Summary: Umbridge's torture has begun. Kakashi has vowed revenge for his disrupted cuddle time. Itachi and Anko mess with Umbridge's paperwork. Fudge receives love letters. Iruka and Snape hatch evil plans in the dead of night. A surprise birthday party is in the makings. And the kunoichi take over Hufflepuff at lunch. What is going on outside of Hogwarts? Did Tsunade ever achieve the impossible and finish her paperwork?

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, the Harry Potter series, or any of the characters. They belong to their respective owners.

Warnings: Out of character, boy x boy relationships, yaoi, language, etc.

Pairings: Sakura x Lee, Ino x Chouji, Tenten x Neji, Hinata x Kiba, Temari x Shikamaru, Tsunade x Jiraiya, Iruka x Kakashi, Kurenai x Asuma, Zabuza x Ibiki, Haku x Gaara

Future Pairings: Naruto(uke) x Sauske, Kankurou x Shino, Hermione x Ron, Harry x Draco, Shizune x Gai. Remus, Sirius, Anko, Itachi, and Snape will be decided by the votes of my wonderful, amazing, incredibly awesome reviewers. For the current standing of where the pairings lie, read the author's note at the bottom. Most current pairing standings can be found in my profile.

A/N: Another torture chapter, but I hope you enjoy it. I think I've found my stride again and will try to bust out the chapters while my plot bunnies are focused on this story. Well enjoy.

'Call me cute and you die.' --Demon talking/usually the Kyuubi, sometimes Shukaku

'Stop reading my mind' --thoughts

"Shut up, stop talking." --speech

"Ohayou. Buenos dias. Bonjour." --different language other than English/usually Japanese

Chapter Seventeen: Who's Doing What

--Unknown Location--

He wanted revenge. But in his current state, he wouldn't be able to get his revenge any time soon. He needed a body, and for that he needed Voldemort. Unable to perform jutsus in the body he shared with Voldemort, he could do nothing more than bide his time. At the very least he would be amused, especially since Voldemort believed that he could control him. His revenge would have to wait until he gained a body of his own. He would be using the same ritual that Voldemort had to regain his body, but it would take time to gain the ingredients. Finding a Sound nin would take some time, considering that the village he had found had nearly been completely wiped out, including his loyal servant Kabuto. A pity really, but with his new body, he wouldn't need Kabuto's medical expertises. His father's bones would be tricky, but like finding a Sound nin, it would be doable, if time consuming. No, what would be the most difficult was the blood of his enemy. He wanted no one but Uzumaki Naruto, who, like his father, had stopped him from getting what he wanted. No one but Naruto would do. For that, he was more than willing to wait.

Watching Voldemort order his Death Eaters around, Orochimaru found himself snorting at the stupidity of the wizarding world's government. He had been able to build up his own army only because he had made sure that he had given away no signs of his activities, not to mention that Konoha was still recovering and weren't looking to start a war. By ignoring Voldemort's return, the Ministry was insuring its own demise. Voldemort was moving quietly, having his followers gather information and recruit. A few deaths, but nothing that would garner too close an inspection. Infiltrating the Ministry was one of Voldemort's main concerns. Something about retrieving a prophecy, not that he was too concerned. No, he was most concerned about getting Naruto. If things went well, he should have the first two ingredients needed around the end of the school year. That gave him only a small window of opportunity to capture Naruto. Taking the blonde any sooner than he needed would draw unwanted attention to what he was doing. He would have to wait for his revenge.

--Hogwarts--

Umbridge was having a good day. That annoying giggle she had been hearing recent mornings had disappeared. Her paperwork was all in order, and she had recieved a note from Cornelius stating that he was pleased with her latest report. Yes, Dolores Umbrdige was having a good day so far. As she sat down for lunch, she was intrigued when she saw the group of giggling girls at Hufflepuff. It looked like they were planning something, which simply wouldn't do. She would need to find out what they were planning so she could ruin it, but she had to be careful not to get caught. No, she couldn't be caught, Cornelius would be disappointed in her if she was. As she ate her lunch, her mind began to think of various ways she could find out what the group of girls were planning. She was so focused on ruining whatever had them happy, she didn't notice the slightly bitter taste of her normally sweet pumpkin juice. Her good day wouldn't be lasting much longer.

