Narration: Previously on "Terrance and Phillip". Terrance preformed the legendary Nagasaki fart. However the fart blast was so powerful it almost tore Terrance in half leaving him critically injured and unable to fart again. Episode was also being filed as racist due to black guy dying in the episode, due to Terrance's fart…what? This is the wrong narration? Okay hold on buddy…
Narration (take two): Previously on the "The Mystery of Mysterion". After dealing with his sickened sister at Hell's Pass, The American known as Mysterion meets up with his superhero buddies, guy: Toolshed, Human Kite, Tupperware, Iron Maiden, Mosquito and Mint-Berry Crunch…oh and Bruce Vilanch was there too. Mysterion asks his super powered buddies to help bring Karen a glimmer of hope. However the Coon decided to be a dick about it and told Mysterion that he was not his friend, guy as Mysterion replied by stating not to call him guy, buddy but his noble hero friends, buddy adamantly refused the Coon's orders and decided to fulfill Mysterion's request but were stopped when they saw the new kid summoning evil deities from the Sunken City of R'yleh with the use of the Necronomicon which also allowed him to summon Jersey Shore's Snooki.
Chapter 4: Bringing the crunch
Kenny's P.O.V. (buddy)
The Coon bolted out of the house and headed to South Park mall with the other superheroes, including me behind them. When we reached the mall, there was Lucas standing in front of a blue portal releasing all sorts of monstrosities. Lots of police men where there and futility tried to shoot the creatures only to be killed by them.
"Damn it we are losing at lot of cops Murphy, if only we had superheroes out here"
"Fear not Sergeant Yates, for the Coon is here!"
"And Friends!"
Tupperware added
"What the hell are kids doing here?"
"We aren't just normal kids sergeant, for we are a team of super powered kids ready to fight evil!"
"Oh cool so you just like the Powerpuff Girls"
One of the officers stated
"No we aren't just like the Powerpuff Girls! We, are Coon and Friends!"
"Look you kids need to-"
"Hey look! Up in the sky!"
"It's a bird!"
"It's a plane!"
"Oh shit it's-"
Captain Hindsight! Once a simple news reporter, Jack Roland already had an enhanced sense of hindsight and in an attempt to become the best news reporter out there, he built a machine that would bring his hindsight to extraordinary levels! However when a retroactive spider crawled into the machinery it caused him to have 20/20 hindsight as opposed to the 19/20 hindsight he was looking for. He then used his powers of hindsight to protect innocent civilians alongside his 3 loyal companions: Shoulda, Woulda and Coulda. But when his own hindsight consumed him he removed his powers but has brought them back during this time of urgency, it's the one and only, Captain Hindsight!
"Captain Hindsight you've made it!"
"Yes what seems to be the problem?"
…How does he not notice the giant, blue swirling portal?
"There's a child over there by a portal to another dimension and he is attempting to summon Cthulhu again!"
He put two fingers against his forehead
"Hmm, do you see that open sign in the front of the South Park mall?"
"Yes"
"They forgot to switch to it "closed" which is probably why that kid felt it was ok to enter the parking lot!"
"Yes yes!"
"And you see that book he is using to summon the deities?"
"Yes I believe some guy was selling those in the mall Captain"
"They should have never allowed that guy in the mall. That's how the kid opened the portal in the first place!"
"My god he's right!
"And as for those dead officers you never should have sent them out to fight the beasts…I hope they rest in peace"
"But why Captain?"
"Those monsters are from another dimension so normal firepower wouldn't have much effect on them"
"Amazing how you know this stuff. Thank you Captain Hindsight"
"My work here is done!"
Captain Hindsight raised his fist in the air and flew off
"GOD BLESS YOU CAPTAIN HINDSIGHT!"
"THANK YOU AGAIN!"
Cartman just looked at us before entering the parking lot and approaching Lucifer and taking his battle stance
"Alright dickhole time for you pay"
"Who let Bruce Vilanch into the parking lot and why is he wearing a rat costume?"
"Oh you motherfucker"
"Stop right there Lucifer!"
Tupperware called out as he stood along with the rest of us
"Oh great, now Barack Obama is here and he's wearing tupperware"
"Alright asshole knock it off!"
I said which caused him to look in my direction. His eyes met mine again…this time within the wrath and darkness that clouded them I saw something that chilled me to the bone…recognition.
"You"
He silently uttered. Toolshed and mosquito spoke up
"Stand down new kid"
"You don't stand a chance against Coon and Friends! zzz"
"Yeah right. You fagscan't stop me from releasing Cthulhu so go back home and play superhero"
"Come on you guys we've gotta send these creatures back to their dimension. Coon and Friends ho!"
"And just how do you expect us to do that Coon? Zzzz"
"Alright I want Human Kite and Tupperware to-"
I cut him off
"Here's the plan: Mint-Berry Crunch I want you to use your powers of mint and berries and go get any of the creatures that wandered off and you either kill them or bring them here ok?"
"Mint-Berry Crunch is on it!"
