Hey everyone thanks for your encouragement and reviews. They really make me want to write a good story. Everyone should check out Bleached Kitty's story called Missing Life. It's good, definitely worth checking out.

Playlist: My Immortal by Evanescence, Remedy by Hot Water Music(lyrics from this song are in this chapter) and My Curse by Killswitch Engage.

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After a while Charlie had finally stopped asking me about my different appearance and moved on to how I liked school, my new house and car. He even managed to inadvertently ask me about my relationship status. I almost told him that I was dating just to give him some hope but the line of questions he'd have about that would be too much to handle. I didn't want my web of lies to get any bigger. I thought that visiting with Charlie and being in Forks would send me right back into my thought induced coma but it didn't. It hurt a lot to be there, the smallest glimpse of something that reminded me of him would send thousands of tiny daggers into my heart. It was painful but at the same time I loved it. Call me a masochist if you want but the pain was a reminder that he was real, my memories of him were real. The one thing he could never take from me was the memories and if I couldn't have him anymore at least I had those.

Aislinn finally went to "bed" around nine to give Charlie and some alone time. She knew this would irritate me. With us alone he was more likely to bring up things that I didn't want to think about or, at least I didn't want to talk about them while I still had to act happy. Luck was on my side for once though and Charlie got up and started heading toward his room. He stopped before the stairs to turn around and look at me. It almost looked like he was reassuring himself that the creature sitting on his couch was indeed his daughter.

"Bells… I, uh…well, I'm really happy you're home. I've been worried about you since the minute you left and I'm just glad that you're doing better and you have some good people in your life."

Wow, Charlie is being somewhat emotional. My time away must have been harder on him than I thought. "Dad you don't have to worry about me. I'm glad to be home too and I'm glad you like Aislinn, she is your second daughter now, for your information, and we'll both be around a lot more."

"Well I'm glad to have you both home then. Night, Bells."

"Goodnight Dad."

After Charlie was snoring Aislinn came downstairs to check on me. I told her to go back up and that I was fine, I just need to be alone for a little while. I walked around my former home for the first time since my change, taking in every familiar yet different sight. I walked to the kitchen and ran my fingers across the counter tops, recalling all the time I spent in here taking care of Charlie in my own way. The memories that really matter started to creep up and one by one started sticking their thorns into my heart. I just let them come, I wanted to remember, I wanted to feel the intensity of his eyes and I didn't care how much it hurt.

After a few hours of being paralyzed in pain while I relived every beautiful memory I had of Edward Cullen I felt a hand on my shoulder shaking me, no doubt trying to get me to wake up from my coma. They were shaking me hard now so it couldn't be Charlie. My eyes were open but I couldn't see anything but beautiful topaz eyes looking back at me and I couldn't hear anything but the lullaby Edward had written for me. Even if I lived a hundred thousand years I would never get a gift like my lullaby. Whoever was trying to get me up was shaking me harder now but I couldn't budge from those eyes. I wonder how long they had been trying; I wonder how long it will take to get me to wake up? Then I smelt blood. Blood? Oh my God is Charlie ok?

I gained control from my memories and spun around to see Aislinn with a big grin on her face and blood on her finger. Now that I wasn't in a stupor I could tell that it was animal blood, not human. Thank God, I think.

"Aislinn what the hell are you doing?" I started to scream but quickly lowered my voice to keep Charlie from waking.

"Do you have any idea how long you have been standing there calling out his name? You were speaking like he was right there in front of you. What if Charlie cam down, Bella? I hit you so hard and you still wouldn't budge." She sounded angry but then she started to smile again. "So that's when I thought of the blood and what do you know, it worked. I'm a genius."

"Yeah you made me think that something happened to Charlie."

"Well I had to do something! Do you want to go home? I'm sure Charlie would understand?"

"No, I'm fine. I really think that I'm starting to get better…"

Now it was her turn to scream. "WHAT? Bella you've been standing there for 4 hours having conversations in your head with your ex boyfriend who isn't here! How the hell does that sound like someone who is better? Please, bless me with your superior intellect because obviously I'm just missing something."

"Ok, now you're sounding like me. Just stop and listen for a second. Actually, stop and look at me for a second, I'm fine. Yes, I was thinking about Edward but you know maybe that is what it will take to get better. Maybe I have to stop running from my memories and just let the pain happen so I can get over it."

"Are you serious, Bella?" She was looking at me like she had no idea who I was.

