He was getting angry again. He hadn't seen her since that morning but he had felt her keenly through their bond.
Where are you?
He asked through the bond.
I'm having a meeting with your mother. Where are you?
They gave me a private room. I don't like it. When are you coming back?
Later, there's one more thing I have to do after this.
She could feel him getting frustrated, but she tried to send a sense of calm towards him through the bond. She could sense it helped him a little.
He was beginning to pace his room like a caged animal. He had already walked around the base several times. He had futilely tried to meditate, but the entire base made him uncomfortable. The feeling of being alienated and secluded was a painful throwback to his younger days as Ben Solo.
What are you doing now?
I'm seeing the doctor.
What? Why?
Mind your own business!
She snapped, and affirmed to herself that she had certainly made the right choice not to reveal to him that they could talk so freely over the bond before now. He'd of driven her nuts, he was already driving her nuts!
He was on the verge of having a violent outburst and tearing his room apart when he heard a knock at the door. He stormed over to the door and threw it open, fully prepared to unleash fury on whoever dared to disturb him, when he was forced to stop short and look into the eyes of his mother.
He had no words, and he felt foolish just standing there staring at her. He had not been prepared for this.
She seemed to sense his shock and dismay and wasted no time, welcoming herself in and closing the door behind her. She wasn't the least afraid of him, even after all that he had done.
"You're even taller than the last time I saw you," she commented and looked unabashed at the face of her son who had changed so much since he was the young boy she had last known. He was a man now, scarred, stern, but his eyes were still the same as they always had been, sensitive and lonely.
"Rey is leaving in a few days," she said.
"What?" he nearly shouted and she could sense panic in her son.
"Oh, don't worry. You're going with her. She needs to show you how to be Grey, but she's also taken a new mission, so between that, and you, she'll certainly have her hands full. She's a good woman, I like her…no, I love her. I love her a lot. There's a lot in her that reminds me of you."
"Mother…" he tried to start.
"I'm sorry, Ben," she interrupted. "I didn't know what Snoke had been doing to you. I should have known. A mother should sense when her child is in danger. I should have protected you, and I failed you."
He felt something in his heart shatter as he watched the tears roll down her face. For most of his life growing up he had been deceived into believing that his mother didn't love him, that he had only been a burden in her way, and that she had sent him away to finally be rid of him, but now, free of Snoke's deceptions, he could see her intentions. He could feel her reaching out for him over a parental bond he had long thought severed.
"Mother!" he cried as he grabbed her and nearly crushed her in his embrace. She clutched her hands into the fabric of his tunic and buried her face in his chest and sobbed for all her loss and grief, and he could feel all of her pain and sadness tear into the very soul of him. He had wounded her so terribly, and the great crushing weight of all his guilt brought tears to his eyes.
"Why does everyone keep apologizing to me? I made my choices," he tried to argue.
He felt his mother shake her head in disagreement. She pulled back to look up at her son. "When someone else controls all that you see and feel, then the choices you make aren't based on what's true. You didn't know the truth. Ben, your father and I loved you. He loved you right up to the end."
She could feel him shake with grief at the mention of his father. "Mother…I murdered him. He came for me. All those years growing up, I only wanted someone to reach out for me, and when he did, I betrayed him. I can't live…with what I have done!" he sobbed.
"Your father knew what he was up against. It was Snoke's hand, not yours, and he knew that. I felt him through the force. He loved you. He wanted you to come home. And I wanted you to come home. Rey has brought you back to me. She said it was important to forget the past, and focus on the present, and I believe she is right. No matter who you have been, or what you have done, here and now, you are my son, you are home, nothing else matters."
Rey was surprised when she didn't see Ben after leaving the medical ward, but when she searched over their bond she felt his sadness, his guilt, and…love? She wiped away a tear that escaped the corner of her eye. She knew he would need time alone to be with his mother.
She sat in her private room; wearing only a long tunic for sleepwear, her hair, freshly washed, was wound up in a large sloppy bun at the back of her head and held in place with only a few pins. She had pushed a chair next to her open window and turned on a low lamp and was mending her torn vest. She was really going to have to put a stop to letting him ruin all her clothes.
Eventually she heard a soft knock at her door, and she could sense that it was him.
"Come in," she called.
When Ben walked in, he looked as if he had just seen a ghost. His eyes were red and slightly puffy, and she could tell that he had shared tears with his mother.
She could sense that broaching the issue of his recent encounter would be a little too much for him so soon, so she decided to talk about other things. "Why don't you like your room?" she asked.
"Because you're not in it," he said as he sat on her bed, and she sensed him beginning to feel a little more calm and collected.
Feasting his eyes upon her, as she sat with her bare legs and feet crossed under her in her rickety chair, her hands deftly pulling a needle and thread through the popped seam of her vest, her hair slowly coming lose from her bun, he couldn't deny the ache he felt in his heart when he looked at her. There was just something about being with her that gave him peace.
"I'd prefer to stay with you," he confessed, and she could feel his desire for her begin to swell over the bond.
She could feel her cheeks growing red again. What was even going on between them? Were they a couple? She remembered when Finn had clasped Poe's hand and made their announcement to her the day she had returned from Ahch-to. The thought of making a formal connection with someone so quickly was a little unsettling for a scavenger girl who had spent most of her life being alone. On the other hand, she couldn't deny that she liked him. He made her feel wonderful, wanted, and the pleasure she found in his arms was indescribable. Just remembering the way he could make her feel caused her to have to calm her now speeding heart, and the embarrassing warmth between her legs. She hoped he hadn't felt that through the bond, but she could tell by the smoldering look he gave her, that he had.
"Well…I suppose…if you want to," she stammered.
"I got an implant today," she added.
"A what?"
And just when she thought she had beat back the blush, she could feel it flair up again. "Ya know, it's to…it's in case of…it…it prevents…" she stumbled, not wanting to blurt out 'I'm trying to avoid getting knocked up' as hard as possible. Thankfully she watched as the realization dawned across his face.
It hadn't really occurred to him. Thus far, they had been rather carefree and careless. He knew he certainly wasn't ready for any complications of that nature, and he was immediately thankful that she had more presence of mind than he had. He had found her embarrassment endearing and arousing, but now even he could feel his ears getting hot and red. He had been worried when she had told him she was seeing a doctor, and he was relieved it was only for precautionary measures. "That's a good idea," he concurred.
"I've taken another mission," she blurted, desperate to get away from the previous uncomfortable subject.
"So my mother told me. She also said I was to go with you…I don't recall joining the resistance."
"You're not!" she defended. "It's only my mission. You're just coming so I can work with you on Grey training. It'll take three days of hyperspace travel to reach Cloud City on Bespin, and I don't know how long I'm going to have to be there, unless you'd prefer me to leave you here alone until I come back?"
"No!" he blurted.
She smiled. His reluctance to be separated from her was a little hard for her to get used to, but she couldn't help but feel wanted, and it was nice.
"I won't have to leave for a few days yet. The general is still making arrangements for my arrival. Tomorrow will you let me teach you some of the Grey ways?"
"And to think, I once offered to be your teacher," he reminisced with a smirk.
"I'm sure there are some things you can still teach me," she said with a playful glint in her eye.
A note from your humble author: Sorry guys. I could only do a short chapter today. I'm still unpacking my house and I'm still up to my ass in boxes. It's a real drain on my writing time, but next chapter will have another lemon, and we're going to begin on Rey's training Ben in the Grey way, which should be fun, and after that – adventures in Cloud City – whaaaaaat?
Thank you to all my new reviewers and for everyone who is reading along and enjoying the story so far. I love love love feedback, and I hope you guys will keep telling me what you think of the story!