before the doctor was going to induce the labor with Pitocin.
Half an hour went by and Elliot had fallen asleep but Olivia was still laying there wide awake and not talking.
She gently extracted herself from her husband's arms and gently got up off the bed, not to wake him.
Olivia looked down at him to make sure he was still sleeping and then tip-toed out of the master bedroom, closing the door behind her.
She walked in to the nursery to find both babies awake and looking around at all their toys, sucking on their pacifiers. Content with the world.
"Hey, Becca," Olivia whispered, leaning down in to the crib and picked her up.
"Let's lay you down with your brother, huh?" She said and laid her down in Jackson's crib beside him. "Hey, Jack," she whispered to him, caressing his face and smiling.
The doctor had said that body language and facial expressions were very important, so he could see if they were happy, sad or angry.
The bond the twins shared in the womb still evident as they cuddled up together.
Olivia leaned down in the crib, grinning. She caressed Rebecca's tiny cheek and then Jackson's. "My precious ones. I love you so much. I...I'm so sorry that you are deaf, my sweet boy," she whispered and caressed her son's tiny cheek as she apologized.
"It's not your fault," a familiar, loving, deep voice told her from the doorway.
Olivia stood up properly again, startled, and turned to look at her husband, who was now awake and standing behind her.
He cautiously approached his wife and wrapped his arms around her, only to dislodge herself from his touch. "Liv?"
She gave both babies a kiss on the cheek before walking out of the nursery.
"Baby, where are you going?" He asked and went to follow her until he was stopped by his wife's firm voice.
"Don't follow me. Leave me alone, I'm going to go downstairs in to the gym," she said and left.
Elliot sighed and walked back over to Jackson's crib, which contained both twins, happily kicking their legs.
He leaned down and rubbed their tiny bellies. "Mommy's sad right now. We need to help her. We need to cheer her up. What should we do?"
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Olivia got changed in to her gym clothes and walked out the back, going in to the shed converted gym.
She needed to work out her shame, pain and anger.
"It's all my fault, it's all my fault," Olivia murmured over and over, like a mantra.
She just couldn't stop blaming herself, no matter how much her husband tried to convince her and how many times her deaf son smiled at her or hummed against her and snuggled in to her as he suckled sustenance from her breast. She just couldn't stop with the blame.