Summary: Naruto regains the rest of his memories and is ready to take his revenge. He sneeks out of the Gryffindor common room and sets a trap in Itachi's private rooms after some help from Kyuubi in finding the room. He also booby traps Kakashi's chair before he brings some breakfast to Itachi. At breakfast Naruto's pranks are revealed, giving Kakashi a new outfit and dying Itachi's hair neon orange. Sasuke laughs, the horror. Naruto gives McGonagall his project plans and spends Transfiguration passing notes with Hermione. The beggining of the prank war is in the making. What will Hermione and Naruto think of for the war? And who is this new teacher? X3
Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, the Harry Potter series, or any of the characters. They belong to their respective owners.
Warnings: Out of character, boy x boy relationships, yaoi, language, extreme humor in this chapter, grammer mistakes since my computer hates me and won't spell check but I think I caught most of the mistakes. And mental trauma to some characters, but nothing that should cause them to go insane and go on a mass murdering rampage.
Pairings: Sakura x Lee, Ino x Chouji, Tenten x Neji, Hinata x Kiba, Temari x Shikamaru, Tsunade x Jiraiya, Iruka x Kakashi, Kurenai x Asuma, Zabuza x Ibiki, Haku x Gaara
Future Pairings: Naruto(uke) x Sasuke, Kankurou x Shino, Hermione x Ron, Malfoy x Harry, Anko x Itachi, and maybe Gai x Shizune (just have to figure out how it will work, probably won't be a major part of the story, or I'll make their pairing a side story, still thinking on it). I will do Remus x Sirius as was requested, but it won't happen until way later in the story.
A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews. I won't blab here, but be sure to read the note at the bottom. This story is not being discontinued, I'm just going to have a really hard time uploading as fast as I want to. Cookies to all of my faithful readers and reviewers.
'Call me cute and you die.' --Demon talking/usually the Kyuubi, sometimes Shukaku
'Stop reading my mind' --thoughts
"Shut up, stop talking." --speech
"Ohayou. Buenos dias. Bonjour." --different language other than English/usually Japanese
This is a note, pass it on. --notes, letters, written things, etc...
Chapter Fourteen: Traumatizing of Minds
Naruto decided to sit with Kiba at lunch. He ignored everything and everyone as he happily slurped bowl after bowl of Ramen. He soon had several stacks of empty bowls around him, piled at least fifteen bowls high. More than a few people were watching him eat, a mixture of horror, awe, or amusement on their faces. Very few saw the sight as amusing.
Naruto stopped eating when there was fifteen minutes left before lunch ended. He groaned when he realized he didn't have his potions book. "Ne, Kiba. What's the password again?" "Gamabunta. Apparently one of the prefects had seen him and changed the password." "Thanks Kiba, see you in Potions." Naruto ran from the Hall, going faster then several people thought possible. He barely made it down to the dungeons and into the class before the bell rang. He sat by Neville again, smiling brightly when Snape entered the room. He may not have liked Snape personally, but the class was interesting.
"Today we will be making a simple Calming Draught. The directions are on the board. You will be turning in samples at the end of class and we'll be testing them next class." Snape watched from the front of the class as his students gathered their ingredients. "Neville, you grab the ingredients. I have to give a note to Professor Snape." Neville nodded, feeling guilty about what had happened with the last potion he had made.
"Professor Snape, Professor McGonagall wanted me to give you this note." Naruto had to stand on tip toe to see over the desk. He handed the note to Snape before he returned to his seat with Neville. Opening the note, he read it. He read it another four times before he pulled out a quill and scribbled a note for McGonagall. The project she had in mind was not only interesting, but it also tested the skill level of his students. "Uzumaki, I want you to take this note to Professor McGonagall." "Hai Sensei." Naruto slid off of his stool, turning to speak to Neville before he went to the front of the class.
"Remember Neville, think of it as cooking. Ignore everyone else and you should be fine. Your last potion would have turned out perfect if you hadn't been so nervous." Naruto gave him an encouraging smile before he skipped over to take the note from Snape. "I want you back here in less than fifteen minutes, do you understand?" "Yes." Naruto walked out of the class, knowing that it would take more than fifteen minutes to go to the Transfigurations class and back. That was if you were a normal student, but since Naruto was a ninja it was easy. He ran, reaching the classroom in a record breaking five minutes.