"Look, I'm trying. I don't know if I'll ever get better but I am trying. I need to be stronger but it's something that I need to do on my own. If I'm standing like a statue in front of humans for hours then by all means wake me up but I think it's time everyone left the rest up to me." Wow, standing up for myself feels good. "I want to get better I do. There will always be a hole in my heart that only he can fill but I want to go through my days without being crippled because someone calls out the name Edward or seeing a silver Volvo makes my memories flood back. I'm tired of hurting because of him. I wish he would care and that he would be here but he isn't and I'm coming to terms with that. Even you have had to notice that I am nowhere near as apathetic as I used to be."

"You're right. I'm pushing you too much and I'm sorry. I just want to help. I think you are getting better. Very slowly… a snail's pace slowly, but any progress is good. Just know that I'm here for you Bella. Even if you just want to scream at the top of your lungs everything that makes you mad while I sit there and nod my head I will. I'll leave you be now but I'm upstairs if you need me. ." And with that she was back in my old room.

I went back to the living room, grabbed my iPod, turned it to Shuffle and went to look out the window. The cadence of the rain was so soothing and the moon light reflecting on the clouds was beautiful. I stared out the window until the sun started peaking out over the mountains; a new day, a fresh start. I wonder if I could ever get the opportunity to start over, to leave the past behind and focus on my future? Apparently my iPod has a sense of humor because the song that just came on was almost too perfect for my current situation.

'I woke to the sound and the rhythm of rain
dancing down on the window pane.
Comatose. Eyes half closed.
Arms wrapped up with the wounds all sewn.
I froze from head to toe.
Clenched the jaw,
then felt my body roll over slow.

I must live to know that healing takes some time.

So no regrets, and no looking back to sinking ships.
I'll strip the gauze for a rational self-analysis.
"I'm down. Cut and bound.
Counting scars, and counting blessings loud."
So loud.

I must live to know that time alone is always
healing as long as there's bleeding.
No regrets, or falling fits.
I'll strip the gauze and bleed it.'

I wonder what I did so wrong in my past life that I was being punished even by my iPod. I must have gone around punching babies and pushing down elderly people. So is this ridiculousness a sign? Maybe what I said earlier was right, I just need to let my wounds bleed and eventually they will start to heal up. Should I just try to move on? Can I? Yes, yes I can do this. Edward Cullen will always carry around with him a piece of my heart but he won't ruin my life anymore. I had a life before him I can have one now. Oh, wait, life isn't the right word. Crap.

Honestly I'm so sick and tired of this shit. How can he haunt me even in my vampire existence? My human memories aren't supposed to be this strong. It was all probably a game to him. Alice probably saw what would happen in a vision but he kept playing with my heart anyway. Oh my God. Oh my fucking God, that asshole. She had to have seen it. There is no way that she wouldn't have, which means he knew, he fucking knew. This gives a whole new meaning to 'playing with your food'. Sick, sick fucking piece of shit vampire.

For the first time in my life I feel complete hatred. Is it possible to love and hate so strongly at the same time?

"Bella, you're breaking the window sill. What's wrong with you now? What happened?" Aislinn spoke as she made her way down stairs and over to me, unlocking my death grip from the window sill one finger at a time.

A wave of calm hit me and I unclenched my hand. Suddenly I realized that nothing was wrong with me.

"Actually, nothing is wrong." I said to her with a genuine smile. The look on her face was priceless. I'm sure she was a few seconds away from searching the phone book to for a vampire psych ward.

"Don't give me that look," I continued. "I think, no, wait… I know that I'm fine now. I realized that none of this was my fault, it's theirs. I didn't do anything wrong and they just decided to torture me for the fun of it. They may not kill humans but that's just for their own conscious. They do other things that are just as bad. I'm fine now. There is a level of anger in me that I never knew could exist and if they were here right now I would probably rip their throats out but I'm fine. I think it's time I called Jake."

Aislinn stood there with her mouth hanging open for a moment before she collected herself and began to talk. "Wow, Bella. I…I… well; I don't even know what to say right now. I'm glad you are finally okay. I think calling Jake is a good idea. You two should catch up." She kept shaking her head like she was trying to wake herself up from a dream. "I never thought I would see the day when you were angry with them like you should be. I can't even tell you how glad I am that you aren't blaming it on yourself anymore." She ran over to me and squeezed me in the tightest hug ever.

"Yeah I think I like this whole anger thing a lot more than being sad. I'm still sad of course. I mean I was rejected but I'm making a vow to myself that I will never be that miserable being again. No one will ever be able to affect me like that, never." She and I exchanged triumphant smiles. I went to get my phone and call Jake while she went back upstairs to give me some privacy.

