So, okay. I'm writing on zombie mode again. But I just got my computer back and I was going back and forth with the story. I just need to write it or else they might escape. cray-cray, I know.
Thanks, musicgal100189. I incorporated your suggestion. Thanks for the idea. I do think it was good, and maybe if I find the time I'll make a one shot revolving around that plot. I appreciate it!
Koreen was supposed to be up in here, but I don't exactly know what she was supposed to say so I just knocked her down. :)
As usual, thanks for putting my story on your fave and/or follow list. And for the reviews, they are all much appreciated!
And please, send me some reviews. It's not for ego boost- well aside from that, I love hearing ideas that maybe I can work with. Because honestly, I'm going in circles on how I would end this story.
Ugh, that's long enough note. :)
I hope you enjoy! Ciao!
Jon
Eddard and Jon were supposed to go back to the castle together but the lord ordered him to go ahead. He was thankful he was dismissed, for he was worried that Lord Stark would ask about the bruise on his face which was fortunately hidden by his unruly hair and the approaching darkness of the dusk.
The castle was eerily quiet, as the sun was setting faster during the season and the workers were about to rest for the day.
Jon went in through the kitchen door at the back of the castle, he was never really used to entering through the main door. Sometimes he forgets the things he was allowed to do and have when the lord was home. It was a lot easier to assume he needed permission. Jon wanted to no longer do wrong. He was growing tired of being a disappointment. It was always made clear to him how he was such a burden.
He chose to ignore the kitchen helpers when they looked at him once he entered. He did not mind the stares. He expected they would be whispering among themselves. He was not certain what about, but Jon was used to it by this time. They were always nosey, but they were mostly kind. There were several occasions when he was scolded and punished by the lady within their plain sights, making him feel lesser than the servants. Even the helpers took pity on him. He brushed the thought off.
Jon scanned the kitchen, searching for a specific face. Koreen often stayed in the kitchen if she was not in lessons or out and about the woods. The girl was always amazed by baked goods, amusing Luna more than ever.
Jon was not expecting to see her there but he was hoping he would, for it meant that she was fine and well, far from the danger of her bleeding this morning. He knew what her blood loss meant, and why it alarmed the Maester, Lady Catelyn and his father. She might lose her child.
He then turned to grab himself a glass of water for drinking to escape the uncomfortable glares thoughtlessly thrown at him.
He realized he had only breakfast and missed all the meals in between. And the aroma of the lamb stew wafting the room made him hungrier, but had no effect on his appetite.
When he and Robb fought that morning, he opted to go to the woods. They had never fought before, even when they were younger.
When they were children Robb was always the king while Jon was the knight. When Robb was the knight Jon was his bannersman or his ward. Jon learned early to give way to Robb. He was older anyway. And Robb was always kind to him.
He knew early that fighting against Robb would put him in much more trouble with his mother. And Robb was the first who felt bad for the instances he was punished by Lady Stark.
Countless time, Robb had defended him. When they were still young boys, he stood up for him to the mean children who would not want to play with him.
That was why he could never hit him back.
For a quick moment he was filled with anger and rage, his patience was at its end. But Robb was his brother, his best friend.
He saw Luna carrying food on a tray. Jon approached her.
"Luna, is that for Koreen?" Jon asked meekly.
"Yes, Jon." The woman looked at him puzzled before answering.
"I-I can take it to her chamber…" Jon offered.
"This was her lunch. She did not touch it." She moved to the kitchen sink and set down the tray. "What happened to you? Have you been in a fight?" Luna dried her hands with the cloth tagged on her apron then lightly touched his right cheek.
Jon flinched at her touch. It did not really hurt, he was just not really used to someone's hand on his face.
Luna then turned and went to a drawer. Jon followed her. She pulled out some sort of oil in a small bottle.
"Did you see her? How is she?" he continued to ask, wincing at Luna's caress, applying a dab of oil on his bruise.
"Calm down, young man. I did see her, she was asleep. She was bleeding…" she declared.
"Was she hurt? She tripped… this morning in the stable." He stopped himself, trying to remember what had gone about in the stable.