"Professor McGonagall, Professor Snape wanted me to give you this." Taking the note, she opened it and read it carefully, raising an eyebrow before she scribbled a note and pulled out his project plans. Taking out seven scrolls of blank parchment, she used a spell to copy what he had wrote. She labeled everything before she handed it to him. "You better hurry if you don't want to be yelled at." "Hai." With a little difficulty, Naruto ran back to the dungeons, reaching the classroom with seconds to spare. He dropped the pile of scrolls into Snape's hands, the note lying on top of the stack.
Naruto went back to sit next to Neville, giving the timid boy a reassuring smile. Snape spent the rest of the class reading over the project plans, his face twitching as he fought to hide any and every emotion he may have felt. By the end of class, everyone had managed to make a decent potion and Naruto had gently guided Nevilled through theirs, doing almost nothing besides reading the directions and offering advice. Neville had a huge smile when he left Potions that afternoon, his confidence in his potion making abilities having gone up.
Naruto headed straight for the kitchens as soon as class was over, knowing that he would need all the time he could get to make Tsunade her cookies. He gave the house elves his recipes after they promised that they would tell no one. He was thankful for their help since he really needed it and he didn't want to risk getting caught by doing a kage bunshin. For the next four hours he made batch after batch of cookies, a large group of house elves helping him while the others prepared dinner. By the time they were done, they had made over four hundred dozen cookies.
He packed away three fourths of them in labeled boxes before shrinking all of them and putting them in another box which he shrunk and stuck inside a bag. He left the bag in a corner of the kitchen, telling them that he would pick it up later. Thanking the house elves for their help, he told them to enjoy the rest of the cookies and that he would be back another time to make more. He refused to let them thank him for his kindness, telling them that he was more than happy to give the cookies to them and that it showed how thankful he was for their help. He made his way to the Great Hall to grab something to eat before heading to his detention with Dumbridge.
He decided to sit in Dumbledore's lap to talk with him. He didn't know when or if Tsunade would show up and wanted to ask him. "No, I don't know when she will be coming but she did say that she would be coming tonight around dinner time and that she would be bringing someone to assist Itachi with his classes in the mornings since Kakashi is chronically late." Naruto grinned as he looked over at the still colorful Kakashi. "Then, I can give her her cookies and I'll still have my ramen." Dumbledore smiled at the small blonde before he turned to speak with McGonagall. She was practically babbling as she talked about the project ideas that a student had given her, and by the way she was looking at Naruto in awe, he could guess who the student was.
The doors to the Great Hall slammed opened to reveal two very angry woman, one blonde and the other with black hair. Naruto eeped softly as he took in blazing red and golden brown eyes. He knew who both were and had seen what happened when they were angry. His sense for self-preservation kicking in, Naruto slid out of Dumbledore's lap and ran across the hall, jumping into Tsunade's arms as soon as he was close enough. She caught him and her eyes softened momentarily before they were once again flashing with anger. "I made cookies. Lots of cookies for you and Shizune-nee and Ibiki-san and Zabuza-san and Gai and Asuma and..." "I'll share Naruto so you can breathe now. Have you been good for Itachi?" Naruto grinned innocently and Tsunade sighed as she felt a huge headache coming on.
"Kakashi-sensei was early to class. But he made Iruka-sensei late, stupid pervert." Naruto began to mumble darkly as Tsunade carried him to the Head table. When Tsunade appeared, Iruka, Itachi, and Kakashi stood at attention. "Relax, I'm not here to kill any of you. Itachi, meet Anko. Anko, meet Itachi. You'll be working together. If you don't like it, well I really don't care." Naruto peeked over Tsunade's shoulder to look at Anko, remembering her from the chunin exams. "You're the pretty lady from the chuunin exams." Anko blushed slightly at the compliment before giving a slight giggle. Even though he was still a loud brat, he looked cute. "Baa-chan I made you lots of cookies. I'll make more next week or the week after so don't you dare ban ramen. I want you to meet my friends, come with me, please." Naruto slid out of her arms and began tugging on her hand with one of his bandaged ones.