Shit, Jake. This was going to be hard. He doesn't know that I'm changed. Suddenly my anger and courage were not as prevalent and in their place was fear. How would he react to me being different? Would he ever talk to me again? Would he try to fight me? No it's Jake and we promised that we would be friends no matter what. What the hell are you thinking, Bella? You think that Jake will care about the promises you made to each other? He turns into a wolf so that he can kill creatures like you. He is your sworn enemy. How stupid can you be? Damn, he will hate me, I know he will. No, Jake is your friend; he will always care about you…

I flipped my phone open and dialed his number before I could convince myself that this was a bad idea. I had to do this. Jake has to know what I am and I need to know if he cares enough to remain my friend. The phone rang twice and it felt like it had been ringing for centuries. Come on Jake, pick up the phone. I glanced over to the clock and started to feel like an idiot. Oh, it's six a.m. He's probably still asleep. Smart, Bella, don't even check the clock before you call someone to see if it is a decent time to call. The phone rang again and when I was about to give up I heard someone pick up on the other end.

There was a big groan and yawn on the other end. The voice was thick with sleep and frustration, it sounded like Jake but I wasn't sure. "It's six in the damn morning. Someone better be dead. What do you want?" Yeah, it's definitely Jake.

Well I am dead, technically, I wonder if that counts. I mustered up all the courage I could find to speak. "H-hey, Jake…" I managed to stutter.

"Bella?" His voice no longer showed any signs of anger. He was pleasantly surprised; I wonder how long that will last.

"Yeah Jake, it's me. Look, I'm sorry I haven't been in touch. Everything is just so different and it's been hard to come back. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out for a little while and catch up before I go back down to Portland."

"Are you kidding, Bella? Of course I want to see you. I've been trying to get a hold of you for so long. You have no idea how worried I was. What the hell where you doing? Why haven't you called or stopped by? You sound different, are you ok?"

He was speaking so fast like he had a long list of things to talk about. I almost let him continue because him talking to me was a good thing and I didn't know how much longer he would be willing to do that.

"I know you have a lot of questions. I'll explain everything to you I swear. You'll probably have a lot more questions once you see me, too. What time are you free?"

"I'm free all day. Nothing is more important that seeing you. Can I come up right now?"

"No!" I blurted out before thinking about it. "I'm sorry, no. I don't want to talk about some stuff here. You know with Charlie around and all."

"Sure, yeah where do you want to meet? You want to come down here? Billy will be glad to see you and so will the guys."

I wish that I could go down there and that anyone would be glad to see me. "No I just need to speak to you alone. Do you remember the meadow where Laurent was going to kill me?" Oh and were I spent one of the most amazing times of my life with Edward before he decided to rip my heart to shreds. No, Bella stop don't let him hurt you anymore.

The anger was back in his voice now. "Yeah I remember where that filthy bloodsu…"

I cut him off before he managed to make me change my mind about seeing him. "Ok well meet me there in half an hour. OK?"

"Ok, Bells. See you then." He sounded so happy; it made me want to crawl into a hole and die, again.

"Jake, can you promise me something?"

"Yeah, sure anything. What is it?"

"We're friends forever, no matter what, right?"

"Always, Bells, no matter what. I'll see you soon."

I hung up right as Charlie was coming down stairs.

"Hey, Bells. You're up early."

"Yeah. I called Jake; I want to catch up with him a little before we leave."

"Well that's great. I'm glad you're going to see him, he's been calling at least once a week since you left, you know."

"Yeah Dad I know. "

Then Aislinn came downstairs and saved me from any more Charlie questions. "So Charlie it's just you and me while Bella is out with Jake, what are we going to do?"

"Well we could go down to La Push if you want. There isn't much to see in Forks."

"No, Dad," I yelled, "sorry, but I doubt Aislinn wants to sit around and fish with Billy. Why don't you take her to Port Angeles? I'm sure she would love it there."

Aislinn quickly figured out what I was doing and played along. "Oh, can we go there Charlie? It sounds like fun and I'm no good at fishing." She said as she batted her eyelashes.

Charlie was already like putty in her hands. "Alright, if you want. I haven't been to Port Angeles in a while."

I took Aislinn's hand and led her upstairs to my room. Surprisingly it didn't affect me to be in it. This whole being mad at the Cullens thing is working out well.

"Ok remember under no circumstances are you to go into La Push and I mean it. Keep away from there at all costs. Don't let Charlie meet up with Billy Black either. If you come back home before I'm here don't let Charlie invite anyone over. Most of his friends here are from the res."

"Got it. I'll call you if anything at all happens."

"Ok be safe and take care of Charlie."

We went back down stairs; I said by to Charlie and got in my Audi. I took off and parked my car on a side street; it would be faster to run. I couldn't shake the feeling that I was running towards the beginning of the end.