Jon never really saw what happened with her, he just glimpsed her on the floor, wet with the water from the tumbled barrel. Did he hit her when he pushed Robb? Was it his fault?
"She bled behind her skirt, Jon. It was not a wound made by an injury, unlike your face. You should have the maester take a look at that." She covered the clear bottle and put it in his hand. And she smiled. "Go clean up, dinner is almost ready. I assume Lord Stark is expecting everyone at the table tonight."
Luna always did that whenever he has an injury. She was always concerned of him each time he was hurt.
Jon looked around to see if anyone was listening. He was not sure if anyone else knew of Koreen's situation but from Luna's words, he was sure she already knew.
"D-did you know what the maester say about her? Will she be alright?" Jon asked, ignoring Luna's concern about his face.
"Jon, I am a kitchen maid. The maester does not report to me. If you want to know her condition you're free to visit her in her chamber."
Luna knew the look Jon gave her.
"Koreen was asleep and alone when I went there to pick up her lunch. Lady Catelyn was not there if that is what you're so worried about."
"D-do you think it proper if I went to her chamber? If he's asleep and alone…"
"Would you rather ask Lady Stark of her state? She must be with the maester, Jon. You can get all the answers you're seeking." Jon knew Luna was being sarcastic, but he took no offense. "Just go there, keep her door open if you must." She suggested.
"H-have you seen Robb, Luna?" he asked. He expected Robb to be by her side when his father dismissed him after their conversation.
"No, Jon. I haven't." she answered. "Go on. Just go, so that the servants can stop staring at us and have some work done!" she said particularly loudly, making sure the staff heard. They went about their task straight away.
Jon smiled back at Luna before the woman turned her back to him and went about the kitchen giving orders for the family dinner.
He pulled the sachet tied to his belt to put the bottle of minty salve in it. He then dropped the small box Robb handed to him this morning on the floor. It opened itself, revealing a golden necklace with red crystal set on its pendant. He knelt down to pick it up from the floor and quickly put it back inside its box and into the pouch with the salve.
He checked the room if anyone was still looking at him. Jon then nonchalantly exited the kitchen and made his way to Koreen's chamber on the upper floor.
Jon had walked quietly. His heart raced out of anxiety and worry.
He grew more apprehensive when he did not see the lady in her study where she usually pass her time. He wished that he would not cross paths with Lady Catelyn or Robb. He heard voices in Sansa's chamber. Arya was inside he concluded. He was curious as to where the smaller children were. He wondered if they were with her.
Koreen's chamber door was closed. He breathed deeply before knocking. Nobody answered, nor had he heard any footsteps. He looked at both sides of the hallway before pushing it open, taking his chance.
There was a candle lit up on the bedside table as the last person who visited expected the darkness of the night. He thought it was Luna for he saw the slice of butter cake and a cup of steaming hot tea on the table as well.
He went back to the door to open it wider after the wind almost closed it. He opted to follow Luna's advice.
Jon lit a couple more candles set on the dresser, threw more wood to her fire before he walked towards Koreen's side.
Though he was used to her skin being pale, he was worried that she was paler than any other time. Though closed, her eyes still seemed tired from crying.
But he still thought she was beautiful. Her curly red hair sprawled freely on her pillow, her face was innocent and fierce at the same time.
There was an armchair placed beside her bed but he chose to kneel beside her.
He did not think when he put his hand on her cheek, her skin felt cold. He lightly pulled her fur cover to her neck, making sure she would feel warm.
He then held out her hand and rubbed it against his own to warm it up. His wound on his hand was still fresh, but the dressing protected the open skin. Moreover, he barely cared about his own hand.
He blew warm breath to her hand. He thought she must be too cold.
"You had me so worried about you. I was worried about you and your child." He whispered to her. Koreen was still fast asleep. He continued on gently massaging her hand. Her palm was white as snow. He blew another warm breath to it.
"Remember when you asked me if I ever imagined what our lives could have been if we were born with a different name?" he smiled when he remembered that time in the woods. "We had our chance, Koreen. I thought we had our chance."
