Narration: Previously on "The Mystery of Mysterion". Karen learns about Kenny's immortality through the help of the Frog King, Sparrow Prince and Catatafish. Also Karen finds out that Catatafish gave Karen pneumonia through ass to trout. Or maybe it was salmon in hole or even tuna with anal but the point is Karen got pneumonia through some fish and asshole technique passed down from generation to generation of pedophile fish. But Karen also learns that there is more to this than swordfish poke anus…also Kenny realized that the school is having pizza Tuesday...
Chapter 10: Romances and Advances
Kenny's P.O.V.
As I walked down the sidewalk to school one sentence kept recycling in my mind
"You must be her only hope, you must be her only hope, you must be her only hope"
The thought paced back and forth in my brain. The worst part being that Dr. Asshole was actually right, I am her only hope. She has all her faith, hope and trust in me and that's a responsibility I don't intend on messing up…
Cut to: School
"So for the next lesson we are going to learn about nursery rhymes"
I walked in and Mr. Garrison turned his attention to me
"Oh Kenny, how nice for you show up"
I handed him my tardy pass
"Alright take your seat you missed a very important lesson so copy notes from somebody sitting next to you"
As I sat he continued
"Okay children so the nursery rhyme "Someone is in the kitchen with Dyna" for example sounds like a possible break in and someone probably had the intention to have his way with Dyna. It is unknown just how attractive Dyna is but-"
"Hey Red can I copy your notes real quick?"
I whispered blocking Mr. Garrison out
"Sure but the lesson wasn't that important"
"What was it?"
"Why gay marriage shouldn't be legalized"
"He's just mad that Mr. Slave left him for Big Gay Al"
I just glanced around but I noticed that Lucifer wasn't here
"What's wrong?"
"Have you seen Lucifer?"
"Who?"
"The new kid who looked like an emo, sadistic drug addict"
"Oh him…I haven't seen him"
"Excuse Kenny, Rebecca are you going to interrupt my class like yesterday?"
"No teacher"
We both replied at once. We noticed this and we looked at each other in slight surprise
"Well good so may I please continue? Okay so now the as for the nursery rhyme "The Cock and the Bull" is actually about the bull's-
CUT TO LUNCHTIME!
I sat down with my friends at the lunch table as Cartman just came from the lunch and sat down with me, Kyle, Stan, Butters, Jimmy, Craig and Tweek. Why are we sitting with him from what happened last night?
"Dude pizza Tuesday kicks ass"
He said as he sat down
"Dude, Kenny where's your lunch?"
"I don't have anything to eat Kyle"
"Why your house has no food in it again?"
"No Cartman we were in a rush to see Karen and I didn't have time to put my lunch together"
"So why don't you just buy something? It is pizza Tuesday after all"
"Did you forget I'm poor Stan?
"Oh sorry dude…"
"Aww, well do you want some of my lunch Kenny?"
"No thanks Butters"
Red approached our table
"What do you want you red-haired skank?"
"Not anything from you fatso"
She harshly shot back at Cartman before her attention turned to me
"Where's your lunch Kenny?"
I told her and even though I was sort of embarrassed I wanted to be honest…
"I um…I-I don't have anything"
She looked like she was struck with sympathy
"Do you want me buy you some pizza?"
She asked and I was kind of surprised. Of course Cartman can't miss a chance like this
"HA! Dude this is so freaking weak! A girl buying Kenny lunch HAHAHA!"
As I was about to reply Red spoke up for me
"Since when was the last time you even had a girl talk to you fatass?
Everyone at the table "ohhed"
"Shut up little red riding bitch at least I'm not a faggy ass girl"
I opened my mouth as I was about to stand up for her but she once again got her words out faster
"At least I'm not the fatass wolf who ate the grandma"
Again the table "ohhed". For a girl she had comebacks
"Oh yeah well guess what! You might as well go back to your sunshine girly table because Kenny is a man and he doesn't want some girl whose hair is the same color as her period blood to buy him lunch right Kenny?"
"Ok sure Red"
"See I told y-wait what?"
I got up and stood next to Rebecca
"Ah! Well I see how it is Kinney. I guess that makes you a pussy, huh guys?"
"Well you are what you eat"
I retorted and Red hit me lightly on my shoulder while smiling before we walked towards the lunch line…of course she couldn't see mine though
"Kenny is such a fag huh guys?"
"I don't know Cartman, I mean Red is a real pretty girl"
"Well Kyal since you want to be a fag too why don't you just marry Kinney?"
"Now Cartman I think Kyle is right, Red is pretty"
"No she's not! She a bitch! How do you think a girl whose hair matches her vaJJ blood, pretty?"
Stan had a worried look on his face
"You honestly don't think Red is hot?"
"No I don't Craig! Tweek! Do you agree with these gay wads?!"
"GAH! I don't know!"
"You guys don't think she's prettier than Wendy do you?"
Stan asked with concern on his face. Then Jimmy spoke
"I mean come on Cartman, Red is pretty hot I wouldn't mind t-taking that to bed"
"The fuck is wrong with guys?! Not only is she a bitch but she's a daywalker!"
He paused before he spoke again as if realizing something
"Kyal I think we found the perfect woman for you"
"Shut up Cartman"
"Kyal I'm seriously, but you should hurry because it looks like you're losing her to Kinney"
"Whatever Cartman"
"You guys think that Wendy is hotter right?"
"Dude why does it matter?"
