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Step Two: Talking About Things With People Who Know About Things

"She needs to get laid," said Derek absentmindedly.

Sam glanced up from the concrete and took in the sight of his friend. Derek was sprawled out across the top of table they were eating their breakfast burritos at. They had an early hockey practice that morning and the two of them were groggy-eyed, finishing up their food.

"Derek, that coming from your mouth has got to be one of the weirdest things I've ever heard. You still asleep man?"

Derek laughed to himself, taking in the thought. It was true. He spent all his life taunting Casey, trying to push her buttons until there were no more buttons to push, but he had gotten tired of it. He just wanted her to chill out—stop worrying. He wanted to get her to figure out that life was not an ongoing after school special and by doing so; he wanted her to just get laid.

"Yeah, well, Sam the last time the girl got any was when you were dating her and she was at least tolerable. Max was a pussy still in love with his former girlfriend and Nora keeps on bothering her whenever she's around Noel…I actually feel kind of bad for her. If I had to go more than six or seven months without screwing around I would probably die…"

Sam shrugged and got up to throw out the food on his tray.

"Derek, if you had to go more than six or seven minutes without screwing around you would probably die."

Derek sat up straight and laughed.

"And the sad thing is you're probably right," he said proudly as he watched Sam make his way back to the table, empty tray in hand. Sam nodded and raised his eyebrows. Both of them knew it was true. They had been friends for so long that knew each other inside and out. The one thing that frustrated them the most though was neither could figure out the mystery that was Casey McDonald.

"Yep, my friend, I know what's going down. Hence this really fucked up friendship…but I gotta ask, how did you know me and Case had that type of relationship?"

Derek shrugged, as if his answer was apparent and as Sam listened to what his friend said he smiled to himself, reminiscing about his past relationship with Casey and how dense he was for thinking Derek had no clue about it.

"Sam, it was written all over your face. Besides, she's tells Liz everything Liz tells Ed everything and Ed tells me everything—unlike a certain friend of mine."

Sam shook his head and laid it across the table. He reached his hands up to readjust the beanie a-top his head. It was one Casey had bought him for his birthday a year and a half ago. Derek always told him it made him look like a retard, but he still liked it. He claimed it kept his head warm, but since there weren't any tags on it he knew Casey had really knitted it herself. It wasn't perfect, there loose stitches on the inside and she ran out of dark blue so the bottom was done with an indigo sort of color, but the hat had character and it made him happy to know someone cared enough to sit around and knit for hours on end just for him.

He had surpassed his feelings for Casey and moved on. Like Derek, Sam also liked Noel and was very happy that Casey had found someone cool to be with, but he was still a little ticked that he had to be the relationship guinea pig in the Venturi-McDonald household. He had to literally fight for his relationship while the newbies just had so sit back and ask her out.

"Well, I thought you'd freak out and hit me or something, I mean do you not remember your whole 'guy code' tantrum?"

Derek laughed, almost brushing the subject off, but when he saw the look on Sam's face he stopped for a moment and thought it over. He never really gave the subject much thought. He just figured it was his first odd way of exhibiting brotherly love toward Casey, but the truth was that he didn't see Casey as a sister ever. Just a good friend that he fought with all the time. It was Casey that he was jealous of. He only had one true great friend and as much as he was beginning to like Casey he didn't want to lose his best friend to her.

He also figured that Sam dating Casey would be a good thing. At least he liked Sam. If Sam was some fuck-bag it might have been a different story. That fight might actually have sprung from real protectiveness toward Casey, but it didn't. Derek laughed to himself a little bit—the notion that he was jealous of Casey for "stealing his best friend" made him feel a little gay. A phenomenon that rarely happened within the virile nature of Derek Venturi's life.

"Sam, that was just me being a dick. But I got over it. Look Sam, you're my best friend and Casey's my step-sister and I finally saw that if she's going to be dating someone it might as well be someone I like because if she ended up bringing home some complete ass-hat, much like Max was, then I would have to hang around that person all the fucking time which would suck. Thank God Noel actually has some sort of personality because, Christ, if she went two for two when it came to total and complete douche bags than…well, let's just say the world would be rid of some of it's scum."

Sam looked up and grinned.

"But it would still have you."

Derek jumped off the table and brought his tray over to the trashcan. He dumped his trash and walked back over to Sam, lightheartedly smacking the tray over his head.

"Shut up, man."

"Hey I'm not the one who wants his step-sister to get laid," Sam pointed out, giving his friend a light shove.

"All right, putting it that way makes it seem really fucked up."

"D, it is fucked up."

Derek shrugged.

"Not if you think of it like this—she gets laid, I get more sleep at night."

Sam laughed.

"All right, that's possibly more fucked up because if you say it that way it insinuates that you fucked her and—"

"All right, all right, all right; Casey get's laid by some dude, she stops throwing tantrums and blaming her shit life on me, I don't have to deal with her annoying ass, I get more sleep at night."

Derek grinned triumphantly.

"There you go, D, thanks for putting life into perspective for me."

"You are quite welcome."

Sam glanced at the clock on his phone and rolled his eyes. He got up and took his keys from his pocket.

"Jesus, we're almost late for practice. Let's head out, man."

Derek nodded and they began walking to Sam's car. As Derek pulled himself into the passenger's seat and pained expression came across his face.

"Hey Sam,"

"Yeah, D, what's up?" said Sam absentmindedly as he put his keys into the ignition and started the car.

"If I said the word 'insidious' would you think I knew what it meant?"

Sam raised his eyebrows and looked at his friend very seriously.

"Derek, if you said the word 'insidious' correctly in a sentence I would most likely be under the impression that aliens had abducted and probed you."

Derek shook his head and reached out to turn on the radio. Nirvana's "Lithium" blared from the speakers.

"Thanks for the reassurance," said Derek with a nod. Sam laughed as he pulled away from the Smoker's Express.

"Do you know what insidious means?" he asked with a smile.

"Fuck you."

"No really, do you?"

"Sam drive the fucking car, we're gonna be late for practice."

Sam shook his head and turned up the volume.

"Whatever you say, D, whatever you say."

Hope you guys liked it. Please review. Things'll get juicy in the next chapter.

Cheers.