Chapter 8

"Killian, can you come help me?" He stood from his spot on the deck and walked towards the house. The weeks since he found out about his connection to Bobby and Robert Gold had been turbulent in some ways and blissful in others. The relationship with Emma had blossomed, even in the face of his connection to the murder she had witnessed. They had found a way to connect over it and he appreciated the way that she tried so hard to be empathetic about it. Walking into the living room he was surprised to find her standing there in front of a large pine tree. "Emma love I do believe there's a tree in the living room. It was my understanding that those belonged outdoors."

"Christmas is only about a week away. I thought that we could maybe decorate the tree together?"

"That would be fun. However we'll need to go to the store."

"For what?"

"Decorations love. Unless we're to have a naked Christmas tree."

"Oh I already went and got those yesterday."

"How is that even possible? I was here all day yesterday and I never realized you left."

"You were in the den studying. I didn't want to bother you so I just ran out to the store and grabbed what we would need. So you want to help me?"

"Aye lass but first we need to talk." A shadow crossed her face at his request and he could tell that she was already steeling herself for an altercation. "It's nothing to worry about love. I just would prefer that if you must go out that you let me know so that I can go with you."

"I just ran out to the store. It wasn't exactly life or death."

"You wouldn't think so love but currently Robert Gold is about to face trial and there is one witness that can put him at the scene of the crime. His associates are going to be looking for you."

"So you're concerned that you and your friends haven't done your job then? Because if you've done your job then it shouldn't matter that he's looking."

"I feel that we've done everything we can to keep your identity and location a secret but particularly until the trial love we need to be diligent about keeping you protected. That is what I'm here for." The words smarted, a stark reminder that if it weren't for the legal issues that were constantly playing in the background of her life he wouldn't be there. "Don't you ever get tired of me Killian? Don't you ever just wish that you could get a minute to yourself?" Something flashed in his eyes and she took in his jaw clenching before he turned back to the deck. "I'll be back in a moment lass. I just need one of those minutes to myself that you mentioned." She knew that she had hurt him, although she honestly wasn't sure how. It wasn't wrong to want time to yourself. A moment to think without someone else right there waiting for their turn in your head. She had always enjoyed her time alone and while she enjoyed spending time with Killian she couldn't say that she didn't miss the occasional solitude. Still her eyes followed him to the deck and she couldn't help but feel bad. However she felt it didn't mean that hurting him was okay. After a few minutes, giving him the time that he had requested, she followed him onto the deck and stood looking at his back. His shoulders were slumped over and even though she couldn't see his face she could only imagine the weariness that was written on it. She had seen it a lot in recent weeks, between the moments that were amazing between them. When she reached him she ran her hand down his arm, stopping when she linked their fingers together. "Talk to me Killian."

"What do you want me to say Emma?"

"I want you to tell me what I said wrong. For one thing anyways. I can't read your mind. If I hurt you, tell me. Don't just shut me out."

"Someone telling me that they essentially get tired of me is hurtful."

"That's not what I meant. If you would have just, I don't know, talked to me about it you wouldn't have had to come out here sulking."

"I'm not sulking Emma. I just need to breathe. I figured you'd understand that."

"It was a trip to the store."

"Where do you think that Bobby was going when he was murdered? Do you think he thought he was doing something potentially life ending? What he was doing he thought it was routine and it was. Right up until the moment that it wasn't. My mom was in her own home, just living her life and then it ended. You can think it's the most mundane activity Emma until it isn't." She took her eyes off him, focusing instead on the vast expanse of the ocean. A sigh escaped her lips before she could stop it. "I can't live like that. It's not fair to ask me to live like that."

"I know. Honestly I know that but I'm terrified. You are the only person that I have left. When we came here it was just a job, in large part because I didn't have any ties. I was free to just leave my life and it wouldn't leave a chasm anywhere. There wasn't anyone really even anyone for me to miss. I mean David and Mary Margaret but not in such a way that I even gave leaving a second thought. It's different now though."

