Narration: I feel like I'm forgetting something right now….

Chapter 14: Drowning the sorrows

Kenny's P.O.V.

"On this episode of Mountain Monsters, the team hunts down a dangerous and 100% unrealistic creature…again!"

The narrator from the program I had on the television said as I was slouched on my couch and the floor around was surrounded by used tissues and empty alcohol bottles. This was all I could do to try to fight of the pain I felt

"It is a creature that takes residence in the town of South Park, Colorado. It is described as a creature that if half man, half bear…and half pig"

Normally I would feel better watching these shows, nothing better than seeing a bunch of hillbillies running around in the middle of the night pretending to shoot something. But it wasn't helping this time…

"The team actually has an eyewitness tonight who is going to help these men who have nothing better to do with themselves to hunt down the creature!"

"Leave Kenny! Leave Kenny!" Those last words of her's just brutally smashing into my head. I tried to take my mind off of it by watching the show

"Hello everyone my name is Al Gore! I was the former vice president"

"Mr. uh, Gore would you mind telling us when the last time you saw this monster"

"I always see ManBearPig, I've been hunting ManBearPig for years"

"How long have you been hunting ManBearPig?"

"Since 2001 good sir"

"Isn't that the time you left office?"

"Yes but that is also when I saw ManBearPig"

"Answer this Mr. Gore, just what does this creature you've been hunting eats?"

I wish I could kill myself right now…

"Well I believe ManBearPig would eat the same thing a bear and a pig would but also have the same diet of a man"

"One last question Mr. Gore, do you believe that your monster is a threat?"

"ManBearPig is a bigger threat to man than global warming, I'm super cereal. Donate to my website www dot Stop ManBearPig Cerealously dot com to help me end ManBearPig's life right now, I'm super duper cereal"

"Well audience you heard this from a PigBearMan expert-

"Actually his name is ManBearPig"

"Right whatever so you heard it from-"

"He's a half man, half bear, half pig not some half pig, half bear, half man you're talking about"

There was a pause, at least this actually help me forget about Karen…fuck

"We will be back after these messages"

I heard the door to my house open, it was Stan and Kyle! Oh and Cartman

"Dude what is this Charlie Sheen's house?

Cartman said noticing all the alcohol bottles and tissue's everywhere. Kyle was the next to speak

"Hey Kenny we're all about to throw dog crap at Old Man Jenkin's house"

Kyle stated than Cartman spoke

"It's Stan's dog's crap so wear gloves so you don't get any of the fagsies on ya"

"Do you wanna come?"

"No thanks Kyle"

"Dude why? Are you ok?"

"No"

"What's the matter?"

I didn't say anything but they noticed the program I had on

"So we are out in the middle of the lost forest in South Park. We've seen that same tree 20 times and we have no signs of ManBearPig"

"Dude Mountain Monsters?"

Cartman replied toward the commentary, they continued watching as Al Gore and the hillbillies flinched as they heard a twig snap from behind them

"MANBEARPIG!"

Al Gore screamed as he turned around and quickly shot at the noise. The camera man fell

"Kevin?"

One of the team members said before they cut to commercials

"Kinney what the fuck is this garbage?"

I didn't reply to Cartman's question

"Kenny?...What's the matter dude?"

Kyle asked sympathetically, I decided to speak up

"It's Karen…"

"Karen?"

"Karen"

I confirmed

"Karen?"

"Karen"

I confirmed for Stan

"Karen? Karen, Karen? Karen, Karen, Karen, Kerin?"

I didn't bother confirming for Cartman

"What happened with Karen?"

"I just kept something from her I probably shouldn't have, Kyle"

"What was it?"

"You guys wouldn't believe me…you never do anyway"

"Aw Kinney"

Cartman said as he put his hand on my back

"Of course we wouldn't believe you"

"Shut up Cartman"

"Why don't you think we would believe you?"

Kyle asked

"Well if someone you knew for almost nine years told you they were immortal would you believe them?"

"What you're immortal?"

"Yes Stan"

They got silent for a moment and of course Cartman was the first to speak

"Of course Kinney is immortal"

"Huh?"

I asked questioningly

"Yeah you're immortal and I am psychic, Stan has super speed and Kyle has magnet powers and together we are a super hero team known as Your Full of Shit Kinney"

"Cartman now is not the time for…why did you give me magnet powers?"

"You're a jew, you need some money stealing power"

"I hate you Cartman"

I erupted

"Guys I'm serious! I am actually immortal and those three animal spirits in Mr. Slave's asshole told her that I was immortal and now she's mad at me!"

After another pause Kyle spoke

"Kenny I think you drank too much"

"I didn't drink these bottles my dad did and left them there! I only drank that one which was half empty!"

"Okay! Okay Kenny calm down"

Kyle said frightened by my outburst. This would make the third pause we had before Stan piped up this time

"So why don't you just make up with her?"

"There's no point Stan, she's probably gonna die of hope loss in that hospital and it's all my fault…just leave me be"

"…Okay Kenny"

Stan said before leaving with Kyle

"Kinney even if you were my best friend I still wouldn't help you"

Cartman said before he left too. I turned my attention back to the tv

"Hi Billy Mays here and I'm back from the dead to sell you another fantastic product! My flight is still going through purgatory so I've here to give you guys…the Nutsack!"

I sighed

"If you tired of your nuts getting cold when going through your purgatory then the Nutsack will fix that problem! It stores all of your favorite nuts! Peanuts, walnuts, almonds and even doughnuts!"

I'm not ever going to be able to use this

"The secret is in the shape of the sack! The nutsack is designed in the shape of two balls which shrink when it gets cold which keeps your nuts just above room temperature!"

I watched as the commercial cut to a man and a woman. The woman was holding a nutsack and the man said

"Wow lady, nice balls"

"Actually their nuts" ;)

The woman replied before it cut back to Billy

"ORDER RIGHT NOW!"

I turned off the television. Even that ridiculous commercial couldn't make me feel better. Suddenly my house phone rung and I picked it up

"Hello?"

"Kenny?"

"Mom?"

"Have you seen Karen?"

"Whaddya mean have I seen Karen?"

"Have you seen Karen?"

"No, is she missing?!"

"We don't know what happened to her"

My heart sank...she ran away…because of me

"I'M COMING KAREN!"

Author's note: M'kay that was Chapter 14. It was one of my more goofier episodes. I honestly wish I could animate this on YouTube but I have no clue how I would. Anyway I'VE HIT OVER ONE THOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSANNNNNDDD VVVVVVIEEEEEEEWWWZZZZZZZZZZZZA! Thank all of you guys so so so so so so so much I shat the biggest brick after I saw I've hit that many views it's great! Also on more thing in my author's note, who else is disappointed at Karen's new voice? I like her new design but I miss her old voice it was so damn adorable. For those who don't know what the hell I'm talking about I'm talking about the latest South Park episode. She has a new look and a new voice and I'm very sad about the new voice…But anyways thanks everyone so much for reading this fanfiction I apologize if I'm uploading kind of late in the day but anyways thank to you all for 1000 views and stay tuned for chapter 15!