Summary: The gang was sorted and Iruka and Kakashi are teachers, for what classes I don't know yet so you can read and find out in a later chapter. This is how they were sorted. Slytherin: Sasuke, Gaara, Haku, Shino, Kankurou, and Temari. Ravenclaw: Neji, Shikamaru, Ino, Tenten, and Sakura. Hufflepuff: Lee, Chouji, and Hinata. Gryffindor: Kiba and Naruto. After being sorted, Iruka pays a visit to the Slytherin common room and scar some of them for life. At the same time, Naruto awes the Gryffindors by terrifying Peeves.

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, the Harry Potter series, or any of the characters. They belong to their respective owners.

Warnings: Out of character, boy x boy relationships, yaoi, language

Pairings: Sakura x Lee, Ino x Chouji, Tenten x Neji, Hinata x Kiba, Temari x Shikamaru, Tsunade x Jiraiya, Iruka x Kakashi, Kurenai x Asuma, Zabuza x Ibiki, Haku x Gaara

Possible Future Pairings: Naruto x Sasuke, Kankurou x Shino, Hermione x Ron, Malfoy x Harry, Anko x ?, sadly I can't think of anyone for Gai yet so I might do an outside character just for him. If you have a suggestion for a character for Gai, please tell me. It's hard to think up a good one for Gai. I might do Remus x Sirius as was requested, but it probably won't happen until way later in the story.

A/N: Again, thanks to all who review, and please continue to. I'll probably explain the prank Naruto pulled on Peeves later, but for now, I'm plotting an especially good one that should hopefully get Malfoy together with Harry. Remember, if you want to see a prank done, then leave it in a review and I'll be more than happy to try and comply. I will of course give credit for said prank if I use it. The next chapter will probably be posted tomorrow since I'm changing it slightly. Please continue to show your support and enjoy. X3

'Call me cute and you die.' --Demon talking/usually the Kyuubi, sometimes Shukaku

'Stop reading my mind' --thoughts

"Shut up, stop talking." --speech

"Ohayou. Buenos dias. Bonjour." --different language other than English/usually Japanese

Chapter Eight: Food Fights and Potions

Naruto woke up and found a drooling puppy next to him. Smiling, he gave Akamaru a scratch behind the ears before he picked the little white dog up and placed him next to Kiba. Stretching, Naruto got dressed in his robes and went down to the common room. In about five minutes, other Gryffindors would be waking up. Naruto quietly left, taking a long and winding route down to the Great Hall. He didn't hesitate to ask the paintings for help whenever he was lost.

About twenty minutes later, he entered the Great Hall. Seeing Sasuke sitting at the Slytherin table with his back turned to him, Naruto decided to sneak up and scare him. Naruto stood right behind him, a seductive smile on his face as he leaned forward and purred in his ear. "Good morning Sasuke-kun."

Sasuke flinched when heard a voice whisper in his ear. Grabbing his knife, he spun around and placed the edge against the person's throat. His eyes widened in surprise when he saw Naruto grinning at him, his eyes sparkling with laughter. "Dobe. Are you trying to get yourself killed?" Sasuke withdrew his blade as Naruto chuckled his mirth. "Good morning to you too Sasuke-teme. Have you seen Gaara-nii? I want to say hi to him."

Sasuke smirked as he leaned forward to purr into Naruto's ear like he had done to him. "I think you won't be seeing him this morning. He left with Haku to go explore the castle." Sasuke's smirk grew even wider when he saw Naruto's faint blush. Sasuke seriously wanted to jump the blonde when he pouted and walked off to join Kiba at the Gryffindor table.

At that moment, Malfoy chose to speak to him. "You had best learn to tell that idiot to stay away if you know what's good for you." Sasuke was about to stab him with his knife when he heard the soft swish of sand. Turning around, he saw Gaara glaring at Malfoy with his sand swirling around him. The Great Hall grew deathly silent as the students watched the group. Haku was also glaring at Malfoy, the air around him dropping several degrees.

Before anything could happen though, Naruto let out a high-pitched scream when someone knocked a goblet of pumpkin juice into his lap. Sasuke turned and saw Naruto pick up a plate of scrambled eggs and throw it at Fred and George, who were clutching their sides in laughter. As the eggs left the plate and flew at the twins, Naruto bellowed at the top of his lungs. "THIS IS WAR. FOOD FIGHT!"

