Author's Note: Happy St. Patrick's Day, everyone! :)

Chapter 7-Big Ugly Creatures

"Defend yourself." Karra heard Fili's voice in her ear as he shoved something into her hand. She clenched her hand around the hilt of the dagger.

"But I don't know how to-" she began, but was interrupted by Fili clapping a hand over her mouth and hissing in her ear, "Get down!"

They crouched down in the bushes. Karra stared at the dagger. What the heck was she supposed to do with the thing? "Fili…" she began, but was interrupted by what sounded like a loud sneeze. She looked up to see three of the ugliest things she had ever seen in her life. And they had Bilbo.

"Are those trolls?" she exclaimed. "Wow….I didn't know anything could be so ugly!"

"Be quiet!" Fili hissed. "We don't want them to hear us!"

"Oh. Right," she whispered. "Umm….sorry." They were now all crouched in the bushes, apparently waiting for the right moment. Well, come on! Karra wanted to say. Do something! They're going to hurt Bilbo!

"Hold 'is toes over the fire," one of the ugly things growled. "Make him squeal."

Apparently that was the right moment, or Kili seemed to think so. Suddenly he rushed out of the bushes and stabbed the troll in the leg. The thing let out a howl and fell over. "Drop him," Kili said savagely. The troll seemed confused and blubbered something unintelligible.

"I said, drop him," Kili said again, this time even more savagely. The troll hurled Bilbo roughly in Kili's direction, and suddenly, before Karra knew what was happening, everyone was rushing out of the bushes, weapons at the ready. She awkwardly and nervously raised her dagger as she was swept along in the rush of dwarves.

Suddenly they were attacking the huge things. She desperately hacked at anything that came near her, hoping it wasn't a dwarf. One moment she was slashing at a troll's leg, and the next she had to whirl around and slash at another to keep from getting stepped on. She really had no idea what she was doing with the dagger Fili had given her, and felt terribly clumsy, but she didn't really have time to think. She was just trying to survive, not get stepped on, and not kill someone else. She slashed one way and then another. The trolls were impossible to cut with their think skin, but apparently they were easily hurt. Just a poke, though it took a hard one, and they would fall over howling. She began roughly stabbing one troll in the foot repeatedly.

Stab. Stab. Stab. The thing howled harder each time. She drew back her dagger for another stab, cursing her thick hair as it flew in her face. At least she could have had the sense to pull it back! Letting her guard down for one moment, she pushed it behind her shoulder.

Only one moment, but it was a fatal mistake. As she desperately brushed her hair out of her face, she didn't notice a troll behind her. She suddenly let out a shriek as it grabbed her by the arm and lifted her up. It felt like her arm was going to come off.

"Well, what 'ave we 'ere?" said the ugly thing, dangling her in front of its face. "This one doesn't look the others, does it Bert?"

"It doesn't," the other thing agreed. "And what would you be?" it asked her.

"I'm….I'm a dwarf!" she faltered. What a silly thing to say! She wasn't a dwarf.

"You don't look like a dwarf," said the troll with its hideous cockney accent. "You're lyin', that's what you're doin'! It's a liar!" it cried to the others.

"No…." taunted the other troll. "It's not a liar. You know what I think? I think it's a….lady."

"A lady!" exclaimed the one holding her. It dropped her and grabbed her, hard, around the waist with its other hand. "Well, ain't that a new one! I ain't never seen a lady dwarf before!"

"What do'ye' think?" asked the other one, Bert, staring at her. "Do'ye' think ladies are tasty?"

"I reckon so," said the one holding her. "Think we should eat her first?"

Karra gulped. Eat her?

"Nah, save 'er for last." The one holding her squeezed her hard. "Dessert, you know. She seems nice an' soft."

"Oh….thanks for the complement!" Karra cried. It seemed she still had enough in her to be sarcastic.

"Looks like we got ourselves a sassy…." the troll began, only to be apparently interrupted by something, for he let out a great howl and fell backward, dropping Karra roughly to the ground. She looked up to see Fili standing with his dagger at the ready. It suddenly dawned on her that he had just saved her by stabbing the troll in the foot.

"Thanks!" she gasped.

"Anytime," he said, helping her to her feet. Suddenly, with the battle raging all around her, she realized that he had put his arm around her waist as he helped her up.

"Thanks," she muttered again. "…..you saved me….."

