Edward avoided me, as I avoided him. He was angry with me (as he always was) but this time it was more than just anger. Anger is simple, pure, easy. This was a mix of emotional pain and self-doubt vented like a volcano, that'd lain dormant for centuries though his sharp tongue and his emerald laser like eyes. I only had to look at him in biology the day after the incident, and the pencil in his hand snapped. His eyes darkened visibly and red streaks burnt across his cheeks. If looks could kill…
It would have been so easy, to let the three words that sang in my heart lose, the three words that I had never had any reason to believe in before. I came so close to snapping, to shouting and screaming them from the rooftops. I love him, I love you. But something held me back, Edward never wanted to listen to what I had to say, the time never seemed right.
After a few days of seemingly unending torture he started skipping all the lessons we shared. In a way it was a relief- the respite of his hatred, was immediate but brief. Without him by my side, without the glances we shared, it was easy to pretend. To pretend I didn't care, that it didn't matter. But I did care and it did matter- when Edward wasn't there the hole in my heart came back, he was what I needed, what I wanted, what I craved. Is it better to forget, or to live your life knowing the one thing more dear to you then your own heart is just out of reach?
Time passes even when each second lasts a life time, and each day stretches to an eternity. Spring came and passed. My 18th birthday came and passed. Edward came and passed.
He dropped out of school leaving me and the rest of the Cullen clan (to rethink our name name). That is, until one day, in the summer after graduation.
That summer was so hot all scorching sun and blissful warmth. Emmet, Rosalie, Alice, Jasper and I did everything together. Edward as a topic of conversation was avoided. We filled the silence with meaningless chatter, talk of college, clothes etc. It was easier that way painless. So I just smiled and laughed because I didn't know how to tell them my heart was breaking.
Together we found a hangout, a place we could go to pretend our lives were something better than what they were. Its beauty was second only to one person, it was a large clearing, all green grass and flowers like something from a TV advert. There was also a large pool leading off from a river that gurgled in the background. It was perfect for swimming in. But what I like best were the large flat stones that circled the pool. The sun heated them and I could lie for hours at a time, just warming myself like a lizard.
It was a day such as this when it all changed again. The others had left in search of food and I was laying on my favourite rock. Slowly soaking life back in my bones. Then I heard a noise, lazily I rolled over and opened one eye thinking it was Emmet trying to sneak up on me. But what I saw was much better and much worse at the same time.
It was Edward, I don't think he realised I was there so I stayed quiet. He stepped into the clearing and looked round nervously. As he got closer I could see him in more detail, he was wearing a pair of midnight blue trunks, but I was horrified to see his legs were covered in scars, red and angry just like him.
He stood on the edge of a rock, overhanging the pool. His toes curled over the edge, then he swung his arms once, twice and dived. He arched his back and threw him self towards the water. I don't thin k I've ever seen anything so beautiful, if I could have died then, I would have died happy. Now I can never die.
But then, as everything eventually does, it ended as abruptly as the moment had started. Lost in my own dreams I failed to notice Edward as he swam towards me underwater. I was too late. He ascended from the water (as luck would have it right in front where I lay) and looked me straight in the eye. And then the anger was back.
No-one could be angry like Edward; he was alive, so passionate when it was only anger that filled his eyes. He held my gaze for only a second, and I could have sworn I heard growling rumble in his chest before he climbed up the bank and walked away. I'd already watched him walk away once, I wasn't ready to let it happen again.
I followed pulling myself up from lying and ran after him. I grabbed his arm, but the turned his head to look down at me and practically snarled "I don't want to hear it." He thought I was going to lecture him, I almost smiled at the notion. "Edward it's not what you think." I begged. He stepped back "and what do I think, Bella, you tell me" he said spitting my name. And then I realised my mistake, and that as they say was the beginning of the end.
I had stripped down to my swimming costume after everyone else had left, so as Edward's eyes scanned me he froze. Noticing the scars that ruined my flesh on the inside of my thighs and ankles, the ones than hurt me everyday, the ones that puckered and stained my skin, the ones I hid. "Oh great" he sighed sarcastically "you tried it, what for attention?" There was a bitter tone to his voice. "You don't understand, I cut myself to make me feel, I cut myself to make this dream world a reality, so I can be sure it won't come crashing down upon me, because sometimes I'm so…"
And then I interrupted, letting the thoughts burst from my lips before they'd even registered in my mind, because finally I knew for certain, he understood me. "… Because sometimes you're so sure that if you cut it your skin it won't bleed, when you feel empty inside. I understand Edward, I know, I was doing this long before I ever met you."
I stepped closer to him, longing to feel the heat of his body against mine, I had to look up at him, my chin rested on his bare chest. I could hear his heart beating though his skin, it was paper thin and fragile. Time stood still, it didn't seem to, it did, time actually stopped in those few seconds and nothing existed but me and him. Eventually his rapid breathing slowed.
"I hated you so much Bella, for making me feel again, before I was empty, but you saw you knew and I had to stop pretending. I didn't want to feel, I was numb but then you…" his voice shook "…you ruined everything." Tears were pouring down his cheeks.
"I need you" and I think on some level he must have accepted that he needed me because then we wear kissing. His lips were soft and warm, they tasted like apples and coffee, pressing against mine- softly at first. But then we were on fire, the kiss grew, becoming more urgent as we tried and tried to close the gap between us. All I know is that I was burning, burning for him. And after we were together, always, we fell completely, utterly, silently but wonderfully insane in each others arms.
Okay people, this is not the end, in fact far from it- you could say it was the beginning of the end… Please review it really does make this worthwhile, you have no idea how painful that was to right. But basically the more you review the quicker you will get to read the next chapters… By the way it would be useful if you could tell me your favourite lines/parts I'm working on a creative writing piece for coursework.