--Ministry of Magic--

Cornelius Fudge was having a stressful day. Although Dolores latest report had been good, her continuous love letters were starting to freak him out instead of flatter him. He hoped by continuing to ignore them, she would stop on her own. He really didn't want to confront her again. No, it wasn't Dolores that was making his day stressful. His paperwork had turned into a mountain on his desk and he was expected to finish it by the end of the day. He had barely even made a dent in it after working nonstop for two hours. What had him even more stressed out was the letter he had received from the Godaime of Konoha. It was more of a note than a letter, but it still had him inwardly panicking.

Tsunade had stated that any hopes of gaining any form of support from Konoha rested on how her students enjoyed their stay at Hogwarts and anywhere else they may visit during the school year, such as Hogsmeade. She had hinted at how Naruto had told her he had felt that Umbridge had been singleling him out and picking on him. He wanted to ignore her note, but he had no idea how truly powerful Konoha was, not to mention that it seemed to have gained numerous allies from other wizarding governments. He could not risk a war with Konoha, especially so close to a coming election year. He was already on thin ice as it was for his treatment of the son of a former Hokage. That was like him insulting the U.S. President's daughter. He had seen the man curse the drunken politician when he had attended the President's birthday party. A lot of people from various magical governments had attended the party and learned not to mess with the man's only daughter that night. Not unless they wanted to have themselves hit by every humiliating curse the President could get off before someone stopped him.

Shuddering at the memory, Fudge hurriedly went back to completing his paperwork. He would need to send Dolores a note to be careful around the foreign students and teachers, but that would have to wait until he was done with his paperwork. As it was, it looked like he would be staying well into the night just to finish even half of it. He had just finished another stack when an aide walked in carry a stack of paperwork nearly three times the size of the one he had just finished. Fudge whimpered. He was having a very stressful day.

--Grimmauld Place--

Sirius Black was feeling confined. There wasn't much that he could do since he had to stay in hiding. He was a wanted criminal for a crime he didn't commit. He wanted to get out so badly, but he couldn't leave. He was confined to his childhood home. He hated it, but it was the only place that he was safe at the moment. Hopefully he wouldn't go insane before he was proven innocent. It was rather sad that Azkaban couldn't drive him to insanity, but his childhood home was threatening to do so. His stay was made more bearable by the frequent, if random, visits of Remus. The werewolf made staying in his home more tolerable. Remus didn't visit in person too often, but he did contact him in some way almost daily, be it in person, the floo, or by mail. He was feeling confined, but he was also happy.

--Konoha--

Tsunade sat at her desk, her face nearly breaking from the grin that split it. She had finished her paperwork, all of it. All of the paperwork she was behind in as well as for the day. Her desk was actually free of the evil stacks. Resisting the urge to cackle, she pulled out her secret stash of sake, sipping some as she thought about the cookies that Naruto would make her. She had stayed up for nearly two days and worked nonstop, but she had done it. Resting in her chair, she wondered if she should pay Naruto another visit, but decided against it. She would bask in her victory for a while, giving her hand some time to rest before she sent a note to her favorite blonde telling of her near impossible accomplishment.

She had just finished her bottle of sake and was considering taking a nap after writing her note when Shizune entered her office. Her normally strict assistant smiled in disbelief before a serious expression took its place. "Tsunade-sama, a message from Gai. It seems to be important." Taking the scroll, Tsunade opened it and quickly scanned its contents, her eyes going wide for a moment before a steel glint entered her amber eyes. "Shizune, send for Jiraiya. I need him to take a message directly to Kakashi. I also need to speak to Ibiki, Zabuza, Asuma, Kurenai, and you after I speak to Jiraiya." "Hai."

