Chapter Twenty Three- Uh… I have no title. Yeah, I'm THAT crap.
Last Time:
Kanda couldn't think of a single thing to say. Allen noticed his expression and smiled wryly. "Yeah, sucks to be me, doesn't it?" He rested his forehead on Kanda's shoulder, taking a deep breath. "If…if that…the worst should happen, I don't want to… him…the Noah to hurt anyone. Will you stop him for me?"
Kanda scowled. Not because he didn't understand Allen's question, but because he did. "I will" I'll kill the Noah if it comes to that, because if that ever happens, I'll have already lost you. "I promise."
0o0o0o0o0
Why the hell there wasn't a train station closer to the town Lavi didn't know. Whatever the reason, the only way to get back to the Order was a half a day hike over three hills, through two forests and across a river. It didn't help the situation that they were both preoccupied by thoughts of recent events.
It was obvious that Lenalee was worried about Allen. Even as she walked she was chewing her bottom lip and her forehead was creased in a frown.
Lavi, as usual, found himself playing comic relief to try and cheer the female exorcist up. He actually discovered that this also helped him to stop his own morbid thoughts from taking hold, and so played up his role more so than usual. After all, he couldn't seem too involved when they arrived back at Head Quarters where Bookman was waiting. It seemed Lenalee understood all of this, because she didn't try and reprimand him once for his exuberant and irreverent behaviour. Then again she could have just been ignoring him.
After a while even Lavi got bored of being noisy and fell back to watch Lenalee walk in front of him. How Komui could have such a sister-complex yet still allow her to walk around in that teeny tiny mini skirt was beyond him. But he appreciated it anyway.
0o0o0o0o0
One of the best things about Lanel, Jim decided, was that you could smack him as many times as you wanted without worrying about hurting him. In fact, you were more likely to cause damage to yourself than the Aviran. It made him the perfect training partner, and Lord knew that Jim needed something to occupy his mind after the shock it had just received. That explained why he was in a field just beyond the courtyard of the inn they were staying in, pounding the hell out of the other exorcist.
Lanel, for his part, seemed to sense that the man needed to vent his frustrations on something, and though the green-haired angel wasn't the one Jim truly wanted (but wouldn't dare) to knock about, he decided he'd be a good substitute.
The nineteen year old had forgone using his innocence by this point and was now engaging his taller opponent in hand-to-hand, something the Aviran was surprisingly good at. His movements were controlled and flowing, easily blocking Jim's anger fuelled attacks. Jim was more accustomed to using his mind as a weapon , and this sort of fighting felt strange to him, but the feel of flesh hitting flesh when he actually managed to land a hit on the tireless angel made him feel much better, and after an hour or so he conceded defeat and flopped back onto the grass.
"Thanks Lanel" Jim said, still sprawled on the grass, chest heaving as he tired to regain his wind. The angel sat primly beside him, all stuffy and straight lined, yet somehow still managing to look relaxed.
"I'm glad I could be of some help" Lanel replied, leaning back on his hands a little, though his legs were still sticking out in front of him in two long neat lines. "Though perhaps telling Allen Walker what is on your mind would-"
"No offence Lanel, but I think if I told Allen what I was thinking now, he'd hurt me. A lot" Jim replied with a chuckle. "I can't believe he tried to do this alone. He's always pulling some sort of stunt like this. Idiot" he grumbled half heartedly.
0o0o0o0o0
Lavi folded his arms across his chest, a frown fixed firmly on his face as he stared out of the train window at the flashing scenery.
"Lavi? Is something wrong?" Lenalee asked hesitantly, smoothing her skirt with her hands as she crossed her legs in a lady-like manner.
He was able to pull his eye away from the window and give her a rather weak smile. "Nah, I'm fine. I was just wondering what we're going to tell Komui when we get back."
Lenalee smiled reassuringly. "Don't worry, leave handling my brother to me. You don't have to worry about how he'll react- it's those from Central Administration who will be the ones to cause trouble."
Lavi nodded. It felt better to get all his worries and frustrations aired here and now rather than back at the Order where he was still expected to maintain his mask of apathy. "I just hope Komui and Gramps will be able to help Allen." He frowned again. "If not, maybe Allen can use his powers to… convince… the grand generals."
Lenalee looked shocked at the very suggestion. "Lavi! You know Allen would rather die than use his powers to manipulate people like that, even if those people were against him!"
Lavi's face was grim. "I'm afraid that it might well come to that. Nobody is going to take this situation lightly. Either it is kept private, or Allen is taken prisoner."
"But-" Lenalee struggled to put her thoughts into words "this is Allen we're talking about!"