Kyle asked and Stan just looked down
"I don't know…"
Cut to: Lunch table
After she brought me some food we decided to sit at an empty table together and eat. As she laughed from a joke I told her I felt kind of…strange
"So how come you showed up late Kenny?"
I felt like telling her my situation but I also didn't want to involve her
"I uh…I um…my sister"
"What about her?"
"She's…in the hospital"
"Oh I'm sorry to hear"
"Yeah"
"Is she okay?"
"Yeah she's okay…"
"Um why?"
"I don't really want to say…"
"Oh…alright"
She said and it got awkwardly silent but during this silence I got a chance to soak in something I loved about her…her hair.
"It's so beautiful, Princess Kenny would love that kind of hair"
I thought to myself. I like my messy, blonde hair but her beautiful red hair was just…wow
"I hope she gets better"
"Oh uh I yeah!"
I said as her voice pulled me from my thoughts
"It's been very red-rough! It's been very rough…"
A thought ran through my head
"Dammit Kenny! Pull yourself together!"
"Ooookay"
She said awkwardly after my sentence screw up and there was another pause before I blurted out
"Has anyone told you that you have beautiful hair?"
That caught her off guard
"Huh?"
"I mean your hair…it's-it's really pretty"
"Oh um thank you Kenny"
She said and even though it came out as awkward she seemed to appreciate the compliment. She spoke
"Can I tell you something?"
"Sure Red what?"
"I've always liked your eyes"
"My eyes?"
I asked kind of stunned
"Yeah, they are just so beautiful and blue…it's like looking into a swimming pool"
Thank god I have my hood on because my cheeks turned such a shade of red they almost glowed in the dark
"Thanks Red"
It got silent before I excused myself from the table
"I have to go to the bathroom I will…be right back"
I abruptly left the table, a girl has never managed to embarrass me before…oh god what is happening to me
Cut to: The girl's table
Bebe looked at Red from the girl's table along with Lola and Jenny. Bebe spoke to them
"I didn't know Red liked Kenny...looks like we have to change our meeting of the girls' subject today"
"Understood"
Cut to: The Bathroom
I splashed water on my face from the sink without taking my hood off.
"I can't be falling in love with Red, especially with how Karen is right now I just can't deal with having a relationship"
The thought pierced my mind before I splashed some more water on my face
"The whole thing with Karen is just making me emotional…yeah that's it. I'm not in love with her no way…but she is really pretty…and her hair is beautiful and she's funny and SNAP OUT OF IT!"
I dunked my head in the sink which was full of water, hoping the feelings would go away before I withdrew
"Look I just need to…to tell her need some space is all"
"Kenny!"
I jumped as I heard someone call out from behind me
"Lucifer?"
"I need to end it Kenny, I need to end it now!"
He sounded and looked like he gone mad. He was acting like Tweek
"What's wrong dude?"
"I can't take it! I can't take the dying anymore I just can't!"
I opened my mouth to speak but he spoke again
"I've tried everything man! I've tried shooting myself, jumping into the crocodile exhibit at the zoo, walked in front of a train, hanging myself, fall asleep in a burning house, drowning myself, ignoring stranger danger, not looking both ways before crossing the street, wore a red shirt and walked into a bullfight, skydived without a parachute, took a piss on a cobra, went to Wal-Mart on black Friday and I even listened to all of Share's music FOR 3 DAYS! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!"
"Okay dude calm down"
"I need to end it I don't want my immortality anymore!"
I guess us being crushed by Cthulhu caused him to reach his breaking point
"What do you want me to do?!"
"You're immortal! That means you can end it for me please!"
"What I-I can't kill anyone"
"You're not killing me! It's-it's just assisted suicide!"
"Technically I am!"
"No one is gonna remember Kenny so it doesn't matter just please kill me please!"
"How?"
"I brought my dad's belt just strangle me with it"
"What! No!"
He collapsed on the ground at my feet screaming
"PLEASE JUST MAKE IT END KENNY PLEASE I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!"
I bolted out of the restroom from fear and I quickly shut the door behind me. Man he was in bad shape. He furiously attempted to beat down the door
"KENNY! KENNY!...FINE! IF YOU WON'T KILL ME I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU KILL ME!"
"Oh hello Kenny"
"Oh heeeeeeeey Mr. Adler"
"Can you please move? I need to use the restroom"
"I don't think that's a good idea Mr. Adler why don't you just go to another restroom?"
"Why? Were you screwing around in there?"
"Uh no, no I just have explosive diarrhea and it's real bad"
"How bad?"
"It looks like World War 3 in there"
"Oh it can't be that bad"
"Mr. Adler wait!"
I called as he pushed me to the side and entered. He wasn't in there
"See there is nothing and that means you must have been screwin around in here!"
Where did he go?
Cut to: Outside the school
Everyone ran out of the front of the school except for me, Stan, Kyle and Cartman. Lucifer's last statement haunting me. How would he make me kill him?
"So how was lunch with your new girlfriend Kinney?"
"Shut up you white garbage bag, she is not my girlfriend"
"Hear that Kyle you might have a chance to get her back"
Red approached us
"Oh ho it's just like a soap opera! The girl who slept with another man returns to the original lover"
"Shut up"
She shot back before she asked me something I didn't want her to
"Do you mind if go with you to see your sister?"
Author's Note: Soooooooo that was chapter 8 and I am so sorry I haven't uploaded in a while. School restarted for me so it's going to be harder for me to upload chapters so I will probably be restricted to weekends and off days. But thanks to everyone reading it and I love you all! Chapter 11 is coming so stayed tuned!