"Naruto, what happened to your hand?" Naruto froze before he tucked his hands behind his back and began to slowly back away. "It's nothing. Just a scratch from Herbology." Thankfully, Iruka was sitting next to Professor Sprout and was able to keep her from saying anything. "Don't. Tsunade-sama is very protective of Naruto, and is especially vicious to those who deliberately harm him." Professor Sprout kept her mouth shut, even though a part of her wanted to see what would happen to the person that had hurt Naruto. "Naruto, who did it?" Naruto crossed his arms and glared, the look causing the majority of the female population to 'aahh' at him, he really did look cute. "I'm not telling." Tsunade growled before sighing in defeat. "Fine, but that person better hope that I never find out. Now, who did you want me to meet?"
Bouncing excitedly, Naruto dragged Tsunade over to the Gryffindor table. "This is Harry, Ron, Fred, George, Neville, Ginny, and Hermione. 'Mione's smart like you, Shizune-nee-chan, Sakura-chan, and Hinata-chan. Wait here, I'll go and get the cookies." Tsunade watched Naruto run out of the Great Hall. Anko had followed her, her curiousity peaked when cookies were mentioned again. "Tsunade-sama, what are these cookies that Naruto keeps talking about?" Tsunade's mouth hung open slightly as a small trickle of drool formed. Sakura answered, having come over to greet her teacher. "Have you ever tried those cookies that she always has?" Anko shook her head, but stopped when she remembered the package of cookies she had been given as well as several others, including Iruka and Kakashi. "Wait, are you talking about the cookies that were sealed in boxes that would only open for a certain person?" Tsunade finally snapped out of her daydream of Naruto's cookies and nodded. "Yes. Naruto made those cookies."
Anko couldn't stop her jaw from hitting the floor. She had to share a box with Ibiki and the two had nearly killed each other fighting over the last one. "I want those cookies." Tsunade's eyes flashed as she released her killer intent, Anko doing the same as the two women tried to stare the other down. "Those cookies are for me." Before they could get into a fight, Naruto came running back in, carrying a box no larger than a shoe box. He didn't notice how quiet the hall was or the waves of killer intent that were rolling off the two women that were locked in a staring contest. Clearing a spot on the table, he enlarged the box and opened it, glad that he had seperated and labeled what box was going to who. Opening two of the smaller boxes, he pulled out two cute little bags and handed one to each of them before turning back to the box and searching through it until he found the box that he had labeled 'Hogwarts'.
He pulled it out as well as the one labeled 'Anko' and then he shrunk the other until it was even smaller than a shoe box, slapping a seal on it that would resize it when removed. Putting it aside, he opened the box he had pulled out and began to pull out the boxes that it contained. He stopped when he had nine. "Here Sakura-chan, these are for you." Sakura couldn't supress the squeal of delight as she took the box that she had been given. Naruto continued to pass out boxes to his friends, handing one to Kiba who was already drooling even as he took it. The twins being exaggerated people, had fell to their knees and kissed the hems of Naruto's robes as they praised his awesome, awe inspiring superiority. Neville had accepted his box with some confusion while Harry and Ron took theirs with dreamy expressions. Ginny gave him a hug as did Hermione, but Naruto noticed the hurt look she had in her eyes. He suddenly remembered that he was suppose to meet her in the library.
"I'm so sorry 'Mione. I forgot that I was going to meet you in the library. Baa-chan threatened to ban ramen if she didn't get any cookies." Hermione smiled, happy that Naruto hadn't deliberately blown her off. She knew him long enough to know that part of his mind was dedicated solely to ramen. "Alright, I forgive you. But, you have to come with me to the library this weekend." Naruto nodded. "I'll be there. Baa-chan, this box is for you to take home. Take off the seal and the box will return to normal." Tsunade nodded, her attention still focused on the bag in her hand as she stared at the cookies within, one already in her mouth. Anko was happily eating her own cookies when she remembered the fight that she had with Ibiki. "Naruto, you are sending some to Ibiki, right?" "Hai. This box is for you. Baa-chan, I've packaged them into individual boxes and labeled them for the person they should go to. And if Shizune-nee-chan says you've been good and did your paperwork, I'll make you my double chocolate deluxe cookies." Tsunade would make Konoha's history as being the first Hokage to ever finish all of their paperwork that they had been given that day, including the work that she was behind in. She would have caught up and finished all of her paperwork just for some cookies.