"That makes it worse in some ways" Lavi said frankly. "It's no secret that everyone thinks Allen is the best hope we have of winning this war. If the fact that he's a Noah gets out, the morale of everyone on the Order will plummet. Remember what it was like when he left? No one was the same, and that was just because he ran away." He sighed unhappily, thinking back to the time four years ago when Allen had up and left Headquarters to travel the world and seek out new accommodators. Though that in itself was not unusual, Allen was a general after all, his abrupt departure and the sombre mood of the friends he had left behind had seemed to affect the whole Order.
When, if, he corrected himself, word spread that their hero was also their enemy… with another heartfelt sigh he realised that if those in charge didn't kill Allen, then the other members of the Order turning their backs on him would probably finish him off anyway. He might have been stronger now than his overly emotional fifteen year old self had ever been, but it wouldn't take much to destroy that strength, especially if those he worked so hard to protect abandoned him.
Lenalee seemed to be thinking along similar lines, her face distressed, and Lavi suddenly realised that maybe he'd said too much. "Ah, don't listen to me!" he said with a wide grin, his earlier seriousness dissolving and his usual carefree attitude reasserting itself. "You're right, your brother will sort everything out, there's really nothing to worry about."
0o0o0o0o0
Allen sighed and leaned against the window, perhaps a little harder than he planned if the dull thunk and flinch of surprise was anything to go by. He had been watching Jim try and beat the living shit out of Lanel for a while, but it seemed the youth had tired of his lack of success and had collapsed back on the grass outside, Lanel sitting next to him, all straight and rigid like some kind of garden ornament. The thought of Lanel with a pointy hat and a fishing rod amused him for some minutes, before the thoughts that had been plaguing him incessantly came back to worry at his mind some more.
The dark sniggered in the back of his mind. Trying to bash your head in won't help you now.
Allen scowled at his reflection, though he wasn't really seeing the face staring back at him with golden-hued blank grey eyes. He ignored the voice that rumbled across his brain, choosing instead to concentrate on clenching his left hand into a fist and relaxing it. It had only been a day or so, but he could already feel the difference that not drinking Danny's water was having on his body. The muscles in his shoulders were stiff and uncooperative this morning and he suddenly felt thirty years older than his twenty-three years.
Having innocence sucks, doesn't it? the voicecackled in amusement at the turn Allen's thoughts had taken. I can make it all go away if you just let me-
No, thank you Allen growled back angry that he'd let the dark needle him into responding. I can manage quite well without you.
Allen dear, you'd be dead without me
Allen didn't have an answer to that, it was true after all. Not that he'd ever admit to that. Why are you doing this? What's in it for you?
Hmmm… it seemed to be seriously considering the question. What's in for me? You mean aside from freedom? A body of my own to control? I just want to have some fun.
Fun? You think this is about fun?! We're in the middle if a war here for Christ's sake!
I don't care about that! the voice informed him scornfully. The only reason that I want you to come out of it alive is because if you don't I won't have a body anymore.
You don't have one now. This is my body and it's staying that way.
We'll just see about that, won't we Allen-chan. Just don't let the Earl kill you just yet.
Allen laughed out loud, a manic, sardonic sound. "That's something we can agree on at least."
"Who're you talking to?"
Allen jumped, startled by Kanda's sudden appearance. Though, judging by the look on said man's face, it had not been sudden at all, and he'd actually been there a while watching Allen as he conversed with the other side of his personality.
"I… uh…" Allen fumbled for something to say that didn't sound like he was being defensive, but as usual with Kanda, he didn't actually need to say anything at all.
"Moyashi…" Kanda sighed, taking a seat on the window sill next to Allen, who shuffled over to make more room for him. Kanda made a couple of false starts before he finally spoke again. "Are you ok?"
Allen looked at him blankly, with a few long slow blinks as he stared at Kanda in something like disbelief.
The older man sighed. "Alright, I know you're not really ok. How are you doing?"
"As well as can be expected under the circumstances" Allen told him with a small smile and a small shake of his head. "Wonder how Lavi and Lenalee are doing…" he mumbled thoughtfully, attempting to steer the conversation away from himself.
"They are doing fine, they won't be anywhere near the Order yet. Don't change the subject Moyashi."
"BaKanda" Allen returned, though the word held no malice. He sighed again, something he seemed to be doing more and more lately. "It's hard to stay positive I guess. There's no point trying to pretend that this is all going to end well." He fingered a black lock of hair absently.
Kanda watched him silently for a moment or too before reaching out and removing Allen's fingers from his hair and replacing them with his own, frowning at the strange varying textures beneath them, the coarse black strands a direct contrast to the still soft white ones. "Everything will work out" he said with his own brand of awkward reassurance, tugging on the hair beneath his fingers roughly until Allen raised his eyes to the other man's face. What he saw there didn't reassure him- they were still clouded with worry and a little doubt. "Worrying won't help anyone" he said harshly, yanking on the hair still gripped in his clenched fingers and was rewarded by a flash of anger across the deathly pale face, but it was gone almost as soon as it had appeared.
