Narration: Previously on the "Mystery of Mysteri-"AHHHHH
Narration (take two): Previously on "The Coon". The totally amazing superhero known as "the Coon" battled evil creatures from another dimension. As he fought with all his awesomeness, everyone cheered for him and even his superhero companions stood in awe of his kewl powers. Unfortunately the Coon couldn't save one of his friends…Tupperware, the only black superhero ever known but it is because he is black that he has to die because the black guy always dies, you won't be forgotten Token. Also Kinney died again. Honestly why is this story even have him in it, all he does is die. This story should be about the Coon and not some asshole WHO WEARS HIS UNDERWEAR ON THE OUTSIDE SHOWING EVRYONE HIS BUTT FUCKING CHEECKS!...But unfortunately, since this story isn't about the super kewl Coon, I am making this episode dedicated to…The Coon! Ha! Take that Kinney you fuckin asshole!
Chapter 5: The Coon's kewl episode!
Cartman's P.O.V.
"Oh my god they killed Kenny! You bastards!"
Human Kike repeated the line he says every time Kenny dies as my good friend Cthulhu came out of the portal and stepped on Kenny.
"Sweet! Now you guys have to listen to me now. Thanks Cthulhu!"
I call out as Cthulhu scrapped his foot across the ground to wipe off the Kenny that was stuck to it. Cthulhu was so kewl. Of course that new kid who looked like he went through years of rehab got a boner about him being here
"Cthulhu! Oh great dark master of R'lyeh I hoped you are pleased that I brought you back to this dimension so you may have a chance to rein again!"
Dark Master? I didn't know Cthulhu was black. Cthulhu slowly looked him
"Are you pleased master? I managed to bring you here with the use of the Necronomicon"
I butted in at the pathetic attempt to befriend the most evil thing in the universe…other than the Jews of course, at least Cthulhu didn't crucify Jesus
"Hey Cthulhu! Buddy wassup?"
"You aren't worthy to talk to Cthulhu dough boy"
The fat jokes are getting old people seriously
"Okay seriously your starting to piss me off albino and Cthulhu is my friend not yours"
"Cthulhu isn't friends with anyone!"
Ha this stupid, pale asshole must not watch the news. My rein with Cthulhu was all over it
"Oh yeah…Cthulhu! Do you still have the t-shirt I gave you?"
He held up his Coon and Friend t-shirt
"Ha snowballs! Looks like Cthulhu does have a friend and it's me! Are you jealous huh? Are you seething in rage?"
"Cthulhu you can't seriously be on the side of this hunk of crap are you?"
Okay dude seriously you are staring to piss me off
"Cthulhu isn't just on my side you sundried shit. He also does everything I ask him to right Cthulhu!"
He picked me up with a mad look on his face before I pulled off cute kitten. I brushed up against his tentacles like a cat would while I purred. As always he fell right into it and his face softened as he placed me on his back. Man for a dark god he is a sucker
"Cthulhu! I'm-I'm ashamed!"
"Who are you Cthulhu's mom? Cthulhu! Banish him to a dark oblivion please!"
With a slow swoosh of Cthulhu's hand, that powdered twinkie was on his way to the Sunken City of R'yleh
"Kick-ass you rock Cthulhu!"
Cthulhu placed his hand on the back of his head slowly while chuckling embarrassingly
"Oh no please don't be a repeat of yesterday"
Human Kike said as Toolshit came running out of the mall
"Guys what happened! Did those bastards kill Ken-whoa"
Toolshed said as he stood in awe of my power
"Yes, yes I know Toolshed"
Time to be a dick
"Meet the newest member of Coon and Friends, the mighty Cthulhu!"
Tiger Woods I mean Tupperware interjected
"What? He can't be a part of Coon and friends, he's evil!
"Shut up Token you are supposed to be dead by now! Cthulhu has helped me make the world a better place so if anyone deserves to be part of Coon and Friends it's him! And whoever dares defy me will be sent back to a dark oblivion!"
"What if I defy you Coon!"
Aww great it's-
"Mint-Berry Crrrunch!"
I hate him so much, seriously
"Go home Mint-Berry Crunch nobody even knows you!"
"Mint-Berry Crunch isn't afraid of you Coon! Everyone in the Super Avenger League is-"
Okay that does it! Him changing the Coon and friends name is where I draw the line
"Cthulhu him too!"
Cthulhu swooshed his hand but slowly of course
"Oh yeah! Mint-Berry Crunch will counter that with Instant Transmintion!"
The little blonde douchebag said before he teleported, leaving behind the faggy scent minty freshness and he reappeared behind us
"Cthulhu! Behind you!"
I told him as he turned around before firing a lightning bolt from his hand
"Time for a Berry Bomb!"
Queer-Berry Crunch placed his hands together and a pink sphere of gay berry energy formed and he threw it at Cthulhu's thunderbolt, causing an explosion Michael Bay would be proud of. It almost caused Cthulhu to fall on his back with me on it
"Hey watch it Cthulhu I'm supposed to be handled with care!"
I looked around
"What happened to Doucheberry Crunch?"
Bradley Butthole was behind me and Cthulhu somehow and he cupped his hands at the side of his body
"Mint"
A pink sphere of energy formed within his cupped hands
"Berry"
He paused for a moment
"BLAST!"
He screamed as he brought his cupped hands in Cthulhu's direction and a pink blast of mint and berry energy was fired from the pink orb of energy…god I hate him.
"Oh shit!"
I said as the Mint-Berry Blast hit Cthulhu at full force, causing me to fall off the squid dragon and the blast sent Cthulhu right into the portal that he came from. Mint-Berry Crunch caught me by sealing me in a Berry Bubble then flew over to the portal and sealed it with his berry powers, GOD DAMMIT THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE MY KEWL EPISODE!
"Are my fellow superheroes alright?"
Mint-Berry Crunch asked with minty sincerity in his voice. God I was gonna vomit
"Yeah Bradley we're fine thanks to you"
"Bradley you never told us you can do a freaking Kamehameha! That's awesome!"
"No it's not awesome he just stole it from Dragonball Z! That's copyright! HEY ARE ANY JAPS AROUND HERE, THIS ASSHOLE IS COPYRIGHTING YOU!"
He poked my pink berry bubble with his finger causing it to pop and make me land flat on my ass…I really hope someone mint-berry punches him square in the face for being a dick
"Eric you haven't been berry nice to me or any of us and if you don't want us to kick you out again you should apologize to all of us"
I exploded
"APOLOGIZE!"
"Yes! We are all equal in this team and you're always acting like you're the boss and even though you betrayed us and acted like a berry big dick, we still let you back in so if you are the least bit grateful you will treat us like we've been treating you"
"Yeah so get your raccoon tail out your fat ass"
"FUCK YOU TOOLSHED WHY DON'T YOU PULL YOUR TOOLS OUT OF YOUR ASS!"
Cut to: Another dimension
Lucas P.O.V.
I looked around, I was here…again
Author's Note: Okay and that was Chapter 5! So I hope you guys enjoyed and I am having real fun writing this fiction and you guys really seem to like this story so I'm berry glad you're enjoying it. Tell me what you thought of the chapter and Chapter 6 should be out shortly!