The eggs hit the boys square in the face. Unfortunately, some of the eggs hit Neji in the back of his head as he walked by. He slowly turned around and glared at Naruto who was inching behind Kiba. Neji picked up a pitcher of milk and flung its contents at Naruto, only to have it hit Kiba and Ron. Soon all of the students were throwing food.

Sasuke turned to grin at Gaara and Haku, they grinned right back as they armed themselves with dishes of food, grabbing the messiest things they could find. Sure, they were forbidden from using any jutsus, but they weren't banned from using their throwing skills.

Within a minute, Malfoy's entire face and hair were drenched in jam, syrup, honey, and a good three pounds of sugar as well as some pumpkin juice that was thrown on top. The teachers tried to stop the mess but soon became involved themselves when they were targeted.

The fight finally stopped when a very tired Iruka had hot coffee spilled onto his lap. Seeing the coffee spill, Naruto immediately fled the Great Hall, seconds before the doors flew shut with a loud and echoing bang.

"NONE OF YOU WILL LEAVE UNTIL EVERY SPECK OF FOOD HAS BEEN CLEANED UP. MAGIC IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN, SINCE YOU MADE THIS MESS BY HAND, YOU'LL CLEAN IT BY HAND. NOW START CLEANING." Waving his wand, hundreds of buckets, mops, rags, and brooms appeared amongst the startled students.

Remembering what Temari had said last night, Sasuke, Gaara, and Haku began to clean without a complaint, smirking slightly as they looked at Malfoy. It was definitley worth it. Malfoy ended up with a detention with Iruka when he protested, saying that it was Muggle work. Malfoy would have seen worse if Iruka hadn't caught Kakashi giggling in a corner as he read his Icha Icha Paradise book.

Sasuke sighed when he realized that Naruto had snuck out of the hall. The blonde had a sixth sense for avoiding trouble, one that Sasuke wished he could develop if the way Malfoy was glaring at him was any indication that he would regret doing what he did.

----Time Skip----Thirty minutes later----After the Great Hall was cleaned----

Naruto bounced around the green house, chattering excitely as he examined all of the different plants. Professor Sprout had started the lesson, and Naruto had finished his task within ten minutes, much to her delight since she spent the rest of the lesson talking with Naruto while Hinata, Chouji, and Neville helped the other students. When Hermione had finished, she joined Naruto as Professor Sprout showed him a unique flower that never looked the same when it bloomed.

Herbology had never been so fun, according to many of the Hufflepuffs and Gryffindors. By now, the Hufflepuffs had learned that Hinata was not blind and that her eye color was a trait unique to her family. This of course led to questions about Neji, and if he was dating anyone. The girls, and a few boys, were sad to learn that Neji was dating Tenten, and that only four of the sixteen transfer students were single.

Before Herbology ended, Naruto had managed to get two Hufflepuffs to confess their love for each other, and they had ended up saying the only reason they didn't do it on their own was because they were too shy and thought that the other didn't even know they existed. Naruto and Kiba gave the Hufflepuffs a cheerful good bye, Akamaru leaving with Hinata. He had grown quite fond of Hinata, making Kiba slightly jealous that he could spend the day with her while he couldn't.

Of course, Naruto teased Kiba about it all the way to their Dinviation class. Naruto had nearly passed out laughing when he saw Professor Trelwany. Harry shook his head when he saw her turn tear filled eyes onto Naruto as she was about to predict his horrible death. "My dear child, the Grim stalks your shadow. Drawing ever closer with each passing moment." Parvati and Lavender choked back sobs as they looked at Naruto with pitying eyes. Kiba began to bark with laughter, holding his sides as he howled.

"What, my dear, is so funny about death?" Naruto spoke before Kiba could. "Professor, the Grim has stalked my shadow since the moment I was born. He has yet to kill me. You, however, seem to take pleasure in predicting the deaths of your students. I've seen death, as has Kiba, so don't tell us about your fake predictions of our deaths. It is you, who is making a mockery of those who've passed by predicting false deaths and instilling fear into your students. Death is inevitable, and fearing it only makes it worse when it comes to claim your life."

