Okay people listen up! Sorry to say this, but I've got a freaking writers block -.- That means, I probably won't be posting anything for a while here and I'm sorry! Really! I'll keep working on the ideas and stuff, but please be patient!
Also, if you see me posting a different story, don't me mad - it just means I've got a different idea for a different story...
Paige: I figured there wasn't all that much out there and it was a sort of request at one point so why not xD
Buckitty: Sorry about that xD I always seem to kill others with some parts ^^'' :P And I guess it's my own fault for not putting up a good description of Magneto other than his name xD Hope others caught on as well.
Oh! I almost forgot! I got a lot of help from Yazmin on this one :D Thanks man! xD
Ch. 9 What if…?
…the universe had other plans? If things were different?
"Bucky! Grab my hand!" Steve reached out as far as he could, praying to anyone he knew that it would be enough.
James gritted his teeth, seeing the arm, and threw his free arm upward, while keeping the other tightly around the railing which was holding him up.
"C'mon!" Steve called again, tears on the corner of his eyes.
With the last of his strength, Barnes pushed towards, managing to take hold of Rogers' arms.
The moment Cap felt his friends hand, he gripped him tight, pulling him upwards and only increasing the strength with which he held the sniper. They could see the remnants of the destroyed door Bucky had held on falling down into the seemingly endless white abyss of the snowy mountains. Even when they were both on the cart, the Super Soldier didn't let go, only stared at his best friend, wide-eyed and pale.
"…Thanks," Buck managed, panting and shaking slightly. He felt like throwing up and was as white as a ghost, staring out of the hole where the door before was. He could have fallen…
. . . . . .
"I'm going after Skull!" Steve yelled, rushing after Schmidt after he ran away when they raided his base.
"Barnes, go with him!" Falsworth called over the gun fire as the sniper nodded, speeding after his best friend.
He was a bit behind, but knew where he'd have to go to find them. The hanger bay. And that's where he went. There, he saw the Valkyrie trying to get away and Rogers running behind it. Hissing, he took out his sniper rifle, the one Stark made, and aimed at the wheels. Squeezing the trigger, a blue light was fired and hit directly at the wheel, hitting and destroying the wires and framework which connected the wheel to the plane, making the plane lose balance and tip over.
Loosing every ounce of control over the plane thanks to that, it ended up crashing into the edge of the base before blowing up. Red Skull, who naturally sat in the cockpit when the plane crashed and blew up (the Howlers really always ended the mission with something blowing up), was declared dead. The agents and soldiers who were in duty to search through the sad remains of the Valkyrie however never found any sign of him. They, as well as their higher-ups, supposed his skin and flesh had melted in the heat and his bones were turned to ashes.
. . . . . .
The Tesseract was retrieved by the SSR and never seen again. At least so they thought. It would be weaponized later on…
With the war finished, the Howling Commandos all together, headed, along with Peggy and Howard, to a bar to get a much earned drink. Many of them decided to head home. The war would change them forever. Despite that, some chose to stay. Rogers naturally joked to still fight, but he never wanted to be in a war again. That's why he and James agreed to go back home to Brooklyn and try to figure out what to do.
. . . . . .
They both knew they'd have a few problems from the war. But not like this… Never like this…
It first happened when they arrived to the plane which would take them home. Naturally, cameras were everywhere and so were interviewers – everyone wanted a photo or interview with those two war heroes. But the two weren't ready for the flashing lights for the photographers. It brought them back to the flash bombs, the blazing light of a grenade or the high speed of a pulse blast. Somehow, and to them it felt like a small miracle, they managed to get past that without either of them yelling or reacting otherwise badly.
Next came the plane ride itself. The constant humming of the engines kept them recalling all the truck rides, the motorbikes HYDRA used, the planes they had to jump out off in missions and mostly, the train, where James almost died. But they fell asleep, as they were trained for soldiers.
When they got home, they both received a hero's welcome from everyone. Even those who used to bully Steve were cheering for Cap. The many shouts of the people brought back memories of the cries and screams from the battle field. It was at that point the two realized, nothing would ever be the same again. Not anymore.
. . . . . .
Dark gray clouds slowly rolled over the sky, threatening to open their gates any time now. However two people were still outside, even though the wind was picking up and it actually started to smell like it would rain too. The air was as heavy as the atmosphere, as two friends looked down at a grave, one like many others on this graveyard for militaries, yet still so different.
"It feels so long ago…" Steve spoke, breaking the silence that hung in the air.
"Yeah…" James muttered back, eyes staring at the name.
"I feel guilty… There were so many men who lost their lives… and here we are, waiting at just one…" Rogers said as some grumbling could be heard in the sky.
"…I guess… But he did drive us around… that's just a new kind of crazy…" Barnes took a deep breath.