He then took her other hand and did the same thing. "We could tell people that I am your brother and your husband was killed in war, leaving your child fatherless but not a bastard. I don't do well with lying but naming your child a Snow would be very cruel. We can all use Lastliv. It's a beautiful name you made up, just as beautiful as you…" he then stared at her face in deep slumber.
"I could build us a small house, I am no carpenter but I fixed my own window. I know how to make an oven though, so you can learn to bake. Then we can tend a farm, sell some and you would never need to hunt again for food. You would just take care of your child. And I would take care of you both." He said to her.
He breathed deeply as he continued to confess to Koreen, stil unconscious. "But Father learned that we were to leave. He ordered me not to go. And you're bleeding. You need to stay here and have the maester heal you. It's very dangerous for you to leave. Robb loves you. I couldn't bear to think that I will watch his child grow while he would hurt of missing both of you."
Jon put both her hands beneath the fur covers. He then touched her face and tucked stray hairs behind her ear.
"What are you doing in here?"
Jon stood fast when he saw Lady Stark standing at the foot of the bed. He saw Robb followed her before Jon lowered his eyes.
"I-I was just… I heard she was hurt, I just came to know how she is doing." He did not hear her come in. Robb then approached Koreen at the other side of the bed.
"She is fine for now. But the bleeding still needed to stop before sunrise." Robb answered him. His voice was kind, and very tired.
"This morning she bumped a barrel of water and fell over..." he stopped himself when he remembered the fight, trying to avoid Robb's eyes. "I thought she was injured." Jon uttered. He moved away from Koreen, coming closer to Lady Stark.
"I'm sorry for the intrusion. I was worried. I'll leave." He started to pace towards the door.
"Jon." Catelyn called his name, stopping him on his path. Jon turned to face the lady.
He came closer to her and she looked at him more intently, scrutinizing parts of his face where Robb's fist had landed. Jon looked down.
"She will be well taken care of. Luwin had gone to fetch the necessary salves. There is nothing to worry about." Catelyn coolly declared.
It was odd how Catelyn's tone was so calm, Jon thought. But then he remembered the time in the sick bay when she dressed his wound. Her voice was warm and comforting, her words asking him to be gone from his home.
"And we will carry on with the plan." Catelyn declared; eyes fixed on Jon.
Jon heaved a sigh.
He then glimpsed at his brother's reaction, who was stunned at his mother's statement.
"Mother, no." said Robb.
"Now, get out of here. You have no more business in this chamber." The lady ordered, ignoring Robb.
"Koreen is his friend. He has the right to be here, mother. And I… I told father about you wanting them gone." declared Robb.
Jon felt the brewing tension between his brother and the lady. "I-it's alright. I'll just be in my chamber if you need me, my lady." Said Jon.
"What I need is for you to leave… I need you to leave Winterfell."
"Mother-"
"Shut it, Robb!" she exclaimed before again facing Jon. She was so close to him, he could feel her blood boil. "You do not want to leave, do you, bastard?" she asked.
He swallowed, "I-i… I could not betray Lord Stark's trust, my lady. I am sorry-"
A quick slap landed on the right side of his face, hitting where he caught Robb's jab.
"Mother!" Robb quickly moved between his mother and brother to stop her frantically slapping Jon's face.
"I have let you in my kingdom, let you grow up among the true born Starks and this is how you repay me? I have asked you one favor in exchange of my courtesy!" Lady Catelyn was furious. She grabbed Jon's collar and tried to hit his chest with her closed fist.
"Mother, please!" Robb stopped his mother, grabbing her by her wrists.
Jon stood there, silent and lenient of the lady's anger.
"He is my brother, mother! He is father's son! You cannot just push him away our home!" Robb declared, adamant and stern. Jon looked at his brother.
"He is to leave Winterfell, Robb. He will take Koreen with him together with the dishonor of your foolishness!" she said angrily when he let her go, trying to catch her breath.
"No! I love Koreen, mother. And so our child she carries. Jon is my brother. He has the Stark blood, he has all the right to live in Winterfell!" Robb unintentionally raised his voice.
"You have the nerve to disrespect me this way, Robb! I am your mother!" Lady Catelyn's words were strict but her voice still not loud.
"And I am the future lord of Winterfell! I am against unfairness, and was taught to take the side of justice! I never desire to do this… but I will fight, mother."