Naruto stared her in the eye, his eyes black and dead, causing her to shudder and turn her back on him. Kiba had stopped laughing and nodded grimly in agreement with Naruto. Harry and Ron stared at the two boys in silent awe. Naruto had managed to enchant the class with his speech. He ruined the moment when he grinned and nudged Kiba in the side.

"Neji should have took this class instead of me. He's the one that talks about Fate." Kiba actually fell out of his seat as he howled with laughter. "You've got to be kidding me. Didn't you beat that nonsense out of his head when you beat the crap out of him and won your match? I mean, he actually stopped being a prick and started being nice to Hinata-chan." Naruto nodded and giggled. "Yeah, but wouldn't it be funny to see him preach my speech about Fate?"

Kiba started to choke at just the thought. "Now that would be worth seeing. Hey, what class do we have after this?" Checking their schedueles, Harry answered. "Transfiguration and then double Potions with Slytherin. Great, we're stuck in the dungeons with Snape and Slytherin." Naruto sighed, having caught a glimpse of the hatred between the two houses at breakfast, he knew that Potions would be far from pleasant.

The rest of Dinviation passed without much of anything happening. Apparently, Naruto's evil vibes had clouded her inner eye and she would be doing them more harm if she tried to teach them in that state. They ended up spending the rest of class doing their Herbology homework.

Professor McGonagall was slightly surprised when the class stayed rather silent. "Alright, who's suppose to die this year?" Naruto gave a mirthless laugh before he answered. "I have the Grim stalking me. Stupid old bat speaks of death when she's never seen it herself. I wonder what she would say if I told her I've died twice already. Man, that would freak her out for sure." Kiba choked, before he stared at Naruto. "I know you nearly died more than a few times, but you actually died?" Naruto grinned. "Yeah, when I was with Baa-chan, I was actually considered dead for about thirty seconds cause my heart stopped beating. That was the first time. But, it could have been worse. I could have actually died. Hey, Professor McGonagall, can you really turn into a cat?"

Professor McGonagall stared at him for a moment before she nodded. She turned into a cat for a moment before changing back. This seemed to lighten the mood considerably. Naruto actually bounced around in his chair. "I can do something like that. Except, I don't turn into a cat, I turn into a fox. Want to see?" Now this had the classes attention. Professor McGonagall nodded, and in the blink of an eye, Naruto disappeared.

In his place, sat a beautiful white fox with wide blue eyes and four tails. He grinned at the class before jumping off his stool to walk around, swishing his tails back and forth. Kiba smirked, a plan forming in his mind. "Hey, Naruto. I wonder what Sasuke would say if he saw you?" Naruto's eyes flew wide open in horror. He stared at Kiba, panicking. What would Sasuke say?

Seeming to sense his fear, Kiba relented in his teasing. "Wouldn't he be pissed cause you could do something he can't? You can finally one up him." Naruto relaxed and yipped at Kiba playfully. He changed back and grinned at Professor McGonagall. "I can actually change into nine different foxes, but that one is my favorite. Only one of them is actually useful for sneaking around cause all of the others are flashy." Hermione's hand shot straight up. "Professor McGonagall, is it possible to be able to change into more than one animal?"

Naruto turned to stare at Hermione with a thoughtful look on his face. "I actually was only able to change into one originally. I taught myself how to change into the others. I don't think anyone else could do it the way I did cause I nearly killed myself in the process. I actually fell off a cliff when I was perfecting the fox I just showed you. Man, I really need to stay far away from those things." Kiba chuckled. "Only you would fall off a cliff and then live to complain about it. Why were you even near a cliff when you trying something new? Even I wouldn't try to perfect a technique where I could put myself in danger."

Naruto nodded in agreement. "I was only six, so what do you expect? I didn't know there was a cliff on the other side of those bushes. And the only reason I fell off in the first place was because I tripped. I wasn't used to walking on four legs." Kiba chuckled and ruffled Naruto's spikes. "Come on, didn't you crawl as a baby? It couldn't have been that hard after you got used to it. Hey, do you think you can teach me how to turn into a dog? That would be so cool." Naruto chuckled before he suddenly came up with an idea.