"Naruto, I'm holding you to that deal." "I never break a promise." Tsunade nodded, a fierce fire burning in her eyes, putting Gai's and Lee's flames of youth to shame. She would do whatever it took to get those cookies, even if it meant giving up her sake for a week and working non-stop to get her paperwork done. Naruto went over to Hufflepuff and gave Lee, Chouji, and Hinata their boxes before he went to Ravenclaw and gave Neji, Tenten, Shikamaru, Ino, and Luna boxes. As soon as Naruto was at the Slytherin table, Tsunade turned to Sakura and Kiba. "Alright, what happened to his hands and you better not tell me that it happened in Herbology." Sakura shrugged, she hadn't heard the full story behind the bandages yet but she had a pretty good idea of what it was.
Kiba snarled viciously as he stabbed his steak. "I don't know how it was done, but he came back with his hands all bloodied after a detention with the toad lady. He had to write lines and the quill that he used carved the words into the back of his hand using his blood as ink. You could see the bone in his right hand and you could also see parts of the bone in his left. Apparently he was bored and switched hands." Tsunade fumed silently, wanting nothing more than to walk up to the staff table and tear the ugly toad's head off. She barely kept her temper in check, a sadistic gleam coming to her eyes. "Anko, double S-class mission to be carried out by you, Itachi, and Iruka during the duration of this mission. Make Dolores Umbridge as miserable as possible without causing trouble for the students. Torture her slowly and don't get caught. Debrief Iruka and Itachi on the mission. Don't do anything that will make her quit since I will be taking my turn at the end of the school year." Anko nodded her head as she gave Umbridge a sadistic smile, her eyes gleaming like a wolf's.
At the Slytherin table, Naruto was busy giving Haku, Gaara, Temari, Shino, Kankuro, and Sasuke their boxes. He even gave a small box to Malfoy, who looked like he was going to refuse it until he saw the death glares he was being given by Naruto's very protective friends/family. He shrunk the box and pocketed it, deciding to get rid of it in secret. When Naruto walked up to the Head table, Sasuke stood up and walked over to Malfoy, bending to whisper in his ear. "Toss those cookies away or give them away and I will kill you as slowly and painfully as I can. You will eat them even if they're poisoned." Shivering, Malfoy gave a slight nod and relaxed slightly when Sasuke took his seat. At the Head table, Naruto was handing out boxes of cookies to his favorite teachers, which was nearly all of the teachers that he had. A wet spot on Kakashi's mask revealed that he was drooling behind it. He took the box with gentle hands and set it in his lap. As much as he wanted to eat the delicous cookies inside, he would not take off his mask and wouldn't risk performing a simple genjutsu like he usually did when eating in public to give the illusion that he was still wearing his mask.
Iruka and Itachi both took their boxes with smiles and Dumbledore's eyes were twinkling so brightly that it was nearly blinding. His eyes lit up even more when he saw the small package of sugar cookies that had been decorated with smilie faces made with lemon drops. "Thank you Naruto, these were always my favorite." Naruto gave him a true smile that lit up his blue eyes, causing them to twinkle much like the headmaster's. Naruto continued to give out boxes to his teachers, handing one to Snape last with an uncertain look in his eyes. Snape stared at the box for several minutes until he grudgingly took it after feeling several death glares being sent his way. He opened it and took a quick peek inside, a dreamy expression entering his eyes for a second before disappearing. He had been given double chocolate chip cookies as well as ones that had little chocolate peanut butter cups. They were his favorite types of cookies and he only indulged in eating them when he was in the privacy of his chambers. After all, he had a reputation to maintain and it would be ruined if his students found out that he had a major sweet tooth.