"You rude, ungrateful fool! You dare go against me?" she asked Robb furiously.
Robb did not answer, but his eyes answered for him.
"P-please… may I speak?" Jon's voice was breaking.
He moved towards the two, trying to stop his trembling hands.
"I understand how you feel about me, Lady Stark. I am the result of your husband's sin, but it was a sin I did not take any part of. Pardon me if I sound rude, but what did I do to offend you, my lady?" he asked.
He paused, expected an answer from the lady. But she stood silent. She looked out the window, opting not to face Jon.
"I did not desire to be born a bastard. Gods, I did not wish to be born at all! I did not get to choose, my lady." He smiled sarcastically, trying to fight the tears once again brimming on his eyes' edge. "I have seen you with your children, and I die each and every time they smile at you and you to them out of jealousy and envy. How I wish, you had been my mother. Or I was a son of a farm maid, or a baker, or a servant!"
He swiftly wiped the tear that rolled down his face, the lady would not care for his cries. "I will forever be grateful but same as you, there were times I also wished Lord Stark was not my father. Or that I was not his bastard. I mean no disrespect but I do have Lord Eddard Stark's blood. And as much as you and I want to, there's no changing that, my lady."
He paused to see if the lady was to say something. He closed his eyes and swallowed.
Jon knelt, behind Lady Catelyn, putting Robb in disbelief.
"Please forgive me if I offended you with my existence, Lady Stark. I will gladly do anything and everything for your love and acceptance. Just say it, and I will whole heartedly do it for you. But please, do not, I beg you, command me to disrespect father, to go against his wishes and disregard his request from me. I cannot do it, my lady. I cannot leave."
Jon felt the lady's glare when he felt her turn around to face him. His eyes were filled with tears he no longer attempted to stop.
"If you cannot leave…" Catelyn's voice was soft but grim "you can slit your throat then." She finally said.
Jon tightly closed his eyes.
Why was he still hoping? How many times did he have to stand up and give up? There were no words he could say, no actions he could do, no prayers he could pray to change her heart.
What part of that did he not understand?
"Jon." He opened his eyes when he realized who owned the voice calling out his name. He looked behind to see Lord Stark standing at the door, looking more upset than he had seen him. "Rise, son." Ned said, approaching them. He did as commanded. He casually dried his eyes, trying to avoid his father's sight.
"Go to your chamber, gather what is important to you. Stay there until I call for you." Said Ned, eyes fixed on his wife.
Jon felt his father's anger. But he became scared of his order. He had heard his threat that night. He did not mean to, but he heard. "Father, please-" Jon pleaded.
"Do as I say." His father said, without looking at him.
Jon moved and walked towards the door, closing it behind him.
"This hurts me more than it hurts you, Catelyn. By this time, I trust you know how I stand by my word." Eddard firmly declared.
Catelyn was dumbfounded. "Ned…" she was yielding, tears rolling down her cheeks.
Eddard then looked at Robb.
"It is time for you to be a man, Robb. Winter is coming." He declared and turned to the door.
Jon was still standing along the hall at Koreen's door when Ned came out.
"Father, I do not wish to do this. What about your children? Please, I beg you… I do not want to be a burden to Lady Stark. I caused her too much pain." Jon begged.
"I am you father. You are my son. This is my decision, not yours."
"She will hate me… and so will my brothers and sisters. I beg you, my lord…"
"Get on with it, Jon. Do as I say. Now!" he growled.
Jon bowed his head low and turned to the stairwell towards his chamber.
His chamber was dark as usual, only the moonlight was breaking the blackness of the night. He went to his bedside and lit a candle. He sat on his bed, tiredly.
Lord Stark would leave Winterfell to Robb. He was to leave Winterfell with Jon.
Jon closed his eyes and shivered at the thought.
He imagined Robb's reaction at his father's decision. He recalled how Robb asked him what to do with Koreen this morning. Can Robb handle Winterfell?
Sansa will forever hate him, he's certain. And Arya, he cannot imagine hurting her so. Bran and Rickon were too young. They barely knew father. And Lady Catelyn.
"Gods…" he prayed.