"I don't know how to turn into a dog, so I can't teach you. But I just came up with a really cool idea. Do you remember how you made that food pill for Akamaru. The concepts similar, but you'll probably need Hinata-chan's since it involves potions. Hey, Professor McGonagall, can we do this as a project? Like, create different ways of turning into an animal without using a wand, even if you're not an Animigus. We can do it in groups and with students from other Houses. It would be really cool since we actually have to really understand Transfiguration."

Professor McGonagall smiled, liking the idea. "I think that it's a good idea. However, if you want to do this project, then you have to help me come up with projects for all my other classes with a similar idea." Naruto clapped his hands as he jumped up in glee. "Cool. Then, how about next class we assign groups and I'll have complete project outlines for all year levels. I'll also come up with some safety rules. Do you mind if I help out all the groups? I have a bunch of different ideas that I want to try." Professor McGonagall couldn't help but laugh at the blonde's enthusiasm.

"Naruto, why don't you do the project outlines first. I'll read them next class, so put down anything you might want to do and I'll either approve it or not. Do we have a deal?" Naruto nodded happily before pulling out a roll of parchment and scribbling madly on it for the rest of class. Everyone talked about the project. It sounded really fun, and if they did it correctly, they would be able to turn into an animal.

Hermione was already going through her notes and making more as she started to jot down ideas. Harry, Ron, Neville, and Kiba began to discuss what animal they would want to turn into and why. Soon, class was over and it was time for lunch.

Naruto ran into the Great Hall, crashing into Malfoy, causing both of them to fall in a giant heap. Naruto had placed himself under Malfoy out of reflex, having developed the habit whenever he crashed into someone. It usually was his fault so he tried to break thier fall. Unfortunately for him, he had landed on his wrist at an awkward angle and ended up snapping it. Biting back a whimper, Naruto carefully extracted himself, offering Malfoy a hand up when he was free and standing.

Malfoy just glared at him before slapping his hand away and standing up by himself. "Watch where you're going next time." Malfoy stalked away with Crabbe and Goyle right on his heels. Naruto shrugged and took a step towards his table but ended up falling as his knee gave out from under him. He braced himself to hit the floor, but a pair of hands caught him before he could. "Dobe. Do you need help to the hospital wing?" Naruto shook his head.

"No, can you take me to Hinata-chan and Sakura-chan? I broke my wrist and I think I hit a nerve in my leg since I can't feel it. I'll have Sakura wrap my wrist and go to the hospital wing later." Sasuke shook his head and threw Naruto over his shoulder, carrying him over to where Hinata and Sakura were talking at the Ravenclaw table. "Sakura, the dobe broke his wrist and wants you to wrap it. He says he'll go to the hospital wing later." "Sasuke-teme I can talk by myself. Sakura-chan, can you wrap my wrist. I really don't want to go to the hospital wing if I can help it. And Hinata-chan, can you look at my left leg, I think I hit a nerve or pressure point cause I can't feel it anymore."

Sakura sighed as she pulled out her medic kit from her bag. "Sasuke, set him on the bench so Hinata can look at his leg while I deal with his wrist. You better tell Iruka too, because if he doesn't know when Naruto's injured immediately after it happens he can be really annoying. Also get Haku, because if it's a pressure point, he'll know what to do." As Sasuke turned to leave, Iruka came rushing over. Naruto actually yelped when he saw his former teacher.

Iruka broke into a dead sprint, mistaking Naruto's yelp as a cry of pain. "Kakashi-sensei, save me!" Iruka was hit from behind by Kakashi just as he was about to reach Naruto. Naruto was about to stand up and hobble away but Hinata wouldn't let him. "Kakashi get off of me. Naruto's hurt." Kakashi refused to move from his seat on Iruka's back and proceeded to annoy the shorter man by pulling out his little orange book and reading it. "Iruka-sensei, the last time I got hurt, it took Baa-chan nearly an hour to get you out of the room so she could heal me. I'm not that hurt any way. I only broke my wrist and I hit a pressure point in my leg. Ah, Hinata-chan, that tickles." Hinata only smiled as she continued to press different spots in his leg.