Banishing the empty box back to the kitchen, Naruto took the one box that he had left and went back to Tsunade, holding out his arms to be held as he tried to hide the hurt in his eyes. Umbridge had refused his cookies, glaring at him with hatred that rivaled the cruelest of the villagers. He may not have liked her, okay he really didn't like her, but he was hoping that they could call some kind of truce that would allow them to get along without having to actually be friends. Somewhere in his mind, he realized that he was acting like a six-year old, but he didn't really care since he had been denied the simplest of comfort and affection as a child. Tsunade picked him up and cuddled him close to her with a small smile tracing her lips. Naruto was so small, giving her an overwhelming urge to protect him from the world even more than she already wanted to.
Shifting her grip slightly, she took a seat across from Kiba, Anko sitting next to her as she savored a tiny bite of a cookie, making the morsel last. Naruto gave a huge yawn before he rested his head on her shoulder, his eyes sliding close even as he struggled to stay awake. He was out cold a few minutes later. "Alright Kiba, how has he been adjusting? I can already tell that Itachi and Kakashi have done something." Kiba nodded as he bit back a chuckle. "Well, Itachi had refused to tell Naruto the class he was teaching, saying it was a secret. Naruto pouted at that and ran off, promising revenge. As for Kakashi, I think you can tell what he did if you look at his new outfit." Anko stopped eating her cookies so she could study Kakashi. She broke into a sadistic grin as she turned to Kiba. "Being his perverted self, he did something to make cute little 'Ruka-chan late, or embarass him. I doubt he made him cry otherwise he would be speaking in a really squeaky voice." Tsunade nodded her agreement, giving a small chuckle as she remembered hearing Jiraiya speaking in a high-pitched voice as he tried not to move as much as possible.
"I will never forget hearing Jiraiya talking in that 'school girl squeal' voice. He wasn't able to walk for a week." Kiba winced at the thought as did many of the other boys that were listening. "I'm afraid to ask, but what happened?" Anko was curious and paid close attention as she waited for Tsunade to answer Kiba's question. "You won't get the exact details since it's my blackmail material after all. But what happened was that Jiraiya, being unusually stupid, said something to make me cry. Unfortunately for him, Naruto found me and comforted me. Two days later, Jiraiya became the victim of a rather unique prank. He was wearing neon orange spandex with green leg warmers, and no matter how hard he tried to take the clothes off or put something over it, it wouldn't work. Also, the spandex was sprayed with some type of pheromone causing all male dogs to be drawn to him as if he was a female in heat. Some were very persistent as well, following him along the rooftops." Kiba choked on his laughter at the image.
"That only lasted for a day sadly. Then the next day he was talking in a squeaky voice for a week, trying to move as little as possible. I think he walked on his hands if he needed to go somewhere. I still don't know exactly how Naruto did it, but I still can remember the second outfit he was in quite well, and you won't be hearing what that outfit was. Blackmail material only works if no one else knows." Kiba looked slightly disappointed, but it was hard to tell with the huge grin he had. Anko was snickering before her eyes widened in horror slightly. "You have just scarred me for life. I'll never get the image of a neon orange spandex wearing Jiraiya out of my head." Kiba's own eyes widened in horror as well as he realized that as well. "No, that's worse than one of Gai's and Lee's sunset scenes that you're forced to watch for over three hours." Kiba then proceeded to claw at his eyes in only half-hearted fake agony. He would never again be able to look at the Frog Hermit again without picturing him in neon orange spandex.
"Don't think about it and it'll go away. If not, I'm sure we can have Dumbledore obliviate the memory for you." Kiba looked at his leader with hope filled eyes. "Yes, I think that is what we should do. Until then you never said anything, nothing at all." Kiba repeated that like a mantra for nearly ten minutes before he returned to eating like nothing had happened. Sakura rolled her eyes, but she too was mentally scarred from the image. She however, stored the image into the little pocket of her mind that was dedicated to locking away all memories of spandex wearing moments that could have caused serious mental damage. Such as sunset scenes that lasted more than twenty minutes. "So, what are you doing here Tsunade-sensei?" "I came to see Naruto and get my cookies. Had to threaten the banning of ramen to get him to make them." Sakura giggled. "He must have been traumatized at the thought." Tsunade smiled as she looked at the small blonde sleeping in her arms. "Well, he will be happy to know that since he is gone I'm keeping Ichikaru in business by making it a permanent D-rank mission for all ranks to eat there at least once a week. Of course, they only get paid a set amount that usually ends up being the same amount that they spend when eating there. So it's kind of like a free lunch for them."
