Edward's Weird, But Who Cares?

Emmett:

I assumed, in my tired old-age-vampire brain, that being drunk was like being in a deep, deep sleep. Awesome.

I took a swig and watched my eyesight turn blurry as I stared around the bar. I took another mouthful. Then I spat out the mouthful, horror-stricken.

Rosalie.

Rose.

My beautiful, many-times wife.

Here, in the bar.

The same bar in which Jazz and me were. The same bar in which Jazz was continuously mumbling 'Alice', over and over to himself in between made-up verses of a Blondie song entitled 'Call Me'. He basically mumbled 'Colour me…. COLOUR DARRLIIING, I know who youuuuuu ARE… CALL ME! Any… any time….'. I had finished a wonderful rendition of YMCA to the tune of at least ten blonde fangirls screaming 'TAKE YOUR SHIRT OFF!'. But Rose was here now. And Rose was going to put an end to it all. I dived for cover as the screaming started.

'EMMETT CULLEN!'

I tried to be brave, cradling my precious bottle of vodka in my arms for comfort.

'EMMETT, I SAW YOU! COME ON OUT BABY, DON'T BE AFRAID!'

I crawled under the bar, knocking the tender off their feet in the process. 'Sorry.' I mumbled. He didn't reply. Possibly unconscious, then.

'EMMETT, I HAVE JASPER!'

I sighed, counted to three and stood up.

Smack.

Rose slapped me across the face.

'Ouch.' I said, for effect.

'Nice try, Cullen. Jasper's outside - shirtless, I might add - and you're going outside too. Wait till Carlisle hears about this.' Her blonde hair was pulled back off her face, accentuating her beauty. Accentuating… that's a word, right?

Rose's almost-black eyes flashed angrily. The 'sleep' was wearing off; my vodka-induced stupor deteriorating rapidly, bringing everything back into sharp vampire focus.

'Em, get home NOW. I'm warning you, you're going to be locked in a room alone tonight.'

'Rose…'

'No, Emmett. You may be my monkey man, but this is inexcusable.'

I thought about that for a second, absently unscrewing the cap on the bottle still cradled in my arms. Rosalie snatched it away.

'Rose! Come on, you want me to end up like Edward?'

'No! But this' she threw the bottle to the floor at her feet, smashing it, 'is NOT the answer. How could you allow Jasper into this place? What if he'd flipped out? HOW would you have explained that away?'

'Rose, this is a once off, I swear.' I was grovelling now; something I'd never admit to Jazz or Ed, no matter how much they could control my mind. Freaks.

'I don't care, Emmett. Carlisle and Esme have risked their lives and our secret by moving back here to Forks. Do you seriously think they're gonna let you and Jazz ruin that before we've even graduated from high school again?'

I was gonna reply with something decent. A good, well practised 'I'm so sorry Rose please forgive me I'm your special monkey man' speech. But one of my fangirls strutted over, pushed past Rose and went to rest her hand on my arm.

'Who's the girl, Em?' the fangirl asked. I didn't even know her name, and even if I did it didn't matter. Rose mattered now. I saw the anger in her pretty little eyes, and saw her lips draw back in preparation for a feral growl that only a vampire could give.

'Um, my, uh, wife.' I answered quickly, removing the girl's hand and pushing her sideways. She wobbled on her high shoe-things she was wearing and tumbled over the bar. I stared for a few seconds, then turned back to Rosalie, who was in her typical fighting stance. It pretty much said 'I'm gonna rip yo' throat out, BETCH.'

'Let's go.' I suggested.

I jumped over a table that I suspected had become overturned when Jazz and I had started a conga line - at least I think we did, anyway - and took two long strides to the exit, Rose holding my arm in a vice-like grip. She wasn't letting go anytime soon. Man, she always got like this when she as hungry. As I got outside into the cool, damp Forks air, I heard Jazz's dulcet tones teasing out a soulful rendition of 'Total Eclipse of the Heart'. Again. I geared up to join him but was silenced by Rosalie growling. I cleared my throat.

'So, um, where's Edward?'

'I don't care.' She retorted sharply. One of the many reasons I love her. Straight to the point, none of this girlie 'hide your feelings' crap. Whatever that is.

'How'd you know we were here?' I hazarded, knowing she was going to attempt to beat me senseless. Good luck, sweetheart. They don't call me 'Emmett the Bear' for nothing. Even if I'm not certain that I didn't invent that five hours ago when Jazz and I had arrived at the bar. Jeez, it was all so damn hazy.

'Alice. That's how I know. Alice. Are you stupid, Emmett? Did you seriously think Alice wouldn't see you two dancing like an idiot to YMCA and not tell me?'

'You said seriously like twice in the last two little speeches you made.' I said, then giggled. A side-effect of the vodka. I hoped. Real men don't giggle. And I'm all man.