"How? How's it different?" The tone in her voice had softened, somehow knowing that he was letting her past the strong bravado that he normally held so tight to. He was always putting himself to the back burner for her. Taking her bad moods in stride and never once complaining when her insecurities got the best of her. He was always right there to reassure her. This was the first time that he'd even come close to getting upset with her. He'd pushed her in the past but this was the first time she'd ever really felt that he had been on the brink of angry with her. "Killian, how?" She bit her lip, looking him in the eyes. "This isn't just work Emma. You aren't just my job. Yes, I'm being paid for caring for looking after you but if they stopped paying me tomorrow I would stay. I would stay forever just to make sure you were okay but I need you to understand that you're all I have. I never connected to a family like you did with Ruby and Granny. I tried but when I lost my brother I was alone and it was a void that couldn't be filled. I can't lose you Emma. I lo...care about you to much." She heard him trip over the words and she knew which word he had stopped. A part of her was glad that he had stopped it but the other part of it was longing to hear that he loved her fall off the tip of his tongue. "So we're at a crossroads then. Because I can't stop being me. Our losses affected us differently and I need space sometimes. I need to have moments where I can decompress and I can't do that here all the time."

"I don't have to be by your side Emma. If you want to go do something I can stay behind you, or an aisle away."

"Oh that won't look suspicious. My husband trailing behind me like a stalker. How long? How long until the trial?"

"The local police will be coming after the new year to film your testimony. It'll be a satellite feed in a nondescript room with the prosecutor and the defense. Once your testimony has been taken I have no doubt that he'll be found guilty. Once that happens we can loosen up on your security."

"So a month maybe?"

"If we're lucky love."

"You know it's not because I get sick of you?" To emphasize her point she removed her hand from his and put her arms around his waist. "It's really not. You've lost and it makes you hold tight and I've lost and it's made independent and a little wary of always being around people. But you are my favorite person to be around." She smiled a little before he dipped his head down and claimed his lips with hers. The kiss intensified a bit before she stepped back, tilting her head back so that she could see into the bright blue of his eyes. "Did we just have our first fight?"

"I don't know that I would call it a fight but perhaps our first disagreement. I don't want to fight with you love. I have far more pleasurable ideas of what we could do with our time." A lascivious grin split across his face as a blush rose up on her cheeks. Despite living in the same house, and despite the fact that they had been "dating" they hadn't done more than kiss a little. They were strangers when they came into this house and there was no reason for them to rush things. There had been nights where things had gotten heated but one of them had always stopped. When the time was right it would happen for them and not a moment sooner. "So...Christmas tree decorating then?"

"Aye. Perhaps we could pop an additional bag of popcorn and watch a movie by the Christmas lights this evening?"

"I think that could probably be arranged. I'll go get the popcorn popping if you can get the tree standing up." Before he could speak she walked off to the kitchen leaving him to wrestle the tree. Within a couple minutes though she was back by his side helping him string the lights on the tree and periodically throwing a little bit of tinsel in his direction. They sat side by side on the couch stringing the popcorn onto his fishing wire and they were meticulous in their placement of the blue and silver bulbs that she had purchased the day before. Half an hour after they started he plugged in the lights and the room was covered in a golden light. "This is lovely Swan."

"Yeah, it is." He placed his arm around her waist and she leaned into him, taking in the work that they had done. "I've never had a real Christmas tree. In the foster homes that I was in they had the really cheap looking crappy Christmas trees. I'd go to Granny and Ruby's the last few years to help them decorate their tree but I didn't see any point in putting one up at my place. So this is the first time that I've ever really had a Christmas tree."

"And the first time I've had someone to share this with. Besides my family that is." She smiled and looked at him, her face glowing from the light of the tree. "Move Mrs. Jones?"

"You've never called me that before."