"True, but still…" rain stated coming down, not much, but enough to cover up the tears.
"We should go…" Buck managed, swallowing a lump.
"Yeah, we should…" Cap nodded as the two gave a final salute.
ADAM ANDERSON
1905 – 1945
A comrade, a son, a brother, a friend.
He didn't want to die; he just wanted to stop suffering.
May he rest in peace.
"How are you Buck?" Steve asked once the two were back in their house.
"…better than yesterday… worse than tomorrow…" James mumbled, sitting at the table, arms on the table and head on the arms.
"You got a date right?" Barnes asked, voice partly muffled by the table.
"It's not a date. Me and Peggy are just meeting for dinner," Rogers blushed a bit, putting on a pot of tea.
"Sure, keep telling yourself that," the elder one smirked into the arm.
"…I don't have to go…" the Super Soldier looked with sadness at his best friend.
"Don't joke around Steve," Bucky looked up, tired, weak eyes, giving him a slight glare.
"I'm not joking. I'm sure Peg would understand if we moved it. You… You don't look so well."
"I'm fine Steve, just tired…" they both relaxed a bit.
"…I'm trusting you here alright?" Rogers swallowed the urge to stay with his friend.
"Yeah, I know…" Barnes smiled a bit, smelling the tea.
"…Don't do anything stupid you jerk," Cap mumbled, letting out a sigh and putting the pot off the fire before heading to the hallway and getting his coat.
"Yeah, yeah… don't get killed you punk!" James called after him, smiling until he heard the door open and close.
As soon as he was sure Rogers was away, he hit his head on the table, hands on the ears and teeth gritted.
"Fuck…" he moved the teeth to the lip, drawing blood. The whispers, screams and noises wouldn't stop! And he was slowly losing his mind.
Steve meanwhile had similar problems. He wanted to cross the road, when suddenly a car honked and he had to jump back, searching cover behind the next best wall, fearing that somebody just gave bomb alarm. It took him at least a minute to realize that the thing he was shielding himself with wasn't his shield, but an umbrella, that the sounds he heard and had thought of as debris were just raindrops – and another moment to not see the water on street in puddles as blood mixed with rainwater and mud anymore.
Finally he could stand up again, trying to get his heart to beat normal again. He wasn't at the war's front anymore, but it was painfully obvious to him that he wasn't home either. Managing to cross the road at his second try, he continued his way to the place where he would meet up with Peggy.
"P-Please! K-Kill me!" James sat at the corner of the living room, hands on his ears and head hung, teeth gritted and eyes closed shut. Adam's last words never left him. Ever since he shot Anderson, his voice had come to haunt him.
"I killed him…" he was trembling, hyperventilating there. It hasn't been this bad in a long while, and part of Buck was glad Steve wasn't here, while another part wanted someone to help him.
"No one can save you now," why was it that Zola was always here as well, never going away.
"Please…" he didn't care how pathetic it sounded, how broken he was or how weak he seemed as tears rolled down his face from the pain.
"Someone… make it stop…"
"Steve!" Peggy called across the street as she stood before the restaurant, hand in the air.
"Peg!" Rogers smiled, rushing towards her and hugging the woman.
"You're late," she grinned, adjusting his tie.
"Didn't have a ride," he remarked back, offering a hand which she took.
"How have you been?" she asked carefully as the two got inside the warm restaurant.
"Getting better I guess…" Rogers said in a low mumble, arriving at their table and pulling the chair out so the woman could sit before he himself sat down.
"I mean… it's still here, the war… I just can't escape it…" he sighed, managing a small smile.
"I understand… But you should try and talk it out… keeping it in all the time won't help anyone," Carter smiled tightly and put her hand on his, looking the Soldier in the eye.
"Right I know…" a humorless chuckle escaped him as his eyes drifted off.
Peggy noticed and bit her lip before deciding to speak up: "How is James?" That seemed to snap Cap back to now and look at the woman with unsure eyes.
"He… He's bad Peg…" his sadness filled eyes looked at her sympathetic. "I mean… he says he's fine and everything, but… he's not. I can see it, hear it… He keeps beating himself senseless because of Adam, and then the nightmares from Zola come back…" Steve drifted off, taking a calm breath.
"…Do you know what happened?" Peggy pushed a bit, knowing Rogers had to get it out.
"Buck hasn't said anything… but at night, I hear him across the house… He's screaming, pleading, crying… I don't know what to do!" closing his eyes tight; Steve ran a hand on his face.
"Steve, none of this is your fault. James is a grown man, he knows how to handle things," she tried to assure the soldier, but it clearly wasn't working.
"I know Peg, but – I just want to help him for a change…" their conversation was put on hold as a waiter arrived, asking for their order.