Rosalie stalked off back home, Alice and a giddy Jazz right behind her. Or should I say Alice behind her, Jazz being dragged along the ground behind Alice.

'Aw, Rose, come on!' I complained.

She ran faster. I sped up, my bear-like run not quite meeting pace with her lithe, graceful run, but coming close enough so that I could hear her swearing at me. I groaned. I was going to have a fun night tonight. Alice was all about 'forgive and forget'. But not my Rose. Again, a reason why I loved her: she liked to argue.

***

'Emmett, get in the car.' Rosalie said. I looked up from the TV and smiled at her, making sure my dimples showed through. Rose eventually cracked a smile. Dimples were always a winner. I swung myself up off the sofa and held my arms open for her. Rose willingly gave me a hug, folding her slender body against my huge frame. Ah, Rose. You may be feisty, but remember baby: I always win.

She pulled away after a few moments.

'Come on, Edward's waiting.' She sighed. I took her hand and we walked out to the car, sliding into the back seat. Edward had a Linkin Park CD on - Linkin Park of all things - and was quietly murmuring the tune to himself.

''Scars of Life', Ed. Trying to tell us something?' I joked. Rose and Jazz laughed. Alice stared straight ahead, and Edward exhaled heavily through his nose, turning up the music till he couldn't hear my jibes. So be it, man. Just cause you're lonely and bitter doesn't mean we have to stop picking on you, no matter what Esme says practically every night.

Edward spun the car into our regular parking spot, put the handbrake on and climbed out of the car. He ran a hand through his bronze hair and waited politely for Alice to get out too. He nodded at Jazz and me and ignored Rosalie. Alice desperately tried to strike up a conversation with him. He responded as little as possible. He was definitely too polite. The dude just needed to let it all out one day. Preferably on a mountain lion or something, though, and not me.

I still felt dizzy from last night. Vodka rocked. I stood up and flexed my neck, rolling my shoulders. .Not that I needed to, it just felt good. I never felt tired, never experienced pain. I just liked to put on a show of human mannerisms. I was intimidating, sure. But to be intimidating and non-human would be the final straw for some of the brain-dead humans at Forks High School. Mike Newton being the main candidate. The one person Edward never made a polite show of hiding his dislike for. I couldn't read minds like he could, but whatever Edward occasionally heard there obviously annoyed him. Unless it was that he didn't hear anything at all, and just thought he was stupid. I shrugged and draped an arm around Rosalie's shoulders, guiding her towards building four. Time for Gym. My personal torture.

***

We walked into the lunchroom amid a buzz of unusually excited talk. Or maybe it was just unusual to me, having usually ignored the way humans talk. Always excited, humans. Rose hadn't let me out of her sight, waiting for me between classes, holding onto me for dear life during them. I hadn't had a single chance to drink more vodka. I wanted to see how fun school would be if I was drunk again. But without the 'I need the bathroom' excuse, courtesy of my vampirism, I couldn't drink anything. Damn.

'Coming Emmett?' Rose asked. I wound my arm around her waist and she snuggled in close. She was wearing this white hat thing that really suited her, and a matching scarf thing. I suppressed a giggle. Who says guys aren't observant? We entered the back door, as was routine, and noticed the stares of a petite, pale, brown haired girl I didn't recognise. I didn't look at her for too long. Rose got jealous. I didn't understand it really, seeing as she was definitely the hottest girl in the room, or any room, really, but she had insecurities. Edward didn't agree with Rose on many things. Self-pity was his pet hate, but the dude was always pretending to be civil. Not today. His eyes were flat black, and he too seemed to notice the pale girl in the corner staring at her.

'…. But you're wasting your time.' I heard Jessica Stanley finish, glancing at Edward. Ah. I grinned at Ed, trying to catch his eye, but Pale Girl seemed to have beaten me to it. He was looking - no, glaring - glaring across the lunchroom at her, his eyes narrowed, as he appeared to be concentrating. Not good. I glanced back at the girl, but she looked down. Edward continued to stare at her then looked away, playing with the bagel in front of him. I didn't try asking him questions; with Edward, there were no answers.

Not five minutes later I got my answer, but not from Edward. We were just getting up to leave when I saw Pale Girl getting up on her side of the room, following Newton, Jessica and a girl I thought might be called Angela Weber out the door.

'This way Bella.' Newton said. Helpfully of course. Then the name clicked. Bella. Isabella Swan. Chief Swan's daughter. Come to think of it, I had heard her mentioned a few times in the past couple of days. She'd come from Phoenix or something. One of those places I could never go, simply because sunlight didn't do me any favours. I sparkled, like all both good and bad vampires did. I saw Edward get up too, and head off in the same direction. Man, that dude was weird.

***