"Sometimes I try to forget that we're married. We're just starting out and it can feel like a lot of pressure for a new relationship. But tonight this feels like family. This feels like something that we can enjoy as a married couple."

"I agree. And yes, to the movie. How about you get Netflix pulled up and I'll go grab a blanket so we can cuddle up on the couch?"

"Sounds like a plan to me love." She went and grabbed a blanket off of her bed and slipped into her yoga pants and an over-sized gray sweater, piling her hair on her head. When she got to the living room he was already settled on the couch with a bowl of popcorn sitting on his lap. His head turned as she dimmed the lights before heading towards the couch to sit down. "So you wanted a cuddle Swan?"

"I think maybe I changed my mind. I mean the couch is big." He saw the teasing glint in her eyes and followed suit. "You're right love. I do like my room to stretch out. We can even keep the popcorn to keep distance between us."

"Are you seriously going to put popcorn between us?"

"Aye love. You're the one that decided you didn't want to cuddle with all this." He gestured to his body before dramatically placing the popcorn on the middle cushion, effectively blocking her access to him. Begrudgingly she took a seat at the other end of the couch and curled her legs up next to her as he began the movie. Her hand reached for the popcorn and she was surprised to find that his hand was already there. Her fingers brushed hers in the bowl, making sure to keep contact as long as possible. "Easy there Swan. The credits haven't even finished."

"So not worried about watching the credits." She grabbed a piece of popcorn from the bowl and threw it in his direction. It bounced off his nose and onto his lap. "Bad form Swan."

"Well you're way down there so what exactly are going to do about it?" He laughed before turning his attention back to the movie playing on the TV screen. He didn't miss the many pieces of popcorn thrown his way though or the way that at some point her hand moved across the back of the couch and found its way into his hair. Her fingers lightly stroked the back of his neck as he focused on the screen. "Swan, movie."

"Why so focused? Don't you want to pay attention to me?"

"Aye love. But I think, as you revoked my cuddling privileges, that you need to work a little bit harder to get back into my good graces." She leaned forward and kissed his cheek. "No, I don't think that will do it." She kissed his lips and as always he responded immediately. Still when she pulled away his response was the same. Moving from the end of the couch she set the popcorn on the table and positioned herself on her knees next to him. Leaning close she placed her hands on his side and looked him in the eye, lips just a breathe away from his. "How about now?" She heard him inhale and knew she had him. At that moment she began to tickle him. He jumped in surprised before his laughter rung through the house, filling the space. It was like a scene from a movie. The Christmas lights filled the room with a golden glow and they were in their pajamas watching a movie while goofing off like a couple of kids. "Oh you are going to pay for that Swan." He grabbed her and pulled her onto his lap, their laughter making them both breathless. In an instant the levity left the room and they were left with just the realization that she was on his lap. He leaned his head down and caught her lips with his. Her arms came around his neck and she pressed her body forward, arching into him. In moments his lips had fallen from hers and they were pressed against her neck. Their breathing was rapid and more than anything he just wanted to take her to his room and make their marriage real in every sense of the word. Still in the middle of the passion he knew that he didn't want to take that step with her while he was still getting paid for caring for her. Gently he placed his hands on her shoulders before taking her face in them. "Emma, Emma love. We need to stop."

"Why is that exactly? I care about you. You care about me. We're dating. We're married for God's sake."

"Because I'm getting paid for taking care of you. I don't want you to ever have a doubt that what I want is you. I don't ever want you to feel like I've taken advantage of the position I have."

"Killian we're going to be married for the rest of our lives and in the witness protection program that whole time as well. So unless you're suggesting that we're going to be abstinent forever I think you should rethink your position."

"I'm going to resign Emma. As soon as the trial is done I'm going to remove myself as your bodyguard." A rigidness took root in her back as she jumped from his lap, racing towards her bedroom. She didn't know when he had changed his mind and she didn't know why but she knew that for some reason he didn't want to be with her and she just had to get away.