"I think you should have Haku or Neji-nii-san look at it. It doesn't appear to be any of the nerves or pressure points that I've learned." Naruto sighed, then smiled as Sakura finished wrapping his wrist. 'Kyu-nee-chan, can you heal my wrist? I really don't want to go to the hospital wing.' 'Kit, of course I'll heal your wrist. I know how much you hate hospitals. Now, I can't do anything for your leg since it's a pressure point, but Haku should be able to fix it. Does he still have his acupuncture needles?' 'Yeah, he always carries a couple. Does he have to poke me to fix my leg?' Kyuubi's evil laughter was all the answer he needed.

"Kakashi-sensei, you can get off of Iruka-sensei now. You can torment him in private later, but you'll need to be able to move to do that." Kakashi sweatdropped as he looked at the dark cloud that had appeared beneath him. Waving, Kakashi stood up and ran from the hall, Iruka right behind him. Naruto smiled fondly before he yelped when he felt something pierce his leg.

Just as fast as the pain appeared, it vanished. Naruto pouted, turning his large watering eyes on Haku as he sniffed. "Haku, that hurt." "But you can move your leg now. You better get something to eat, lunch is almost over." Naruto grabbed a sandwich and took off for the Gryffindor tower. Sasuke shook his head as he went to get something to eat from the Slytherin table.

Naruto was perched at a table with Neville, staring at their cauldron as it burped a pale pink gas. "Wow, you really suck at this, don't you?" Neville hung his head in shame, but Naruto patted him on the back and gave him a reassuring smile. "We'll start over, we have just enough time to get it done. Now, watch what I do carefully. But don't try to chop this up like I do." Naruto proceeded to slice their potion ingredients at an alarming speed, his fingers a blur. Within five minutes he had finished preparing all of their ingredients.

"Okay, you did the first ten steps right. But instead of reducing the heat and adding the beetles, you skipped to the next step. Are you any good at cooking?" "I'm okay, but I'm no where near as good as my aunt." "Then, think of potions as cooking. Your recipe will turn out bad if you skip a step or mess up the temperature or time. Sometimes, you can save it, but other times, you'll need to start all over. This potion can be saved, but it will take longer to fix it then it would take to make another one. If we have some free time, I'll show you how you would fix it. Now, what do you do after this?"

Before Neville could answer, Snape swooped down onto their table. "What do you think you two are doing?" Naruto didn't even bother to look up from his cauldron. "We messed up our potion so we're making a new one since it would take longer and several unique ingredients in order to fix the other. Neville, can you hand me that cup of blue powder?" Neville's hand was shaking so much, he nearly spilled the entire thing into their potion as he handed it to Naruto. "Professor Snape, can you take a step back. If I made this correctly, it should catch fire. Neville, you should move back too."

Neville did as he was asked, but Snape stayed where he was. "Uzumaki, what are you talking about? The potion I am having you make shouldn't do that." "Oh, I already finished that. I'm starting the first few steps to fixing our first one." Snape glared at Naruto before he swept down the aisles to praise Kankurou and Shino on their potion. Just as Naruto dropped the blue powder into his cauldron, Malfoy shot a spell at it hitting both Naruto and the cauldron.

The potion spilt all over Naruto, causing him to burst into flames. Gaara's sand immediately envoloped the blonde, killing the flames. But when his sand withdrew, only a large pile of black robes could be seen. Sasuke rushed over to the robes, stopping in midstep when a small blonde head popped out.

The class stared in shock as they looked into the wide frightened eyes of a six year old Naruto.

A/N: I know, it's a cliffy, but I've said it before and I'll say it again. It's so fun to end them this way. The next chapter will be up tomorrow if I don't do it tonight. And the plot will thicken when a new character appears. Bet you can't guess who. Please review and I will try my best to update the next chapter as soon as possible. A warning to all those that are reading this story. I may be forced to update only one chapter a night during the school week since I have to do my homework. If I blow off my homework then my parents will ban me from my computer. So please be patient if I don't update as fast as I did this weekend. School is evil, so very evil. And homework is cruel and sadistic torture and punishment. (Insert anime tears here.)