"Look out!" Fili shouted, suddenly shoving her out of the way. A split second later, a troll foot slammed down right where she had been standing.

Karra gasped and jabbed the troll in the leg, and was rewarded by a howl. She stabbed it in the foot again, and the thing howled again. Her satisfaction at actually being somewhat successful was ruined by a troll trying to pick her up again. She randomly shoved her sword upwards, and apparently hit something, for he began to jump around holding his hand in pain. Karra had to jump out of the way to keep from getting smashed. She tripped over a rock and fell flat on her back with a cry of pain. As she began to pick herself up, she suddenly realized that everything was quiet.

She slowly stood up and looked around. The dwarves were all looking up, and all at the same place. She followed their gaze and caught her breath. The trolls were holding Bilbo by his arms and legs, apparently attempting to stretch him out. "Bilbo!" someone cried.

"Lay down your arms, or we'll rip his off," said one of the trolls, obviously pleased with its cleverness with words.

There was a moment of tense silence. Karra looked back and forth between the trolls, Bilbo, and the dwarves. Kili stared defiantly at the trolls, as if willing them to try to take his weapon. Thorin held his sword tightly, and he almost seemed hesitant. Karra gripped the hilt of her dagger. Were they seriously considering letting Bilbo be killed?

Finally, Thorin, staring hard at Bilbo, shoved his sword into the ground. The others followed suit, dropping their weapons into a pile. Karra dropped her dagger with a clang onto the top of the pile. The last thing she remembered before being grabbed by a troll was Fili's gentle touch and look that said, it'll be okay. It really will.

Being tied up in a bag wasn't too comfortable. It was especially uncomfortable after being tossed around and being roughly patted over by three large, clumsy trolls. And that, of course, was exactly what had happened to Karra. The trolls had tossed her around, squeezed her, pulled her hair, and basically contrived to make every muscle in her body as sore as possible before shoving her in a bag and tying it rather too tightly around her neck. The entire situation was made more uncomfortable by the fact that the three trolls were now calmly, or not so calmly, discussing how to eat them. And the fact that she had to watch five dwarves roast slowly over the fire. That wasn't pleasant, to say the least. They were to be sautéed with a sprinkle of sage, or they were to be sat on and squashed into jelly, or any of the many other options the trolls endlessly argued over.

"Oh, get a move on," growled one of them. "We ain't got all night. Dawn ain't far away, and I don't fancy being turned to stone."

Karra's eyes popped open and she stared at the troll. Turned to stone? What if…?

Apparently Bilbo had the same idea, or nearly the same idea. "Wait!" he cried, managing to hop to his feet, the sack still tied around him. "You're making…a terrible mistake!"

"Don't try to reason with these halfwits!" Dori shouted, and Karra could have kicked him.

"I mean…" Bilbo opened his mouth to speak, then closed it. "I mean…with the…with the seasoning!"

"The seasoning, eh?" growled one of the monsters.

Bilbo waved a hand over the pile of dwarves behind him. "Have you smelt them?" he blurted out. "You're going to need a lot more than a sprinkle of sage before you plate this lot up!"

"Excuse me?" Karra exclaimed. "We don't smell that bad!" There were grumbles of mostly the same kind from the dwarves around her, and Bilbo closed his eyes and grimaced, a look on his face that clearly said stupid dwarves. Karra shut her mouth quickly.

"So you're an expert in cooking dwarf, are ya?" said another troll sarcastically. "Well, go ahead, little expert. Tell us your secret."

"The secret…uh…" Bilbo rocked back and forth in his sack, his face twisted in a desperate attempt to think. "The secret is…" He took another hop forward. "I…"

Karra bit her lip to keep from crying out with anxiety. Come on, do something! They're going to hurt you!

"Well? Out with it," the troll said impatiently.

"Uh…"

"Tell us the secret," another growled.

"Y…yes, I'm telling you! The secret is…" Bilbo glanced at the sky, gauging the time before dawn. "I'm telling you!" Karra clenched her fist so hard it hurt. A tiny bit of light seemed to have crept into the sky in these last few minutes. If Bilbo could keep them going for just a little bit longer…

She was about to jump to her feet to help him when he blurted out, "The secret to cooking dwarf is to…skin them first!"