Kiba shook his head in amusement. "You better remove that before Naruto returns or that will be the only mission he'll take. Well, until he runs out of money to buy ramen, then he would do something else or mooch off of everyone else." Tsunade shuddered at the thought of Naruto making eating ramen his permanent mission. "Good thing it's only a year long one. Anyway, Anko is here to help assist Itachi in the mornings with his classes since Kakashi will forever be chronically late unless threatened by something drastic. And even then, he will barely be on time." "Too true. He never showed up on time for a meeting with Team 7 once. He has been late since the very first day we met. I can't believe we got stuck with him as our tutor. Gai-sensei may have been better on some days." "Like I said, since Kakashi will not be there in the mornings to assist, Anko will help Itachi with the morning classes and will also help in the afternoons. She'll take over for Itachi or Kakashi so one of them can supervise your spars if she doesn't do it herself."
Sakura and Kiba brightened at that bit of information. "Naruto will be happy to hear that. Kakashi sent him flying into the lake by accident. I figure he'll return to normal by Halloween at the latest. So he'll need to adjust to being tiny again. He has all of his memories back, which seems to be a good thing at the moment. For Itachi and Kakashi though, I don't think they are too thrilled." Sakura glanced at the staff table and supressed a giggle. "Iruka looks like he sees the Academy all over again, only it's going to be worse." Anko glanced at the sleeping blonde and smiled in amusement, almost smirking. "Sakura, Naruto is small again and in an enviroment that he spent terrorizing for a week if what I've heard is correct. Of course he's going to slip back into being the Golden Fox. I still remember the number of times that the Professor sent me after Naruto so I could drag him back to his office to get yelled at."
Kiba spat out his pumpkin juice as he stared at Anko with wide eyes. "You mean Naruto's the Golden Fox? The Fox is legendary, a role model for all pranksters in the making. I mean, how could anyone forget seeing all of the clan elders with neon hair and animal ears and tails attached to them. Or the time that the Academy's first floor was sealed shut and flooded with water almost all the way to the ceiling, creating and indoor swimming pool of sorts. I mean, the Fox has pranked nearly everything and everyone. He even pranked the ANBU and their headquarters. Why, I think he even pranked the Council a number of times." Kiba stared at Naruto with what could only be hero worship, his face a perfect mask of awe. Anko grinned at the memories of some of Naruto's more elaborate pranks. Fred and George were staring at Naruto in curiousity.
"Hey, Kiba." "Who is this..." "Fox, that you are..." "talking about?" Kiba stared at Fred and George as if they had just confessed to being closet Death Eaters. "Do you know how you told me about the Marauders and how they were legendary pranksters?" The twins nodded, smiling as they thought about their predecessors. "The Golden Fox is a living legend that has pulled a prank involving every citizen and every building in our village during a five year time period. He pulled a prank every week, sometimes every day. No one has ever seen him or caught him. The only reason we know the pranks were done by the same person was because of his signature, which no one can replicate. He was called the Golden Fox because of his signature, which was a small yellow fox statue that was grinning, a number written on the small little chalk board at it's feet. It was always the number of the prank. The Golden Fox disappeared after he pulled an even one thousand pranks." The twins looked at Naruto in awe, their eyes wide at seeing a living pranking legend.