As Shizune left the office, Tsunade felt her previously good mood fly out the window. It seemed that the rumours had been right. Voldemort was working with Orochimaru, even allowing the Snake Sannin to share his body. Things were going to get interesting, and not necessarily in a good way either. Nothing involving Orochimaru was good. Pulling out another bottle of sake, Tsunade pinched the bridge of her nose, knowing that things were going to be giving her a major headache. At least she didn't have to worry about paperwork for a while, since Shizune had actually gotten her ahead in it so she would be able to rest her aching hand before she had to deal with new paperwork. She did not want to fall behind again.

Jiraiya frowned as he saw the serious expression on Tsunade's face, despite the completely paperwork free desk. "What's wrong Hime?" He was originally going to tease her, but Tsunade was most likely not in the mood and would send him flying. "I got a report from Gai. Orochimaru is working with Voldemort. I need you to inform Kakashi, as well as speak to any contacts that you have in the area. The more information that we have, the better. Also, tell Naruto that I want my cookies. My hand is killing me, but I did it." A smile tugged at her lips, her eyes glittering with amusement and satisfaction. "Of course. I'll probably stay for two weeks before I'm back here. I don't trust Orochimaru not to try and gather some of his own followers. I know that Sound is practically gone, but there are still some nins wandering around trying to find the bastard. None of them are too strong, but I don't want to take any chances."

"Stay as long as you need. I doubt that Orochimaru is going to try anything too soon. He likes to make sure his plans are in order before he tries anything. Information is important, especially when it comes to him. I doubt that we could actually slip anyone in the Death Eaters to spy, not with Orochimaru sharing Voldemort's body. It would be too risky. Go ahead and get going. Inform me of anything important immediately, otherwise I'll expect weekly reports at least. I might have you stay to help out the Order, but it depends on how things go in the next couple weeks. Go ahead and take off. Don't torment the brat too much, he's chibi right now." Jiraiya snorted at the mental image of a chibified Naruto. He was going to have so much fun playing with the brat. Little kids were adorable, it was when they became teenagers did they turn into brats. He had considered adopting kids before, but he wasn't sure if he would have been able to handle them through their bratty years, which was the whole reason why he hadn't suggested adopting kids to Tsunade in the first place. Placing an affectionate kiss in blonde hair, Jiraiya whispered a quiet goodbye before taking off out the window, but not before copping a feel, Tsunade's screamed threats of castration following in his wake. A large grin spread across his face as he leapt across the rooftops. Maybe he would reconsider talking to Tsunade about adoption. If the brat was as cute as he was made out to be as a chibi, then he'd ask if they could adopt the blonde. After all, they loved the gaki despite how annoying he was.

A/N: PSPBoD are in my head. For those that don't know what they are, they are Pixie Stix Plot Bunnies of Doom. My plot bunnies have replaced their ADD meds with Pixie Stix. I think my mind will implode with all of the ideas and possibilities in my mind. I love cliffies, but this one shouldn't last too long since the plot bunnies in my mind are focusing on this story right now.
For those who have reviewed, I give you lots of cookies, like all of the cookies in the world. Reviews make happy. X)
As to the pairings, there is currently a tie. Here are where the pairings currently stand, and remember, you get THREE votes total, so please specify if you want all three of your votes to go to one pairing. For up to date standings on where the pairs currently stand, look at my profile. I will try to update weekly. Thanks my loyal ducklings. (I've been watching House with his ducklings, you gotta love House.)

Pairing Standings
Anko x Itachi 8
Anko x Snape 8
Anko x Remus 0
Anko x Sirius 1
Itachi x Snape 2
Itachi x Remus 1
Itachi x Sirius 2
Itachi x Sirius x Remus 0
Itachi x Anko x Snape 2
Anko x Remus x Sirius 1

Suggested Other Pairing:
Itachi x Deidra 1
Remus x Snape 1