Chapter Five

Nudge and I walked back to my house at morning recess that same day. Nudge had insisted on coming home with me. She had said there was no way she was going to let me walk home alone when I was so upset. She even carried my bag home. That's the way Nudge has always been. She was the supporter and the peace maker. She proved to me that day that the six of us look after each other. No matter what.

The lonely feeling I had felt for so long began to fill that day. Of course there were other times later on in my life that I felt alone. But the kind of alone you can feel when you're surrounded by people. I never felt like I didn't have people I could talk to. People that no matter what I said or felt, would always be my friends.

Dad had not said anything when Nudge and I got home during the day. He had been sitting on the couch watching TV. The remote held loosely in his hand. He did not look up when we had walked past. I wasn't sure it he was really watching the TV or if his mind was in another place, the later most probably.

The day I lost mum, I lost my dad as well. I'd see him every day of course, but it wasn't the same anymore. Eventually as time went on he moved forward. He got on with his life. His way of coping was to 'forget it ever happened.' He didn't talk about mum. He got rid of anything that reminded him of her. It was as if she never existed. We sold mum's business to a lady who had worked for her. We never talked about our loss. Life just moved on. There were times I would remember something about her in a dream and wonder if it had been real. Dad's way was the worst way of coping for me. But I went along with it. I hadn't known what else to do. I was only thirteen after all.

Age Thirteen (same day)

We all just fit in the cubby. With a lot of maneuvering. We had to take the little toy kitchen we had in here out. As well as the little table and chairs.

We are now lying side by side on the ground, our arms and legs touching. From left to right, Fang, Me, Nudge, Angel, Iggy then Gazzy. Four pillows between the six of us are all that fits, with the same amount of blankets spread over our bodies as snug as we could arrange them.

"We don't really fit." I say with a laugh. I move around to get comfortable.

"Sure we do." Nudge insists. She tries moving and manages to hit me in the ribs with her elbow. I hiss in pain, pushing her arm away.

"Sorry." She says sheepishly.

"This feels like the time our tents flooded while we were camping and we slept in Mark's little beat up car." Angel giggles. The memory makes me smile.

"Oh yeah!" Gazzy laughs. "I'd like to do that again."

"We were smaller then though." Angel tells him.

"Yes. We wouldn't fit now." I agree. I turn to face Nudge. She gives me a warning look. Does she know what I'm thinking? I smile at her. "Wasn't that the time someone let off an unfortunate smell that almost killed us all?"

Nudge turns red. "Heey!" She whines. "We promised we would never talk of that again! And anyway, it was Gazzy!" We all laugh.

Gazzy scoffs. "Don't you try that!"

"That was the first and only time that it wasn't actually The Gas Man." Fang says grinning at his cousin. Nudge reaches over me to give him a shove. He just laughs.

"We came back together at the perfect time. Didn't we!" Angel declares. "Now we can all go camping in the summer holidays like normal. I was so upset! I thought we were going to never go camping together again."

"Me too." Gazzy says lifting his head to look over at the rest of us.

He had complained about having to sleep on the end closest to the door. But it was a health and safety precaution. In case he gets gassy. Which would be incredibly unpleasant for the rest of us. History had proved this precaution necessary.

"We will definitely be going! Don't you worry!" I tell the twins. "The only thing is… I'm not sure if my Dad will want to come, you know, after everything. I think the last thing on his mind at the moment is camping. I could ask him-" Nudge interrupts me before I can finish my sentence.

"NO! That's okay Max. We totally understand." She reassures me. "Maybe Uncle Mark can take us by himself? Nudge looks over at Fang as she talks. He nods his head.

"Or maybe we can go by ourselves." Iggy suggests hopefully.

"I doubt it! You guys know my mum!" Nudge sighs. And we do know what her mum Melanie is like. She is an incredibly nice lady. A lot like Nudge in that sense. But she is also very strict. She likes order. And she sometimes smothers Nudge. But you can't blame a mother for loving her daughter too much. Wanting to protect her.