Sakura sighed, muttering boys, under her breath. Of course Naruto would be the Golden Fox, who else but Naruto would be the Golden Fox. "Is that even possible, to not be caught once?" Kiba turned to Hermione and nodded. "Naruto and I used to compete when we were in the Academy to see who could pull the most pranks without being pinned with the blame. He would always win by at least one, and once, he even got Sasuke blamed for a prank. He was laughing his ass off for a week after seeing the shocked faces when the fan girls found out that their precious Sasuke-kun had broke into the girls' locker room and stuck frogs, mice, and lizards into their lockers." Sakura blushed at the memory, also remembering the chaos that had ensued. Fortunately for the animals, all of them had been captured and released back into the forest. "Kiba, don't forget the fan girl logic of why he had stuck them into our lockers."
Kiba looked at Sakura for a moment before snickering. "That's right, you used to be a Sasuke fan girl along with Ino. I will never understand how Sasuke's fan club came up with the idea that he had done it because he liked one of them and since he didn't know which locker was the girl's he liked, he stuck them into every locker." Kiba snickered again as Sakura's blush grew. "Hey, we were ten. Even Hinata joined the hunt a couple of times after that." Kiba stared at Sakura with wide eyes. "No way. Hinata-chan join the Sasuke fan club in stalking him?" Sakura nodded, her blush slowly disappearing. "She did, and you'll never guess why. She thought that Sasuke had pulled the prank to keep his fan club from turning into a yaoi fan club. She remembered seeing one start for Itachi when he didn't show an interest in girls so his fan club started stalking him even more and trying to hook him up with guys." Kiba's mouth fell open before he started to laugh hard enough to fall out of his seat. Regaining his breath, he weakly climbed to his feet and looked over at the Slytherin table. "Oi, Uchiha. Remember the locker room prank that you got pinned for, and how your fan club turned into rabid fan girl monsters?"
Sasuke paled and shuddered at the memory, resisting the urge to run over to Kakashi and throw himself into his arms and cry. He never wanted to remember that. "Turns out that the Golden Fox was responsible for the prank, and he pinned the blame on you. I think he was also responsible for Itachi-san's fan club turning into something even worse." Itachi paled, horror crossing his face at the memory of his yaoi fan club trying to hook him up with various boys, going so far as to locking him in a small room with some of his more agressive fan boys. At the thought of something even worse than his fan club, Sasuke felt his eyes roll into the back of his head as he fell back in a dead faint, Itachi following shortly after him from the horror of his memories. Anko laughed evilly as an idea struck her. Kiba was turning blue, he was laughing so hard and even Sakura was giggling at seeing the mighty Uchiha brothers faint from the mere mention of their fan clubs. Anko walked up to the staff table where Itachi was slumped over in his chair.
Smirking, she spoke in an amused tone. "Itachi, I wouldn't be sleeping if I were you. You're fan boys are coming with rope and I think I saw one of them carrying a bag of 'supplies'." Itachi shot up out of his chair, and ran straight to the wall where he proceeded to use chakra to climb it until he was clinging to the rafters in the ceiling of the Great Hall. "Keep them away. If you have even a speck of pity in you keep them away." By now the entire hall was staring up at the ceiling in shock, only a few students were laughing, mainly Kiba, the twins, Chouji, and surprisingly enough, Neji. The rest of the Hall was too shocked to react, glancing from the panicking Itachi who was begging for mercy to the unconcious Sasuke who was twitching slightly. Naruto woke up and took a look around before sighing and squirming his way out of Tsunade's arms. Going over to the Slytherin table, he sat next to Sasuke and started poking him. Getting no response, he picked up a pitcher of pumpkin juice and dumped it over his head. Sasuke sat up spluttering, glaring at Naruto through wet bangs.
"The fan girls are gone. Home at the village. Your two former fan girls are happily seeing their current boyfriends. Your brother is having a panic attack on the ceiling from memories of his fan club turned to yaoi fan club. Now, are the horrors of your past repressed enough for you to finish eating your dinner?" Sasuke nodded dumbly, his eyes locked on his brother who was crouched on one of the rafters. His eyes wide and teeth bared as he shook. Naruto nodded and walked over to the staff table, whispering a few words to Dumbledore who nodded and pulled out his wand. He levitated Naruto up to the ceiling so he was perched on the same rafter as Itachi. "They are not here. The yaoi fan club has long since disbanded. They have not reformed with your return, a new one has not been created. The Golden Fox is not cruel enough to turn your current fan club into a yaoi fan club." Itachi slowly calmed down as the hypnotic words soothed his mind.