"Don't… please, don't try and make me angry" Allen said, looking extremely apologetic as his eyes flickered away. "It makes it easier…" he flinched a little and took a deep breath "it… he… uses my emotions to get in close…"
Kanda watched him inscrutably, his face calmly blank as he stared at the face opposite him. "I… see."
Allen's eyes flashed up to meet the far-too understanding dark eyes still watching him intently "Oh God Yuu, not like that! I could never let him use my feelings for you like that! Never! I'd die first!"
"There you go again, wishing for death" Kanda said, sounding faintly amused. "Something's never change."
Allen smiled, though it was tinged with a deep sadness and blew upwards, lifting a stray lock of black hair from his eyes. "But something's do."
"You're going to do something stupid again." It was a firm and knowledgeable statement, not a question.
"You know me too well" the grin was pure Allen, and Kanda for one was glad to see it- it had been a rare occurrence for the other man to smile as he had used to in times gone by. Suddenly, Allen was all business, the look that Komui referred to as his 'Kanda-face' had settled over his features. "I really don't know what to say… there are so many things that can go wrong, even in every day life…" He gave Kanda a sideling look and a smug smirk. "It's a good job I'm not like you, or we'd be totally screwed."
"Tch."
"The problem is I don't think I'll be able to go on any more missions. Again" he rolled his eyes.
"I understand why you would say that, but why is that a problem?"
"Who sent us out in the first place? There's no way I can just arrive back at the Order without some explanation."
"Ah" Kanda said eloquently. "Do you want me to maim you?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, not entirely joking.
"Yuu!" Allen exclaimed with a laugh. Then he sobered up, and Kanda was worried that Allen was actually going to say yes, but then the younger man said "I'm afraid I don't know what would happen if you tried that."
Kanda blew out a breath through his nose sharply, the only sign that he was at a loss. "Everything will work out" he said again, putting an arm across the other man's shoulders.
"I hope so."
0o0o0o0o0
The next couple of weeks passed in much the same way. Jim and Lanel trained, and Allen avoided them as much as he could, worried that one wrong word from the New Zealander or any one of the numerous annoying habits of the Aviran would drive him to do something he would regret. He only tolerated Kanda's presence because he trusted that the Japanese man would do all that was necessary to put an end to the Noah's reign of terror that would surely follow Allen losing his tight rein on his emotions.
Lavi and Lenalee caught a boat across the Mediterranean and caught a train from Italy across Europe before traversing the channel and heading back to the Order.
When they finally arrived back at Headquarters, they headed straight up to Bookman's room, pausing and looking at each other briefly. They had discussed and argued, debated and planned all the way home on how to broach the subject when they did arrived back, and had decided that seeking advice from the one person within the Order that already knew something of what was happening to Allen would be the best cause of action before they even attempted trying to explain the situation to the supervisor.
Lenalee took a deep breath as Lavi raised his fist and knocked, almost politely, on the old man's door. A gruff "enter" answered the knock and Lavi laid his hand on the door handle, preparing to enter. "Ready for this?" he asked the woman at his side.
"As I'll ever be. Let's get this over with" she replied, and Lavi pushed the door open firmly.
0o0o0o0o0
Oooh… I'm sorry for leaving it there, I know this chapter was pretty poo, but I've been totally over my head with uni work this week and I nearly didn't get anything done at all. In fact, this was finished last night. I'd say that I will update early to make up for it, but I honestly don't think that I'll have time since I have two 2000 word essays to write by Monday. And I haven't stared yet. Not even the research. Shiiiiit…
Thanks to everyone who reviewed and those who wished me better. The sniffles have gone but the cough remains and keeps me awake… which is for you is good news since I have nothing better to do at 3am!
Fallendemise21- And I thank you for the review and flowers… not so much the bones though! *wonders what to do with them*
Babo123- It is cute, even if it does verge on assisted suicide. And I think Allen is entitled to whine a little since he gets shit on as much as he does!
Knux33- Rather sadistic too, aren't you? But fishing won't get me to drop any hints about the upcoming chapters!
- Lol, well I do like a bit of Allen torture. I do have to confess that I shamelessly padded chapters with flashbacks from ATW. I'm a bad, BAD author! And no, no lemons… yet *grins*
Ghost of the Crescent Moon- Its not quantity, its quality- but I'm glad you've reviewed now!
MiniBloodyMurder- A cure? Lol, that would be too easy! Thanks for reviewing!
Please review! I know these chapters are pretty boring, but its necessary for me to get to the good parts. This fic is almost finished, and its always darkest before the dawn!