Disclaimer: I own nothing. Cheers.

Step One: The Inciting Incident

Derek Venturi did not like IMing people. He didn't like Myspace or Facebook or anything of that sort, but when bored out of his mind he IMed people persistently in attempt to piss them off. Or, well, he IMed Casey persistently. He always used odd screen names that he had made when he was younger. It was a hobby and a weakness, and it also happened to be what jump-started Derek Venturi into his first great life story. The first meaningful thing that ever happened in his life.

DRockKing12: Hey Basket Case.

Everlife220: …hey?

DRockKing12: What's up?

Everlife220: Um, who is this?

DRockKing12: Who is what?

Everlife220: Okay, I'm signing off now…

DRockKing12: Casey, are you retarded? DRock…I called you Basket Case.

Everlife220: Ooh...D-Rock...i thought it was Dr. Ock...like from Spiderman.

DRockKing12: You know...that kind of makes sense.

Everlife220: Wait, you know my SN?

DRockKing12: No, I just managed to IM some random chick whose screen name I just made up and, oh shit Casey, it's you! Yes, I fucking know your screen name.

Everlife220: a. You're an asshole. b. You make me want to kill small animals, and I'm an activist for god's sake! c. GO FUCK YOURSELF (unless of course you already did that today) and…d. why are you talking to me?

DRockKing12: What do you mean why am I talking to you?

Everlife220: Well, we don't talk, Der, we fight.

DRockKing12: Okay…SHIT GODDAMN CASEY I FUCKING HATE YOUR ANNOYING ASS! Happy?

Everlife220: Real nice. I think you're the first person I've ever met who can actually exhibit sarcasm over the internet.

DRockKing12: I know, I'm quite insidious, aren't I?

Everlife220: Derek, you know what insidious means?

DRockKing12: Don't you?

Everlife220: Well yeah…but…you know what insidious means?

DRockKing12: Gradually harmful or destructive.

Everlife220: Did you just look that up on the computer, Derek?

DRockKing12: No.

Everlife220: Yes you did.

DRockKing12: No I didn't.

Everlife220: Yes you did!

DRockKing12: No I didn't!

Everlife220: YES YOU DID!!

DRockKing12: NO I DIDN'T!!

"Yes you did!"

Casey pointed an accusing finger at Derek's computer monitor, he whipped around and looked at her in shock.

"Casey! What the fuck are you doing in here?"

She walked over to his computer and motioned harshly. The look on her face was one of anger, malice, and oddly enough betrayal. Derek actually found it kind of funny. Of course he looked up insidious on the computer. Who the fuck wouldn't?

"What the fuck are you lying to me for? I'm right across the hall!"

Derek quickly glanced at his door, wide open.

"Hey, my door was closed!"

Casey rolled her large blue eyes and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Stop being such a woman!"

Derek shrugged.

"All right, I'll stop being such a woman when you shave your mustache and stop being such a man!"

Before he could process what he was saying, Derek laughed aloud, realizing what he had just said. He couldn't help but pat himself on the back, but his "victory" was short lived. Casey pulled out her greatest weapon. "The Derek Yell".

"DER-EK!"

"Oh for god's sake…here we go…" said Derek with a groan.

"GEORGE!"

Derek rolled his eyes and sat back in his chair. He put his hands behind his head and propped his feet up on his desk. George stumbled into the room and with one look at Casey his face fell. George hated dealing with Derek and Casey. He consistently relied on Nora for that part of life, but she had just left to pick up a few things she forgot at work. George braced himself for the roar he knew would soon come from his step-daughter.

"GEORGE! DEREK'S BEING AN ASSHOLE!"

George shook his head.

"Wha—what? Casey, I'm sure you've already gotten used to Derek by now…I mean the two of you have been living together under the same roof for almost three years and—" he reasoned, but Casey chose not to listen.

Figures.

"George, why can't you just understand! God! Where's my mom?!?" she demanded.

George shrugged.

"I don't kno—"

"Oh my God! You don't know anything!"

He tried to ignore Derek's laughing as he followed Casey out the door and across the hall.

"Casey—" he tried to say, but he was simply met with the slamming of her door.

"You know, Dad," said Derek slyly as he walked over to his father with a grin across his face, "this is why I can't get along with her. I'm just trying to start a friendly conversation and what does Casey do? She freaks, which I can't say I wasn't expecting because—"

George shook his head and sighed.

"Derek, room. Now."

Derek shrugged.

"Whatever. Tell Nora I'm down for anything but her disgusting tofu tonight."

"We already had dinner."

"Yeah, I remember. Tofu. Hence me saying I'm down for anything but tofu tonight. Don't worry about it, Dad, I'm just being an asshole."

George was used to it too. Sometimes he tried to protest against his seventeen-year-old son's behavior, but it was a fight that could not be won on his behalf.

"Derek, try being an okay guy for just a little while, it's quite refreshing."

"But Dad, I've got charm. You do too. Why do you think you win all your cases. Judge Marion's got the hots for you," said Derek smartly. George shook his head and sighed.

"Son, Judge Marion is a man."

"No Dad, you're the man," he said as he began walking back across the hall to his room.

"And according to Casey, you're the woman."

"Aw, thanks pops, you too."

"Derek—"

And with that Derek shut the door to his room leaving George outside in thought, trying to understand his presumptuous son and uptight step-daughter.

So there you have it. Hoped everyone liked chapter one...um, I know people don't IM each other like that (with perfect grammar and shit) but grammar errors really annoy me and besides, I wrote that part on windows and it wouldn't let me screw around with the IM part at all. Soo...uh, thanks for reading.

Cheers.