Somehow, Barnes managed to get to his feet and stagger to the kitchen where he opened a cabinet. He was panting, biting on his lip so he drew blood and keeping one eye open so he could see.
"Shall we go again?" Zola's voice seemed to follow him everywhere as the buzzing of different machines in the house kept reminding him of the electric zaps he got.
"Finally," he almost yelled, taking hold of a small, plastic box which rattled with the insides as James shakily took it and got with his back against the wood, shaking the whole box as he tried to open it.
When, after what seemed like hours, managed to get it open, Buck opened his mouth and poured the contains of the box in his mouth, some of the pills dropping on the ground and his body while the rest went down his throat.
Finally done with the pills, James threw the box to the side, panting and closing his eyes tight, praying the pills would help with the pain and flashes. And just when he was about to let out a scream, his world started turning dark as his eyes closed and a familiar darkness took him.
"Are you two sure you don't want anyone there?" Carter asked, getting back a bit at their previous conversation after their order was taken.
"I don't think so… I mean… Buck is far from being at ease with anyone… he doesn't even let his guard down around me… I think any more people there, even if they are friends, would only unravel him further," Rogers sighed remembering the time James didn't even got out of his room when Leo came for a visit.
"I see… Then why don't you-" Peggy was cut off by Steve quickly getting to his feet, almost tripping over the chair, as his eyes were wide.
"Steve?" she called carefully, standing as well.
"I smell gas," he said looking around, chest rising and falling quickly.
"Steve, we're at a restaurant. They use it to cook," she explained, knowing he was having an attack right now. It always pained her heart to see that.
A crash could be heard a few seconds later, making Rogers spin around, arm defensively at his chest, as if he had his shield.
"Hey, watch it!" a man hissed, his shirt red from the wine, but to the Super Soldier, it looked just about the man was shot.
"Steve," Carter said, but Cap didn't hear her. He rushed out of the restaurant, taking deep breathes, while the female followed closely behind.
In his nightmares, which rather common, James saw the blood, heard the screams, smelled the smoke, felt the beatings and tasted the metal of blood. It was a never ending hell. But he welcomed the battles from the front line anytime, over the ones from the lab. Those brought only pain. Buck could never shake the feeling there was something wrong. How everything was a bit too real than it should be. During the war, he shrugged it off and blamed it on the fact they were at war. But now that it's over, and he was still the same way, it scared him.
That's also another thing that came at times. Darkness. Pure, lonely darkness. And he, most of the time, hated it the most. It gave Barnes too much time to think. Too much time to himself. He could easily remember everything. And at times, he asked himself, 'What if I died?'
"Steve!" the Agent found Rogers leaning on a wall, head low and apparently throwing up. She carefully came closer, making sure he heard her, before gently putting her hand on his back, moving up and down his spine, hoping to ease his pain.
"…Thank you…" came a weak reply after a good minute or two, as the Soldier straightened back up and looked at her with tired eyes.
"Anytime," she gave a gentle smile, looking him in the eyes.
"Looks like I ruined another date…" Steve then spoke, a weak smile on his face as he scratched the back of his head.
"It's fine. We can always make another one, somewhere you're comfortable with," she leaned on the wall next to him.
"…Thank you Peggy… for everything," his voice was nothing but truth and sincerity.
"Really, it's nothing… If I can help in any way, I will. That's what you crazy people taught me," they laughed, recalling some of the best memories of the Howling Commandos.
"You should head back… See how James is," she added after a few moments.
"But-" he wanted to protest in a way, but forgot who he spoke to.
"No buts. Go. I'll find my way back and check on you in a few days," she smiled, kissed him and waved, before heading off to her own place.
No one said it'd be easy, getting back in the world. Especially after everything that's happened. But it seemed, neither of these two Soldiers could do that.
One was trying his best to connect with the world again, but found it almost impossible. There were things he can handle, but nothing was the same anymore. It was like pretending he could live without the war around him…
And the other didn't even try. He was locked away, trying to save what was left of himself. The world could never be the same again, no matter what. He had known war more than a normal life, and thus, war was his life. But now, hardly anyone was left of that life. So he stayed there, in his cell, remembering everything, but at the same time nothing.
Time sure is a cruel thing… with simple things, events; history can be changed, be it for the better or worse. But there are always consequences. No matter the deed, the sacrifice, the life, it all has its rules which no one can escape. Try and cheat, and you'll pay a bigger price you would have otherwise. But, everyone, everyone, has that one, small wish. To save a life, to end a fight, to find love… small things, which seem harmless and meaningless, usually have the most impact on everything.
Well, that's it for this one (and for a while). I hope you all enjoyed and that you will stay here, even if it does take a while before the next part comes... Again, I'm sorry and hope to see you all on the next chapter ^^