"I'll ask my dad tomorrow morning." Fang says giving Nudge a sympathetic smile.

"I'm so excited." Nudge beams doing a sort of dance from her spot next to me. She hits Angel and I as she throws her arms around. Angel hits her with the pillow that she pulls out from under her and Nudge's heads. Nudge squeals, moving around more. "My happiness can't be contained! Can't be contained! Don't try to stop my dance!" Angel tries holding her down under the pillow. The two of them are laughing loudly.

"You know I dreamed about camping the other night." Iggy says after they settle down.

"Oh yeah?" Fang chuckles. "You and your dreams."

Iggy is notorious for his crazy dreams. They sometimes end up with Nudge angry at him. His dreaming of her being fat or dreaming of her as a piece of bacon. You know, normal stuff. He's stopped telling her when he dreams of her. I wish he'd stop telling me. Weird boy.

"We were all running along the bank of the river with hamburgers chasing us. Giant hamburgers." Iggy explains. We all laugh at the ridiculousness of it.

"Iggy you're so random." Nudge says between laughing fits.

"What?" Iggy says defensively, but I see the corners of his lips twitch up.

"Hamburgers?" Angel asks.

"Hamburgers!" Gazzy repeats.

"They're delicious." Iggy interjects. Gazzy snorts making us all laugh harder.

"Why do you always dream of food?" I ask.

"I'm a hungry dude!" He says grinning.

Nudge sighs dramatically. "I've missed this." I turned my head to the side to look at her again, she smiles at me.

"You're not going to get sentimental on us are you?" I ask jokingly.

She rolls her eyes. "No!... Well maybe I am! It's just nice to be all together." She says smiling fondly. "You know. We use to have so much fun together."

"Next year we can all hang out at school. I can't wait until Gazzy and I start High School!" Angel declares.

"Not too much longer now, you nervous?" Nudge asks her.

"A little." Angel replies smiling shyly.

"We'll look after the two of you." Nudge promises.

"If you have any trouble with other kids we'll gang bash them!" I warn in my best don't mess with me tone. And I have a good don't mess with me tone.

Angel laughs. "Thanks."

"No need." Gazzy pipes up. "I can hold my own."

"Yeah sure you can." Fang says sarcastically.

We stayed quiet for a minute listening to the sound of an owl outside of the cubby house. It's a mild spring night, but not as warm as the last couple nights when I could really feel summer coming on. The moonlight is coming through the small window lighting up the writing covering the ceiling. We could all just stand up in here now. Our heads can touch the ceiling if we rise up on our toes slightly. We had started writing on the ceiling a few years ago when we were able to reach it. We would write on it every time we came down here. Our names are scribbled across it with funny little drawings and jokes. Basically anything we could think of we'd write up there. We'd even have conversations through writing notes to each other. I scanned my eyes across the ceiling following the conversations. I can pick out all of our different hand writing and see how much or little they have changed over the years. It's like a little bit of our history. To always have and look back on.

The next morning Fang, Iggy, Gazzy and Angel, walked back to their homes at sunrise. They needed to be able to get ready for school that day. And more importantly, be there in their beds in the morning before their parents realized they were missing. Nudge and I stayed in the cubby house and walked back up to the house at around 10 am. Nudge stayed with me that day.

I didn't go back to school again until half way through the next week. It was just such a daunting thought having to go back there. Ella had gone back to school the same day as me. Before that she would stay locked away in her room. We grew apart as my friends and I grew closer. I didn't mean for it to happen. It just did. I didn't know at the time how much she resented me for it. How much I was letting her down by going off with Fang, Nudge, Iggy and the Twins and leaving her behind.

It probably wasn't healthy for us to try to forget mum. At the time it was all we could cope with. The only way of continuing to live. Because life moves on after death, whether I wanted it to or not. I didn't want to move on without her. But I had to. We had to.