"Are you calm?" "Yes. When I find the Golden Fox I'm going to cut his balls off before casting a genjutsu on him and handing him over to my fan club." Naruto began to back away, before his face lit up in a grin. He had just found the perfect revenge for Itachi keeping it secret what he was teaching. "Itachi, remember how I said I would get my revenge?" Itachi nodded, his eyes narrowing. "Good. Baa-chan, catch me." Tsunade cursed as she quickly stood and moved towards the staff table. Naruto turned back to Itachi as he stood up and took a few steps back. He smirked, his eyes twinkling brighter than Dumbledore's. "I'm the Golden Fox, and I must say that revenge is definitely sweet." Itachi stared at Naruto wide-eyed for a second before lunging forward. He was too late since Naruto had jumped in his moment of shock. He looked down, watching Naruto grin as he fell and was caught by Tsunade with a soft grunt. Tucked safely in her arms, he smirked triumphantly up at him.
Itachi sat for a moment before leaping off the narrow beam of wood, turning several flips before he cast a cushioning charm at the ground, slowing his fall so he landed lightly on his feet. "You. I'm going to castrate you before I hand you over to my fan club, spelled to look like me. Then, before anything too drastic happens, I'll remove the spell and leave you at their mercy." An insane glint entered his eyes as he stalked forward, his hands twitching at his sides. Anko saw the danger in his eyes and quickly intervened, wrapping her arms around his neck to purr into his ear. "Now now Itachi. Have you learnt nothing from him? His revenge will be soo much worse than what you plan to do to him. Remember, he was responsible for turning your fan club into a demon's worse nightmare." Itachi calmed down, his eyes only holding muderous intent now. Anko smirked before licking his cheek and stepping back. "Besides, you can just torture him in class and he will be unable to do anything in retaliation. Nothing directly or extreme anyway."
Naruto froze for a second before his eyes took on a dangerous look, one that promised untold horrors. Oh yes, he had found new victims. "Don't worry 'Tachi, I'll make sure that your fan club will leave you alone from now on. After all, no true fan club ever breaks apart unless the person of their obsession gets married. Since you obviously aren't gay, I'll just have to find you a wife." The revelation of Naruto's sucess in matchmaking had Itachi's eyes widening in horror, causing Anko to snicker. "Oh don't worry Anko-chan, I'll find you your special someone as well. After all, if I can get Ibiki and Zabuza together, I can find you someone as well." Itachi and Anko clung to each other as they stared at Naruto in complete horror, their eyes full of animalistic terror. Tsunade resisted the urge to cackle evilly, settling with snickering quietly. Naruto looked at them in triumph, his eyes glittering with amusement. Two of Hogwarts soon to be most feared teachers whimpered pathetically as they clung to each other, whimpering even more when Naruto began to chuckle evilly as he rubbed his hands together, his eyes gleaming. Fear swept through the hall, a new evil had been unleashed onto the school, an evil that hadn't been seen since Salazaar Slytherin himself. A match-maker the likes that hasn't been seen since the school's founding would walk the halls of Hogwarts once more.
A/N: I thank all of my faithful readers for waiting patiently for this update. It is official, school is the ulitmate evil for any author. I've been swamped with so much homework and a handful of projects that it is nothing short of torture. I'm no longer grounded from the internet and my computer, bad grade was the result of that one, but I have almost no time to go on. But, there is hope for me since there is a little more than a month of school left and I hope to upload my entire story during summer break. For now, I'll upload what I can when I can. I have most of my story written out and only need to type out the chapters. I plan on going back and correcting all mistakes in this story once I am done and will upload it under the same title only it will have 'Edited Verion' added to it, but that will be later. But to my faithful reviewers and readers, I give you more cookies and lots of them. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and that I haven't mentally scarred you for life. I won't make any promises, but I hope to get out at least another chapter or two in the next month. Again, thank you for being patient and I will try my best to get the rest of the chapters out.