"Hey I'm supposed to giving orders Kinney"
"Toolshed! In the mall there should television and right now it's nine o'clock. Find it and turn on comedy central because the Roast of Justin Bieber is on, connect it to the speakers out here and play it at max volume"
He had a confused look to his face
"Are sure that would help?"
"I died laughing to that Stan, it should definitely help"
"Okay then?"
"Kinney knock it off"
"Coon I want you to use Iron Maiden to push the monsters into the portal while Tupperware, Mosquito and Human Kite distract the guys that are here and keep them in this area until push them into the portal or Stan does what I ask got it?"
"What you can't make Token do that!"
Cartman interjected. He cared?
"And why not?"
"He's black we have to save him in case we need a sacrifice"
Oh that's why
"What are you going to do Mysterion?"
"Deal with Lucifer"
I said looking over at him…it's on
"Everyone know what to do?"
"No fuck you I'm not following your orders. The club is called "Coon and Friends" not "Douchebag and Friends"
"Then do you have a better idea?"
"I…..no"
"Then go and do what ask while I deal with Lucifer, everyone else know what to do?"
"Yes!"
They all said simultaneously
"Good! Now go!"
"So fucking weak"
Cartman said before they all ran off to their destinations, besides Bradley who flew there. I walked over to Lucifer
"Ok enough of this Lucifer, close the portal so we can go home"
"Never! Cthulhu's defeat from Mint-Berry Crunch will not be permanent!"
"Then I will force you to end this!"
I threw a punch at him causing him to recoil from the pain. That certainly pissed him off and caused him to come at me in a flurry of punches as I held him back, taking every punch then as I retaliated with an uppercut sending him backwards. He held the bottom of his mouth in pain
"Lord give me strength!"
He called out with his arms up before he was hit with a crimson black bolt from the sky that didn't hurt him like a normal lightning bolt should but seemed to empower him as his eyes went from brown to red.
"Oh shit"
I said as he came at me full force his punches hurting a lot more and coming a lot faster. I managed to block some of them but a good kick to my stomach sent me flying and I landed flat on my back.
"Hahaha! How do you like the devil's strength?!"
Lucifer laughed as a lay flat on my back, clutching my stomach which was hurting like hell. I looked at my fellow heroes…Mosquito and Tupperware were running from the monsters while the Coon and Human Kite were arguing and Iron Maiden was on the ground
"Help me pick up Iron Maiden, Cartman!"
"You don't know that I'm Cartman because my true identity is secret!
"Just help me pick him up!"
"We tried that already Human Kunt! His costume is too heavy"
Mint-Berry Crunch was wrapped in the tentacles of one of monsters and Toolshed was nowhere in sight. I decided to keep the fight on and got up and attacked him. I punched and kicked as hard and fast as I could but he was faster than before as he blocked my punches before one solid punch to my face sent me barreling backwards. He caught me by my outfit, raised me up with one arm and brought the other one back while curling his hand into a fist
"Any last words?"
He asked…I couldn't reply as I was dazed from the punch
"Didn't think so"
His fist began to glow red
"Lights out"
I'm so sorry Karen…
I thought as he brought his burning red fist for the finishing blow
"Pull out your grills and hamburger buns, it's time for Bieber Roast! Only on Comedy Central!"
Suddenly I heard a television. His fist stopped inches from my face and everyone seem to freeze in the parking lot as they listened
"Justin's fans are called Beliebers because it's a politically incorrect use of the word retard!"
I heard Natasha Legerro call out Justin Bieber and some of the monsters began to chuckle…Stan did it
"The kid has spunk, moxie and probably a few other STD's"
I heard Ron Burgundy's voice and some more of the creatures laughed
"Haha yeah"
Lucifer agreed with the television
"Last year you were ranked the fifth most hated person of all time. Kim Jong-Un didn't even score that low and he uses your music to torture people"
Shaquille 'O'Neal's joke caused an uproar of laughter. Lucifer was laughing as well
"Justin was born to a single-teenage mom, no wonder he's got moves he was in the womb trying to dodge coat hangers!"
Natasha's joke caused the creatures to laugh so much they either suffocated from oxygen or exploded from laugh overload. Lucifer was laughing hysterically too…now's my chance, his guard is down. I kicked him with full force in the chin which caused him to drop me and hold his mouth in pain. I tackled him to the ground and punched and kicked with hells furry.
"Okay whoa easy there Mysterion!"
"Give me a reason to"
I brought my fist up ready to knock him out
"I know you aren't human!"
I stopped
"I saw it in your eyes, you have something in you"
"What do you mean something in me?"
The blue portal began to grow larger
"You must know of the city fallen from the stars yes?"
"Yes"
The portal kept growing
"And you know all the creatures from that dimension correct?"
"Yes what about it!"
A monstrously large black figure was visible and two ghostly red eyes were visible
"The thing that you should know about yourself is…"
"WHAT!"
The figure came out
"You won't be waking up"
"Huh?"
Then everything went to black
Author's note: And another cliffhanger! What happened to Mysterion? Does Lucifer know something? Is Kenny dead for good? Was Bieber roast really that funny? Will I ever stop asking questions? All this and more on the next chapter of "The Mystery of Mysterion"!