"You…You little hobbit, you!" Karra said with a gasp. "How could you!" Now he had done it! What a stupid mistake! In the light of being skinned, she didn't really care how awkward the situation was for the poor hobbit. This was a mistake he couldn't reverse! "You dumb hobbit!" she blurted out, and immediately regretted as she saw the pained look on his face.

Shouts and curses erupted from the other dwarves. Some tried to raise their fists from inside their bags. A troll called for his knife, and the words rose over the shouts of the dwarves.

"I say we start with this one," said another, reaching for Karra. "I'll bet you ladies are tasty!"

"I told you to save her for last!" exclaimed another. "Mebby she's sweet!"

Karra heard a voice in her ear hissing "Move back". She crawled backwards readily, and felt someone pushing her underneath him. Ouch. She saw a strand of blond hair and realized a moment later that Fili was attempting to hide her. Thanks…she wanted to whisper in his ear, but she felt she shouldn't call attention to herself and reverse his attempt entirely. What was this, like, the third time he had saved her today? Must remember to thank him for this…

"Aw, this is a load o'rubbish!" exclaimed one of the trolls. "I've eaten plenty skins and all. I say we scruff 'em and lose the little expert!" There was a pause, and then he cried, "Well, where'd she go?"

"I told ya to save her for last!" Karra heard, muffled from the pile of dwarves on top of her, a bang, as if the troll had slammed another on the head. "And besides, I want 'er!"

"Go on fightin'," said the third troll, and Karra felt the weight of the pile shift significantly. "I'll take a bit o' raw dwarf over this stupid argument any day. I'll start with this one," he said. "You can 'ave the lady if ya want."

"Not that one!" Bilbo piped up. "He's…infected!"

There was a pause. "What?" the troll blubbered.

"Worms…he's got worms!" Bilbo exclaimed. The weight of the pile shifted again, and Karra's breath was knocked from her lungs. She let out a little squeal. If she didn't get eaten by a troll, she's suffocate! That had to have been Bombur.

"In fact, they've all got them," she heard Bilbo saying, even more muffled through the two dwarves that were now piled on top of her. "It's a terrible business, it really is. I wouldn't risk it. I really wouldn't."

Worms? Couldn't he have picked something else? Karra grimaced, but recognized how clever Bilbo had been. Apparently, though, the other dwarves didn't, for shouts filled the air once again.

"We don't have parasites!"

"Did he say parasites?"

Karra let out a squeal of anger. Was everyone dumb? She shoved her elbow, hard, into the dwarf beside her, as best she could, tied up in a bag with two dwarves on top of her.

"What?" Oin exclaimed, and then he seemed to realize, at the same time as everyone else. Karra started it, and soon the air was filled with exclamations of how large their parasites were.

"I've got parasites bigger than my arm!"

"I'm beginning to think of them as my friends, they're so big!"

"Mine are the biggest! I've got huge ones!"

"I've got the biggest, really. In fact, my doctor said it was hopeless, and I'd have to live with them for the rest of my life. So yeah, mine are gross."

"We're absolutely riddled!"

"Riddled, badly!"

"I talk to them sometimes."

"Would ya' have us let 'em all go then?" a troll shouted, and the dwarves fell silent.

"Well…" Karra could almost see the flustered look on Bilbo's face.

"You think we don't know what you're up to?" the troll growled. Yes, as a matter of face, we did think that because you're DUMB! "The little expert thinks we're fools!" That's because you are. There was a roar of anger, and Karra heard the stomping footsteps of a troll approaching the pile once again.

There was a shout, and a flash of light filtered down through the pile and hit Karra in the eyes.

"What was that?" she tried to ask, but was rather smothered by the dwarves on top of her. "What…?" Wait a minute, Gandalf? What was going on?

"Can we eat 'im too?" one of the trolls said dumbly. Suddenly there was a great cracking sound, and the trolls let out howls of agony. Karra desperately tried to worm her way to the top to see what was happened, but then, suddenly, everything was quiet.

"Can someone please get me out from under here?" Karra squeaked.

Microsoft Word kept correcting the trolls' grammar, lol. One does not simply try to make trolls have good grammar. :D

And….yeah, this was a very challenging chapter to write. Remember what I was saying about writing scenes from the movie? Well, double that, no, triple that, for action sequences from the movie. I have to watch the scene again (again, not that I have any abjection to that, lol!), figure out where Karra would be in them, basically choreograph what she's doing, and then on top of that, it has to be interesting. Well, I hope it was interesting.